Disclaimer: Refer to Chapter One

Title: Shadow of the Past

Author: Silmarien

Rating: PG

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews and to all my readers who review or not. 600, I can't even believe it. You guys are amazing :) And for your enjoyment, here is the next chapter a few days early.

Dedication: Another one, to Davan again, who is 18 years old on Monday. Have a wonderful year dear!

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The Sting of Regret

-~~*~~-

Legolas stood along the bank of the river, his green eyes scanning the lazy flow of the water, swirling in small eddies where large rocks lay underneath the surface. He wished for a reprieve from everything and had left the hectic bustling of attendants at Lord Elrond's palace who were preparing for his journey back to Laiquarille early the next morning, for the calming effect of nature.

Tossing a leaf into the river, he watched as it was carried downstream, only disappearing from Legolas' field of vision when it rounded a bend. The past two days had been hard for Legolas, ranking among the most difficult he had ever lived through. Valia refused to see him whenever he tried to go to her house. He had sent her countless letters when she refused to meet him face to face, but they had all been sent back to him unopened. All her favorite places had been abandoned as well, the library, the archery practice field, her garden on Lord Elrond's lands. It was beyond frustrating to Legolas, the worst part being the harsh words he had last said to her that stood between them, poisoning their relationship.

Legolas still did not understand Valia's reasoning, was confused that she would refuse to marry him because she may not be able to bear elflings. They were in the Valinor, were they not; called the Undying Lands by many? True, the Kinslaying had occurred on the soil of the Valinor, the spilling of the blood of elves by their own kindred, but Legolas did not think something like that would happen in the future. Those had been dark times, when one far greater than Sauron roamed freely over Arda. And did she honestly think he would ever consider being in bed with another lady other than her once they were married? The idea was preposterous. He burned for her and her alone, to feel her sweet lips on his bare skin, to run his fingers over her body wherever he wished, to feel her weight on him as he held her in his arms in their bed. No other would ever take her place by his side.

Though he had to admit that his father would not be happy if his son's wife could not bear children. Legolas himself had always wanted children, looked forward to the day when he could father a child with the one he loved. The dream had been a distant one, never having been in love before, but with Valia in his life, such thoughts had begun to surface and grow in his heart, desires for someone to wake up with in bed, to have a family of his own. Yet he could forego having children if it meant being with Valia forever.

The swirling thoughts in his head, much like the water in front of him, did not render Legolas unaware of his surroundings, or the elf who had approached him and stood quietly behind him several moments ago.

'Isondil,' Legolas acknowledged, sending another leaf down the river with a flick of his wrist. He could hear his friend approach him, taking Legolas' greeting as invitation to join him, and saw Isondil when he came to stand beside him, looking out over the water.

'It is a beautiful day,' remarked Isondil, turning his head to examine Legolas.

'In all my days in Arda I have never seen a day that has not been a beautiful one, my friend. Each day is a gift from Iluvatar.'

'Mmm.' Isondil took a steadying breath before continuing, busying himself with watching stray rocks fall into the stream as he nudged them with his foot. 'But perhaps some days, no matter how beautiful each may be, are harder to bear than others.'

Legolas exhaled sharply and sent the remaining leaves in his hand fluttering down to the watery caress of the river. 'Time softens many wounds and when one looks back over days that they thought were unbearable, they often find that such times make them stronger, make them grow.'

Following in the same strain of conversation, Isondil spoke in platitudes as well. 'Time may soften wounds, but it does not lessen the sting of regret.'

'There are few things I have ever regretted in my life.' Legolas turned from the water when the last leaf had disappeared around the bend, just like the first had, and he moved to sit on a twisted root of a nearby tree, sticking out of the ground to create a natural seat. Observing the upright stance of his friend, Legolas lowered his eyes to the lush covering of grass on the ground.

'Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you will never regret your parting with Valia under such conditions?' asked Isondil, dropping the feigned ignorance but continuing to look out over the water.

It appeared Legolas could not find peace anywhere, even in nature. 'I love her Isondil, but she will not accept such feelings from me,' he admitted. 'Perhaps it would not be so hard for me if I had not said the things I did to her. I called her proud, hard hearted, as cold as ice.' Legolas shook his head. How could he have been so rude and callous to the one he loved? 'I saw the pain in her eyes when she looked at me, pain I had promised myself never to bring her.'

Isondil turned to Legolas, watching him with a furrowed brow. 'You were angry. It is understandable. I am sure Valia knows that you did not mean it Legolas.'

'How am I to know what Valia thinks?' shouted Legolas in a sudden burst of frustration. He sprang from his seat, kicking the tree root. It earned him only pain in his foot, not the relief he hoped it would bring him. Sighing, Legolas rested a foot against the root, leaning his weight into the raised leg as he explained himself with a calmer tone. 'She has refused all my attempts to speak with her, Isondil. I have been to her house no less than six times but she refuses to see me. I have sent her more letters than I care to admit and they are always returned unopened and unread. What am I supposed to think with such evidence?'

            'That she is hurting just as much as you are.' Isondil walked over to stand beside Legolas, remaining silent as he watched the rise and fall of Legolas' chest as he breathed. 'She loves you Legolas. It is easy for everyone to see that.'

            'She has never spoken to me of her feelings. I would not know. She could be desperately in love with Glorfindel or Elrohir for all I know. No doubt it would make more sense. She shows more affection for those two than she does for me.'

            'For one who claims to love Valia so greatly, you are extremely cynical of her care for your feelings. Do you think that she would be so unkind as to scorn your love if she did not have a good reason? She is hurting Legolas. Just like you were when you said what you did to her.'

 Placing an elbow on his raised leg, Legolas rested his head in his hand. 'I do not know what to do Isondil,' he confessed. 'You did not have Silia reject your offer of marriage. This is torture for me. It is hard to breathe when I know she is out there somewhere and thinking ill of me.'

'She is not thinking ill of you.' Isondil placed a reassuring hand of Legolas' shoulder. 'Perhaps she just needs time to work things through Legolas.'

'We leave tomorrow at dawn. I do not know what will become of us if I ride away from her with my words unresolved between us.'

'Then you must have enough trust in her to believe that she will see past what you have said to her and understand your love for her. She is by no means common Legolas. She is an intelligent lady. I do believe that she could rival you at times. She will come to the right conclusion. You must simply give her time.'

'But we do not have the luxury of time, Isondil.' Legolas shrugged off his friends hand and stood straight, letting his leg slip from its resting place on the root as he turned his gaze back to the river again.

Isondil watched as Legolas slowly walked towards the water's edge. It was true that Isondil could not understand what Legolas was going through, but he could certainly sympathize with his friend. He did not know what he would have done if Silia had refused him. No doubt, grief would have soon overcome him. But Legolas was strong, had always been stronger than Isondil, who knew that the Prince would survive this new turn in his life.

'If you push her, you will only drive her further away from you Legolas.'

The Prince gave a curt nod, keeping his back toward his friend. 'I understand.'

The tone in his voice warned Isondil to not push the matter further. He had known Legolas too long and too well to not know when to stop offering advice. It was time for Legolas to work through things on his own. 'Very well, my lord. I am dining at Silia's house tonight after all our belongings are packed. I will see you in the morning.' Isondil received another terse nod. Taking the gesture as the only dismissal he would receive, Isondil turned around and walked away from his friend, leaving him standing by the edge of the water with only one glance backwards.

-~~*~~-

Valia sat on Silia's bed, folding dresses for her friend with amazing enthusiasm for the tediousness of the job. It was obvious to anyone who looked Valia's way that the energy came from something other than her enjoyment of the chore, though the passionate folds she put into the clothes would seem to say otherwise. Silia kept a careful eye on her friend, watching her between pulling clothes out of her armoire and placing the folded dresses in a large trunk.

            'You must promise me that you will come for the wedding, Valia,' Silia spoke at last as she kneeled at the foot of her bed and transferred the growing pile of folded clothes into her trunk.

            A fleeting smile passed over Valia's lips, lighting her face for the briefest of moments before returning to its former state of gloom. 'I can remember all the times we would sit under our tree in Celebrian's garden and you would plan your wedding day, the colors you would have, the food you wanted, the songs you would dance to at the banquet.'

            Silia placed a hand on Valia's knee, waiting until her zealous folding stilled. 'You remember that I wished you to be at the ceremony as a representative of my side of the family. I know the ceremony is supposed to be small, and only close family members are to be present, but I want you to be there Valia.'

            The dress in Valia's hands fell limply into her lap. 'I would be honored to be at your wedding Silia, truly, I am honored that you wish me there.'

            Silia frowned at her tone. 'But?' she prodded.

            'I do not know if I can go to Laiquarille after what has happened. Isondil lives on the palace grounds and is the Prince's closest friend. I would not be able to avoid him forever if I was there Silia. If he was not at the ceremony, he would certainly be at the banquet.'

            'You will never be able to avoid him forever, Valia, whether you come to my wedding or not. He loves you.'

            'I am quite aware of that, I assure you.' The growing discomfort that was welling up within Valia was somewhat appeased when she suddenly sank to her knees beside Silia and began putting the remaining clothes into the ornate trunk.

            'He will not let you avoid him forever. He loves you too much for that Valia. I cannot believe that you did not accept his offer. A prince, Valia.' Silia grabbed Valia's arm, waiting until she raised her eyes to meet hers before continuing. 'If he does not care that you may not be able to give him children why do you refuse him?'

            'Because he needs a child to continue on if he no longer wants to perform the duties of his throne if his father passes his crown to him.'

            Silia narrowed her eyes into thin slits. 'You are making excuses. Do you know what I think?'

            'I am sure you will tell me whether I wish to hear or not.'

            Ignoring the jab, Silia released Valia's arm. 'I think you are scared of him Valia. I think that you love him and are terrified that he can affect you so much.'

            'You think too much for your own good.'

            'But it is true, is it not? I can see it when you look at him Valia. Your face brightens whenever you discover him in a room and you ignore all others when he talks to you.'

            'Because we are friends,' Valia defended herself. 'Should I not be happy to see a friend?'

            Silia silenced her with a glare. 'Tell me Valia, do you let all your friends hold your hand, stroke your cheek, whisper words in your ear before giving you a hug and departing?'

            She had a point, of which Valia was well aware even before she brought the matter up, but Valia found that she could not say anything in response. After all, what could she say?

            Nodding her head, a delicate smile formed on Silia's lips. 'You do love him.'

'Alright, yes!' Valia burst out, before hanging her head. She lowered her voice with the melancholy that swept over her. 'I love Legolas.' It felt strangely good to admit the fact to herself and someone else, until Silia spoke.

            'Then you must tell him,' urged Silia. 'Love between an elf and a lady is not something to be cast aside lightly.'

            'I will not tell him.' Valia raised her head, a glint of raw determination flashing in her eyes. 'I will not put us through that torture.'

            'But he loves you Valia. He needs to know that you return his feelings.'

            'He does not need to know anything.'

            'He does. Valia, he loves you. A wonderful, handsome, thoughtful Prince has fallen in love with you. How can you refuse him?'

            'Not easily, I assure you.' Valia swept her hair over her shoulder and began to fidget with the seam on her skirt. 'I feel so awful. All I want to do is tell him yes Silia. I love him so much.'

            'Tell him.'

            'I cannot.'

            'You can.'

            'No! I cannot.' Valia sprang to her feet like a trapped dear, ready to dash away should the threat grow.

            'Stop being so stubborn Valia,' Silia told her, giving Valia's skirt a tug from where she sat.  

            'No Silia. I refuse to back down.' Valia snatched her bag up off a side table and spun around to face her friend with her jaw set.

            Looking at Valia, Silia's brow furrowed. 'Then you are not as smart as I always thought you to be Valia.'

            Tears stung Valia's eyes at her friend's words, causing her vision to go blurry as she tried to see Silia. Dashing the wet trail off of her face with annoyance, Valia huffed.

I have not cried as much since coming of age as I have in the last two days. What is wrong with me?

'I should go,' Valia whispered through a throat thick from emotions.

Silia nodded, though Valia did not see the gesture, nor the pitying glace Silia sent her way as Valia opened the bedroom door.

'I will be back in time to eat dinner with you,' Valia promised before slipping into the hall.

-~~*~~-

            The brush swept through Valia's hair rhythmically, but it was the open window that did the most for her tension. Soothing night sounds had always calmed Valia. In fact, it was her favorite time of the day, when even nature seemed to fall under the influences of the stars in the night sky. Yet despite that, she found that she was rather restless and no matter how much she tried to delude herself, she knew why. Had she really been justified in pushing Legolas away over the past two days? He would be leaving early the next morning anyway. Would letting him speak with her have made any difference in the end?

            Setting her brush down on her vanity, Valia placed her palms on the table and leaned her weight into the furniture as she hung her head. Had she done the right thing? She was not sure if she had anymore. After all, what lady in her right mind would refuse the offer of a prince? And certainly not just any prince, but Prince Legolas; gorgeous, kind, valiant Prince Legolas.

Me. That is who.

            Valia let out a growl of frustration, digging her bare toes into the carpet underneath her feet.

            'Valia?'

            The voice behind her made her spin around in shock, only to find the last elf she wished to see right then standing in the middle of her bedroom. Valia's gaze darted to her locked door, but found that it was still tightly shut; keeping out unwelcome intruders, though the elf in her room seemed to defy the truth of the matter. Narrowing her eyes, she met the emerald green ones of the Prince, noticing that his golden hair fluttered lightly across his shoulders, moved by some mysterious wind. The open terrace door was the next thing to arrest Valia's attention. A cool breeze tickled Valia's skin, and she scolded herself for not remembering to secure her other door.

            Deciding it would be best to remain silent, as she would only make a fool of herself if she opened her mouth, Valia clasped her hands in front of her, settling her eyes on the elven brooch holding Legolas' cloak on. For some reason it felt terribly wonderful to see him standing in front of her, which caused Valia's discomfort to grow, though she would have sworn that it would have been impossible to add to her uneasiness.

            'I had to see you before I left,' Legolas offered, taking a tentative step towards her. 'You returned all my letters, refused to speak with me.' Still the silence from her persisted, this time making Legolas' discomfort grow. 'I am sorry if you are angry Valia. Please understand that I would respect your wish for privacy under any other circumstance but I could not leave without apologizing for my words the other day.'

            'You should not be here, my lord,' Valia spoke at last, moving to her terrace door and shutting it firmly, though it did no good to rid herself of Legolas.

            'Valia, please,' Legolas implored, taking a few more steps in her direction to stand beside her. He reached out to brush a stray lock from her cheek, but she quickly turned her head away from him, producing a wince from Legolas.

            'If you wish to talk, we should do so in the sitting room, Prince Legolas. I do not wish someone to find us alone in my bedroom.' Having satisfied herself with creating a good enough excuse, she was swift in moving away from his disconcerting nearness. When they both exited her bedroom, Valia was sure to close her bedroom door securely behind her and rushed to light the candles.

            Legolas followed her robbed figure closely with his eyes as she moved about the room, waiting until she was done and sat in a chair till he explained his sudden appearance. Treading the wood floor with a light step, he knelt at her feet, gently enfolding her clasped hands in his own.

            'Please do not kneel before me, my lord.' Valia tried to pull her hands from his grasp, but he would not let go of her.

            'Only if you will call me simply Legolas.' Silence encompassed them again, as Legolas had thought it would. 'Very well. Above all else I wish you to know that I love you Valia.' He brought her hands to his lips, placing a kiss on each of her thumbs, content filling him when she did not pull away, though she would not meet his gaze either. 'The second thing I would have you know is that I am deeply grieved by my harsh words to you. I was angry, though it is no excuse for my actions. I do not know if you realize the strength of my affection for you. I ask for your forgiveness.'

            Valia gave a slight nod, not daring to vocalize any words.

            'I would make an agreement with you Valia. I know that you do not wish to bind yourself to me…'

            'Legolas…'

            Placing a long finger on Valia's lips, Legolas quieted her protests. 'If you can look into my eyes and tell me that you do not love me I will leave you alone for as long as you wish it.' He raised his fingers to run them lightly over her silky cheek. 'But if you cannot, all I ask you for is a kiss from your sweet lips before I leave.' He watched the emotions flit across her face, changing the light in her eyes as she considered his words.

            Valia did not know if she could win such a bargain. It was one thing to simply say the words that would let him know there was no hope, but too look him in those alluring eyes of his and see all his wishes die to darken their emerald depths, was not something Valia could do easily. But she found herself nodding, yet again, agreeing to the terms even though she knew what the likely outcome would be.

            Lifting her eyes to his, she was met with all the love he held for her in his heart. And she was right; it left her speechless to say what she knew was a lie. The love he held for her amazed Valia, threatened to wrap itself around her and bend her to all of Legolas' desires. She opened her mouth to tell him there was no love mirrored in her own heart like his, but all that could get through Valia's constricted throat was a squeak.

            His caresses moved to her upper arms as he observed her surprising battle. He had steeled himself for her immediate rejection, knew that it would be painful, but had still prepared himself for the worst. And now, as he watched her struggle to get any words at all to come out, a smile began to widen on his face, lighting his handsome features in such a way that Valia could feel an overpowering longing for him break through the hard ground of her heart to make it bloom in radiant glory.

            She could not tell him she did not love him. Indeed, she had a hard enough time not confessing that she did love him. Instead, she watched with a hint of amusement as she slid from her chair onto her knees as Legolas' eyes narrowed with confusion.

            Trying to calm the pounding in her heart, Valia caught the front of Legolas' tunic in her hand, pulling him close to her until his lips hovered just above hers.

            'I cannot say those words, Legolas,' she admitted, her breath warm on his skin, before she pressed her lips against his.

            It took Legolas a moment to react, but when he did he took full advantage of Valia's compromised position, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and waist to pull her against him. They both felt the heat from each other warming them even more than they already were, making it more than difficult for them to pull away. Legolas broke the kiss, burying his face in Valia's neck while she slid her arms under his, clutching to the fabric of his cloak that hung down his back.

            'Marry me Valia,' came Legolas' voice against her neck, sending her heart racing even faster at his breath on her skin.

            'You know I cannot,' she protested, half-heartedly trying to untangle herself from his strong arms. They felt entirely too good around her, holding her close to him. The temptation to simply give in and say yes to his demands, to rest assured in the knowledge that his comforting arms would be there for her whenever she had need of them, tantalized Valia mercilessly. But no, she would not, could not, give in to that desire, for both their sakes.

            She was surprised when Legolas' arms drew away from her so quickly, but they left a not wholly unpleasant sensation on her skin, warming her though they no longer touched.

            Legolas moved back, observing Valia as she avoided his gaze. 'So you are stubborn to the end?'

            She looked up in surprise, waiting for him to explain.

            'I had thought you would be.' He touched her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone when she did not pull away. 'If I am honest with myself, I must admit that I would be disappointed if you gave in easily.' Lowering his head, he placed another brief kiss on her lips, not lingering lest she protest.

            Utterly stunned, Valia watched with curiosity as Legolas reached under his cloak and brought out a folded sheet of paper.

            'I hope you will do me the honor of reading this before my departure tomorrow.' Placing what Valia concluded to be a letter in her hands, Legolas stood up before helping Valia to her feet as well. He did not release her immediately however, and she found that she did not have the power, or the heart, to pull away when she saw the wistful look settle over his features.

            She allowed him to pull her into another embrace. It was brief, and though Legolas held her against his chest with infinite tenderness, Valia could not help but feel crushed beneath his arms that seemed to clutch at her, begging her to change her mind.

But she did not, and he never voiced the question to ask her to reconsider. Instead, he placed a kiss in her hair before pulling her back slightly so she could look up at him. 

            'You will be my wife someday,' he told her with absolute certainty. A shiver ran through Valia at the glimmer of confidence in his green eyes. 'You shall make a wonderful princess,' he whispered in her ear, kissing the delicate tip that appeared from underneath her hair.

            Valia took in a sharp breath at his words and momentarily closed her eyes at the pleasing pictures his words conjured up in her mind. When she opened her eyes, she found herself standing alone. Spinning around, she searched for Legolas, but found her door leading to the hallway standing slightly ajar. He was gone, leaving her with a lingering sensation of happiness in her heart and a letter in her hand.

            Sinking into her favorite chair, Valia stared at the letter in her lap for several moments before moving to break the seal. The flowing script which had penned Valia's name on the front and the obvious leaf on the seal denoting Legolas as the writer did not go unnoticed by Valia. But it was the contents that concerned her the most. With shaky hands, she unfolded the paper and hungrily pursued the neat lines of writing.

My dearest Valia~

I leave you tomorrow with a heavy heart; though let me assure you that I find it very unlikely that it will ever turn to grief. You are my sunshine, Valia. My air, my passion, my reason for living. I want you to know that I will forever love you, though ages may come and go. Time, that great destroyer of so many things, is powerless to change my feelings for you. Know that you will always have my love, wherever you go, whatever you do in life. Should you marry another, I will still love you. Should you declare that you abhor me, my love for you will continue. If I were to marry another, I would still love you. Nothing you could say or do will ever render my feelings for you any less than what they already are. How could they? You have already dealt me the worst blow you possibly could by refusing to bind yourself to me. Yet I love you still, despite that, melamin.

            Valia stopped her reading momentarily, too blinded by her sudden tears to continue. The ache that was beginning to grow in her heart threatened to steal her breath away. What torture it was to read such words of devotion. How she longed to simply cast all concerns aside and rush after Legolas that instant and beg him to wed her. Squeezing her eyes shut abated her tears enough for Valia to continue reading.

I wish to write this to you to not only assure you that you have succeeded in doing what no lady has ever been able to do before, capture my heart, but also to inform you that I wish for an understanding to be made between us. Though I would wait for you till the end of Arda, I know it is folly to persist in my advances towards you if you do not ever plan to become my wife. I will watch one hundred years pass by from this day forward. Should you change your mind in that time, you have only to call for me and I will be by your side as fast as I can. But if I do not hear from you by the end of those hundred years, I will know that there is no hope for me to change your mind. I love you too much to smother you Valia. You are too precious to me to do that. I will cease in my open declarations of love to you if you give me no hint of a possible union with you in that time. Though it pains me greatly to even think of such a possibility, to forever be separated from you, I will respect your decision.

I love you Valia. I always have, though I would not have admitted it during our first few months together. From the moment I first saw you searching the ground for your misguided arrow in the woods, you held a special place in my heart. You always will, my dearest Valia. I leave tomorrow with the hope that I will not have to wait long before you join me in Laiquarille as my wife. It is the most treasured desire of my heart that it will be so, though I will put our future in the hands of Iluvatar.

Good bye, my lovely Valia. You truly are a jewel.

Legolas

The letter slipped from Valia's hands, fluttering to the ground in a stilted fall that resembled an injured bird. Valia longed to tell Legolas of her love for him, but it would pose too many problems. And Valia did not think that she could deny him marriage if she spoke with him another time before he left. He affected her far too much for her to be able to resist him.

Raising a hand to her lips where Legolas' kisses could still be felt, Valia leaned her head to rest on the high back of the chair. 'One hundred years,' she murmured into the empty room. Could she hold out that long?

-~~*~~-

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