Disclaimer: No names are actually mentioned, but I better do this anywho. I
don't own Harry or Draco (DAMN!) JK Rowling, however, does. So I borrowed
them. I gave them back, don't sue me!!!
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To my dearest Wonder-Boy,
Hey, I was just sitting in front of my computer thinking about all the good times we had, and then realized all our old emails to each other are gone - that kinda made me sad - anyways, you probably wont get this email and I'll probably print out a copy and mail it to you and that's probably the copy your reading now. Your probably thinking wait the date on this was ages ago, or why is he bringing this up, or what the hell is wrong with this guy, why does he always type me these stupid, annoyingly long letters... Well here's why:
I woke up this morning and I realized I didn't have a reason to get out of bed. I sat up, looked at my clock, looked at my schoolbooks, rolled over and went back to sleep. 10 mins later, my alarm went off again. So this time I got up, I didn't rush to get ready, I didn't look forward to going down for breakfast or feel anxious to get to potions on account of seeing the most beautiful, wonderful, lovable guy in the world... I felt a bizarre emptiness inside.
Now I dunno about you, but I don't think my heart, or my mind for that matter, like being separated from you for too long, I think after a certain amount of time apart from you my whole body just stops finding reason to function and just does things without reason. Which kinda sucks, you know, having nothing to live for. No reason to get out of bed in the morning. But I also realized, that I do enjoy not having that anxiety in the back of my neck everyday. Not having to feel so jealous and paranoid, and I think I'm starting to get the hang of handling that, and "being happy" at the same time. That old all-too-familiar mask.
But there's still something missing, and I kinda think it's you.
Let's face it, all the best moments of my life, my favorite memories and the moments that I recall when I can say I was truly happy, you're in all of them - They're all with you. You're my other half, we're two halves that make a perfect whole, only lately that whole hasn't really been all that perfect... So that's why I suggested that we take a short break, if not for long, then at least til we get the NEWTS or whatever else out of the way and figure out the best way to function on our own before we both start trying to function together again.
I dunno, maybe it's just me, coz seriously, right now, I have absolutely no idea how you're feeling about all this - you never told me - only that you were confused, and not whether that was a good thing or not, but I was too... As much as I knew it had to happen, I didn't want it to, and that's why I was so upset.
I did think it was right at the time, that this relationship was getting too constricting, too demanding and too overwhelming for the both of us. We both seemed so miserable in it. Some people say that it's what you wanted, to break up, but I don't think that was it, cos when you want something, you at least try and get it, and you never said anything to me... then again maybe it was, who knows but you?
At least now we can have some time to ourselves, to find who we are again, and maybe when we have, we'll find that we do still want to be together, and we'll be happy. Maybe that will be sooner than the exams, maybe it won't. But maybe we wont get back together, or one of us wont want to, and even though someone may get hurt, whatever happens is going to happen, and whatever happens, it'll probably be for the best. But you and I both know what I want to happen, and I don't think I'll change my mind, but if you do, I want you to know, that I wont hold it against you, but if you don't, I wont hold that against you either.
I think this is a bit of a turning point in my life, I love the fact that I can still talk to you and spend time with you and have fun with you, without all the extra stress - the worry that I'll make you mad, or piss you off or disappoint you... And that you can do whatever you want without me nagging or getting annoyed or whatever.
But I do miss you. And I miss being with you. That I think I miss the most - kissing you and just holding you, feeling you next to me, content and happy, just you and me, together... I dream about it every night, I long for it, and I fear it - that it may never be the same, that I may never hold you like that again - and that thought - that thought scares me to death.
For two and a half years you were my lifeline, my support line, and in so many ways, you still are - but I have others too now, and I can function on my own again as well as with you, though I may prefer it with you, it doesn't HAVE to be that way. And I'm sure that makes you as happy as it does me.
I'm not suggesting anything in this letter, only the things that I would have said had we discussed this, but we never did, and I just had to get this all out... even if you never read it. I just had to get it off my chest; I just had to get out how I feel, and how I feel like I've finally achieved some kind of balance in my life. But if you did read it, I'm glad. Because I wanted you to know.
I want you to know I love you. I'll always love you, and I'll always want to be with you, even if it isn't right at the time or if it isn't possible. You'll always hold that very special place in my heart. Always. No matter what happens, I'll always love you, for the rest of my life...
I just wanted you to know...
I'll always be here, I'll always care, I'll always want you to be happy, and I'll always love you.
And I'll always want what makes YOU happy.
You're my best friend - the best boyfriend and the best lover I ever had - I hope we never lose the friendship, I hope we never forget the relationship, and I hope that one day, I'll get to hold you again - And have the chance to tell you, that I love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, just a short piece - it is actually a letter I sent to my ex after we broke up and I hadn't heard anything. I just edited it to fit for Draco, I barely changed anything, just the HSC to the newts and such.
Oh well, I'm thinking about writing Harry's reply. what do you think?
Any reviews would be great.
Sami XoXo
To my dearest Wonder-Boy,
Hey, I was just sitting in front of my computer thinking about all the good times we had, and then realized all our old emails to each other are gone - that kinda made me sad - anyways, you probably wont get this email and I'll probably print out a copy and mail it to you and that's probably the copy your reading now. Your probably thinking wait the date on this was ages ago, or why is he bringing this up, or what the hell is wrong with this guy, why does he always type me these stupid, annoyingly long letters... Well here's why:
I woke up this morning and I realized I didn't have a reason to get out of bed. I sat up, looked at my clock, looked at my schoolbooks, rolled over and went back to sleep. 10 mins later, my alarm went off again. So this time I got up, I didn't rush to get ready, I didn't look forward to going down for breakfast or feel anxious to get to potions on account of seeing the most beautiful, wonderful, lovable guy in the world... I felt a bizarre emptiness inside.
Now I dunno about you, but I don't think my heart, or my mind for that matter, like being separated from you for too long, I think after a certain amount of time apart from you my whole body just stops finding reason to function and just does things without reason. Which kinda sucks, you know, having nothing to live for. No reason to get out of bed in the morning. But I also realized, that I do enjoy not having that anxiety in the back of my neck everyday. Not having to feel so jealous and paranoid, and I think I'm starting to get the hang of handling that, and "being happy" at the same time. That old all-too-familiar mask.
But there's still something missing, and I kinda think it's you.
Let's face it, all the best moments of my life, my favorite memories and the moments that I recall when I can say I was truly happy, you're in all of them - They're all with you. You're my other half, we're two halves that make a perfect whole, only lately that whole hasn't really been all that perfect... So that's why I suggested that we take a short break, if not for long, then at least til we get the NEWTS or whatever else out of the way and figure out the best way to function on our own before we both start trying to function together again.
I dunno, maybe it's just me, coz seriously, right now, I have absolutely no idea how you're feeling about all this - you never told me - only that you were confused, and not whether that was a good thing or not, but I was too... As much as I knew it had to happen, I didn't want it to, and that's why I was so upset.
I did think it was right at the time, that this relationship was getting too constricting, too demanding and too overwhelming for the both of us. We both seemed so miserable in it. Some people say that it's what you wanted, to break up, but I don't think that was it, cos when you want something, you at least try and get it, and you never said anything to me... then again maybe it was, who knows but you?
At least now we can have some time to ourselves, to find who we are again, and maybe when we have, we'll find that we do still want to be together, and we'll be happy. Maybe that will be sooner than the exams, maybe it won't. But maybe we wont get back together, or one of us wont want to, and even though someone may get hurt, whatever happens is going to happen, and whatever happens, it'll probably be for the best. But you and I both know what I want to happen, and I don't think I'll change my mind, but if you do, I want you to know, that I wont hold it against you, but if you don't, I wont hold that against you either.
I think this is a bit of a turning point in my life, I love the fact that I can still talk to you and spend time with you and have fun with you, without all the extra stress - the worry that I'll make you mad, or piss you off or disappoint you... And that you can do whatever you want without me nagging or getting annoyed or whatever.
But I do miss you. And I miss being with you. That I think I miss the most - kissing you and just holding you, feeling you next to me, content and happy, just you and me, together... I dream about it every night, I long for it, and I fear it - that it may never be the same, that I may never hold you like that again - and that thought - that thought scares me to death.
For two and a half years you were my lifeline, my support line, and in so many ways, you still are - but I have others too now, and I can function on my own again as well as with you, though I may prefer it with you, it doesn't HAVE to be that way. And I'm sure that makes you as happy as it does me.
I'm not suggesting anything in this letter, only the things that I would have said had we discussed this, but we never did, and I just had to get this all out... even if you never read it. I just had to get it off my chest; I just had to get out how I feel, and how I feel like I've finally achieved some kind of balance in my life. But if you did read it, I'm glad. Because I wanted you to know.
I want you to know I love you. I'll always love you, and I'll always want to be with you, even if it isn't right at the time or if it isn't possible. You'll always hold that very special place in my heart. Always. No matter what happens, I'll always love you, for the rest of my life...
I just wanted you to know...
I'll always be here, I'll always care, I'll always want you to be happy, and I'll always love you.
And I'll always want what makes YOU happy.
You're my best friend - the best boyfriend and the best lover I ever had - I hope we never lose the friendship, I hope we never forget the relationship, and I hope that one day, I'll get to hold you again - And have the chance to tell you, that I love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, just a short piece - it is actually a letter I sent to my ex after we broke up and I hadn't heard anything. I just edited it to fit for Draco, I barely changed anything, just the HSC to the newts and such.
Oh well, I'm thinking about writing Harry's reply. what do you think?
Any reviews would be great.
Sami XoXo