Revelations

Chapter Eleven

Frank had heard most of the conversation thus far between Laura and Alex, and although he didn't particularly like being the topic of discussion, he didn't interrupt. He knew the two had been through a harrowing experience together, and were doing some type of bonding as a result. So he'd decided to let it go, although he was pretty sure that at some point he'd get back at Alex for that Chippendale comment. But when he heard Laura begin to tell Alex about Michael, his heart tightened, almost painfully. Although he'd lost his son well over a year ago, the wound and hurt was still entirely too close to the surface. He very nearly interrupted and wanted to tell Laura to stop, but something prevented him from doing that. Laura hardly ever spoke of their first son, not even to him. Maybe, he thought, she'll finally be able to open up about what had happened and how it had nearly destroyed her.

He'd just finished speaking with some of the workers on site. He was told that before they could go any further, they needed to know exactly where the two women were, and for that they needed to do heat imaging. After they mapped out their location, then the engineers would take over and guide them on how best to remove the tons of debris essentially burying the two women. Sighing in frustration, he knew that this was going to be a slow and painstaking process. He didn't particularly want to disrupt their conversation, but he knew that he needed to update Alex and Laura on what steps were being taken to free them.

"Laura….Alex…..I've just spoken with the head of the emergency team."

"So when do we get out of here?" Alex asked first and knew immediately that it wasn't going to be anytime soon when Donovan took too long to answer.

"It may take awhile. They're flying in a helicopter right now that's equipped with heat imaging. They're hoping that once they establish your exact location, then they'll be able to come up with a plan on how to get you out of there. In the meantime, there's a whole crew of engineers inspecting what's left of the structure, hoping to get a better idea of where most of the weight of the debris is resting."

"So the bottom line is…..we're stuck here for awhile at least. Am I right?" Alex inquired, already knowing the answer.

"Unfortunately yes. They're also trying to determine if there are any passages down to where you are. If so, even if they're not big enough to extract you, we may be able to get some food and water down to you at least."

"No hurry," Alex joked, "we've got juice boxes and goldfish crackers."

Frank chuckled. He knew exactly where those had come from. It always amazed him at what types of things Laura could fit into that purse of hers. As she'd told Alex, it was a mom thing.

"Just the same, we'll see what we can do. Laura?"

"I'm still here. Just enjoying the lively banter."

Frank again smiled, but he also heard an edge to her voice that stabbed at his heart. She sounded tired, and he could also hear a sadness to her voice that he was sure most people wouldn't be able to pick up on. "How's the leg?" he asked, naturally concerned about her welfare.

"Actually, it's just a dull throb now and the good news is that I think it's gotten a bit numb. Probably from not moving around at all."

"Do you have any aspirin in that Mary Poppins purse of yours?" He heard her chuckle at that.

"I don't carry everything with me," she answered trying to sound exasperated with him and not quite succeeding. After rooting around for a second or to, she found what she was looking for. "Ah ha! I do have some. It won't make the pain go away, but it'll keep it at bay for awhile."

"Good. Try to conserve what you have there and we'll see what we can do about getting you something more."

"All right." Looking around at her cramped confines, Laura noticed that what little light they had seemed to be fading just a bit, and suddenly she felt a chill creep up her spine, not from cold, but from something else entirely. "Frank?"

"Yeah, I'm still here."

"What time is it? When I was thrown into the wall, I must have whacked my watch pretty good. It's stopped running."

Glancing at his own watch, he answered, "It's a little after five."

"Oh," was her only reply.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Taking a trembling breath, she tried to imagine what her temporary prison would be like once it got dark. Closing her eyes, she tried to will away the vision, but wasn't entirely successful. "It's….nothing. It'll be dark in a couple of hours, won't it?"

Then he understood. She was trapped in a small confining space, unable to escape and all to soon the darkness would be closing in as well. He'd nearly forgotten. Laura was claustrophobic.

"Yeah, it will. Why don't you and Alex find something to occupy yourselves. Have her tell you about the time she flipped herself off of her horse when she was trying to play Lone Ranger."

"Hey!" was Alex's indignant reply. "I was only 12 years old! So I was young and a little over eager." Laura couldn't help but laugh at that.

"I think I'd like to hear this story," Laura added.

"Yeah well, stand in line, lady! It's the last time I open my big mouth when I'm trapped on a stakeout with your husband."

Laura continued to giggle at the images of Alex landing on her backside in the mud. Isn't there always mud around when you try to pull off a foolish stunt like that? She was also thankful for Frank's efforts to lighten the moment, even if it was at Alex's expense. She needed to get her mind off of the confining space that she found herself in.

"Well, since you don't want to talk about that, I'm sure we can find some other topic of conversation. Don't you think?" Laura inquired.

"I bet we can. Let's just stay away from anything that has to do with horses or old TV shows," Alex added, secretly smiling to herself.

"I can live with that," she replied to Alex. Knowing that Frank was still listening in, she addressed him too. "We'll be OK, Frank. Go do what you have to do to get us out of here."

"All right. I'll check back in with you in a while." And with that, he went in search of the rescue leader, determined to kick this operation into high gear.

The two women sat in silence for a few moments, trying to think of topics they could talk about. The truth was, neither knew the other very well and the only thing they really had in common was Frank.

Alex still had Laura's wallet and once again picked it up to look at the pictures. She immediately flipped to Michael's photo. My God he looks like his father. He had dark wavy hair, a dark olive complexion from what she could see and she was assuming brown eyes, but it was difficult to tell in the dim light. The boy in the picture was smiling brightly and she could just see the hint of dimples on his cheeks.

Laura was a little disturbed by the silence. She needed to keep her brain occupied or she'd slowly go insane. Thinking that perhaps Alex had gone to sleep, she attempted to peer through the twisted beams that separated them. She could see her head was down and she seemed to be looking at something intently. The pictures. At that point she didn't need to know which one, she could tell by the expression on Alex's face.

"He looks like Frank, doesn't he?" she asked quietly.

Alex looked up like she'd just been caught doing something that she shouldn't. Looking back down at the picture, she felt an extreme sense of sadness sweep over her. She'd never had a child, but she could only imagine what it would feel like to lose one especially at such a young age.

"He does," Alex finally answered. "When was this taken?"

"That was taken right after he started kindergarten. Right before he was diagnosed." Pausing for a moment she continued. "It's funny really. I associate everything in his life with the progression of the disease. Before diagnosis…….during chemotherapy……..during remission……..after relapse." As she spoke she unconsciously pulled a necklace out from underneath her blouse and started to play with what hung from it.

Alex felt suddenly very uncomfortable by the topic they'd found themselves discussing once more. It was then that she noticed Laura playing with her necklace and for some reason was intrigued by it.

"What's on the necklace?" she asked.

Laura looked down suddenly, not even having realized what she was doing. "Oh…..it's our wedding rings," she replied holding up the two plain gold bands for Alex to see, one of course decidedly larger than the other.

"Why don't you wear them?" she asked curiously.

"Well…..we did. At first anyway. But even after Frank had switched to the FBI, he occasionally still did work for the CIA. The missions didn't last too long usually, but it didn't mean they weren't dangerous. Before he'd leave each time, he'd take off his wedding ring and ask me to keep it safe for him until he returned. He said it was the most important thing he possessed and he was afraid something might happen to it. So while he was gone, I'd slip it onto this necklace. Somehow…..I know it sounds corny……but somehow it made him feel closer to me." She looked over at Alex and smiled weakly before continuing. "And then when I was pregnant with Michael, my hands swelled up so much that my own ring wouldn't fit anymore, so I put it on the chain along with Frank's, and for some reason, that's where they stayed. Pretty silly, huh?"

Alex shook her head, "No….not at all. It's kind of sweet actually."

"Honestly….I don't think Frank ever actually liked wearing a ring. I think it goes back to separating himself personally from professionally. When he wore the ring all the time, it was a constant reminder of his home life."

"I guess that makes sense."

"So…..ever since then, I've always worn them on this necklace." She ran the chain through her fingers once more and smiled a little. "And actually, the kids always used them as some type of chew toy," Laura laughed. "Michael especially. Boy, he loved to gnaw away on them. Of course I was always so afraid that he was going to choke on them, but he never did. He'd just get pissed as hell when I took them away from him." Both women laughed at that, somewhat uncomfortably.

An awkward silence hung in the air once more. Alex wanted to ask Laura questions, but she wasn't sure that it was such a great idea. Deciding finally in the end, to throw caution to the wind, she spoke up, hoping that she wouldn't hurt Laura any further.

"What was he like? Michael, I mean."

Sighing, Laura responded, "He….he was very bright. Even when he was still very young, I swore he could understand every word we said to him. I remember when Frank used to come home after being gone all day, and he'd sit down with Michael and just talk to him. Not baby talk. He'd just tell him about his day or about where we were going to go on the weekend. It didn't matter. Whatever it was, Michael hung on to his every word. It was the most adorable thing." She paused as she rested her head against the cement wall behind her, losing herself in her memories. "He was the center of our little world. In fact, he had gotten so much of our attention, that I remember being a little concerned about how he would react after Christopher was born. But he surprised us. He was immediately his brother's protector. We'd take them out for walks and if someone approached his baby brother he's stand in the stranger's way with a big frown on his face as if he were daring them to come any closer. Even at the age of two, he understood his role as the big brother." Laura smiled to herself recalling a happier time.

"He was always so outgoing. He loved to be outside in the sunshine and wanted nothing more than to be allowed to play all day long. So shortly after his 5th birthday when he suddenly decided to spend more and more time in his room or snuggling on the couch with me instead of playing, I knew something was wrong. So I took him to the doctor thinking, of course, that it was nothing more serious than a virus or something. The doctor checked him over, said that he was running a slight fever, but said that it would pass. A week or two went by and things didn't get any better, in fact they were getting worse. He didn't really want to eat and if I would have allowed him, he would have stayed in his bed most of the day. So, of course, back to the doctor we went. He agreed that this had to be a little more than just a virus, so he ordered blood tests and noticed some rather large bruises on Michael's back and legs. I'd noticed them, but just wrote it off to being an active little boy. And then we got the call. The doctor wanted to see Frank and I in his office.

"It's never good news when the doctor won't give you test results over the phone. So off we went to receive the reports. He told us that he wasn't 100% sure, but it looked like from the blood work done that Michael had leukemia. I swear Alex, I thought my heart stopped. 5 year old boys aren't supposed to get cancer! I asked the doctor to repeat what he said because I was absolutely positive that I'd heard him wrong, praying that I had. But God wasn't listening that day.

"A few days later, we had to take him to the hospital to have a bone marrow biopsy, just to make sure and to find out what type of leukemia he had so they would know how to treat it. Alex…..you should have seen him. He was being so brave about it. He knew something was very wrong, but he kept smiling through it all, taking everything in stride. I was the one falling apart. This was my baby! Not some nameless stranger on the street. This wasn't supposed to happen to my child!" Laura stopped for a few seconds trying to keep herself from crying.

Taking in a shaky breath, she continued. "The next few days were a blur. We met with an oncologist, hematologist…….it almost seemed endless the parade of people we had to deal with. The bottom line was that Michael had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia or ALL and needed to begin chemotherapy immediately. So over the course of the next couple of months, our lives revolved around hospital stays, blood transfusions and doctor's appointments, but in the end it all seemed to be worth it, when the doctor announced that Michael was in remission. For the first time in months, I felt like I could breathe again. As his body started getting stronger, my little boy returned and was as happy and energetic as ever.

"The doctor seemed pretty positive that his remission would last for years and there was always a possibility that it would never return. I clung to those words. Thankful every day that my son was back to the way he should be. But some things……." she broke off as a quiet sob escaped her lips, a few tears streaking down her dust covered cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she tried to maintain her composure. She needed to tell Alex this story, she wasn't sure exactly why, but she did. Maybe it was because she'd never talked to another living soul about it and somehow with the circumstances surrounding them, she felt the need to finally get it all out.

Alex wished that she could reach out to Laura, but the fallen debris made that impossible. The best she could do was talk to her. "Laura? Are you OK? You don't have to do this."

"I know…..I know, but I want to. God knows why, but I do." Taking another shaky breath, she attempted to continue her tale. "Like I was saying, some things just weren't meant to be. Everything seemed to going along so well. The boys were happy and I'd just given birth to Alicia, who from the minute she was born had her daddy firmly wrapped around her little finger," Laura said with a sad laugh. "Everything seemed as it should be. And then one afternoon in late August, I was getting the kids ready to go to the pool. Christopher was ready, I had Alicia all bundled up and Michael was nowhere to be found. I called to him and I heard him answer from upstairs in his room. I yelled for him to get a move on. A few minutes ticked by before I finally heard him coming down the stairs. He'd put on a pair of long pants instead of shorts. It was almost 90 degrees outside and he was wearing long pants. I told him to go back upstairs and change, and he suddenly told me that he didn't want to go swimming.

"Like I told you before. Michael lived to be outside and loved nothing more than to go swimming, so I didn't understand what his problem was. So I shooed him upstairs and announced that he was going to get changed right away so we could get going. He whined and tried to stop me, and the more he whined, the madder I got. That's when I saw it. I'd just gotten his pants off, when I spotted the large bruises on his legs. I froze and slowly raised my eyes to his. He knew…….he knew what it meant. He was out of remission, and it had only been 8 months. Not years like the doctors had promised.

"My eyes filled with tears and he said…….." Laura couldn't go on for several minutes as she tried desperately to stop crying. Just as she would calm herself down another crying jag would well up from inside her. Finally, she took several deep breaths, and was able to continue, though her voice quivered and she could barely speak above a whisper.

"He said……..'Don't cry mommy, they'll give me more medicine and I'll be better again.' And then he threw his arms around my neck and hugged me as hard as he could. Oh God, Alex……my little boy……my little 6 year old boy was trying to make me feel better. I just held on to him and whispered to him over and over again how sorry I was that I yelled at him. I could hear the baby crying and Christopher yelling asking when we were going to leave, but all I could do was hold on to Michael and beg his forgiveness.

"So instead of the years that we'd been promised, the years that we'd counted on, we'd had only a few months where things had gotten back to normal. So back to the doctors we went, but this time, the chemo and transfusions didn't seem to be working. They tried several different cocktails of drugs and none of it helped for very long. And slowly, day by day, I saw my little boy slipping away from me. I was almost afraid to leave his bedside, because in the few hours that I'd be gone, he seemed to worsen so dramatically.

"Finally, one day, the oncologist pulled Frank and I aside and delivered the news that we'd both been dreading. Nothing they'd been doing for him had helped and they were left with no options. In other words…….there was nothing left to be done. Our son would die…….it was just a matter of when. When I asked him how long he had left, his answer was days…..maybe weeks. He said that the best they could do was to make him feel more comfortable.

"Something happened to me then. I'm not sure what it was, but I became eerily calm about the whole situation. I didn't break down, I didn't sob uncontrollably. I just went back to Michael's room and pretended like nothing at all was wrong. I could see Frank watching me out of the corner of my eyes, but I ignored him. I wanted to concentrate on my baby and nothing else.

"As luck would have it, Frank was called out of town almost immediately after that to handle some sort of stand-off in Minneapolis. He didn't really want to leave, but he figured that he'd be back in a day or two at the most. That day or two turned into four or five and on the fifth day, Michael took a turn for the worse. He wouldn't wake up.

"I called Frank immediately and told him to get back as soon as he possibly could, but it was now the middle of the winter and Minneapolis had been struck by a major snowstorm, and there were no flights coming in or going out. There was nothing he could do but wait.

"Less than four hours later…..Michael died. He never woke up, and I never got a chance to say goodbye," Laura stopped once again to try to calm herself down. The last few lines had been delivered in nothing but a hoarse whisper.

"They…….they took all of the monitors and IV's away and I just……..I just held my baby in my arms for the last time, and hundreds of miles away Frank was stuck in an airport and couldn't get back to us.

"When he finally did make it home 36 hours later, I was inconsolable. He was hurt and upset and I wanted nothing to do with him……..oh God, Alex……the things I said to him………I….I blamed him for Michael's death, as if….as if somehow his being there could have stopped it from happening!" Covering her face with her hands, the sobs overtook her and she could do nothing but wait until they slowly subsided. Slowly, ever so slowly, she began to control her emotions, and from the other side of the twisted metal beams she heard Alex sniffing back tears of her own.

"I'm sorry," Laura began. "I'm not sure why I'm burdening you with all of this."

After a few moments, Alex responded. "It's OK…..really. I've just been trying to imagine all of the hell the two of you went through." A few minutes went by and Alex asked, "Is that why Frank beached himself?"

Sighing sadly, Laura answered, "Yeah…..I was a mess. The therapist needed therapy in a major way. I shut out everyone including my husband and children and I wanted to do nothing but wallow in my own personal loss. Finally after weeks and months of treatment, I was finally able to deal with what had happened. I had a lot to make up for. I'd turned my back on the people that I loved the most in the world and I needed to find a way to make it back to them. Slowly but surely, I've been able to do that."

The light outside was now beginning to fade quickly and the two women could hear people yelling back and forth occasionally, but other than that, it seemed like they were the only two people left in the world.

"Thanks," Laura said quietly to Alex.

Almost startled, Alex responded, "For what?"

"For letting me ramble. It's the first time I've talked about…….what happened. I appreciate you listening. I really do."

Alex smiled at Laura and something passed between the two, a bond had been formed either out of necessity or coincidence, but either way, Laura was grateful.

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Outside, one of the emergency team members was looking for Frank, but spotted the other three agents first. Approaching them he said, "Where's Donovan? He said he wanted to be notified when we were ready with our plan."

Jake looked at the other two and said, "He's….over there," pointing to a man sitting against one of the outer walls of what was left of the building. "But do me a favor…….give him a few minutes first."

The man briefly looked in Frank's direction and then turned back to Jake and nodded before walking away.

Frank had heard every word that Laura had said to Alex. In fact they all had. And somewhere along the line, he'd walked away from the others, needing to be alone. Then they'd all stared helplessly at him as he'd slowly slid down the concrete wall and buried his head in his hands.

Jake wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he'd heard him crying.

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