Again Ch 3 – Home

Disclaimer:  Do we really have to do this?  Again?  *sigh* Okay.  I don't own Spirited Away.  Oh, the pain in my heart!  I can't take it!

            Haku woke me.  His presence didn't even startle me.  I stared blankly up at him as he leaned over me, looking concerned.  The pale autumn sun was rising behind him, shining in my eyes.

            "What are you doing here?"

            "You should be home," he stated simply.

            My head felt funny, like it was stuffed with cotton balls.  His words didn't make sense.  "Where am I?"

            "Come on."  He held out a hand to help me sit up.

            As soon as I was vertical, I realized my problem.  My head swam, my stomach rolled, the world spun before my eyes.  Staying out all night, tired, wet, and cold, had made me sick.

            "I-" Bile rose in my throat and I hurriedly gulped, forcing it down.

            Haku took note of my slightly green color and put a hand to my forehead.  "You're sick."

            I nodded my head 'yes,' which only made me more nauseous.

            "Can you walk?"

            I nodded again, a bit uncertainly, and Haku helped me stand.  I only made it a few steps before I had to stop and throw up.

            "Do you want me to carry you?"

            "No.  I'm okay now," I assured Haku, who was looking extremely concerned.  "Really, I feel much better."  I tried to show him how well I was by walking, but stumbled and fell right into Haku.

            "We need to get you home," he said a bit coldly.  "You've got a fever."

            "Yeah, okay."

            Haku led me home and I had no choice but to follow.  The journey was a bit slow since I couldn't walk very fast, but we finally broke out of the forest and into the neighborhood. 

            Hours later, I woke up in my own bed.  Voices were whispering downstairs, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.  My head still felt stuffed with cotton balls, but I was no longer nauseated.  I got up carefully and put my socks on.

            Downstairs, Mother, Father, and Haku were sitting around the kitchen table, dirty dishes scattered over the tabletop. 

            "Chihiro, dear," Mother cried, catching sight of me.  "How do you feel?"

            "Fine," I whispered.

            She frowned and walked over to me.  "You still have a fever."

            I didn't really have an answer to that, so I changed the subject.  "Have you met Haku?"

            He smirked.  For one split second he gave me a grin that was almost devilish.  Blood rushed to my head as I blushed a nice shade of crimson, which, added to my fever, just made me dizzy.

            "Uh, I mean, I guess you have.  I, uh…I…well…uh…is there any more lunch left?"

            "Are you hungry, dear?"

            I nodded, a big mistake, and tried to follow my mother into the kitchen.

            "No, no."  She pushed me into a chair.  "You just sit right there.  I'll make you some soup."

            "Okay," I mumbled meekly, glancing across the table to Haku.  He was smiling smugly, as if enjoying watching me suffer.

            "Uh, Mr. Tanashi was just telling us about his workplace," Father offered, trying to start up the conversation again.  He gave me a strange sidelong look.

            I looked away.  Haku, must have given his name as 'Kohaku Tanashi,' and I'd introduced him as 'Haku.'  Calling him by his nickname must have sounded mighty suspicious to my parents.

            Haku saved me by regaling my father with stories from his 'work-place.'  Apparently, 'Mr. Tanashi' worked in a bathhouse in Tokyo run by his grandmother.  I found myself growing sleepy as he talked about the slightly eccentric customers.  His voice was so soothing.

            As Haku was telling of the very modest American tourist who was determined to take an authentic Japanese bath, Mother came back with my lunch.

            I ate quietly, wondering how much of his story was true, then got up.  Haku jumped out of his seat, walked quickly around the table, and took my dishes from me.

            "I'll get them."

            "Oh."  I just stared at him, a little stunned, as he disappeared into the kitchen.  "Thank you."

            Mother and Father were looking at me, obviously wanting me to explain Haku's presence.  I bailed instead.

            "Uh, I'm going to go clean up."

            Upstairs, I took a quick shower, though I wanted a bath, put up my hair, and put on clean clothes.  Then I changed my clothes.  Then I changed them again.  Then I realized my suitcase simply didn't have what I wanted.

            "Oh, who am I kidding," I muttered, sitting on my bed.  'Here I am,' I thought.  'A silly little child with a head cold trying to impress a boy who probably hates me by now.'  A wave of guilt washed over me.  'And what about Mark?'

            I fell.  Just simply couldn't hold myself up anymore and fell forward and buried my face in the old comforter of my bed.  Someone knocked on my door.

            "Come in," I yelled, voice muffled the covers.

            "Are you, okay?"

            "Haku!"  I sat up quickly.  The world spun before my eyes and I had to close them for a moment.

            Haku chuckled softly and sat on the edge of my bed.  "How do you feel?"

            I opened my eyes to glare at him, but he seemed unfazed.  He just sat and looked at me, grinning slightly.

            "I feel like a silly little child with a head cold."  He chuckled again, very softly.  "Why are you here?"

            His smile faded at my cold tone.  "I just wanted to see you home safely."

            "No, Haku, I mean why did you come back?  After eleven years why even bother to come back?"

            "We missed you."

            "'We?'"

            "Yes.  Didn't I say that before?  Everyone at the Abura-ya misses you."  He reached out and tried to take my hand.

            I pulled my hand away.  "Yeah, and how long did it take you to miss me?  Huh?  How many years went by before someone said 'Hey!  What happened to that Sen person?'"

            "Chihiro, calm down."

            "Calm down!  Calm down!  How can I?  Do you have any idea-" The yelling was too much.  I was hit by a wave of nausea that made me stop and close my eyes.

            "Chihiro?"  He reached out to touch me again.

            "Don't touch me!" I shouted, knocking his hand away.  "Why?  Why now?  Why the hell did you wait eleven years?"

            "It's…it's complicated."

            "Complicated, huh?  I'm not a little child anymore, Haku!  You can't just blow me off like that!  I can handle 'complicated!'"

            "Shush.  Chihiro, stop yelling."  He sighed and bowed his head a little.  "It's really hard to get out of one of Yu-baba's contracts, and most people don't want to.  She went easy on you, Chihiro, because she liked you."

            "But didn't-"  He looked up at me with a strange expression and I bit back my words.

            "It's my turn to speak."  He paused for a moment and gave me a sad, apologetic look.  "I was bound not only to Yu-baba, but also to the Spirit World itself.  As a river spirit I should have been able to come to the human world only through my river.  I…I wasn't able to come until about four years ago."

            "Then why didn't you?"

            "Because I knew this would happen!" he shouted.

            I shrank back.  Haku never raised his voice.  Ever.

            He looked immediately apologetic.  "I'm sorry, Chihiro."

            I stared at him, a little embarrassed and extremely angry.  His apology only made me angrier.  "What do you mean 'this would happen?'"

            "I knew you'd have forgotten all bout us and that you'd be angry at me, that…that, well something like this would happen."

            "If you knew this would happen then why did you some back at all?"

            "We missed you.  How many times do I have to tell you that?  Look, everyone wanted to know how you were and what you were doing."

            "So they sent you to spy on me?"

            "Essentially, yes.  I didn't…It wasn't supposed to go like this."

            "Then why did it?  Why didn't you just see that I was perfectly happy without you and go home?"

            "You-"  He stopped and reconsidered his words.  "I saw you and…uh…"  He stopped again and seemed unsure of what to say next.

            "You saw Mak and me and got jealous, didn't you?  If you'd just left me alone, then…then…"  I stopped.  I couldn't talk.  I thought, all unwilling, of how it could have been.  Mark  would be alive, and probably dating Emi.  I'd be on speaking terms with my best friend.  I could just picture us as a happy little threesome.  It looked like some sitcom, some TV group, but I didn't really care.  It just…felt so perfect.  I could have been happy.

            Tears welled up in my eyes even though I brushed them away and tried desperately to get myself under control.  I couldn't.  I simply couldn't control my own body and I shook trying to keep the tears in.

            "Get out," I finally managed to squeak after a few moments of silence.

            "Chihiro, I'm sorry."

            "Go away!"  I swung my fist at him, but he caught my wrist mid-swing.

            "Listen to me.  I can't change what happened.  I messed up, okay?  I know, and I'm truly sorry."

            "I-please just leave me alone."

            "Fine."  He let go of my hand and left.

            As soon as he left I fell over on my bed, pulled the pillow closer and cried into it.  I thought I was all out of tears, but somehow I found the last of my reserves.  Eventually I stopped, empty and exhausted.

            I sighed a bit, the slowly got up and walked downstairs.  I felt funny, like my mind was caught in quicksand.  All my thoughts were slow and sluggish and I really didn't want to think at all.  Mom and Dad were at the kitchen table talking softly.

            "Oh, hello Chihiro," Mom called, catching sight of me.

            Dad turned around.  "Hey, baby.  How do you feel?"

            "Fine.  A bit tired."

            "Your friend left already."  I didn't miss the slight stress he put on the word 'friend.'

            "Oh?  He said he'd be leaving."  My parents just watched me, obviously wanting an explanation.

            "I need to go back, too."  I sighed and leaned against the wall.  "But not today.  I'm going to take some Advil and go back to sleep, okay?"

            I didn't wait for an answer.  I just went to the kitchen, got my medicine, and ran for my room.

            I was exhausted, but my sluggish thoughts still wouldn't let me sleep.  I would miss Mark's service, but that couldn't be helped.  I could still pay my respects to his memory at least.  I didn't even care about what he did.  It didn't matter who was right and who was wrong anymore.  I was just so sick of crying myself to sleep that I no longer cared.  With that as my final thought, I finally fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

            The memorial to Mark was beautiful.  He'd been popular.  People used to call him nothing more than a pretty play-boy, but no one talked bad about the dead.  I stood in front of Mark's smiling picture trying to sort through my feelings.  I wasn't mad.  Emi had been right, sort of.  It wasn't my place to be mad at him after what I'd done.  I still thought they were wrong, but I just couldn't be mad.  Besides, it's had to be mad at a dead man.

            I just felt…sorry.  I regretted that he was dead.  He'd been a basically good guy and he deserved to live, no matter what he'd done to anyone.  So I was sad.  I stood in front of his picture and mourned.  And somehow, that was enough.

            "Sen?"

            I turned.  Emi was there, holding a vase with a beautiful flower arrangement.  I almost smiled.  The beauty of the arrangement would have been completely lost on Mark, had he been alive.

            "Hey, Emi."

            "You come."  I wasn't a question; she didn't sound the least bit surprised or angry.  It was just simple statement of fact.

            "Yeah, I'm here."

            She gave me a weak smile, then went up to the memorial, set down the vase, and bowed her head in prayer.  She came back to me when she was done.

            "I'm-"

            "Don't say it," I begged.  "Just don't say it."  I paused, on verge of tears.  But I wouldn't cry.  Not here, and not in front of Emi.  "I know you're sorry.  I am, too."

            We just stood there in silence, looking at the ground.  Being so close to Mark's memorial made me nervous.  I knew Emi wanted to talk.  That's just Emi's style; she had to talk everything to death.  But I wasn't ready.  And I was never much of a talker in the first place.

            "Um, I should go home, I guess.  The wind isn't good for my cold."

            "Yeah."

            I walked away slowly, leaning into the wind, trying not to think.  I pretty mush succeeded. 

~*~*~*~

            Hikaru came to visit me soon after school started.  I was shocked to see her.  We weren't the closest of friends, so I didn't expect her to come to my apartment.

            "Hi Hikaru.  Uh, come in."

            "Thanks."

            I stepped aside and she breezed into the room her usual confidence.  A movie was playing on the TV and my European History notes were strewn all across the table.

            "Whoah, I love this movie!  Must make it hard to study, though."

            "Uh, well, kinda."

            "Might as well quite pretending and just put the school work away," she laughed.  "So what have you been doing with yourself, huh?"

            "Hikaru, what do you want?"

            She spun around and looked at me with wide-eyed innocence.  "Well I just came over to visit my friend.  What's wrong with that?"

            "You never visit me.  Why now?"

            Hikaru laughed.  "That's just like you, Sen.  Always blunt."

            "And you're dodging the question, as usual."

            She laughed again.  "That's right, I am."  When I didn't say anything she sobered a bit.  "I just came to see what's up with you.  You really haven't been yourself lately.  Ever since that…ever since you came back from vacation.  You haven't been hanging out with Emi and you really look like you could use a friend."

            "Well, I'm fine, so you don't need to worry."

            "Come on, Sen.  You know I'm not going to buy that.  Did you and Emi ever make up?"

            I shifted uncertainly n my feet.  "Yeah."

            "You're a terrible lire, Sen."

            "We did."  I scowled at her.  "What's it to you, anyways?"  What do you want?"

            "Nothing.  I just want to talk to you."

            "Yeah, well go 'help' someone else.  I don't need it."

            Hikaru looked shocked.  "What's wrong with you, Sen?  You've always been the nicest person."

            "Nothing is wrong with me!"  I flopped down on my couch.  I knew I was acting like a sullen three year old, but I didn't really care.  This girl was bugging me.

            "Yeah right.  You've been anti-social since before vacation and no one can even say 'Hello' to you without getting their head bitten off."  She walked over and sat on coffee table facing me.  "I know you're still mad over the whole Maruk thing, but you're taking this too far."

            "What are you talking about?  I haven't done anything to anyone."  I got up and walked into the kitchen, but Hikaru followed me.

            "Sure you are.  Emi's heartbroken because you won't talk to her.  She's beating herself up over the whole thing.  And you're just sitting in here, probably ready to explode if you don't let off some steam.  And everyone's really worried about both of you."

            "Well, I never asked you to worry about me."

            "We're your friends.  It's our job."  She leaned against the kitchen door, folded her arms, and gave me a meaningful look.

            "Then you're fired."  I shoved my way past her.

            "Good God, Sen!  What's wrong with you?  You never used to act like this!"

            "There's nothing wrong with me, okay?"  I flopped down on the couch and Hikaru simply flopped down next to me.  I stared sullenly at the wall.

            "Okay fine.  I'll take a wild guess.  You're torn up because you just can't stand still being in a fight with your best friend."

            "Huh?"

            "Please, I'm your friend, too.  I know how you think.  You just can't stand to leave things open ended like this."

            I felt myself flush at being so transparent.

            "Look, why don't you just-"

            "Call Emi?" I interrupted.  "Why don't I just call up my friend and then everything will be fixed and we'll be buddy-buddy again, right?  And then, once that's done, you and everyone else can be comfortable again, right?  That's why you're really here, isn't it?  Since you're friends with both Emi and me, you're uncomfortable.  If we get everything fixed, you can go back to living your comfy little, isn't that right?"
            "Why won't you listen, Sen?  I just want-"

            "To help me.  I know.  Well I don't need it, okay?"  I got up and started walking away.  "I don't need you or Ha- or anyone else to come rescue me, okay?"

            "Rescue you?  This isn't about 'rescuing' anyone, okay?"

            "Then what is it about?"

            "You think you're being strong or whatever hiding out here in your apartment and not talking to anyone, but you're just throwing a fit like a stubborn little brat!"  He face softened a bit and she lowered her voice.  "Helpless people get rescued.  I just want you to see you're not helping anyone acting like this."

            "Get out."  I was impressed that I didn't yell.

            Hikaru let herself out.  "Call Emi," she said one last time, then closed the door behind her.

            I at on the couch again, scowling at the television.  The movie was still playing quietly in the background."

~*~*~*~

            "Moshi-moshi?"

            "Hey, Emi.  It's Sen." There was a long silence on the other end of the line.  "Uh, how are you doing?"

            "Uh, good?"

            "That's…good."

            There was another awkward silence as we both figured out what to say next.

            "So, uh…how was your vacation," Emi finally asked.  "I mean, besides the whole getting sick and coming home early and stuff."

            "Wha – oh, good, I guess."  I fidgeted and shifted the phone to my other ear.  The small talk made me nervous, but I couldn't quite figure out how to say what I wanted to say.  I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to say.  "Dad bought a new car."

            "Really?  What kind?"  I could tell Emi was nervous, could hear it in her voice.  She knew it wasn't my style to beat around the bush.

            "I don't know.  You know me and cars.  It's black though."

            "Oh?  That's cool."  Another long, tense silence.  "So, did you see Haku again?"

            "Yeah.  Uh…I mean…"  I grimaced.  Haku was the last subject I wanted to talk about, especially with Emi.

            "Oh, sorry."

            "Look, Emi, stop apologizing.  I know you're sorry, and…you know, I forgive you or whatever.  Can we just move on?"

            "Oh.  I guess so.  Is that why you called?"

            "Um…I think."  I had to smile a bit at my response and Emi giggled softly.  The whole exchange relieved me somehow, even though I knew the whole incident was far from forgotten.

            "So…Haku?"

            "Yeah.  What about him?"  He still made me nervous, but he seemed important to Emi for some reason.

            "Well, what happened?"

            "We had a fight and he left."

            "Oh.  So that's it?"

            "Yeah, that's it.  Why?"

            "It's just a shame, that's all."

            "What do you mean?"

            "It's a shame that you guys broke up.  Again.  After all, you're in love with him, aren't you?"

~End Chapter 3~

A.N.~ Hey!  It's kinda shorter this time and took longer that I expected to write.  Sorry!  But I'll make sure to be extra nice to Haku in the next chapter!  Let the mushyness begin! ^_^