A/N: Alright, I don't suck at these things. I have TOTAL AND SUPREME
CONFIDENCE. Happy, Lawless? (AKA the only person reading these things?
J/k)
EXT. YARD. DAY BUT SLOWLY DRAWING EVER NEARER NIGHT. SCARED, YET?
Merrill is walking towards the real house with a bag of boards in his hands, when out of a fit of manliness he throws a stone towards the crops.
Alien: Ow!
Merrill runs towards house, then turns back because he forgot the boards.
Alien: Sucker. That didn't really hurt.
INT. KITCHEN. NIGHT.
Graham and the gang are all standing around staring off into space AGAIN.
Merrill: I'll make some sandwiches.
Bo: Your sandwiches suck. I want spaghetti.
Merrill: But.
Graham: Look, Merrill. This may very well be the end of the freakin' world. Let's just cook up whatever we want so that we don't have to suffer through either of our own home cooking on our last night on this glorious planet.
Everyone is silent.
Morgan: French toast, please.
INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT.
Everyone is sitting around quite stiffly while staring at their food.
Shamylan: (whispering) What's the matter with everybody?
Graham: What's the matter with everybody? EAT!
Shamylan: No really, I mean what's the matter with everybody? Our pal Abigail here can act-cry better than any of you.
There is a close shot of Bo crying. The two children and father have quite an emotional moment.
All of a sudden, strange noises emit from the baby monitor. Everyone grows silent. Merrill pops out of a closet holding another one.
Merrill: Ok, I was only making those noises to lighten the mood. I'm no good with these emotional trips as you may have seen throughout this story.
Everyone regards him with disgust.
Merrill: Of our lives. (The baby monitor goes wacked and Merrill falls over from the shock.
INT. HALWAY. NIGHT.
The family listens carefully as their dog is being jumped by the aliens.
Graham: Finally that evil dog's reign has been put to rest.
Merrill: Should we turn off the lights?
Graham: They already know we're here.
Morgan: Then I guess it wouldn't matter if we made lots of noise.
Morgan and Bo start to do the cucaracha.
Graham/Merrill: Shut up, the both of you.
The four listen intently as shifting dark figures move around on their porch. There is suddenly a huge bang on the back door.
Morgan: It didn't say there would be this many in the book.
Merrill: Get over yourself Morgan. Books don't prove anything.
There is another bang on the front door now.
Bo: Why are they all coming after us?
Graham: It's probably a big conspiracy.
Merrill: Created by the nerds.
The four run into the basement and Merrill hurriedly looks for something to hold the door. He suddenly grabs an axe and knocks out the lightbulb.
Morgan: God, no wonder you got kicked out of the Minor League.
He turns on a flashlight which musn't be too useful if he found it in the dark. He stands near the coal chute and an alien hand reaches out and grabs him.
Graham/Merrill/Morgan/Bo/Shamylan: *various ramblings*
Bo picks up the flashlight and points it at her brother who is having an asthma attack. It passes slowly and Merrill suggests the bright idea of turning off the flashlights.
Bo: But don't you think the aliens are still out there?
Merrill: I said sleep.
EXT. DESERTED ROAD. NIGHT.
Graham and Carolyn are still talking about his wife.
Carolyn: Now Father, do you understand what I've told you?
Graham: I'm not sure. I am Mel Gibson.
Carolyn: Well, the cue cards are there to help you out honey.
Graham starts to walk towards his wife. He is suddenly interrupted by:
INT. BASEMENT. NIGHT OR DAY.WHO KNOWS ANYMORE?
Voice on radio: People think they came here to take over the planet; that's bull.
Graham stares at Merrill who is standing over him to tell him about the fixed lightbulbs.
Graham: It's amazing how people still find time to talk on the airwaves while the world's being invaded.
Merrill: Well, that's the thing. Sounds like its over.
Graham: What, the world?
Merrill: No, your career.
(BEAT)
Merrill: Just kidding. The invasion.
Graham: Alright. Lets believe the technology (referring to the monitor and radio) and go upstairs.
Everyone emerges upstairs and Graham sets Morgan down on the couch.
Bo: They're dancing like this on TV. (Does dance.)
Graham: How graphic. (To Morgan) You wanna see?
Morgan nods. Graham goes to get television. However, when it is finally wheeled into the living room, a faint reflection that somewhat resembles Merrill is standing in the living room. But the scary music plays, so we as the audience should take it in the "gasp" way.
Merrill walks into living room. (I guess it wasn't him after all.)
Alien: Click, click, grimble, glurp.
The alien sprays some sort of something up Morgans nose.
Graham realizes with a shock that everything that has ever occurred in his life is for a reason.
Graham: Swing away, Merrill.
Merrill: I understand what you're saying.
Alien: Finally. A moment of intelligence.
Graham: Whoa, let's not go nuts.
Alien: A momentary lapse of intelligence?
Graham: Now you're on the trolley.
Merrill: Enough with the small talk. It's time for an ass-whoopin'!
In similar Xena style, Merrill swings at the alien with his famous bat. It hits the drawer and all of Bo's dusty water falls onto it.
Graham scoops up Morgan and runs outside where he gives him a shot. Merrill and Bo stand around almost crying. Morgan looks quite dead.
Graham: I can't take any of this anymore. I hate EVERYBODY!
Morgan wakes up and everyone starts breathing again.
Morgan: Dad? Did someone save me? Dad?
(BEAT)
Morgan: Dad? Dad! Are you listening?!
Graham: Sorry, honey. Daddy doesn't live here anymore. (Left eye starts twitching.)
Merrill: Yes, dammit! Someone saved you. Someone up.there.
Bo: Santa?
Everyone looks up at the sky while Jingle Bells plays faintly in the background. And we see faintly, the "dead" alien sneaking out their back door holding Merrill's wallet.
Alien: I'll be bach.
A/N: IT'S DONE IT'S OVER. And I just realized that I left out the baby monitor scene, a brilliant scene in my opinion. Oh, well. Thank you, London (I mean, world). Byes!
EXT. YARD. DAY BUT SLOWLY DRAWING EVER NEARER NIGHT. SCARED, YET?
Merrill is walking towards the real house with a bag of boards in his hands, when out of a fit of manliness he throws a stone towards the crops.
Alien: Ow!
Merrill runs towards house, then turns back because he forgot the boards.
Alien: Sucker. That didn't really hurt.
INT. KITCHEN. NIGHT.
Graham and the gang are all standing around staring off into space AGAIN.
Merrill: I'll make some sandwiches.
Bo: Your sandwiches suck. I want spaghetti.
Merrill: But.
Graham: Look, Merrill. This may very well be the end of the freakin' world. Let's just cook up whatever we want so that we don't have to suffer through either of our own home cooking on our last night on this glorious planet.
Everyone is silent.
Morgan: French toast, please.
INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT.
Everyone is sitting around quite stiffly while staring at their food.
Shamylan: (whispering) What's the matter with everybody?
Graham: What's the matter with everybody? EAT!
Shamylan: No really, I mean what's the matter with everybody? Our pal Abigail here can act-cry better than any of you.
There is a close shot of Bo crying. The two children and father have quite an emotional moment.
All of a sudden, strange noises emit from the baby monitor. Everyone grows silent. Merrill pops out of a closet holding another one.
Merrill: Ok, I was only making those noises to lighten the mood. I'm no good with these emotional trips as you may have seen throughout this story.
Everyone regards him with disgust.
Merrill: Of our lives. (The baby monitor goes wacked and Merrill falls over from the shock.
INT. HALWAY. NIGHT.
The family listens carefully as their dog is being jumped by the aliens.
Graham: Finally that evil dog's reign has been put to rest.
Merrill: Should we turn off the lights?
Graham: They already know we're here.
Morgan: Then I guess it wouldn't matter if we made lots of noise.
Morgan and Bo start to do the cucaracha.
Graham/Merrill: Shut up, the both of you.
The four listen intently as shifting dark figures move around on their porch. There is suddenly a huge bang on the back door.
Morgan: It didn't say there would be this many in the book.
Merrill: Get over yourself Morgan. Books don't prove anything.
There is another bang on the front door now.
Bo: Why are they all coming after us?
Graham: It's probably a big conspiracy.
Merrill: Created by the nerds.
The four run into the basement and Merrill hurriedly looks for something to hold the door. He suddenly grabs an axe and knocks out the lightbulb.
Morgan: God, no wonder you got kicked out of the Minor League.
He turns on a flashlight which musn't be too useful if he found it in the dark. He stands near the coal chute and an alien hand reaches out and grabs him.
Graham/Merrill/Morgan/Bo/Shamylan: *various ramblings*
Bo picks up the flashlight and points it at her brother who is having an asthma attack. It passes slowly and Merrill suggests the bright idea of turning off the flashlights.
Bo: But don't you think the aliens are still out there?
Merrill: I said sleep.
EXT. DESERTED ROAD. NIGHT.
Graham and Carolyn are still talking about his wife.
Carolyn: Now Father, do you understand what I've told you?
Graham: I'm not sure. I am Mel Gibson.
Carolyn: Well, the cue cards are there to help you out honey.
Graham starts to walk towards his wife. He is suddenly interrupted by:
INT. BASEMENT. NIGHT OR DAY.WHO KNOWS ANYMORE?
Voice on radio: People think they came here to take over the planet; that's bull.
Graham stares at Merrill who is standing over him to tell him about the fixed lightbulbs.
Graham: It's amazing how people still find time to talk on the airwaves while the world's being invaded.
Merrill: Well, that's the thing. Sounds like its over.
Graham: What, the world?
Merrill: No, your career.
(BEAT)
Merrill: Just kidding. The invasion.
Graham: Alright. Lets believe the technology (referring to the monitor and radio) and go upstairs.
Everyone emerges upstairs and Graham sets Morgan down on the couch.
Bo: They're dancing like this on TV. (Does dance.)
Graham: How graphic. (To Morgan) You wanna see?
Morgan nods. Graham goes to get television. However, when it is finally wheeled into the living room, a faint reflection that somewhat resembles Merrill is standing in the living room. But the scary music plays, so we as the audience should take it in the "gasp" way.
Merrill walks into living room. (I guess it wasn't him after all.)
Alien: Click, click, grimble, glurp.
The alien sprays some sort of something up Morgans nose.
Graham realizes with a shock that everything that has ever occurred in his life is for a reason.
Graham: Swing away, Merrill.
Merrill: I understand what you're saying.
Alien: Finally. A moment of intelligence.
Graham: Whoa, let's not go nuts.
Alien: A momentary lapse of intelligence?
Graham: Now you're on the trolley.
Merrill: Enough with the small talk. It's time for an ass-whoopin'!
In similar Xena style, Merrill swings at the alien with his famous bat. It hits the drawer and all of Bo's dusty water falls onto it.
Graham scoops up Morgan and runs outside where he gives him a shot. Merrill and Bo stand around almost crying. Morgan looks quite dead.
Graham: I can't take any of this anymore. I hate EVERYBODY!
Morgan wakes up and everyone starts breathing again.
Morgan: Dad? Did someone save me? Dad?
(BEAT)
Morgan: Dad? Dad! Are you listening?!
Graham: Sorry, honey. Daddy doesn't live here anymore. (Left eye starts twitching.)
Merrill: Yes, dammit! Someone saved you. Someone up.there.
Bo: Santa?
Everyone looks up at the sky while Jingle Bells plays faintly in the background. And we see faintly, the "dead" alien sneaking out their back door holding Merrill's wallet.
Alien: I'll be bach.
A/N: IT'S DONE IT'S OVER. And I just realized that I left out the baby monitor scene, a brilliant scene in my opinion. Oh, well. Thank you, London (I mean, world). Byes!