Title: Another Day On the Enterprise
Chapter Title: Flashbacks
Genre: Humor
Main Characters: N/A
Series Timeline: Enterprise
Disclaimer: Come on, if you don't remember my earlier disclaimers you have a very, very shot attention span…
*Scene: The NX-101 Enterprise glides through space. We switch to a view of the sickbay.
We hear Dr. Phlox's log, in voice-over mode. "Chief Medical Officers Log, May 12, 2151. Due to Captain Archer's unfortunate accident and resulting coma, I am now the ships commander. I have managed to make more of Sub- Commander T'Pol's nasal numbing agent, and have cured Porthos of his unfortunate virus, but I still haven't managed to revive the Captain. This is unfortunate, but also a bit good, because it makes my the new commander."
Archer opens his eyes and looks around. He says in a groggy voice, "Am I going to be okay, doc?"
Phlox runs over. "Hey, you're supposed to be in a coma! No fair!" With that, Phlox sticks a needle in the Captains arm and the Captain goes back into his coma.
Then, the door swooshes open and T'Pol, Trip, and Malcolm walk in. T'Pol asks, "What is the Captains status?"
Phlox answers, "He's still in a coma. I suspect he should be up again in about 3 days."
Malcolm quips, "T'Pol, Doctor, I really think we should station a security team in sickbay. Whoever attacked him may come back to finish the job."
Trip asks, "Are you working on finding out who hurt him? I want the son of a bitch who hurt him tracked down!"
Malcolm calms him, "Don't worry, we're doing everything we can to find the suspect. I've already assigned Mr. Flinch to the job, and I know he's been working hard to find the suspect because I haven't even heard from him all day."
Meanwhile, in a locked Jeffries tube…
Lieutenant Flinch sits down and bangs on a hatch. He says in an annoying, squeaky voice, "Hey, whoever stole my com-badge and locked me in here is going to pay! Hey let me out! I'm scared…it's dark in here…"
Meanwhile, back in sickbay…
Dr. Phlox walks over to a line up of vials on the wall. "I was examining the pipe which was used to attack the captain." Phlox puts one vial in a rack next to the view screen and a read out appears on the view screen above the imaging chamber. "While I didn't find any traces of DNA or fingerprints, I did find phased plasma residue on it."
T'Pol nods, "Phased plasma comes from the use of both phase weapons and plasma weapons in a confined space."
Trip suddenly looks up, "Say, in that small an amount, I'd bet the phased plasma must of come from somewhere in the Armory! Like the weapons training room!"
Reed looks about uncomfortably, "Well, we did have to do some repairs in that room because two pipes were somehow ripped out of the bulkhead."
Phlox nods. "Well, that means whoever hurt the captain is still out there, ready to use their other pipe on someone else!"
Reed taps his com-badge. "Security to sickbay! I need to brief you about the captains attacker!"
Five minutes later, half a dozen security personnel show up in sickbay. Reed debriefs them about the attacker. "Remember, this attacker is armed with a lead pipe and dangerous. Do not hesitate to burn him to a crisp. Now, go track down whoever has that stolen pipe!"
The security people surround Phlox and put him in handcuffs. Reed yells, "No you idiots! The one with the other stolen pipe, the one that's missing!"
With that, Malcolm and the security personnel trot out of sickbay, totting large Plasma rifles.
Meanwhile, in Archers head…
Archer opens his eyes and looks around. He is laying in a bed way to small for him. The bed is covered in Mutant Ninja Turtle covers. In one corner, Archer sees a bookcase holding several books about astronomy, engineering, and Barbie's. In another corner, there is a tea set surrounded by several stuffed animals. Standing above the tea set is Crewmen Daniels wearing a pink tutu.
Archer gasps. "This is just like my room when I was 12 years old! My Barbie book collection…my tea set…even my stuffed animals! Crewmen Daniels must have brought me back in time again!"
Crewmen Daniels walks over to Archer and hits him on the back off the head. "No you idiot, I never brought you back in time! You're dreaming!"
Archer rubs the back of his head. "Well sorry. You didn't have to…"
Before Archer can finish his sentence, he jumps. He looks around and sees he is in the same room, 3 years later. Pokemon has replaced the Ninja Turtle covers, most of the stuffed animals have been replaced, and the book collection is larger. Just then, Archers dad walks in. "Hey son. Which book do you want to read tonight? We can read the astronomy book on the Mealstrom again."
Archer replies, "No dad, I want to read the book about Fisherman Ken and Barbie the Mermaid again! Please?"
Archer's dad nods. "Alright son. 'One day, Ken decided to go fishing'…"
Just then, Archer jumps again. He looks around, and sees he is on a rowboat on the ocean. He is sitting across from an attractive Xyrillian woman. "Hey, Archer, stick your hands in these crystals!"
Archer looks at the crystals, which are pulsating with there own light. "I don't know…my dad warned me not to stick my hands in strange alien crystals."
The Xyrillian asks, "Why not? In fact, I dare you to!"
Archer shrugs. "Oh well, might as well."
As Archer puts his hands in the crystals, he jumps again. He finds that he is in the forest of the rouge planet. Standing in front of him is the strange shape-shifter.
The woman says, "Hello Jon. You now what? I never thanked you for saving my life."
Archer responds, "Oh, that's okay."
The woman leans closer to him. "No, that's not okay." Then she starts to unbutton her dress.
Archer looks on, when suddenly; he opens his eyes in sickbay. T'Pol, Trip, and Phlox are all looking down at Archer.
Archer sits up and hits Phlox in the back of the head. "Come on, couldn't you of waited for five minutes to wake me up?"
T'Pol taps Archer on the shoulder. "Sir, this is something of great importance. We need to find your attacker!"
Archer sighs. "I was walking to my quarters, disgusted that everyone couldn't do anything but complain. I passed Ensign Nick, who was carrying some broken pipes and…"
Trip squeals, "Thank you! That'll be enough!" He then taps his com-badge and says, "Trip to security! It was Ensign Nick who attacked the Captain!"
Reed replies, over the intercom, "Yes sir! I'm sending a security team right away!"
Meanwhile, in Ensign Nicks quarters…
Three men are playing poker. Ensign Nick says, "Alright, lay down your hands."
Ensign Suber lays down his hand. "Straight, high 8."
Ensign Nick lays down his hand, smiling. "Full house."
Lieutenant Flinch says, "Ace! Do I win?"
The two ensigns shake their heads.
Suddenly, half a dozen security personnel, plus Malcolm Reed burst through the door. "Ensign Nick! You're under arrest for attacking the Captain!"
Ensign Nick holds up his hands. "Wait this is a big misunderstanding!"
Unfortunately, Nick happens to be holding a smoking pipe in one hand, and he is promptly roasted by seven plasma beams. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
Three minutes later, in sickbay…
Four security guards rush in, carrying Ensign Nicks limp body. Archer rushes forward, to comfort the Ensign. "I'm sorry Nick, I tried to tell them!"
As Ensign Nick is laid down in a bed, Dr. Phlox examines him. Phlox shakes his head. "I'm afraid he doesn't have much time."
Trip stares in amazement. "Captain, I thought you said this was the man who attacked you!"
Archer shakes his head. "No, no he wasn't. I think the ensign can explain."
Ensign Nick coughed. "During the attack by the Vulcans at Sri'Mastra, there was heavy damage taken in the armory. I was assigned to repair the weapons training room (cough). We were just cleaning up the rest of the damage after we left the planet. I was carrying some spare parts, pipes and such, from the Armory to Engineering. As I passed the Captain, I tripped and one of the parts, a lead pipe, hit the captain on the head. Sorry sir (cough). I was scared, you know, Reeds just so tough against anyone who breaks a rule. So I ran (cough)."
Just then, the Ensign closed his eyes and his health display flat lined. Archer raises his fists in the air. "RRREEEEEEEEEEDD!!"
Reed stepped forward. "What is it captain?"
Archer shrugged. "Just dramatizing a little. You'd better go fill out another form saying we lost an ensign. And add 'Ensigns' to the list of things we need to stock up on at Jupiter station."
Reed nods. "Yes sir. Right away sir."
Writers Log, May 27, 2002. Sorry that I haven't written another chapter in a while, I've been busy with school, and also a bit lazy. I have also written another story, an Enterprise/Whose Line Is It Anyway? Cross-over, which can be found under either my list of stories or the 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' sub-category. End Log.
Next Week: Boarding Parties!
Chapter Title: Flashbacks
Genre: Humor
Main Characters: N/A
Series Timeline: Enterprise
Disclaimer: Come on, if you don't remember my earlier disclaimers you have a very, very shot attention span…
*Scene: The NX-101 Enterprise glides through space. We switch to a view of the sickbay.
We hear Dr. Phlox's log, in voice-over mode. "Chief Medical Officers Log, May 12, 2151. Due to Captain Archer's unfortunate accident and resulting coma, I am now the ships commander. I have managed to make more of Sub- Commander T'Pol's nasal numbing agent, and have cured Porthos of his unfortunate virus, but I still haven't managed to revive the Captain. This is unfortunate, but also a bit good, because it makes my the new commander."
Archer opens his eyes and looks around. He says in a groggy voice, "Am I going to be okay, doc?"
Phlox runs over. "Hey, you're supposed to be in a coma! No fair!" With that, Phlox sticks a needle in the Captains arm and the Captain goes back into his coma.
Then, the door swooshes open and T'Pol, Trip, and Malcolm walk in. T'Pol asks, "What is the Captains status?"
Phlox answers, "He's still in a coma. I suspect he should be up again in about 3 days."
Malcolm quips, "T'Pol, Doctor, I really think we should station a security team in sickbay. Whoever attacked him may come back to finish the job."
Trip asks, "Are you working on finding out who hurt him? I want the son of a bitch who hurt him tracked down!"
Malcolm calms him, "Don't worry, we're doing everything we can to find the suspect. I've already assigned Mr. Flinch to the job, and I know he's been working hard to find the suspect because I haven't even heard from him all day."
Meanwhile, in a locked Jeffries tube…
Lieutenant Flinch sits down and bangs on a hatch. He says in an annoying, squeaky voice, "Hey, whoever stole my com-badge and locked me in here is going to pay! Hey let me out! I'm scared…it's dark in here…"
Meanwhile, back in sickbay…
Dr. Phlox walks over to a line up of vials on the wall. "I was examining the pipe which was used to attack the captain." Phlox puts one vial in a rack next to the view screen and a read out appears on the view screen above the imaging chamber. "While I didn't find any traces of DNA or fingerprints, I did find phased plasma residue on it."
T'Pol nods, "Phased plasma comes from the use of both phase weapons and plasma weapons in a confined space."
Trip suddenly looks up, "Say, in that small an amount, I'd bet the phased plasma must of come from somewhere in the Armory! Like the weapons training room!"
Reed looks about uncomfortably, "Well, we did have to do some repairs in that room because two pipes were somehow ripped out of the bulkhead."
Phlox nods. "Well, that means whoever hurt the captain is still out there, ready to use their other pipe on someone else!"
Reed taps his com-badge. "Security to sickbay! I need to brief you about the captains attacker!"
Five minutes later, half a dozen security personnel show up in sickbay. Reed debriefs them about the attacker. "Remember, this attacker is armed with a lead pipe and dangerous. Do not hesitate to burn him to a crisp. Now, go track down whoever has that stolen pipe!"
The security people surround Phlox and put him in handcuffs. Reed yells, "No you idiots! The one with the other stolen pipe, the one that's missing!"
With that, Malcolm and the security personnel trot out of sickbay, totting large Plasma rifles.
Meanwhile, in Archers head…
Archer opens his eyes and looks around. He is laying in a bed way to small for him. The bed is covered in Mutant Ninja Turtle covers. In one corner, Archer sees a bookcase holding several books about astronomy, engineering, and Barbie's. In another corner, there is a tea set surrounded by several stuffed animals. Standing above the tea set is Crewmen Daniels wearing a pink tutu.
Archer gasps. "This is just like my room when I was 12 years old! My Barbie book collection…my tea set…even my stuffed animals! Crewmen Daniels must have brought me back in time again!"
Crewmen Daniels walks over to Archer and hits him on the back off the head. "No you idiot, I never brought you back in time! You're dreaming!"
Archer rubs the back of his head. "Well sorry. You didn't have to…"
Before Archer can finish his sentence, he jumps. He looks around and sees he is in the same room, 3 years later. Pokemon has replaced the Ninja Turtle covers, most of the stuffed animals have been replaced, and the book collection is larger. Just then, Archers dad walks in. "Hey son. Which book do you want to read tonight? We can read the astronomy book on the Mealstrom again."
Archer replies, "No dad, I want to read the book about Fisherman Ken and Barbie the Mermaid again! Please?"
Archer's dad nods. "Alright son. 'One day, Ken decided to go fishing'…"
Just then, Archer jumps again. He looks around, and sees he is on a rowboat on the ocean. He is sitting across from an attractive Xyrillian woman. "Hey, Archer, stick your hands in these crystals!"
Archer looks at the crystals, which are pulsating with there own light. "I don't know…my dad warned me not to stick my hands in strange alien crystals."
The Xyrillian asks, "Why not? In fact, I dare you to!"
Archer shrugs. "Oh well, might as well."
As Archer puts his hands in the crystals, he jumps again. He finds that he is in the forest of the rouge planet. Standing in front of him is the strange shape-shifter.
The woman says, "Hello Jon. You now what? I never thanked you for saving my life."
Archer responds, "Oh, that's okay."
The woman leans closer to him. "No, that's not okay." Then she starts to unbutton her dress.
Archer looks on, when suddenly; he opens his eyes in sickbay. T'Pol, Trip, and Phlox are all looking down at Archer.
Archer sits up and hits Phlox in the back of the head. "Come on, couldn't you of waited for five minutes to wake me up?"
T'Pol taps Archer on the shoulder. "Sir, this is something of great importance. We need to find your attacker!"
Archer sighs. "I was walking to my quarters, disgusted that everyone couldn't do anything but complain. I passed Ensign Nick, who was carrying some broken pipes and…"
Trip squeals, "Thank you! That'll be enough!" He then taps his com-badge and says, "Trip to security! It was Ensign Nick who attacked the Captain!"
Reed replies, over the intercom, "Yes sir! I'm sending a security team right away!"
Meanwhile, in Ensign Nicks quarters…
Three men are playing poker. Ensign Nick says, "Alright, lay down your hands."
Ensign Suber lays down his hand. "Straight, high 8."
Ensign Nick lays down his hand, smiling. "Full house."
Lieutenant Flinch says, "Ace! Do I win?"
The two ensigns shake their heads.
Suddenly, half a dozen security personnel, plus Malcolm Reed burst through the door. "Ensign Nick! You're under arrest for attacking the Captain!"
Ensign Nick holds up his hands. "Wait this is a big misunderstanding!"
Unfortunately, Nick happens to be holding a smoking pipe in one hand, and he is promptly roasted by seven plasma beams. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
Three minutes later, in sickbay…
Four security guards rush in, carrying Ensign Nicks limp body. Archer rushes forward, to comfort the Ensign. "I'm sorry Nick, I tried to tell them!"
As Ensign Nick is laid down in a bed, Dr. Phlox examines him. Phlox shakes his head. "I'm afraid he doesn't have much time."
Trip stares in amazement. "Captain, I thought you said this was the man who attacked you!"
Archer shakes his head. "No, no he wasn't. I think the ensign can explain."
Ensign Nick coughed. "During the attack by the Vulcans at Sri'Mastra, there was heavy damage taken in the armory. I was assigned to repair the weapons training room (cough). We were just cleaning up the rest of the damage after we left the planet. I was carrying some spare parts, pipes and such, from the Armory to Engineering. As I passed the Captain, I tripped and one of the parts, a lead pipe, hit the captain on the head. Sorry sir (cough). I was scared, you know, Reeds just so tough against anyone who breaks a rule. So I ran (cough)."
Just then, the Ensign closed his eyes and his health display flat lined. Archer raises his fists in the air. "RRREEEEEEEEEEDD!!"
Reed stepped forward. "What is it captain?"
Archer shrugged. "Just dramatizing a little. You'd better go fill out another form saying we lost an ensign. And add 'Ensigns' to the list of things we need to stock up on at Jupiter station."
Reed nods. "Yes sir. Right away sir."
Writers Log, May 27, 2002. Sorry that I haven't written another chapter in a while, I've been busy with school, and also a bit lazy. I have also written another story, an Enterprise/Whose Line Is It Anyway? Cross-over, which can be found under either my list of stories or the 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' sub-category. End Log.
Next Week: Boarding Parties!