Author's notes: The cat invades LohLorien. In this chapter I'll be discussing several things, among them an issue that has troubled me for years: where do the Galadhrim pee?

Later on, there's a sex scene (just implied) between two consenting elves and a non-consenting cat.

CHAPTER 6: Hunting season in LothLorien.

The Fellowship travelled from the mines of Moria to Lothlorien. After Gandalf's fall, Frodo took over Gingerhead's care.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

With the wizard gone, I don't feel very safe around these folk anymore. I think Aragorn has an evil plan about me and I don't like Boromir's look either. Thankfully, Frodo became the cat-bearer as well. And I still don't understand why they insist on calling him the ring-bearer. I'm far more important.

Nice forest, this one. At last, some rest. And this is a nice stream, clear water to drink from and perhaps fish in it.

Gingerhead, think again. All of them have put their feet in the stream, claiming it refreshes sore muscles. Rather a lame excuse for washing them. However, I'm certain the residents of these woods would be devastated by the ecological impact of these filthy feet in the water. Mental note not to eat anything they fish out. I don't think anything will survive the filth, anyway.

Aragorn has that stare again.

~*~

For a while, Aragorn played with the idea of throwing that menace of a cat in the stream of Nimrodel. He suspected that Boromir and Gimli would back him up with Legolas and the hobbits.

However, no one would back him up with Arwen. And this was not a risk he was willing to take.

As they moved further into the forest, a voice came from the trees above.

"The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot you in the dark".

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

And wait until you hear him fart.

Oh, good, more elves.

~*~

Aragorn tried to convince Haldir to let the Fellowship pass through Lothlorien. The Elf looked at Frodo, saying he carried great evil with him.

Haldir meant the One Ring.

Aragorn was looking at Gingerhead on Frodo's lap.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

Time to visit ground level again, for my private business. Frodo rather worried seeing my climb down, but I'm perfectly safe on my own, thank you. After I finish, I can't help wondering where those tree elves relieve themselves. Perhaps they pee off the trees? I've decided to follow the one named Haldir until I find out.

Yes, I was right.

I wouldn't like to be in that squirrel's place. Mental note not to hunt anything in this forest. I can never know what kind of 'rain' has fallen on their heads.

~*~

In the middle of the night, Haldir climbs down to check on some orcs that have entered the woods. He's followed by a hungry Gingerhead. On his way back up, Haldir is unfortunate enough to be on the escape root of a panicked Gingerhead who had just remembered that orcs are carnivores too.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

One more myth around elves dispelled. They don't move as noiselessly as they are thought to do. Especially when I claw my way up their back. And, unlike us cats, they don't land on their feet. They land on their butts.

I think Haldir has a matching set of scratches and bruises. And he starts to look at me like Aragorn does. Perhaps I should leave pet human alone for a while and focus on elf.

It's way funnier when he gets angry. I'll leave him a furball tonight and blame it on the dwarf again. This would be fun to watch!

~*~

The Fellowship was taken before Celeborn and Galadriel.

For her, it was love on first sight.

For him it was "Oh, no, another pathetic creature she'll be bringing home with her".

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

Fair Elf-Lady loves me. She's the grandmother of pretty Elf-Lady who has pet-human. Now I can torture him as much as I like. He won't dare attempting anything in her presence.

Fair Elf Lady takes me around tree-city. She takes me to a place where other elves sing and play the lute. She tells me they sing a lament for the wizard. She puts me down and leaves. If they sing for my servant, I feel I should join them. I start mewing, and the leading elf stares at me rather amused.

After half an hour of continuous mewing, he's no longer amused.

He gently picks me up from my neck and puts me out, closing the door behind him.

I claw my way up through the open window, and start mewing again. He picks me up and puts me out again, shutting the window too.

I repeat the same procedure with three different windows.

When I'm sure I've made my point, I leave to find someone else to annoy.

Oh, great. Here's Haldir.

~*~

Haldir walked downward to the healers, to have his scratches taken care of. He had never thought that a kitten's claws could be as sharp. As he descends the staircase, he trips over a strategically placed Gingerhead.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

Great, it worked! Elf fell down the stairs in a completely undignified way, landing on his butt once more. As I walk closer to sniff him, I can see the familiar murderous stare. He stands up and starts chasing me. So I run.

He kept chasing me through the Healers' place and through the bakers' establishment. Next batch of elfish cakes will be sprinkled with cat hairs, not to mention the pawprints on them. Finally, I see Fair Elf Lady and hide behind her.

Elf named Haldir is in deep trouble.

~*~

Galadriel stared at Haldir coldly. She picked up the trembling kitten that hid behind her.

"I'm very disappointed of you, Haldir," she said icily, before turning to leave with Gingerhead in her arms.

The cat climbed on her shoulder and looked at Haldir. The elf could swear the cat was sneering.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

I purr away in her arms. I hope I can make her keep me. No matter how much I like the hobbits, I'd rather stay with her. I make a new plan: make her dumb her elf-pet Celeborn and adopt me in his place.

As she falls in bed, I crawl up in her arms purring.

~*~

Lord Celeborn changed into his best nightshirt, groomed his hair and got ready to get in bed. He had hoped to 'get lucky' tonight. However, on approaching the bed, he saw his wife was already in another's arms.

Galadriel was sleeping with the cat.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

I know that look. Elf-pet wants to mate and I'm in the way.

Great! This is going to be real fun.

I do not resist as he puts me down on the floor. I take a peek and see him trying to groom Fair Elf-Lady. I climb up to bed and stare at him, looking really interested in the grooming ritual. He puts me down again. I climb back up.

Well, what do you know? Elves have tails too. I walk closer and sniff it.

~*~

Sensing something sniffing his privates, Celeborn cried out in surprise and unwillingly kicked the cat off the bed. Galadriel stared at him in horror.

"How could you? It's just a kitten!"

Celeborn stormed out of the bedchamber, while Gingerhead hid purring in Galadriel's lap.

~*~

The next day, Haldir, having slept uncomfortably due to his bruises from the fall, confronted an equally cranky Celeborn.

"If the cat stays," said Haldir, "I'm leaving".

"If the cat stays," replied Celeborn in a tired voice, "I'll be leaving too".

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Now, Gingerhead expects a review. Also, tell your friend about him. He just loves attention (in case this wasn't already clear).