A/N: ^_^ Thanx for the reviews and I really am sorry to do that to BJ but
that's the whole point of the story. By the way, for those of you reading
"The 2nd Korean War" as well as this one, that one probably won't be
updated at the same time as this one is anymore. This one just happens to
be screaming at me to write it, the other is like, 'ok I can handle waiting
for a while,' my muses are conflicting lol so anyway here is the next
episode.
Disclaimer: I own all characters of M*A*S*H *evil laughter* mwahahahaha *gets hit in the back of the head* oh fine *glares* I don't own them or the show or anything, just go and ruin my fun..
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Hawkeye picked up the phone after it had fallen to the floor. He found out what was going on before hanging up. He shook his head sadly as he bent down next to the still crying captain. He motioned for Klinger to come closer and he whispered into his ear what had happened and that he should go get Colonel Potter.
BJ spoke through sobs, "Hawk, she's gone, I mean really gone, I never got the chance to see her again. I didn't get to say goodbye. And Erin, oh my Erin, how is she going to handle this, she's only 2. She doesn't even remember me and she's hurt bad, they don't think she's gonna make it!"
Hawkeye looked at him sadly, "I wish I could tell you that I know how you feel Beej but, I don't. I'm just sorry it had to happen to such a great guy."
BJ wiped his face but it didn't do any good because the tears just wouldn't stop. He stood up and started to pace around the room like a caged animal. He was about to go out the door when Klinger walked in with Colonel Potter and Renee, who was still in her bath robe, "Klinger caught me as I was going back to the nurse tent, he said something was wrong and he thought I could help," she explained to Hawkeye who had looked at her as if she shouldn't be there.
BJ ignored her and just focused on Potter, "Colonel, I have to get back home, Peg she."
"I know, Klinger explained everything to me, I think it'd do you some good to talk with Captain Virrnet, she knows how you feel."
"No she hasn't! She hasn't lost a wife and her daughter isn't in the hospital about to die! I have to go home now, I need to be there."
"Shut your hole Captain! Listen to me for a minute before you go and blow a gasket. I understand that you're upset, you will be leaving tomorrow," he motioned for Klinger to get a leave pass, "I can give you two weeks, three if needed but I can't spare any longer unless you want a hardship discharge. I'm sure you'll get it but I want you to think about it, you are one of the best surgeons here and we can't afford to lose you but I understand if you have to. For now, you go pack and then you either talk with somebody or you sleep but I do not want you alone, got it?"
BJ swallowed hard, "Yes sir," he sat down in the chair at the desk in the clerk's office, "Charles is in Post up tonight right Hawk?"
"Yea he is Beej, you wanna talk or sleep?" he asked softly with his hand on his best friend's shoulder.
"Talk, but.I want to talk to you and Renee in the Swamp ok?" he said with a sniffle as he wiped his eyes and become quiet. Renee nodded softly and walked out of the office and ran back to the nurse's tent to change before going to the Swamp. Hawkeye led BJ back to the swamp because he had gone blank. He stopped talking and wouldn't move unless led.
============
Klinger knocked on the door to Father Mulcahy's tent. "Come in" came the soft reply as the priest stood up from his desk.
"Hey Padre, we need some serious prayer action."
Father Mulcahy started to get his things ready but he was stopped, "No, there isn't anything you can do anywhere but here. BJ's wife died and his little girl is in a critical condition. The doctors there don't think she's gonna make it."
"Oh, poor BJ." he said sitting down on his cot.
"Yea poor BJ, I was wondering if you could do something?" Klinger said trying to be helpful.
"I'll try Klinger, but I can't promise anything but I'll try." He said and tried to smile.
Klinger tried to smile as well, "Thanks Father." He said as he walked out of the chaplain's tent.
============
Renee stood outside the Swamp's door about to knock but her hand stopped short as she heard crying from inside.
"I don't know what to do Hawk."
"I think you're more confused over what you're gonna do with Erin then you are about anything else."
"And what if you're right? I'm scared, I don't know how to take care of her now. I can take care of an infant but a toddler?"
Renee couldn't help but smile at BJ's words. 'It's kind of sweet, he's more concerned about his daughter than his own grief.' She thought as she knocked on the door.
"Go away, we don't need it."
"Are you sure?" Renee said softly.
"Wait, yea, come in." Hawkeye said as he swung the door open wide, "Thought you were somebody else."
"It's all over camp already, you know how Klinger is about keeping secrets." She said as she sat down on a stool in between the two cots.
"Yea, he's awful about that stuff," said a sniffling BJ from underneath a pile of covers on his cot. He sat up and re-arranged the covers around him and looked at the nurse with red rimmed eyes, "how did you handle this?"
"Um, well, I uh" a nervous smile came to her face as she tried to explain it, "I was 5 months pregnant when he was drafted, and my son was a month old when Steve died, so I really never had a chance to grieve because I was so busy trying to take care of our son. Well you know those jokes about the husbands turning over in bed and taps the wife on the shoulder and says 'hunny it's your turn to feed the baby.' And he rolls back over to sleep?
Well Aaron was crying one night and I felt a hand on my shoulder and I heard Steve say 'Mandy, it's your turn to feed the baby' it was his voice and he was the only person who ever called me Mandy. Well I sat bolt upright in bed and I realized that I hadn't once cried, not even when I got the letter. So I cried, and cried and cried. I picked up Aaron and feed him but I was still crying. It had been months since Steve had died but I just cried." She smiled softly, "Pain goes away in time, but your memories never will, and every time you see your little girl you'll be reminded of your wife but when you look at Erin and you don't get upset, that's when you know you'll be ok." Renee took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I cry every time I see a picture of my son." She said sadly.
Hawkeye placed his hand on her shoulder, "So you don't think you'll be ok?"
"I cry because I'm happy that I have something of Steve in Aaron, I think that night, it was Steve telling me that it was ok."
BJ smiled softly, "Ya know.Colonel Potter was right, talking about it helps, even if just a little."
"I think you'll be ok Beej." Hawkeye said smiling at his friend.
"I'm not so sure about that one Hawk."
"Why?" Renee asked softly, "I think you'll be just fine."
"I'm still wondering what I'm gonna do with Erin, like how am I going to explain to her why her mom isn't around anymore?" he said, tears threatening to fall again.
"God wanted his angel back." said Renee softly looking at her hands in her lap.
"Huh?" both men said at the same time.
"That's what my mother tells my son when he asks about his daddy. And that's what she always told me when I asked about my real parents who died as well. 'God wanted his angel back' she'd say but I'd always ask why didn't he want us to be happy with them here, and she'd say 'because if they were here then they wouldn't be as happy as they are with God, even though they love us very much they aren't in any pain in heaven' and I'd always smile and say I'm an angel why doesn't he want me, and she'd say 'because he wants us to know that heaven is a good place so he sends a few of his angels to us so that we have a little heaven on earth." She sniffled softly, trying not to cry herself.
Hawkeye laughed softly; "well you're the humble one aren't you?"
She laughed, "Only when I wanna be"
BJ smiled, "That's a good idea, I might have to steal that explanation Renee."
"Anything to help out."
Just then Colonel Potter knocked on the door; "Come on Captain Hunnicut, your driver is out here waiting for you."
"It's morning already?" Hawkeye said looking at his wrist watch, "Well I guess it is." He said and got up, picking up one of BJ's bags and taking it outside while the other two captains followed.
BJ got into the jeep; "I'll see you guys later I guess."
"Let it be sooner than later alright Beej, you didn't forget to put holes in the suit case did you? And don't forget I have to water while I'm stowing away in there." He smiled as he hugged his best friend, "Don't do anything stupid."
"I'll think about it."
Renee smiled, "Everybody here is sending their prayers and wishes with you. And give this to Erin, I was going to send it home to my son but I think your daughter might like it more right now." She said and handed him a little stuffed rabbit.
"Thanks Renee, but what if.?" and his voice trailed off as a lump came to his throat.
"Don't, she's gonna be fine, plus, this little rabbit will do her a lot of good, remind her of what's she's missing in the hospital and it'll make her wanna get out more. Now you get, before you miss your plane." She smiled and gave him a quick hug before she pulled away and stepped to the back of the crowd.
Everyone else said his or her good-byes and then the jeep sped off. Hawkeye walked up to Renee and put his arm around her shoulders; "The replacement isn't going to be half as fun."
"We can only hope that he comes back." She replied quietly.
"I don't want him to really, if I were him then I wouldn't."
"But you aren't him."
"True, you and him are a lot alike, what would you do?"
She smiled, "It's not what I would do, it's what I did, I came back remember?"
"Oh yea.well maybe he will come back if he's anything like you then."
"Like I said, we can only hope"
Hawkeye laughed softly as he led her to the officers club.
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End of Episode 3, next Episode coming soon.
Disclaimer: I own all characters of M*A*S*H *evil laughter* mwahahahaha *gets hit in the back of the head* oh fine *glares* I don't own them or the show or anything, just go and ruin my fun..
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Hawkeye picked up the phone after it had fallen to the floor. He found out what was going on before hanging up. He shook his head sadly as he bent down next to the still crying captain. He motioned for Klinger to come closer and he whispered into his ear what had happened and that he should go get Colonel Potter.
BJ spoke through sobs, "Hawk, she's gone, I mean really gone, I never got the chance to see her again. I didn't get to say goodbye. And Erin, oh my Erin, how is she going to handle this, she's only 2. She doesn't even remember me and she's hurt bad, they don't think she's gonna make it!"
Hawkeye looked at him sadly, "I wish I could tell you that I know how you feel Beej but, I don't. I'm just sorry it had to happen to such a great guy."
BJ wiped his face but it didn't do any good because the tears just wouldn't stop. He stood up and started to pace around the room like a caged animal. He was about to go out the door when Klinger walked in with Colonel Potter and Renee, who was still in her bath robe, "Klinger caught me as I was going back to the nurse tent, he said something was wrong and he thought I could help," she explained to Hawkeye who had looked at her as if she shouldn't be there.
BJ ignored her and just focused on Potter, "Colonel, I have to get back home, Peg she."
"I know, Klinger explained everything to me, I think it'd do you some good to talk with Captain Virrnet, she knows how you feel."
"No she hasn't! She hasn't lost a wife and her daughter isn't in the hospital about to die! I have to go home now, I need to be there."
"Shut your hole Captain! Listen to me for a minute before you go and blow a gasket. I understand that you're upset, you will be leaving tomorrow," he motioned for Klinger to get a leave pass, "I can give you two weeks, three if needed but I can't spare any longer unless you want a hardship discharge. I'm sure you'll get it but I want you to think about it, you are one of the best surgeons here and we can't afford to lose you but I understand if you have to. For now, you go pack and then you either talk with somebody or you sleep but I do not want you alone, got it?"
BJ swallowed hard, "Yes sir," he sat down in the chair at the desk in the clerk's office, "Charles is in Post up tonight right Hawk?"
"Yea he is Beej, you wanna talk or sleep?" he asked softly with his hand on his best friend's shoulder.
"Talk, but.I want to talk to you and Renee in the Swamp ok?" he said with a sniffle as he wiped his eyes and become quiet. Renee nodded softly and walked out of the office and ran back to the nurse's tent to change before going to the Swamp. Hawkeye led BJ back to the swamp because he had gone blank. He stopped talking and wouldn't move unless led.
============
Klinger knocked on the door to Father Mulcahy's tent. "Come in" came the soft reply as the priest stood up from his desk.
"Hey Padre, we need some serious prayer action."
Father Mulcahy started to get his things ready but he was stopped, "No, there isn't anything you can do anywhere but here. BJ's wife died and his little girl is in a critical condition. The doctors there don't think she's gonna make it."
"Oh, poor BJ." he said sitting down on his cot.
"Yea poor BJ, I was wondering if you could do something?" Klinger said trying to be helpful.
"I'll try Klinger, but I can't promise anything but I'll try." He said and tried to smile.
Klinger tried to smile as well, "Thanks Father." He said as he walked out of the chaplain's tent.
============
Renee stood outside the Swamp's door about to knock but her hand stopped short as she heard crying from inside.
"I don't know what to do Hawk."
"I think you're more confused over what you're gonna do with Erin then you are about anything else."
"And what if you're right? I'm scared, I don't know how to take care of her now. I can take care of an infant but a toddler?"
Renee couldn't help but smile at BJ's words. 'It's kind of sweet, he's more concerned about his daughter than his own grief.' She thought as she knocked on the door.
"Go away, we don't need it."
"Are you sure?" Renee said softly.
"Wait, yea, come in." Hawkeye said as he swung the door open wide, "Thought you were somebody else."
"It's all over camp already, you know how Klinger is about keeping secrets." She said as she sat down on a stool in between the two cots.
"Yea, he's awful about that stuff," said a sniffling BJ from underneath a pile of covers on his cot. He sat up and re-arranged the covers around him and looked at the nurse with red rimmed eyes, "how did you handle this?"
"Um, well, I uh" a nervous smile came to her face as she tried to explain it, "I was 5 months pregnant when he was drafted, and my son was a month old when Steve died, so I really never had a chance to grieve because I was so busy trying to take care of our son. Well you know those jokes about the husbands turning over in bed and taps the wife on the shoulder and says 'hunny it's your turn to feed the baby.' And he rolls back over to sleep?
Well Aaron was crying one night and I felt a hand on my shoulder and I heard Steve say 'Mandy, it's your turn to feed the baby' it was his voice and he was the only person who ever called me Mandy. Well I sat bolt upright in bed and I realized that I hadn't once cried, not even when I got the letter. So I cried, and cried and cried. I picked up Aaron and feed him but I was still crying. It had been months since Steve had died but I just cried." She smiled softly, "Pain goes away in time, but your memories never will, and every time you see your little girl you'll be reminded of your wife but when you look at Erin and you don't get upset, that's when you know you'll be ok." Renee took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I cry every time I see a picture of my son." She said sadly.
Hawkeye placed his hand on her shoulder, "So you don't think you'll be ok?"
"I cry because I'm happy that I have something of Steve in Aaron, I think that night, it was Steve telling me that it was ok."
BJ smiled softly, "Ya know.Colonel Potter was right, talking about it helps, even if just a little."
"I think you'll be ok Beej." Hawkeye said smiling at his friend.
"I'm not so sure about that one Hawk."
"Why?" Renee asked softly, "I think you'll be just fine."
"I'm still wondering what I'm gonna do with Erin, like how am I going to explain to her why her mom isn't around anymore?" he said, tears threatening to fall again.
"God wanted his angel back." said Renee softly looking at her hands in her lap.
"Huh?" both men said at the same time.
"That's what my mother tells my son when he asks about his daddy. And that's what she always told me when I asked about my real parents who died as well. 'God wanted his angel back' she'd say but I'd always ask why didn't he want us to be happy with them here, and she'd say 'because if they were here then they wouldn't be as happy as they are with God, even though they love us very much they aren't in any pain in heaven' and I'd always smile and say I'm an angel why doesn't he want me, and she'd say 'because he wants us to know that heaven is a good place so he sends a few of his angels to us so that we have a little heaven on earth." She sniffled softly, trying not to cry herself.
Hawkeye laughed softly; "well you're the humble one aren't you?"
She laughed, "Only when I wanna be"
BJ smiled, "That's a good idea, I might have to steal that explanation Renee."
"Anything to help out."
Just then Colonel Potter knocked on the door; "Come on Captain Hunnicut, your driver is out here waiting for you."
"It's morning already?" Hawkeye said looking at his wrist watch, "Well I guess it is." He said and got up, picking up one of BJ's bags and taking it outside while the other two captains followed.
BJ got into the jeep; "I'll see you guys later I guess."
"Let it be sooner than later alright Beej, you didn't forget to put holes in the suit case did you? And don't forget I have to water while I'm stowing away in there." He smiled as he hugged his best friend, "Don't do anything stupid."
"I'll think about it."
Renee smiled, "Everybody here is sending their prayers and wishes with you. And give this to Erin, I was going to send it home to my son but I think your daughter might like it more right now." She said and handed him a little stuffed rabbit.
"Thanks Renee, but what if.?" and his voice trailed off as a lump came to his throat.
"Don't, she's gonna be fine, plus, this little rabbit will do her a lot of good, remind her of what's she's missing in the hospital and it'll make her wanna get out more. Now you get, before you miss your plane." She smiled and gave him a quick hug before she pulled away and stepped to the back of the crowd.
Everyone else said his or her good-byes and then the jeep sped off. Hawkeye walked up to Renee and put his arm around her shoulders; "The replacement isn't going to be half as fun."
"We can only hope that he comes back." She replied quietly.
"I don't want him to really, if I were him then I wouldn't."
"But you aren't him."
"True, you and him are a lot alike, what would you do?"
She smiled, "It's not what I would do, it's what I did, I came back remember?"
"Oh yea.well maybe he will come back if he's anything like you then."
"Like I said, we can only hope"
Hawkeye laughed softly as he led her to the officers club.
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End of Episode 3, next Episode coming soon.