Crookshanks to the Rescue
***
Pig looked at me with that usual blank (stupid!!!) stare of his. ' Mister kitty, can you say that again, pweese??' he requested sucking one his wing feathers like a baby to a pacifier. I sighed and gritted my teeth. Stupid kid!!! This is already the 56th time I'm going to say this!! And the last that's for sure. ' Pig.' I began in my sickest sweetest tone. ' This thing I'm telling you, is about the plan to bring Ron and Hermione TO-GE-THER.' Another blank stare. ' Who are they??' he asked innocently.
Oh my God.
' Tall kid with red hair and freckles, and another with big bushy hair and big teeth.' I replied dully. ' Anyways, you know the plan, give the tall one the gift.' I reached underneath my chin and brought out a small thin package. This small package contains the one gift that Ron will die for. ' and lead him to the water fountain, there.' I gave the little pest the package and pointed outside to the water fountain situated in the middle of Hogwarts Grounds.
Pig oohed as he accepted the package and he asked me with his eyes shining: ' OOH!!!! What is it?? The gift for Ram???' ' It's Ron Pig.' I corrected. ' Whatever' he squeaked studying the pack carefully. ' It's a wizard card.' I said when he looked at me again questioningly. ' Of who??' ' The one wizard card Ron don't got in his collection. Aleric Pretuchio.' ' Who???' squeaked Pig. ' The dude who invented chocolate frogs and other famous wizard candies.' I replied jumping off the ledge.
In case you're wondering, we were in the common room, sitting on the ledge next to the window facing the grounds. I waggled my tail and went of, but not before staying in my sternest voice to Pig: ' Remember to give him the package. AND HIM ONLY PIG.' Pig nodded with a smile, and got the card in his little beak, and flew off looking for Ron. Or in his case, the tall redheaded freckled kid, and I'm not talking Archie Andrews here.
And where am I going you ask???
Well, I'm going to give Hermione "Ron's gift". A book on advanced hexes and spells, which she's supposed to learn in seventh year though she ain't there yet, and it was wrapped in red and gold wrapping, gryffindor colors. ( don't ask where I got either. I have my sources. And I know just the place where I could fine the bookworm.
Library, duh..
***
The book was big and thick, so I had it on my back, I have a good sense of balance. And I was humming 'Staying Alive' while climbing up the stairs to the library, when I saw another feline at the top. It was Mrs. Norris, and she was looking down at me *admirably*. 'Hey Crookshanks.' She greeted shyly as I grunted going up the top. I licked my aching left paw and said without as much as looking at her: ' Hey MN.'
' Where're you going??' she inquired standing in my path, her usually serious face now in a sweet smile. ' Library.' I replied brushing past her shoulder. Tsk. Pesky woman. She stopped me again, and said cuddling me (AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!): ' You know Crook, I love cats who are intellects.' ' I thought you liked those who were vicious and nasty.' I muttered dryly.
' Oh, that was before, now, I love the smart ones, like you..' She purred getting closer. Okay, what's happening here??? ' Sorry, I gotta go..' I pushed her away and ran up ahead as fast as I could before she could recover from her daze.
What was that?? What's wrong with her?? Can any girl tell me what the funky heck that was about?? Females, I swear I'll never understand them. Hmm. Maybe I ca talk to Sirius soon about females, and ask him about that behavior, the one Mrs. N just freakily showed me.
Never mind that, I just saw the library.
***
Aha. Just as I expected. There she is reading again. Poor girl, she's gotta get a social life. Badly. I sighed and strolled in, hopefully, that awful librarian won't toss me out again. Last time I entered, she threw a fit and threw a really big book at me as I panicked and ran away. I hope the old bat is dead, personally.
I neared the table where she was seated, the one full of books and a single oil lamp on top of the biggest pile. She was busy doing her homework again I see, seriously, someone has to get this kid a life. Hermione was hunched over a bunch of books, armed with a *deadly* quill dipped in red ink and jutting down whatever info she found in the books. Argh. She's ignoring me again.
I clear my throat, gotta make a perfect pathetic mewl. I did it, and Hermione looked down at me, surprised to find me right next to her in a library with something on my back. She smiled at me, and picked me up. " Hi sweetie." She crooned placing me on her soft lap. I purred and looked at what she was writing. The history of hexes.fascinating.
I looked up and noticed Hermione noticed the package. (did that sound right to you?) " What's this?" she muttered removing the pack from my back. Oi, thank Dumbledore. The book was about to give me osteoporosis. Hermione looked at the red and gold wrapping, and laid me down on the floor, so she could have ease at opening the gift. She did so carefully. And gasped at what she saw.
" Merlin's beard!!! What a wonderful gift!!!" she squealed throwing the wrapping at the floor, and hugging the book. Heh, knew she'd like it. " But who's it from??" she wondered. Didn't she see the note yet?? Hermione opened the book, flipped a couple of pages, and a piece of paper fell at her lap. Oh, so that's where I put it.
Hermione picked up the paper, and read it aloud: " ' Dear Hermione, if you want to know who your secret admirer is, meet me at the water fountain at the grounds tonight. Don't be late. And do not worry, I won't be late myself. Signed: Your true love' ." Yes!!!!! The plan is going smoothly. Oh, I forgot to mention my ' Get R and H together' plan did I??? Here's how it goes:
Part 1: Give Pig the gift for Ron.
2: Give Hermione the gift.
3: The two meet at the fountain.
4: Fall in love, and you know the rest!!!!! @_@
Hermione tapped her chin thoughtfully, and turned to me. " Crookshanks, do you think I should go??" she rubbed me behind the ears. That felt good. I purred, and nodded promptly.
***
Okay, part 3 is in action. I'm here on the fountain, sitting with Hermione, who is nervously twiddling her thumbs. She's pretty much hoping that her admirer actually comes. I'm also hoping. I'm here not only to comfort her, but also to make sure Pig doesn't screw up.
It's cold out here, but I'm sure Ron's gonna arrive soon.
Three minutes..
Ten minutes..
Fifteen...
Twenty-five.
Argh. Where the funky heck are they?? Late. I growled. I'm freezing out here!!!!! Where's Pig??? Did he forget again??? AGGGHHH!!!! I'm cold! I'm Cold! *I looked at Hermione, and she was looking as disappointed as I am freezing. " Oh Crook, I don't think he's coming." she muttered sadly. Yeah, I agree sister. I mewl and rest my head on her lap. We should be in the common room right now, bet Percy the prude is looking for us.
" AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
A scream rattled the air, which very, very much caught both our attention. The noise came from the castle. Who was being murdered???
We turned to left, since it seemed that's where the noise is coming from, and saw Ron. Ron was running, flailing his arms wildly and screaming as Pig was pecking his face furiously. What the heck are ya doing Pig???? " Get Pig offa me!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron howled running towards us.
Hermione was in shock, and she stood up to face Ron. " Ron?? What are you doing?? Are you my admirer???" she asked loudly. Ron neared us, and ignored Hermione's question. He ran right by her, still screaming with Pig still pecking, and pushed Hermione.right into the fountain.
ACK!!!!!!
I screamed and closed my eyes, as all I hear was a loud splash and a gasp. I opened one after a moment, and saw Hermione, sitting in the fountain, soaking wet with her mouth and eyes open in shock. Ron was standing next to the fountain, just as shocked. Pig squeaked, and flew off into a tree.
I growled and followed him. I saw him atop the closest, and followed him up. He was perched on one branch, panting and gasping, and I demanded angrily. ' Pig what happened out there???' Pig looked at me, and said: ' Well.Ron was late 'cause he got detention, and so to speed him up, I pecked his face. I thought it would do better.'
Better?? Better???? BETTER??? He calls that better?!?!?!?! The big idiot!!!! I felt ready to explode. ' You idiot!!!!' I roared turning furious red. ' You call that better????!?!?!' I pointed with one claw to Hermione, as red as me, yelling at Ron, and calling him irresponsible and stupid. Poor Ron was cowering underneath her *wet* rage. " I don't care if you are my admirer or my friend!!!!" snapped Hermione. She stood tall before Ron, and gave him a sharp and swift slap across the face. Ron was thrown back, and was staring at Hermione, stunned. " You're an irresponsible, childish and immature dolt who can't keep the time, and you're a liar!!!!!! I hate you!!!!!! Our relationship as friends is now and forever, gone!!! Terminated!!!! Good bye!!!!!!"
TBC
***
Pig looked at me with that usual blank (stupid!!!) stare of his. ' Mister kitty, can you say that again, pweese??' he requested sucking one his wing feathers like a baby to a pacifier. I sighed and gritted my teeth. Stupid kid!!! This is already the 56th time I'm going to say this!! And the last that's for sure. ' Pig.' I began in my sickest sweetest tone. ' This thing I'm telling you, is about the plan to bring Ron and Hermione TO-GE-THER.' Another blank stare. ' Who are they??' he asked innocently.
Oh my God.
' Tall kid with red hair and freckles, and another with big bushy hair and big teeth.' I replied dully. ' Anyways, you know the plan, give the tall one the gift.' I reached underneath my chin and brought out a small thin package. This small package contains the one gift that Ron will die for. ' and lead him to the water fountain, there.' I gave the little pest the package and pointed outside to the water fountain situated in the middle of Hogwarts Grounds.
Pig oohed as he accepted the package and he asked me with his eyes shining: ' OOH!!!! What is it?? The gift for Ram???' ' It's Ron Pig.' I corrected. ' Whatever' he squeaked studying the pack carefully. ' It's a wizard card.' I said when he looked at me again questioningly. ' Of who??' ' The one wizard card Ron don't got in his collection. Aleric Pretuchio.' ' Who???' squeaked Pig. ' The dude who invented chocolate frogs and other famous wizard candies.' I replied jumping off the ledge.
In case you're wondering, we were in the common room, sitting on the ledge next to the window facing the grounds. I waggled my tail and went of, but not before staying in my sternest voice to Pig: ' Remember to give him the package. AND HIM ONLY PIG.' Pig nodded with a smile, and got the card in his little beak, and flew off looking for Ron. Or in his case, the tall redheaded freckled kid, and I'm not talking Archie Andrews here.
And where am I going you ask???
Well, I'm going to give Hermione "Ron's gift". A book on advanced hexes and spells, which she's supposed to learn in seventh year though she ain't there yet, and it was wrapped in red and gold wrapping, gryffindor colors. ( don't ask where I got either. I have my sources. And I know just the place where I could fine the bookworm.
Library, duh..
***
The book was big and thick, so I had it on my back, I have a good sense of balance. And I was humming 'Staying Alive' while climbing up the stairs to the library, when I saw another feline at the top. It was Mrs. Norris, and she was looking down at me *admirably*. 'Hey Crookshanks.' She greeted shyly as I grunted going up the top. I licked my aching left paw and said without as much as looking at her: ' Hey MN.'
' Where're you going??' she inquired standing in my path, her usually serious face now in a sweet smile. ' Library.' I replied brushing past her shoulder. Tsk. Pesky woman. She stopped me again, and said cuddling me (AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!): ' You know Crook, I love cats who are intellects.' ' I thought you liked those who were vicious and nasty.' I muttered dryly.
' Oh, that was before, now, I love the smart ones, like you..' She purred getting closer. Okay, what's happening here??? ' Sorry, I gotta go..' I pushed her away and ran up ahead as fast as I could before she could recover from her daze.
What was that?? What's wrong with her?? Can any girl tell me what the funky heck that was about?? Females, I swear I'll never understand them. Hmm. Maybe I ca talk to Sirius soon about females, and ask him about that behavior, the one Mrs. N just freakily showed me.
Never mind that, I just saw the library.
***
Aha. Just as I expected. There she is reading again. Poor girl, she's gotta get a social life. Badly. I sighed and strolled in, hopefully, that awful librarian won't toss me out again. Last time I entered, she threw a fit and threw a really big book at me as I panicked and ran away. I hope the old bat is dead, personally.
I neared the table where she was seated, the one full of books and a single oil lamp on top of the biggest pile. She was busy doing her homework again I see, seriously, someone has to get this kid a life. Hermione was hunched over a bunch of books, armed with a *deadly* quill dipped in red ink and jutting down whatever info she found in the books. Argh. She's ignoring me again.
I clear my throat, gotta make a perfect pathetic mewl. I did it, and Hermione looked down at me, surprised to find me right next to her in a library with something on my back. She smiled at me, and picked me up. " Hi sweetie." She crooned placing me on her soft lap. I purred and looked at what she was writing. The history of hexes.fascinating.
I looked up and noticed Hermione noticed the package. (did that sound right to you?) " What's this?" she muttered removing the pack from my back. Oi, thank Dumbledore. The book was about to give me osteoporosis. Hermione looked at the red and gold wrapping, and laid me down on the floor, so she could have ease at opening the gift. She did so carefully. And gasped at what she saw.
" Merlin's beard!!! What a wonderful gift!!!" she squealed throwing the wrapping at the floor, and hugging the book. Heh, knew she'd like it. " But who's it from??" she wondered. Didn't she see the note yet?? Hermione opened the book, flipped a couple of pages, and a piece of paper fell at her lap. Oh, so that's where I put it.
Hermione picked up the paper, and read it aloud: " ' Dear Hermione, if you want to know who your secret admirer is, meet me at the water fountain at the grounds tonight. Don't be late. And do not worry, I won't be late myself. Signed: Your true love' ." Yes!!!!! The plan is going smoothly. Oh, I forgot to mention my ' Get R and H together' plan did I??? Here's how it goes:
Part 1: Give Pig the gift for Ron.
2: Give Hermione the gift.
3: The two meet at the fountain.
4: Fall in love, and you know the rest!!!!! @_@
Hermione tapped her chin thoughtfully, and turned to me. " Crookshanks, do you think I should go??" she rubbed me behind the ears. That felt good. I purred, and nodded promptly.
***
Okay, part 3 is in action. I'm here on the fountain, sitting with Hermione, who is nervously twiddling her thumbs. She's pretty much hoping that her admirer actually comes. I'm also hoping. I'm here not only to comfort her, but also to make sure Pig doesn't screw up.
It's cold out here, but I'm sure Ron's gonna arrive soon.
Three minutes..
Ten minutes..
Fifteen...
Twenty-five.
Argh. Where the funky heck are they?? Late. I growled. I'm freezing out here!!!!! Where's Pig??? Did he forget again??? AGGGHHH!!!! I'm cold! I'm Cold! *I looked at Hermione, and she was looking as disappointed as I am freezing. " Oh Crook, I don't think he's coming." she muttered sadly. Yeah, I agree sister. I mewl and rest my head on her lap. We should be in the common room right now, bet Percy the prude is looking for us.
" AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
A scream rattled the air, which very, very much caught both our attention. The noise came from the castle. Who was being murdered???
We turned to left, since it seemed that's where the noise is coming from, and saw Ron. Ron was running, flailing his arms wildly and screaming as Pig was pecking his face furiously. What the heck are ya doing Pig???? " Get Pig offa me!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron howled running towards us.
Hermione was in shock, and she stood up to face Ron. " Ron?? What are you doing?? Are you my admirer???" she asked loudly. Ron neared us, and ignored Hermione's question. He ran right by her, still screaming with Pig still pecking, and pushed Hermione.right into the fountain.
ACK!!!!!!
I screamed and closed my eyes, as all I hear was a loud splash and a gasp. I opened one after a moment, and saw Hermione, sitting in the fountain, soaking wet with her mouth and eyes open in shock. Ron was standing next to the fountain, just as shocked. Pig squeaked, and flew off into a tree.
I growled and followed him. I saw him atop the closest, and followed him up. He was perched on one branch, panting and gasping, and I demanded angrily. ' Pig what happened out there???' Pig looked at me, and said: ' Well.Ron was late 'cause he got detention, and so to speed him up, I pecked his face. I thought it would do better.'
Better?? Better???? BETTER??? He calls that better?!?!?!?! The big idiot!!!! I felt ready to explode. ' You idiot!!!!' I roared turning furious red. ' You call that better????!?!?!' I pointed with one claw to Hermione, as red as me, yelling at Ron, and calling him irresponsible and stupid. Poor Ron was cowering underneath her *wet* rage. " I don't care if you are my admirer or my friend!!!!" snapped Hermione. She stood tall before Ron, and gave him a sharp and swift slap across the face. Ron was thrown back, and was staring at Hermione, stunned. " You're an irresponsible, childish and immature dolt who can't keep the time, and you're a liar!!!!!! I hate you!!!!!! Our relationship as friends is now and forever, gone!!! Terminated!!!! Good bye!!!!!!"
TBC