Author's notes: Galadriel's Mirror probably can't be used as I describe here. Humor me and pretend it does.

CHAPTER 7: The poor, defenceless kitten.

Gingerhead's POV.

I think I've made a mistake pissing off pet Elf-Lord. He's not that bad, after all. He's far better than pet-human Aragorn. Smells better, too.

I think it's time I should try and make up with him.

So I rise from my comfortable place between the two sleeping elves and I crawl over next to him, purring loudly. He doesn't wake up.

Drastic measures are in order.

So I try to show him my appreciation by licking up his face. He tastes rather yummy, actually.

What? What did I do now?

~*~

Celeborn woke up by the feeling of someone licking his ear. He smiled, still half asleep and reached out to Galadriel.

"You're feeling naughty this morning, my love?" he purred.

However, his hand caught empty space.

"What on Arda's name are you talking about, Celeborn?" Galadriel's annoyed voice came from the exact opposite direction of the naughty tongue.

Celeborn opened his eyes and saw Gingerhead staring back at him.

He had never been so embarrassed in all his life. And this was a looong time.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

I still don't understand why Elf-Lord doesn't like me. What else should I do?

Oh, well. I'll try again tomorrow.

Time for breakfast. I think I'll go to the bakers. The elf in charge there rather likes me. It's natural. We share the same love for food.

I spot my victim and mew loudly. Hello! And what's this? Lembas? Do I look like a pigeon to you? I want milk, bloody milk! Here's what I think of your lembas. I'll bury it as I do with my, well, private business.

Finally, he got the point. Tasty milk. On my way out, I'll take the lembas with me. You can never know if you'll find food tomorrow.

~*~

An hour later, Frodo finds Gingerhead lying on the ground, belly up, having eaten a whole piece of lembas bread.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

I suppose you forgot to mention that one bite of that thing can fill the stomach of a grown man. I think I'll burst.

*Ten minutes later.*

Ok, I'm fine now. That bread was quite good, actually. I wonder if it comes to any other flavour. Squirrel, perhaps.

Now I'm bored. What should I do now? I know! Exercise: tree climbing. I'll make my way to the highest branch and mew until I'm "saved".

~*~

Galadriel stared in horror at the sight of a small, defenceless kitten mewing in despair on top of one of the highest branches. Many others gathered around her, but not everyone shared her feelings.

Aragorn: Good. Leave him up there.

Boromir: Where's my bow?

Gimli: Where's my axe? I'll cut the tree down, save the kitten and Galadriel might kiss me.

Legolas: Perhaps I should climb up and get him. On the other hand, frightened kittens have sharp claws. I just had a facial.

Frodo: Poor kitty!

Sam: Poor tree!

Merry and Pippin: Good. More food for us now.

Celeborn: If he stays away from my bed, it's fine with me.

Haldir: Hehehe...

However, while everyone else had the wits to keep their thoughts to themselves, Haldir chuckled loudly. And this did not go unnoticed by the Lady of the Galadhrim. She glanced at him coldly.

"Haldir, climb up and get him." And her tone indicated she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

That does it, he thought as he climbed up. I'm defecting to Saruman.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

Hey, look who's coming! Haldir, my favourite scratching post. Ok, perhaps I'll show him my appreciation by sparing him my weight on the way back. I'll climb back down on my own and let him enjoy the view privately. Why is he crying now? I thought he would be relieved I'm safe.

I have the feeling Haldir did not appreciate my selfless act. I think he was quite annoyed.

I wonder why.

~*~

The next day, Celeborn woke up to find Gingerhead sitting on his chest, having in his teeth the bloodied remains of a sparrow. He shrieked in horror by the unexpected view and jumped out of bed in a completely undignified way for the Lord of the Galadhrim.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

What? I have brought you breakfast, to show you what a capable hunter I am.

He's not happy.

When dogs do it, everyone approves. When I do it, they shriek in horror.

Admit it, Gingerhead. You're way above these pathetic bipeds. They will never realise your true value.

~*~

Galadriel invited Frodo to see through her mirror. Frodo stared as images passed before his eyes. He saw things that were, things that are and things that had not yet come to pass. And then he vision became blur.

Gingerhead was drinking from the mirror.

~*~

Gingerhead's POV.

Thanks for the lovely water dish.

Oh, I was not supposed to drink from it? I was supposed to look in it? Why?

Oh, well...

Hey that's me! Is this the future? I see myself older and fatter. And stunningly handsome, if I may add. Where is this place? It seems that there are others with me, a human named John and a dog named Oddie.

A dog? This can't be right.

~*~

As night fell over Lothlorien and Gingerhead slept peacefully in Galadriel's arms, Celeborn sneaked away to the mirror to communicate with Elrond. The face of his son in law appeared in the water surface, clearly annoyed.

"What do you want, Celeborn? I hope this is a matter of Elfish security, or I'll be really annoyed," he hissed.

"It is," replied Celeborn grimly. "That cat is here".

Elrond's face instantly became serious.

"Is this so?"

"Yes!" came Celeborn's harsh reply. "It's a menace! Haldir has made it clear that if the cat stays, he'll join Saruman's army and, trust me, he means it. That accursed cat sleeps in my bed, Elrond, between my wife and me! If I ever consider a threesome, believe me, it won't be with that blasted cat!" And then he realised he was shouting. He raised his head to see if anyone had heard him. Unfortunately, a few elves had. And one of them was winking at him, encouraged by his last statement. I'll deal with you later, he though and turned his attention to Elrond. Who, in turn, had turned slightly green. This was more information about his in-laws' love life than he wanted.

"Well," Elrond said, "he can't come here. If he sets paw on Imladris again, I'm sailing to the West."

"Don't be ridiculous, Elrond, we all know you get sea-sick."

Elrond frowned. How on Arda had this come out?

"Believe me, Celeborn, I'd rather puke all the way to the Undying Lands than live with that little menace of a cat. But trust me, I'll think of a plan."

~*~

Poor, innocent Gingerhead had no idea of their evil planning. He was sleeping peacefully, dreaming he was sharpening his claws on Aragorn's back.

***************************************************************************************************************

"Milk, bloody milk!" A tribute to my favourite Brit, Lord Edmund Blackadder.

"A human named John and a dog named Oddie". All bow before the true Master, Jim Davies and his cat-owner Garfield.

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