Disclaimers: SDA.
Note: Chapter 10…major influence from suicidal thoughts (no, no…I would NEVER, and I mean it, commit suicide). The double-spacing is to help in reading. And SOOO sorry about updating after such an UNGODLY amount of time ^_^;;; *bashes homework and lack of inspiration for writing from muses* ^.^;; Kind of short, and I have been editing this FOREVER until I FINALLY found a version I liked that DIDN'T seem TOO out of character or plain…crappy.
Warnings: S x K, S x S, K x F, AU, OOC
Predator and Prey
Chapter 10—Suicide
By: Yakusoku
All of the Seals had noticed that something was terribly wrong by the time the doctors had left after re-examining the frail boy who held the heavy burden of the fate of the world on his shoulders. Especially Subaru, who had paced impatiently outside the door during the examination, who had refused to be calmed or soothed by anyone or any comment thrown at him, only worry and concern on his mind for a certain violet-eyed youth whose life he knew was in danger somehow. That sense of impending doom stayed with him the entire day, refusing to relinquish its grasp over his tortured heart, and he could only imagine to what extend his fear showed in the depths of his eyes.
Upon re-entering the boy's spacious room, he immediately occupied the seat by the boy's beside and held tightly onto the other's small, delicate hand, thoughts overlapping each other and dazing his mind beyond all recognition. The other Ten no Ryuu didn't protest to his overly long vigils over the teenager, for they knew that the concern in the Sumeragi's heart was even blinding his own decisions and judgments enough that he wouldn't change his mind on this matter. They also understood, mentally and without any spoken words or signs of communication, that the first thing the unconscious boy would want to see when he first wake up, is the face of Subaru, gazing over him in a protective, caring stance. The other Seals left the two to their own worlds of pain.
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Somewhere during the afternoon, Subaru remembered, he was called by the Shrine Maiden of Ise to eat something so his health will not deteriorate to the point of collapse. He had only agreed and left the room, very reluctantly, when Arashi had scolded him that Kamui would not be pleased with the fact that he's overworking himself and not taking care of his own body just because of his desire to watch over him. But upon taking one step out of the room and shutting that door, the feeling of absolute fear of an impending danger came about again, and he shuddered slightly as his stomach turned and twisted with a nervousness even he could not begin to understand.
Eating what meager meal he usually submitted himself to eating, he felt oddly satisfied and at ease after filling his stomach with some hot food, especially since the food was specially prepared by the great cook Akira. There came a sudden nagging in his mind, though, as he sat down in the living room where the other Dragons of Heaven, except for Arashi, who had volunteered to watch over Kamui while he ate, sat doing various activities. And the suspicions from the precious night and from the day's morning came true as a distressed Arashi came rushing down the stairs, no longer in the composed manner she usually presented herself in, her face contorted with one emotion: fear. And before any words were exchanged or any council give for this situation, Subaru had left the room.
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The cool breeze had felt oddly fulfilling and satisfying, he barely registered in his mentally-feeble state. His feet lifted as he absent-mindedly willed them to do so, the soles of his pale, small feet touching jagged ground, with many cuts and bruises to the skin already and blood clinging to his dust-stained feet and the earth he had just stepped on. Hands hanging limply by his sides, swaying naturally with the usual swing from the movements of the body, legs automatically moving forward, carrying his weary body to his destination. His shirt was unbuttoned, and most of the shirt blew about in the wind, submissive to the breeze without any complaints; some parts of the shirt tail, however, remained stubborn, and these parts clung furiously to his skin, refusing to forced from their stuffing into his pants and be captured into the wind. Bandages, loose in various places, danced in the wind too, loops and strands and ends flying in perfect grace, its whiteness challenging the paleness and pure whiteness to the boy's skin. The one over his eye, however, stayed its place with the bandage never ever moving to accommodate the wind and its ministrations, protecting that one injured area as if with all its life. Hair tousled in the playful wind, the nose smelling the sweet sent of the salty sea as the wind carried its scent to him, mouth slightly open with lips parted in a natural position, completing his lost look, as if he didn't comprehend anything in the world any longer. Shell-shaped ears refusing to hear anything, deaf to the world for all he cared, not hearing the sharp cries of the seagulls fighting over each other for a piece of food, not hearing the crashing of the waves on the stony edges of the beach, not hearing the wind rustling through the leaves of several scattered plants residing in the sand. Purple eyes, dull and lifeless, glazed and clouded, without any recognition to anything environing him, not even acknowledging his surroundings, not even acknowledging any presence, not even acknowledging his position, his being, his destination…mind blank long ago, seeking to find release from the nightmares and fears and despairs and pains and tortures of his controlled, damned life.
He barely realized that he had stopped as he approached the edge of the cliff he now stood on, and he glanced over the rim of where he stood upon to witness furious, crashing waves, white sprays of water upon rock, battles between sturdy brownish-looking rock against the powerful blue sea. Sharp rocks and unrelenting water to end his miserable, meaningless life, impaling him, breaking his bones and flesh and body, drowning him, taking the breath and life out of him…that was all he desired and wished for now, with all his heart and soul. Standing over the edge, contemplating his life, his heart, his past, his pains, everything he ever was, a bare flicker of recognition flashed across his eyes before disappearing forever into the dark depths of his tortured psyche.
Feeling the rest of his small reserve of strength disappear, he closed his eyes, his mind in a blissful, pleasurable state, and felt himself lean and sway forward just a bit before he passed out from pure exhaustion. In the back of his mind, though, a single thought wove itself throughout his collapsing body: nothing was going to stop him now, not even destiny itself…
And his feet gave way.
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A pair of strong arms had caught him by the waist, the both of the them leaning precariously over the edge into the depth of death and doom, but the older, and stronger, of the two refused to give up, and soon, with an unexpected strength, he managed to pull the both of them back into safety. He gently laid the sleeping boy onto the ground, Kamui's head resting on his chest as he knelt holding the boy's prone body in his warm embrace. Tenderly, one shaky hand reached upwards and gently stroked the boy's cheek. Turbulent thoughts clouded his weary mind, and he closed his eyes as his heart beat in pain and agony. A few moments spent in silence, occasionally broken by the outcry of environmental melodies, before a hand on his own stroking one jolted Subaru out of his reverie of thoughts and cogitations.
"Is this…Heaven?" whispered a soft, breathless voice, full of wonder and amazement at his surroundings, especially upon recognizing the face of Sumeragi Subaru staring at him, an inscrutable expression etched on that perfect face with a soft, considering frown marring the features. "Are you…an angel?"
"Kamui…" started Subaru, unsure of how to proceed on with this conversation.
The boy stared with his one good eye at Subaru for a moment in confusion and curiosity before a sudden realization dawned upon him, the thought contorting his face into anguish and sorrow and adorning his pained eye with bittersweet tears.
"Why…Why didn't you let me die?!" demanded Kamui, the tears trickling downwards, making little trails of tearstains on his cheek. His hands clasped at Subaru's clothing in a tight grip, as if clinging desperately to a source of support.
"Kamui-" began Subaru, but the youth he held began thrashing and trembling, not wanting to listen to reason and not accepting his survival as necessary for the world. In annoyance and slight despair, Subaru grabbed the other by the shoulders and shook him, applying only enough force to jar the boy from his convulsion and not to cause any further injuries. When the boy calmed down into a state of slight uncontrollable shaking, he gently removed his hands from the other's shoulders and instead placed them soothingly on the boy's cheeks, tilting the face upwards to meet his own and holding it in place. Shutting his eyes, he leaned forward until his forehead touched the boy's temple, the tips of their noses resting against each other, their lips mere inches from contact.
"Listen to me, Kamui…" whispered Subaru earnestly, his hot breath washing over the teenager's face and causing the latter to shiver in strange anticipation. "I didn't' save you because the world needs you alive…I didn't save you because of your status as /Kamui/. I saved you because you are…/Special/…to me."
A rapid secession of disbelieving blinks followed his statement as the boy digested the information, then a fresh torrent of hot tears gathered on the rim of the boy's eye as he leaned backwards to stare into the Sumeragi's beautiful emerald-green eyes.
"Y-you love..me?" whispered Kamui softly, his voice slightly quivering as he fought to keep the sobs from erupting from his throat. The reply was a nod, and he drew in a shuddering breath at the confirmation, leaning forward once again but now to bury his face into the folds of clothing over one of Subaru's shoulders. "But…why?"
"What do you mean, why?" questioned Subaru softly, wrapping his arms gently and comfortingly around the boy's quaking frame.
"Why would you care about me…?…I'm…so weak…worthless…dirty… always need others to protect me…never can fight back…"1 replied Kamui, barely able to control and restrain his tears and sobs.
"Shhhhh…" soothed Subaru, silencing the boy from his self-mutilating speech. "Don't ever think you're weak or worthless. People can't always survive in this world alone without aid…the obstacles ahead in lives aren't always meant to be overcome individually. And you are needed in this world, for the survival of the human race, yes, but the Ten no Ryuu value you, as a leader, as a friend. You have compassion, respect, and strength many don't even have. And…I understand how difficult it is…to fight against the one…you used to love…and still do with all your heart. Everyone tells you that /he/ is dead…that it was all a lie…yet your heart still believes…still hopes that you can bring /him/ back."2
"Su-Subaru…!…" sobbed the boy as he cried onto the other's shoulder, the onmyouji continuously rubbed consoling circles on his back. They remained in the same position for some time, Kamui mourning for all that had been lost and becoming determined to prevent further tragedy, and Subaru providing an encouraging presence. When the younger of the two eventually fell into the peaceful bliss of deep sleep due to the emotional and physical exhaustion, the older picked him up and started the long return towards their home.
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Fuuma looked at the dreamscape he stood in, observing as this old dream started to flake around the walls and borders, and watching amusedly as the gears of the dream turned in another direction, thus altering the predicted events of the future.
"It is starting…" muttered Fuuma to himself, a small, nostalgic smile gracing his features as he continued to examine the new dream, depicted from beginning to end in the watery surface of this dream world.
Notes/Comments:
1-----It IS the truth, though I still don't like it.
2----- That little monologue took me a while to write…since I really CAN'T outright let Subaru say "I love you, I need you, etc." stuff because even though he loves Kamui, he's really NOT the type of person to say that type of stuff. There IS a lot of hinting at it though. Enough to give people the clue. Plus the fact that Kamui outright said it already. ^_^;;;
Author: *sighs* I think I've gone into writer's depression again.
Setsuna: ^.^;;; That can't be too good.
Author: *glare* No it can't.
Ken'ichi: Can't do anything there.
Author: ;_;
Ai: Anyhow, review if you wish.
Author: ^_^;;; Seeing as how there is only about…4 more chapters after this one.
Hisoka: Flames will be used to roast our food! ^_^
Makoto: Happy Holidays, everyone!