Disclaimer: MINE! Mine! It is all mine!
Elrond runs out and notches an arrow to his bow.
HIS! His! All his!
Elrond leaves, Tolkein stuffs me in a box and sends me to an insane asylum.
About time you got back home! Says the receptionist. I once more lock
myself in my room and write fanfics! Hehehehe! Basically, its all
Tolkein's. Elrond only wishes and dreams!
Ok, this time I am going to try and make it more in tune with the books, the plot, etc.
Hmmmmm.......who should I do this time???
Eenie-meenie-miney-mo! Catch a leggy-poo by his bow! Take his arrows, and there you go!
I will do Gandalf!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Day 1, just outside the Shire:
Gandalf writes: I feel as if I am in quite better physical condition already, and the journey has just begun. Of course, that is probably because I had to wrestle with Bilbo in his parlor to get the One Ring from him, while he made his freakish gone-evil-hobbit face and hissed at me. Quite disturbing.
I have not encountered any Ringwraiths so far, to my good fortune. I sorely wish that I had brought Shadowfax, for he would make traveling all the easier. He is also a steadfast companion, and he keeps me from getting too lonely. But not to worry! For I have brought a different friend! Mr. Fluffy! He is a very cuddly teddy bear, and since I am afraid of the dark, I need someone to keep me company at night (A/N: for all you perverts, I did not mean it that way). I am also going to have a nightlight, thanks to my handy-dandy........wizard's staff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can already feel the ring's power trying to take hold over me. Quite obnoxious, actually. I think Sauron uses it to speak through. Or at least, things I would expect Sauron to say, I am instead hearing through the squeaky voice of the ring. But he seems to be trying a different tactic, something to do with driving me insane. And annoying elevator music. Urgh.
Day 10, Bree:
Gandalf writes: This town is considerably different from when I last visited. Though I was let in, the people keep more to themselves and are a bit more.....hostile. The gatekeeper was awful suspicious.
And I was simply chatting a bit down at the bar, having a drink (they now serve 2-pint drinks!), when the ring decided to rouse a bit of suspicion. You see, I was merely providing them a modernized rendition of an old song about Luthien, when I slipped and fell. The ring flew out of my pocket, but it didn't land on my finger, it just landed in my hand. And guess what? It started playing the most maddening elevator music I've ever heard in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now everyone stares at me rather distrustfully, because they now think I am an evil peddler trying to sell them crap music for high prices! Whatever is Middle Earth coming too?
Then Aragorn (Strider can't fool me!) took me to his room, and said that lately the people of Bree have lost their interest in music general, and he could bring me to a small town where my services would be more appreciated. I told him about the One Ring, how the music wasn't my fault, and how elevator music is the worst crap you could listen to anyways. Then he got offended because he listens to elevator music, and he had hoped I would join his band. You know what the band name is? Elevator Boombox. Ha! What crap!
Day 28, Rivendell
Gandalf writes: After Bree, I came to Weathertop, where the Black Riders had planned on attacking me. I just whipped out Mr. Fluffy and waved him in their faces, and they backed down! Ha! Just proves how brave and strong teddy bears really are.
So, I arrived in Rivendell, where luckily the Ring chose not to provide my public with anymore elevator music. I told Elrond about Aragorn and Elevator Boombox, but apparently its only because the Ringwraiths had spiked his hip flask (A/N: hehehe!), so he was incredibly drunk. No worries, he is currently in rehab.
Elrond said that he's not going to bother with a council, I can just choose some companions to come with me to Mordor. Surprisingly, Galadriel has come to Rivendell, and she seems to want to come. Arwen also wants to go, but I am afraid the ladies might fight over me (A/N: cough cough). This will be an opportunity to get to know Galadriel better.
The festivities, as usual, are wonderful here, but still I cannot seem to forget my task. It weighs my mind every night. Or maybe I am just bothered by the elevator music.
Day 35, just outside Moria:
Gandalf writes:
Moria was very, very creepy. And way too dark. Luckily, I had Mr. Fluffy to keep me company. And Galadriel.
I am beginning to doubt that I made the right choice in bringing her. Sure, she is an expert archer, and breaking her will would be like...ummm......breaking her will (basically, its impossible). But she is rather impertinent.
For instance, we were making friends with the Balrog (he is far from being Sauron's agent), and he was rather confused. Should he drag me down with him into the depths of Moria, or should he let me continue on my quest, since after all, I am the Ringbearer. Galadriel was just like, 'Well duh, let him live. It would be rather inconvenient for the "good side" if we had to wait a month or so while you two fell for miles, cat-fighting. Then he got all huffy, and threatened to kick her off the narrow bridge. But she is comforting in the creepy darkness.
Now we are camping just outside Moria, and we should be to Lothlorien by tomorrow. Galadriel is trying to do yoga, and now she is yelling at me. I think the elevator music is ruining her concentration. She better get used to it.
Day 40, Lothlorien:
Gandalf writes: I have been in Lothlorien for a few days now. And guess what? I met up with an old friend, Radagast the Brown. He said that he is on his way to Rohan, Gondor, etc to help out. He sailed back across the great sea, and received further training from the High Elves. Elrond, too, has been educating him further in my arts, etc. He has even been promoted to Radagast the Blue.
Oh, that reminds me. Since Saruman has been proven traitor, I am to become the head of the Council, Gandalf the White. I am so excited! There is going to be an initiation ceremony tomorrow night. Galadriel is having a yoga marathon; she said she is going to need to be in a VERY accepting mood to promote me to so high a position. She said anyone who listens to elevator music would need as much help as can be provided to be a successful leader of the Council. Da**it, I don't listen to elevator music, the One Ring just sort of involuntarily provides it. But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Galadriel has to start a massive yoga marathon that half Lothlorien has decided to participate in! Radagast the Blue is coming down to help with the ceremonies, and so that we can talk. He is wise and loyal, and there are many things I wish to discuss with him.
I asked Galadriel whether I should wear white robes to the ceremony, or should I appear as Gandalf the Grey, and I shall be given my white robes. She said either way, I will still be an ugly old wizard with too much power and too many wrinkles.
Found some anti-wrinkle cream. She won't be able to make a single complaint!
Day 55, Somewhere past Lothlorien:
Gandalf writes: My initiation ceremony was a success! But it turns out that without any wrinkles, I have something of a baby face. Ooooh boy, was Former-Queen-of-Cocky shocked! Some elven maidens were even flirting. I have written that down in my book of records. Not sure whether this is progress, or an insult at how unattractive I usually am.
Radagast said he is going to Rohan, to try to revive Theoden, King of Rohan. He is hopefully going to then proceed to Gondor, depending on the circumstances in Rohan. What a perfect little mini-me! But Galadriel says he's cuter. Da**.
We met up with some orcs while traveling along the river. As water-travel is rather easy to follow, considering we were stopping and camping on the banks at night, we abandoned the boats and are continuing on foot. Galadriel has found new torture to tease me about. Mr. Fluffy! He has traveled so far with me, too. I put a finding spell on him, and Galadriel has not yet been able to break it. So he is safe from her prying eyes, and any harm she means for Mr. Fluffy.
I was stuffing my ears with cotton to block out the hideous sound of elevator music, when Galadriel stepped into the clearing I was in the other morning. She asked me if the One Ring really was controlling me, and I had gone crazy. I told her it blocks out the elevator music. She scoffed, then stuffed some in her own ears. But her excuse was "To block out the sound of your voice". I noticed that after her morning yoga, she had no complaints about dumb music. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a good idea, and she was afraid to admit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 75, Ithilien:
Gandalf writes: Sorry I haven't written in so long. We are currently staying in Ithilien, thanks to the kindness of Boromir and some other men of Gondor. But he bears great news! Faramir supposedly got sick of Denethor's favoritism, or decided that he would rather provide his help where it would be appreciated, or something like that. So, he left, and, after long, lonely days of traveling, he came to Fangorn. He has stirred the Ents, the Tree-Herders, and they have thoroughly destroyed Isengard. It has been named the Last March of the Ents. The reach of Sauron's long arm lessens for yet another day.
Also, Radagast drove away some horrid little dark agent going by Grima Wormtongue, and Theoden and his army went to Helm's Deep. Middle Earth seems to faring pretty well, except for the fact that Sauron's forces are steadily increasing their pressure on Gondor and Rohan.
Day 90, Mt. Doom:
Gandalf writes: Thoroughly terrified. I just flung the One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom. I can see my good friend, the Lord of the Eagles, flying towards us. Thank Varda, because I had been dreading the return journey.
Galadriel and I, after the hell we have been through together, are finally good friends. All we can do right now is sit, huddled together and still shivering in fear, and wait.
Somehow I have a deep feeling that all will be well.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hope you liked! It was rather hard to put humor in with Gandalf, but I did my best.
Not really all that funny, but oh well. I hope I filled in what you thought was missing, Artemis! It wasn't perfect, but I tried to get the plot to flow at least a little better with Faramir, Radagast, etc.
But now that I think about it, Faramir's part really didn't make a difference at all with Gandalf. OOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry!
R&R! PLEEZ! PLEEZ! PLEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE FEELING LIKE REVIEWING ME, YOU ARE REVIEWING ME!!!!!!!!!!!
*
**
***
****
***
**
*
YOU ARE PRESSING THAT LITTLE BUTTON THAT SAYS REVIEW! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, this time I am going to try and make it more in tune with the books, the plot, etc.
Hmmmmm.......who should I do this time???
Eenie-meenie-miney-mo! Catch a leggy-poo by his bow! Take his arrows, and there you go!
I will do Gandalf!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Day 1, just outside the Shire:
Gandalf writes: I feel as if I am in quite better physical condition already, and the journey has just begun. Of course, that is probably because I had to wrestle with Bilbo in his parlor to get the One Ring from him, while he made his freakish gone-evil-hobbit face and hissed at me. Quite disturbing.
I have not encountered any Ringwraiths so far, to my good fortune. I sorely wish that I had brought Shadowfax, for he would make traveling all the easier. He is also a steadfast companion, and he keeps me from getting too lonely. But not to worry! For I have brought a different friend! Mr. Fluffy! He is a very cuddly teddy bear, and since I am afraid of the dark, I need someone to keep me company at night (A/N: for all you perverts, I did not mean it that way). I am also going to have a nightlight, thanks to my handy-dandy........wizard's staff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can already feel the ring's power trying to take hold over me. Quite obnoxious, actually. I think Sauron uses it to speak through. Or at least, things I would expect Sauron to say, I am instead hearing through the squeaky voice of the ring. But he seems to be trying a different tactic, something to do with driving me insane. And annoying elevator music. Urgh.
Day 10, Bree:
Gandalf writes: This town is considerably different from when I last visited. Though I was let in, the people keep more to themselves and are a bit more.....hostile. The gatekeeper was awful suspicious.
And I was simply chatting a bit down at the bar, having a drink (they now serve 2-pint drinks!), when the ring decided to rouse a bit of suspicion. You see, I was merely providing them a modernized rendition of an old song about Luthien, when I slipped and fell. The ring flew out of my pocket, but it didn't land on my finger, it just landed in my hand. And guess what? It started playing the most maddening elevator music I've ever heard in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now everyone stares at me rather distrustfully, because they now think I am an evil peddler trying to sell them crap music for high prices! Whatever is Middle Earth coming too?
Then Aragorn (Strider can't fool me!) took me to his room, and said that lately the people of Bree have lost their interest in music general, and he could bring me to a small town where my services would be more appreciated. I told him about the One Ring, how the music wasn't my fault, and how elevator music is the worst crap you could listen to anyways. Then he got offended because he listens to elevator music, and he had hoped I would join his band. You know what the band name is? Elevator Boombox. Ha! What crap!
Day 28, Rivendell
Gandalf writes: After Bree, I came to Weathertop, where the Black Riders had planned on attacking me. I just whipped out Mr. Fluffy and waved him in their faces, and they backed down! Ha! Just proves how brave and strong teddy bears really are.
So, I arrived in Rivendell, where luckily the Ring chose not to provide my public with anymore elevator music. I told Elrond about Aragorn and Elevator Boombox, but apparently its only because the Ringwraiths had spiked his hip flask (A/N: hehehe!), so he was incredibly drunk. No worries, he is currently in rehab.
Elrond said that he's not going to bother with a council, I can just choose some companions to come with me to Mordor. Surprisingly, Galadriel has come to Rivendell, and she seems to want to come. Arwen also wants to go, but I am afraid the ladies might fight over me (A/N: cough cough). This will be an opportunity to get to know Galadriel better.
The festivities, as usual, are wonderful here, but still I cannot seem to forget my task. It weighs my mind every night. Or maybe I am just bothered by the elevator music.
Day 35, just outside Moria:
Gandalf writes:
Moria was very, very creepy. And way too dark. Luckily, I had Mr. Fluffy to keep me company. And Galadriel.
I am beginning to doubt that I made the right choice in bringing her. Sure, she is an expert archer, and breaking her will would be like...ummm......breaking her will (basically, its impossible). But she is rather impertinent.
For instance, we were making friends with the Balrog (he is far from being Sauron's agent), and he was rather confused. Should he drag me down with him into the depths of Moria, or should he let me continue on my quest, since after all, I am the Ringbearer. Galadriel was just like, 'Well duh, let him live. It would be rather inconvenient for the "good side" if we had to wait a month or so while you two fell for miles, cat-fighting. Then he got all huffy, and threatened to kick her off the narrow bridge. But she is comforting in the creepy darkness.
Now we are camping just outside Moria, and we should be to Lothlorien by tomorrow. Galadriel is trying to do yoga, and now she is yelling at me. I think the elevator music is ruining her concentration. She better get used to it.
Day 40, Lothlorien:
Gandalf writes: I have been in Lothlorien for a few days now. And guess what? I met up with an old friend, Radagast the Brown. He said that he is on his way to Rohan, Gondor, etc to help out. He sailed back across the great sea, and received further training from the High Elves. Elrond, too, has been educating him further in my arts, etc. He has even been promoted to Radagast the Blue.
Oh, that reminds me. Since Saruman has been proven traitor, I am to become the head of the Council, Gandalf the White. I am so excited! There is going to be an initiation ceremony tomorrow night. Galadriel is having a yoga marathon; she said she is going to need to be in a VERY accepting mood to promote me to so high a position. She said anyone who listens to elevator music would need as much help as can be provided to be a successful leader of the Council. Da**it, I don't listen to elevator music, the One Ring just sort of involuntarily provides it. But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Galadriel has to start a massive yoga marathon that half Lothlorien has decided to participate in! Radagast the Blue is coming down to help with the ceremonies, and so that we can talk. He is wise and loyal, and there are many things I wish to discuss with him.
I asked Galadriel whether I should wear white robes to the ceremony, or should I appear as Gandalf the Grey, and I shall be given my white robes. She said either way, I will still be an ugly old wizard with too much power and too many wrinkles.
Found some anti-wrinkle cream. She won't be able to make a single complaint!
Day 55, Somewhere past Lothlorien:
Gandalf writes: My initiation ceremony was a success! But it turns out that without any wrinkles, I have something of a baby face. Ooooh boy, was Former-Queen-of-Cocky shocked! Some elven maidens were even flirting. I have written that down in my book of records. Not sure whether this is progress, or an insult at how unattractive I usually am.
Radagast said he is going to Rohan, to try to revive Theoden, King of Rohan. He is hopefully going to then proceed to Gondor, depending on the circumstances in Rohan. What a perfect little mini-me! But Galadriel says he's cuter. Da**.
We met up with some orcs while traveling along the river. As water-travel is rather easy to follow, considering we were stopping and camping on the banks at night, we abandoned the boats and are continuing on foot. Galadriel has found new torture to tease me about. Mr. Fluffy! He has traveled so far with me, too. I put a finding spell on him, and Galadriel has not yet been able to break it. So he is safe from her prying eyes, and any harm she means for Mr. Fluffy.
I was stuffing my ears with cotton to block out the hideous sound of elevator music, when Galadriel stepped into the clearing I was in the other morning. She asked me if the One Ring really was controlling me, and I had gone crazy. I told her it blocks out the elevator music. She scoffed, then stuffed some in her own ears. But her excuse was "To block out the sound of your voice". I noticed that after her morning yoga, she had no complaints about dumb music. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a good idea, and she was afraid to admit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 75, Ithilien:
Gandalf writes: Sorry I haven't written in so long. We are currently staying in Ithilien, thanks to the kindness of Boromir and some other men of Gondor. But he bears great news! Faramir supposedly got sick of Denethor's favoritism, or decided that he would rather provide his help where it would be appreciated, or something like that. So, he left, and, after long, lonely days of traveling, he came to Fangorn. He has stirred the Ents, the Tree-Herders, and they have thoroughly destroyed Isengard. It has been named the Last March of the Ents. The reach of Sauron's long arm lessens for yet another day.
Also, Radagast drove away some horrid little dark agent going by Grima Wormtongue, and Theoden and his army went to Helm's Deep. Middle Earth seems to faring pretty well, except for the fact that Sauron's forces are steadily increasing their pressure on Gondor and Rohan.
Day 90, Mt. Doom:
Gandalf writes: Thoroughly terrified. I just flung the One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom. I can see my good friend, the Lord of the Eagles, flying towards us. Thank Varda, because I had been dreading the return journey.
Galadriel and I, after the hell we have been through together, are finally good friends. All we can do right now is sit, huddled together and still shivering in fear, and wait.
Somehow I have a deep feeling that all will be well.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hope you liked! It was rather hard to put humor in with Gandalf, but I did my best.
Not really all that funny, but oh well. I hope I filled in what you thought was missing, Artemis! It wasn't perfect, but I tried to get the plot to flow at least a little better with Faramir, Radagast, etc.
But now that I think about it, Faramir's part really didn't make a difference at all with Gandalf. OOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry!
R&R! PLEEZ! PLEEZ! PLEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE FEELING LIKE REVIEWING ME, YOU ARE REVIEWING ME!!!!!!!!!!!
*
**
***
****
***
**
*
YOU ARE PRESSING THAT LITTLE BUTTON THAT SAYS REVIEW! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!