Ch.4
"Hey, I heard you were awake finally." Alexis said peeking her face in through the door.
"Yea."
"How are you feeling?" she said as she approached his bedside worried by the lack of emotion in his voice, forgetting that just a day ago she had hated him.
"I'm alive."
"That's not what I asked Sonny."
"I'm fine Alexis. Leave it alone."
"Fine, fine. I just wanted to come and thank you for saving Kristina, she said you pushed her out of the way of some falling debris."
"No thanks necessary, he was after me, not her." He turned to look at Alexis and saw her touch her stomach.
She pulled her hand away as she saw him notice "I guess I should be going."
"She, he, it, whatever is mine, isn't she?"
"What?" Sonny watched Alexis get nervous and flustered, she was having difficulties lying to him after he'd saved her baby sister.
"You did the right thing." He watched her eyes widen "She'll be better off without me. I have too many enemies, you can keep her safe though."
"How'd you?"
"You'd never sleep with Ned, you'd never hurt Kristina that way. Ned's a good guy though, you were perfect together as much as I hate the bastard. He'd be a good father," she watched his eyes change as he continued to speak, "Brenda was so angry at Lois for taking Brooke away from him." he shook his head trying to ward off more memories of her, he turned his focus back on Alexis, "Stay in Port Charles though? Let me watch her grow up for as many years as I have?"
She took a seat next to him, once more unafraid of him and the power he could use to control her, she saw him once more as a friend "She loved you Sonny"
He turned his head away once more
"It was always so clear that she loved you, even when she was trying to hide it. You could see it in her eyes, even when she wanted to kill you, you could see it was because she loved you so deeply. I barely even knew her and I could see it."
"Why are you doing this?" his eyes stared deep into hers, they were cold and blank, they had forced all emotion out, so he could survive.
She shook her head, "That's not the right question, why are you punishing yourself?"
His eyes showed his weakness, his façade of indifference fading "I could have kept her alive"
"That's not up to you. You aren't God Sonny, as much as you want to be, you aren't." She laughed a little, he didn't.
He turned to her and asked as a child would ask their mother "How was everything that I remember not real?"
"Who said it wasn't real? What happened when you were in that coma?"
"Kristina died, I wasn't with her." he began and watched her flinch "I set it up so it would look like Roy had killed me, then she showed up. She was alive and standing in the rain in front of St. Timothy's where I'd left her. She'd stayed away to keep everyone safe.. .happy, she didn't want anyone to have to deal with her illness. We fought like normal, I was insanely jealous over Jax and he attention she gave to him, I hated her for letting me believe she was dead. She married Jason to keep Jax from leaving Skye. Then he left her at the altar after seeing us kiss on the docks.
She was leaving town, I followed her out to the airport. I gave her back the jewelry she'd given back to Jason after I'd left her. I told her she didn't have to hide her memories anymore.
Then I couldn't let her go, I knew I needed to, but I didn't want to. I love her so much, I can't stand for her to be gone. I told her I survived losing her because of Carly, she told me she was good for me and told me to go back to her. She just wanted me to be happy, to have everything I'd ever wanted for her."
Sonny looked back up through his tears to see Alexis crying "How could you doubt that was real Sonny?" she asked "You died Sonny, you were gone for over three minutes, they were going to call it. Then suddenly your heart started to beat again. She didn't want you to die, she wanted everything in this world for you. You'll have eternity with her Sonny, but she wants you to live first."
"I don't know how to live without her? Four years it's felt like I've been walking around without a limb, no not a limb, my heart, she was my heart. I've just been going through the motions of living."
"Love her Sonny, let her love you even though her body isn't here anymore. It's the only way you'll ever be whole. She proved to you that she never left you, even though you thought she did."
Sonny just nodded and let the tears fall a little more.
"Hey, I heard you were awake finally." Alexis said peeking her face in through the door.
"Yea."
"How are you feeling?" she said as she approached his bedside worried by the lack of emotion in his voice, forgetting that just a day ago she had hated him.
"I'm alive."
"That's not what I asked Sonny."
"I'm fine Alexis. Leave it alone."
"Fine, fine. I just wanted to come and thank you for saving Kristina, she said you pushed her out of the way of some falling debris."
"No thanks necessary, he was after me, not her." He turned to look at Alexis and saw her touch her stomach.
She pulled her hand away as she saw him notice "I guess I should be going."
"She, he, it, whatever is mine, isn't she?"
"What?" Sonny watched Alexis get nervous and flustered, she was having difficulties lying to him after he'd saved her baby sister.
"You did the right thing." He watched her eyes widen "She'll be better off without me. I have too many enemies, you can keep her safe though."
"How'd you?"
"You'd never sleep with Ned, you'd never hurt Kristina that way. Ned's a good guy though, you were perfect together as much as I hate the bastard. He'd be a good father," she watched his eyes change as he continued to speak, "Brenda was so angry at Lois for taking Brooke away from him." he shook his head trying to ward off more memories of her, he turned his focus back on Alexis, "Stay in Port Charles though? Let me watch her grow up for as many years as I have?"
She took a seat next to him, once more unafraid of him and the power he could use to control her, she saw him once more as a friend "She loved you Sonny"
He turned his head away once more
"It was always so clear that she loved you, even when she was trying to hide it. You could see it in her eyes, even when she wanted to kill you, you could see it was because she loved you so deeply. I barely even knew her and I could see it."
"Why are you doing this?" his eyes stared deep into hers, they were cold and blank, they had forced all emotion out, so he could survive.
She shook her head, "That's not the right question, why are you punishing yourself?"
His eyes showed his weakness, his façade of indifference fading "I could have kept her alive"
"That's not up to you. You aren't God Sonny, as much as you want to be, you aren't." She laughed a little, he didn't.
He turned to her and asked as a child would ask their mother "How was everything that I remember not real?"
"Who said it wasn't real? What happened when you were in that coma?"
"Kristina died, I wasn't with her." he began and watched her flinch "I set it up so it would look like Roy had killed me, then she showed up. She was alive and standing in the rain in front of St. Timothy's where I'd left her. She'd stayed away to keep everyone safe.. .happy, she didn't want anyone to have to deal with her illness. We fought like normal, I was insanely jealous over Jax and he attention she gave to him, I hated her for letting me believe she was dead. She married Jason to keep Jax from leaving Skye. Then he left her at the altar after seeing us kiss on the docks.
She was leaving town, I followed her out to the airport. I gave her back the jewelry she'd given back to Jason after I'd left her. I told her she didn't have to hide her memories anymore.
Then I couldn't let her go, I knew I needed to, but I didn't want to. I love her so much, I can't stand for her to be gone. I told her I survived losing her because of Carly, she told me she was good for me and told me to go back to her. She just wanted me to be happy, to have everything I'd ever wanted for her."
Sonny looked back up through his tears to see Alexis crying "How could you doubt that was real Sonny?" she asked "You died Sonny, you were gone for over three minutes, they were going to call it. Then suddenly your heart started to beat again. She didn't want you to die, she wanted everything in this world for you. You'll have eternity with her Sonny, but she wants you to live first."
"I don't know how to live without her? Four years it's felt like I've been walking around without a limb, no not a limb, my heart, she was my heart. I've just been going through the motions of living."
"Love her Sonny, let her love you even though her body isn't here anymore. It's the only way you'll ever be whole. She proved to you that she never left you, even though you thought she did."
Sonny just nodded and let the tears fall a little more.