Title: Another Day On the Enterprise
Chapter Title: Sri'Mastra Alpha
Genre: Humor
Main Characters: N/A
Series Timeline: 'Enterprise'
Disclaimer: Enterprise, Star Trek, and all related characters, insignia, ideas, designs, and techno-babble are the sole property of Paramount Pictures.
*Scene: The NX-101 Enterprise glides through space at a slow warp-speed. The seen shifts to the inside of the Captains quarters.
Archer says, "Computer. Activate Captains Log."
Computer replies, "This is the U.S.S. Enterprise ship computer. The computers intelligence mainframe is currently busy assisting Mr. Tucker in downloading several large visual files from Jupiter Station. You will have to enter your captain's log manually. Please begin your log after the beep." Five seconds later, the computer says, "Beep."
Archer begins, "Captains Log, May 2, 2160. The ship is still on course for the Vulcan planet Sri'Masta Alpha. T'Pol says we'll be there in only one and a half hours. But, the ship is still so boring…I've now said 'I wish, I wish, upon a star…' at least a dozen times now. Upon getting to the planet I have promised to give the crew a few days shore leave, because I think they may be getting cabin fever. Just yesterday Ensign Suber attacked another ensign with a knife after they had an argument about who got to sit in the front row at the weekly movie. I've decided to let Ensign Suber of easy with just a day in the brig and a prescription of pills from Doctor Phlox. The rascal reminds me of myself back when I was an ensign…"
Archer then heads for the ships bridge to use up some of his time. He enters the bridge and takes his seat. "Report! Are there any ships within range? Are there any strange planets, comets, or abandoned ships to explore?"
T'Pol looks into her scanner-viewer and reports, "Long-range sensors detect almost a dozen Vulcan vessels and 47 satellites orbiting Sri'Mastra. Other then that, there is one Human escape pod approximately ten light-years behind us with five life-signs onboard."
Archer nods, "Oh yes, that crew of ensigns we left-behind…this should be a good learning experience for them. How to survive in deep-space in a small, cramped space-pod…"
Mayweather interrupts, "Captain, shouldn't we go back and get them? I mean, an escape pod has only five days of air and supplies onboard..."
Archer rolls his eyes, "Mayweather, shut-up or you may go down as the first Starfleet
Ensign killed on an away mission. One of the major kickbacks of it is that each escape-pod and shuttle-pod is equipped with an onboard camera. Starfleet can sell the videos to a cable-company for millions!"
Mayweather jumps up, "Captain! That's sick!"
Archer responds, "Let me explain a little something to you, Mayweather. For the past 175 years the funding of almost every military institution on Earth has been floundering. This is especially true for Starfleet. We need extra-funding. Besides, who else will there be to produce Survivor 47?"
Mayweather turns back to his station. T'Pol mutters to herself, "Barbarians…"
Meanwhile, on the escape pod…
Ensign Jessica addresses the small crew, "We have been stranded in a mostly uncharted section of space. We are years away from home, and have been abandoned by our mother-ship. We have a limited supply of food and water, so were going to have to find supplies. We have some friends in this space, but also some enemies. So, I suggest we set a course for home. Who's with me?"
Ensigns Jake and Mackenzie nod in approval. The other two Ensigns are unable to speak because they are both in comas. Jessica nods in approval, "Okay then. Mr. Smith, set a coarse for home."
Ensign Jake Smith plots their new coarse on the pods navigational controls. "At our current speed, we should reach Earth in about…50 years."
Ensign Mackenzie reports, "Jessica, there is a Vulcan base only a 10 light- years away, which would mean a trip of only 5 years. Also, there is a Flooritoid spacecraft within hailing range."
Ensign Jessica nods, "Okay, belay that last order. Jake, set coarse for the Vulcan base. Mackenzie, hail that Flooritoid spacecraft and tell them we've been abandoned by our captain and seek asylum. I'll be in the back of the ship, tending our wounded."
The Ensigns all set about to their tasks, not knowing the strange fate that awaits them…
Meanwhile, on board the Enterprise…
Archer enters Engineering to inquire on the status of the Backup Warp Manifolds. "Mr. Tucker, are the Backup Warp Manifolds repaired yet?"
Trip looks surprised, "What Warp Manifolds?"
Archer looks irked, "I told you five hours ago to repair the backup Warp Manifolds! Hey, just what the heck are you doing?" Archer tries to look over Trips shoulder at the computer terminal Trip is looking at, but Trip quickly tries to close the program. "I demand you let me see the program you are running!"
Trip finally gives in, and steps aside. Archer browses the file and looks up in surprise. "This is what you downloaded over our sub-space transponder? Playboy magazine? 'Vulcan Centerfolds'?!"
Trip argues defensively, "Cap'n, it's not what it looks like! I was just doing some…um…cultural background study!"
Archer replies, "Well, next time read the Vulcan archives! You used up valuable transponder time! I'm immediately confiscating these files!"
Archer quickly loads the files to a disk and leaves Engineering, heading for his quarters. When he gets to his quarters, he quickly sticks the file into his personal computer. "Woohoo…would you look at that…'Exclusive Article: The Secrets of Pon Farr'…Porthos, would you look at that…say, that one almost looks like T'Pol…"
Suddenly, Archer notices a small blinking light on the side of his console. "Computer, how long has the Captains Log been active?"
Computer replies, "1 hour, 47 minutes, and 47 seconds."
Archer curses, "Computer, take the Captains Log offline! End Log!
Suddenly, from the door, comes a beep. Archer, not thinking straight, says "Enter!"
Hoshi walks in with a data pad in her hand and begins speaking, "Captain, I have some of the translated data from the Flooritoid ship we encountered last week…What the heck is that on your screen commander?!? It's…it's…" Hoshi begins looking at the screen longingly, "Captain, could you please send me a copy of that file? Err, I mean, a copy of the other documents that also came from the other ship…though I would like a copy of that file…um, permission to shut up and leave Captain?"
Archer replies, "Permission granted."
After Hoshi leaves, Archer quickly closes the program he was looking at and goes about his daily chore of feeding Porthos. The computer gives a beep, meaning the Captain has been hailed. Archer says, "Open channel."
T'Pol begins, captain, we will be entering orbit of Sri'Mastra Alpha in 14 minutes, 47 seconds. I recommend you report to the bridge now."
Archer says, "On my way."
Writers Log: April 18, 2002. I request that anyone who is reading this to please review this immediately. That's an order! Please review this and tell me my mission, to boldly go and make fools of my favorite TV characters, in a continuing mission to give others new comedies, and new fun laughs, is not in vain. End Log.
Chapter Title: Sri'Mastra Alpha
Genre: Humor
Main Characters: N/A
Series Timeline: 'Enterprise'
Disclaimer: Enterprise, Star Trek, and all related characters, insignia, ideas, designs, and techno-babble are the sole property of Paramount Pictures.
*Scene: The NX-101 Enterprise glides through space at a slow warp-speed. The seen shifts to the inside of the Captains quarters.
Archer says, "Computer. Activate Captains Log."
Computer replies, "This is the U.S.S. Enterprise ship computer. The computers intelligence mainframe is currently busy assisting Mr. Tucker in downloading several large visual files from Jupiter Station. You will have to enter your captain's log manually. Please begin your log after the beep." Five seconds later, the computer says, "Beep."
Archer begins, "Captains Log, May 2, 2160. The ship is still on course for the Vulcan planet Sri'Masta Alpha. T'Pol says we'll be there in only one and a half hours. But, the ship is still so boring…I've now said 'I wish, I wish, upon a star…' at least a dozen times now. Upon getting to the planet I have promised to give the crew a few days shore leave, because I think they may be getting cabin fever. Just yesterday Ensign Suber attacked another ensign with a knife after they had an argument about who got to sit in the front row at the weekly movie. I've decided to let Ensign Suber of easy with just a day in the brig and a prescription of pills from Doctor Phlox. The rascal reminds me of myself back when I was an ensign…"
Archer then heads for the ships bridge to use up some of his time. He enters the bridge and takes his seat. "Report! Are there any ships within range? Are there any strange planets, comets, or abandoned ships to explore?"
T'Pol looks into her scanner-viewer and reports, "Long-range sensors detect almost a dozen Vulcan vessels and 47 satellites orbiting Sri'Mastra. Other then that, there is one Human escape pod approximately ten light-years behind us with five life-signs onboard."
Archer nods, "Oh yes, that crew of ensigns we left-behind…this should be a good learning experience for them. How to survive in deep-space in a small, cramped space-pod…"
Mayweather interrupts, "Captain, shouldn't we go back and get them? I mean, an escape pod has only five days of air and supplies onboard..."
Archer rolls his eyes, "Mayweather, shut-up or you may go down as the first Starfleet
Ensign killed on an away mission. One of the major kickbacks of it is that each escape-pod and shuttle-pod is equipped with an onboard camera. Starfleet can sell the videos to a cable-company for millions!"
Mayweather jumps up, "Captain! That's sick!"
Archer responds, "Let me explain a little something to you, Mayweather. For the past 175 years the funding of almost every military institution on Earth has been floundering. This is especially true for Starfleet. We need extra-funding. Besides, who else will there be to produce Survivor 47?"
Mayweather turns back to his station. T'Pol mutters to herself, "Barbarians…"
Meanwhile, on the escape pod…
Ensign Jessica addresses the small crew, "We have been stranded in a mostly uncharted section of space. We are years away from home, and have been abandoned by our mother-ship. We have a limited supply of food and water, so were going to have to find supplies. We have some friends in this space, but also some enemies. So, I suggest we set a course for home. Who's with me?"
Ensigns Jake and Mackenzie nod in approval. The other two Ensigns are unable to speak because they are both in comas. Jessica nods in approval, "Okay then. Mr. Smith, set a coarse for home."
Ensign Jake Smith plots their new coarse on the pods navigational controls. "At our current speed, we should reach Earth in about…50 years."
Ensign Mackenzie reports, "Jessica, there is a Vulcan base only a 10 light- years away, which would mean a trip of only 5 years. Also, there is a Flooritoid spacecraft within hailing range."
Ensign Jessica nods, "Okay, belay that last order. Jake, set coarse for the Vulcan base. Mackenzie, hail that Flooritoid spacecraft and tell them we've been abandoned by our captain and seek asylum. I'll be in the back of the ship, tending our wounded."
The Ensigns all set about to their tasks, not knowing the strange fate that awaits them…
Meanwhile, on board the Enterprise…
Archer enters Engineering to inquire on the status of the Backup Warp Manifolds. "Mr. Tucker, are the Backup Warp Manifolds repaired yet?"
Trip looks surprised, "What Warp Manifolds?"
Archer looks irked, "I told you five hours ago to repair the backup Warp Manifolds! Hey, just what the heck are you doing?" Archer tries to look over Trips shoulder at the computer terminal Trip is looking at, but Trip quickly tries to close the program. "I demand you let me see the program you are running!"
Trip finally gives in, and steps aside. Archer browses the file and looks up in surprise. "This is what you downloaded over our sub-space transponder? Playboy magazine? 'Vulcan Centerfolds'?!"
Trip argues defensively, "Cap'n, it's not what it looks like! I was just doing some…um…cultural background study!"
Archer replies, "Well, next time read the Vulcan archives! You used up valuable transponder time! I'm immediately confiscating these files!"
Archer quickly loads the files to a disk and leaves Engineering, heading for his quarters. When he gets to his quarters, he quickly sticks the file into his personal computer. "Woohoo…would you look at that…'Exclusive Article: The Secrets of Pon Farr'…Porthos, would you look at that…say, that one almost looks like T'Pol…"
Suddenly, Archer notices a small blinking light on the side of his console. "Computer, how long has the Captains Log been active?"
Computer replies, "1 hour, 47 minutes, and 47 seconds."
Archer curses, "Computer, take the Captains Log offline! End Log!
Suddenly, from the door, comes a beep. Archer, not thinking straight, says "Enter!"
Hoshi walks in with a data pad in her hand and begins speaking, "Captain, I have some of the translated data from the Flooritoid ship we encountered last week…What the heck is that on your screen commander?!? It's…it's…" Hoshi begins looking at the screen longingly, "Captain, could you please send me a copy of that file? Err, I mean, a copy of the other documents that also came from the other ship…though I would like a copy of that file…um, permission to shut up and leave Captain?"
Archer replies, "Permission granted."
After Hoshi leaves, Archer quickly closes the program he was looking at and goes about his daily chore of feeding Porthos. The computer gives a beep, meaning the Captain has been hailed. Archer says, "Open channel."
T'Pol begins, captain, we will be entering orbit of Sri'Mastra Alpha in 14 minutes, 47 seconds. I recommend you report to the bridge now."
Archer says, "On my way."
Writers Log: April 18, 2002. I request that anyone who is reading this to please review this immediately. That's an order! Please review this and tell me my mission, to boldly go and make fools of my favorite TV characters, in a continuing mission to give others new comedies, and new fun laughs, is not in vain. End Log.