Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood to think of something original for the disclaimer, so I'm just going to say I don't own them, and randomness forever.
I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head
Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say
Underneath the Surface - Chapter 5 - Pillow Fun
"Hey, Kel! Why don't you loosen up a bit! Come on, have some fun!" Neal called to Kel as she sat under the willow tree. Kel smiled and sighed. Neal was always pestering her to get out more. Why can't he just go away? It would make things so much easier...
"Kel?" Neal asked, suddenly appearing in front of her. Kel pulled back, a bit frazzled. She swallowed painfully, willing Neal to go away.
It didn't work.
"Neal, why don't you go talk to Cleon or something? He's been wanting to ask you something, I think," Kel said, trying to fester up an impression of annoyance and boredom.
"But I don't want to," he drawled. "I'm beginning to think that you don't want me here, Lady Mindelan," he said as he raised a teasing eyebrow.
Kel glared at him. Why did he keep calling her "lady" and the like? It kept reminding her that she was a woman, and as a woman, she did have needs...
"Neal, I'm sure it was important. He was talking about it all the ride here. 'Oh, Kel, I have to tell Neal something when we get back,' was all he would say the entire time. Just go and talk to him, for Mithros Sake!" Kel looked up at Neal expectantly.
Neal returned her look, a smile tugging at the corners of his face. He put a finger under her chin. Kel stiffened, and looked up at him awkwardly.
"Shush with you. You're not getting rid of me any time soon. So take advantage of it, would you?" Neal silenced her with his lips on her own.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Kel awoke, being jolted out of her otherwise peaceful sleep. She sighed. 'Just two more weeks of this. Just two more...'
Kel had been out of her mind to come here. She knew that now. The gods were against her, anyway. Kel had been reclusive towards Neal after their crazed meeting this afternoon, almost cold in a way. He didn't notice though. He was too oblivious to notice anything, let alone something small like that.
'It's not like he's paid particular attention to you before,' a bitter part of her mind told her. 'Not when you had the crush on him when you were pages, or when you ignored him now. He's so gods cursed clueless I'd be surprised if he noticed Cleon dancing around in a pink tutu.'
Kel couldn't help letting out a small laugh at the thought of Cleon dancing in a pink tutu.
Groaning, she forced herself out of bed. Maybe an exercise would get her mind off things... and particular people...
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
"And there-" Neal said as they walked over to the stables "-are all the new recruits. Gangly bunch, aren't they?"
Kel snorted as she watched the new pages doing push ups with Eda Bell. They looked to be having quite a hard time of it. Only a couple were still going. The rest had to force themselves to even give the tiniest bit of effort. Kel winced as a small red-head boy collapsed onto the ground. Eda Bell trudged over to him, a scowl covering the features of her face.
"What's wrong, Hollyrose?" the Shang wildcat started.
"Merric's brother," Neal explained quietly as they passed them from a distance.
"Too tired to keep going?" Eda continued. "Are you going to say that you're too tired when you're asked to save some children from a group of bandits? What kind of knight are you going to be, Hollyrose?"
Hakuin Seastone was off a bit with some of the older pages doing some advanced Shang exercises. "Come on, knaves! You can do better than that! Put some effort into it!" he yelled as he watched the older b1oys practice.
Kel shook her head. She knew exactly what that felt like.
Hakuin caught sight of Kel and her group as they were passing by him. "Pages! Keep practicing!" he told them as he jogged over to Kel, Neal and Cleon, a broad smile spread across his face. Ermelian had left them a while ago to "freshen up." Kel had mentally rolled her eyes when she heard that. No matter how much Cleon liked her, she was still a court lady, no matter how likable she was.
Hakuin welcomed the three knights pleasantly, shaking their hands in greeting. "Well, if it isn't our three resident green knights! Back from the border, I suppose?" he said, turning to Kel in particular.
"We just got back today," Cleon said, answering for Kel. Hakuin smiled at the red head, raising a thin eyebrow.
"Do you make it a custom to answer questions addressed to others?" he said, amusement showing on his face. Cleon shuffled his feet in reply.
"It's not like you said, 'Back from the border, I suppose, Kel?' now did you?" Cleon asked, a small scowl crossing his face. Hakuin laughed.
"Don't worry. I'm only teasing you." Turning to Kel, he raised a questioning eyebrow. "Did he always act like this when you were serving border duty together?" he asked, a jesting smile tugging across his features.
"All the time," Kel answered, grinning as she affectionately ruffled Cleon's hair.
Hakuin turned to Neal. "And what of you, Sir Queenscove? I hear you're getting married to the ever beautiful Lady Yukimi," the Shang horse said, watching Neal's smile grow.
"Yeah. In two weeks," Neal responded.
"I remember you when you were still writing poetry to Kel's fingernails. I think we're losing him," Hakuin said, turning to Kel and Cleon.
Neal elbowed his former teacher jokingly as his cheeks turned steadily redder.
Kel stared at Neal in slight mortification. 'Neal - writing poetry - to my fingernails?' Kel thought. She shuddered.
Cleon snorted. "Yeah, I remember that. 'Oh Kel, show me your beauty, grace me with your lovely fingers, with nails to match the Goddess's in splendor...'" He laughed. "Something like that. It was fun stuff though. Good blackmail material."
A loud 'twack' was heard as Neal's elbow connected solidly with Cleon's stomach.
"Ouch," Cleon squeaked, clutching his abdomen.
"Serves you right," Neal scolded. "It's not like that's actually true or anything..." He turned to Kel with an uneasy smile. "Er..."
"It's a good thing Yuki showed up when she did," Hakuin interrupted. "Else, Neal might still fancy our resident Lady Knight."
"Yes," Kel voiced, speaking for the first time since her recent revelation. "We wouldn't want that, now would we?"
"No," Neal agreed vehemently. "No, we wouldn't want that," he said, glaring in particular at Cleon and the Shang horse.
They went on to talk about more innocent subjects, Neal completely missing the look of disappointment that had crossed Kel's face.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Grabbing her glaive off of its rack on the wall, she performed a series of complex maneuvers with it, immersing herself into her own thoughts in the meantime.
'Why did Neal have to be like this? Why did he have to be so - so - senseless! It's so - frustrating! It's like he's trying to make me feel all... warm... and tingly inside!
Kel winced at the mention of "tingly." It brought back memories from certain - dreams.
'And what is with these dreams? Are they supposed to be this - this - nice? Since when have I had dreams about Neal anyway? I'm supposed to be happy for him, finally settling down, getting ready to raise a family, but all I can think of is how good a kisser he is...'
Kel bit her lip. Not that she knew if he really was a good kisser or not. She was just taking her assumptions from her dreams.
'Why is everything so confusing?' she thought, finally coming to a stop in her exercises. 'Maybe I'm just out of my mind.'
Kel smirked. That was it. She could claim insanity. Yes. Insanity seemed quite realistic, compared to what she was dealing with now.
Placing her glaive back on its place on the rack, Kel looked longingly at the bed. Gods only knows what time it was. It could be anywhere from midnight to four in the morning. Her body was already worked into a sweat. She couldn't go to sleep like this...
Berating herself for her sheer lack of common sense, Kel exited her room, locking the door behind her. She needed some air. All was quiet in the palace of King Jonathan IV. No birds were chirping, no feet were scurrying across the stone floor. The world itself seemed asleep.
Kel suddenly felt a chill run up her spine. Looking down, she realized that she only had on a thin nightgown. 'What am I doing, really?' she asked herself noiselessly.
She couldn't answer herself. All Kel knew was that she had to get out of that room. Away from her room, away from her bed, and away from all the memories of Neal that were currently racing through her mind right at that instant.
Kel's feet padded softly across the corridors. She passed room after room, not exactly knowing where she was heading. She found herself stumbling past what she recognized as Cleon's rooms. He was probably in there, sleeping soundly with his wife. Kel was happy that at least someone could rest in peace on this sleepless night.
She passed Owen's room. Owen was finally a knight, much to his relief. She could remember his exact words just as Wyldon was leading him away from the chamber:
"Well. It was a jolly fight, but I must say, I don't think chamber knew what hit it when I walked in there."
Kel smiled at the memory. Owen was one of the few people that could always keep her laughing. He was courting some girl - Jenna, Kel thought her name was. She wasn't too sure. They had kept in touch with scribbled notes and the like. They were both on border duty, just on opposite sides of Scanra.
Kel wondered if Owen had come back from patrolling. Today had been so rushed... She hadn't been able to see anyone but Neal.
And it had killed her every moment.
Kel walked blindly through the corridors, the only light emitted by the moon's eerie presence. Her spirits had dampened at the thought of spending more time with Neal when she couldn't touch him, or kiss him, or just do something. If she was loosing her mind now, it would be nothing compared to when she would have to watch him walk down the aisle.
An ironic smile curved around her lips as she stopped in her tracks. 'It's not like I can do anything to stop it,' she mused sardonically. 'Neal will get married, whether I like it or not. Besides, I have to think of Yuki. She's one of my closest friends. I couldn't betray her by doing something - stupid - like telling Neal that I just might have feelings for him...'
"Who am I kidding?" Kel asked herself softly as she slid up against someone's door. It was silly to think that she could actually have - feelings for Neal. They were just dreams. The only reason it made her uncomfortable to be with him was because she was constantly reminded of those dreams. "It's not like... like I actually have some semblance... of feelings for... him..."
Kel moaned and buried her hands in her hair. 'It's grown some,' she mused randomly. 'I haven't had it cut in a while...'
'Neal had said that he liked it...'
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
"Pash the mash potashos, pleashe," Neal said to Cleon, extending his hand.
"What's that, Meathead?" Cleon asked, grinning in amusement.
"I sashed-" Neal swallowed "-Please pass the mashed potatoes. And does everyone have to call me by that insufferable name?"
"Well, of course. It's just so much fun. Your face always turns a deeper shade of red," Cleon answered amiably.
Neal glared at his red head friend as Kel passed the mashed potatoes to him.
"Thanks," he said, turning to Kel and favoring her with a small smile. Kel nodded and went back to picking at her food.
Neal frowned. "Something bothering you, Kel? You've been awful quiet today. I don't think you've said much to me besides 'hello.'"
Kel looked up, startled. "What? Oh, hello Neal. Fancy seeing you here. Eat your vegetables, like a good boy." She patted him on the hand and returned to her food.
Neal stared at Kel self-righteously. "I'll have you know, Lady Kel, that I am a man. Not a boy as you so wrongfully dubbed me."
"Really? But I thought that to be constituted as a man you would need backbone, and certain other-" Cleon coughed before he continued "-male characteristics."
Neal pushed his red head friend over, glaring at him. "Why don't you go shove it, Cleon?"
"Touchy," Cleon retorted as he picked himself up. "It's just good natured fun, Neal."
Neal shot Cleon one last spiteful gaze before turning his attentions back to Kel. "Kel?"
Kel looked up again, eyeing him with confusion. "What?"
Neal sighed as his frown slightly deepened. "Are you all right? You're acting very - peculiar. Or more peculiar than usual, at least."
Kel scowled. "Why is everyone so concerned about me all of a sudden? A couple of moths at war hasn't changed me that much. And since when have you been so observant of my peculiarities? If I pointed out every time you've acted strangely, Neal, I wouldn't have time to think!"
Kel abruptly turned red as she realized how much of an outburst she had just had. Her gaze turned to her food, where she suddenly found her ham very interesting.
Neal frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. What was wrong with Kel? She never yelled at him. They only time he could recall her being angry with him was when he had called Garvey gay for Mithros Sake! What was getting her so worked up?
"Well," Neal started softly. "I see one thing that's changed about you."
Kel's head shot up. She narrowed her eyes. "What would that be?"
"Your - hair," Neal began. "It's -longer. Different."
Kel scowled. "So? What of it?"
"No, no," Neal told her, reaching over and tucking a rogue strand behind her head. "Nothing like that. I like it. It's - pretty. It suits you."
Kel blushed as Neal's hand returned to his side. She swallowed, feeling her throat close up as her mouth suddenly became very dry. Why did he like confusing her so much?
"Well," Kel said abruptly. "Thank you."
Cleon looked between the two friends. What was going ton? Kel had seemed grumpy since they had received word of Neal's wedding. And she had been having dreams-
Kel cleared her throat loudly. "When's Yuki coming back from the islands?" she asked, addressing her question toward her green eyed companion.
"In two days. We've already planned most of the wedding through letters. Whatever we haven't thought of, our parents have. I'm-" he faltered, then grinned. "-I'm excited. I haven't seen her in - too long." A steady burn came to his cheeks.
Cleon snorted. "Haven't gotten some in a while, have we Queenscove?"
Neal blinked. Then he pushed Cleon off his chair.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Kel shook her head. That was Cleon for you. Painfully blunt, as usual. 'Those Mithran etiquette lessons were supposed to teach you how to have tact, not the atrocious thinks Cleon calls manners.'
Legs protesting, she got up with a grunt. It was then that she first truly noticed her surroundings. The hallway was dark, save for a scant light coming from under one of the doors near the end of the hall. Kel frowned. Who would be up at this hour?
She snorted. 'Besides my lovely self, of course.'
She crept closer to the door, trying to get some of her orientation back. 'I remember taking a turn two hallways back... And then, I passed the rooms I had stayed in as a squire...'
Kel inched closer to the door, hearing faint murmuring coming from inside. "It is similar to the relation of King Grishelm and his brother, Evern, the war mage... no, that's not right. Evern was his cousin. Tibolt was his brother... wasn't he? It's too late for this... I'm never going to do a last minute favor for Myles ever again..."
Kel furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Who was that? She recognized the voice... she just couldn't place it... It was vaguely... familiar...
'Wait. I know that I took that turn back by Merric's old room... so that would leave me...' Kel tripped over her own feet when she realized who the voice belonged to. "Shit," she whispered as a loud 'thump' resonated through the hallway.
The murmuring from behind the door abruptly stopped. Kel heard the scraping of chair against the floor. "Shit, shit, shit," Kel whispered repeatedly as she picked herself up and ran hurriedly towards her rooms as quietly as possible. She heard the door open, but by then, she had already turned the corner.
Kel stopped to catch her breath when she was almost at her room. Leaning against the wall, she heaved in and out slowly, trying to return her breathing to a normal pace.
Kel froze.
Footsteps resonated through the corridor.
"Why me?" Kel asked softly as she ran down the last hallway to her door. Thanking the gods that she was too dazed to think of locking the door when she had first stepped out, Kel opened the door as quickly and quietly as she could before slipping discreetly inside. Biting her lip, she turned the doorknob before closing it so the door wouldn't click shut.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Kel leaned up against the door. She wouldn't be followed this far. Probably. Hopefully.
Kel heard footsteps. Again.
'He doesn't give it up, does he?'
Kel bit her lip, shutting her mouth to force herself to breathe through her nose. 'This is getting ridiculous,' she thought fleetingly as she raced across the room on tip toes over to her sleeping quarters.
Kel froze when a distinct knocking was heard on her door. 'Shit, shit, shit,' Kel repeated to herself over and over again. 'This is getting redundant, isn't it?'
Kel debated her present situation over in her mind. She could either pretend she was sleeping until he went away, or open the door. She weighed her choices in her head. 'Sleep, or open the door. Sleep, or open the door...'
Kel walked over to the door and opened it.
"Hey."
Neal nodded to her. "Hope I didn't wake you up."
Kel hid her surprise behind her Yamani mask. Neal hadn't heard her outside his rooms?
"No," Kel said quickly. "No, of course not. I couldn't sleep. Come in." She opened the door wider so he could step in and then closed it behind him.
Neal frowned. "You're sweating."
Kel nodded. "I was practicing with my glaive."
"Ah." Neal was silent for a moment before continuing. "I had to do a last minute favor for Myles. He wanted me to write a paper or something for him. I couldn't think straight. I came to see if you were still up."
Kel raised an eyebrow at him. "And just what time do you think it is, Sir Queenscove?"
He shuffled his feet sheepishly. "Last bell was around a half hour ago. That was at... one? I think? I don't know." He grinned meekly. "That would make it 1:30 now."
Kel looked down and forced herself to swallow as she realized that she was still garbed in that same, thin nightgown she had left the room in. Kel blushed at the same time Neal noticed it as well.
"Do you always wear that to bed?" he asked.
"Well, I didn't exactly expect you to come creeping about my rooms at this ridiculous hour of night," Kel retorted, crossing her arms over her breasts.
Neal's lips curved upward in a small smile. They stood there for a few moments, Kel looking down at her feet demurely, while Neal smiled bashfully, until Kel cleared her throat. "Well? Did you want something?"
"Not really. Just checking on you, mostly. And I had nothing better to do."
Kel raised an eyebrow. "What about that favor you had for Sir Myles?"
Neal grinned. "Shush with you. You know it's my nature to procrastinate."
Kel eyed him skeptically. "Really? I wouldn't have guessed, what with you loving to write so much. Composing poems to my fingernails... hm." Kel snorted when Neal turned red.
"I was young and stupid!" he protested.
Kel's grin grew. "Stupid, eh? You were stupid to write poetry to me? To possibly like me? Yes, very stupid." She laughed when he scowled at her. "Oh, come now, Neal. You didn't actually write poetry to my fingernails, did you?" Neal didn't respond. "Did you?"
Neal blushed.
"Oh my," Kel said, a grin spreading across her face. "You really did..." She started to laugh, sniggers wracking her body. Slowly, Neal's blush faded and he began to grin too.
"I can't believe you - wrote - poetry - to my fingernails!" Kel said as she gasped for air.
Neal scowled as he tried to hide his grin. "Oh... shut up, you." He gave her a light push in the shoulder. She looked up at him in amusement. He was looking down at her, just barely smiling, as if he didn't want to give her the benefit of seeing him grin stupidly. His hand was still on her shoulder, holding her ever so slightly. She glanced up into his eyes. They were sparkling with mirth and something - else...
"Neal," Kel said after she regained her breath. "You should probably finish - that - report thing... for Myles..."
Their reverie was broken by Kel's statement. Neal looked down at his feet and gave up his attempt to scowl at her. He grinned.
"Do you mind if I stay here? I mean... it's lonely there. All I have to keep me company is that report. And-" he took her hand in his "-I've missed you, Kel."
Kel blushed unconsciously. Why was he saying these things? It almost made her want to love him when he acted so - perfect.
'Like you're in love.'
Kel mentally shook her head. They certainly weren't in love, that was for sure. Neal loved Yuki, and as for her... well, Kel wasn't sure who she loved.
But it certainly wasn't Neal.
Kel looked up at him. He was looking at her so hopefully. Kel bit her lip. It would hurt her to say no.
Then again, in the long run, it would probably end up killing her if she said yes.
"Sure. I guess," Kel said, acting indifferent. 'Screw that saying no thing.' Kel winced mentally. "Don't blame me if Myles tries to hunt you down later, though. Where do you want to stay? Couch, bed…?"
Kel found herself blushing. Why did she say bed, of all things? Stupid...
"My, my, my, Kel. Aren't we being promiscuous? You know I would just love to crawl into bed with you..." Neal grinned.
"Oh, shush. You can sleep on the floor if you keep making remarks like that."
He smiled sweetly at her. "Well, since you asked, I think I will take the bed. You can have the floor, if it makes you uncomfortable." He snickered as he walked over to her sleeping quarters.
Kel sighed sullenly. She did not want this to happen.
'Oh, gods,' she thought suddenly. 'What if I dream?'
"Coming, my sweet little cocotte?"
Kel glowered at him. She was going to stick something squishy into his bed very soon...
"Of course, Meathead. I wouldn't think of letting you down."
Neal stopped at the foot of her bed. "Well of course not," he said as he started to turn around. I am, after all, Sir Meathead to-"
Neal yelped as Kel pushed him over onto the bed. She grabbed a pillow and hit him with it numerous times, despite his muffled protesting. "Kel! Stop! Hey! That's my hair! You're messing up my hair!"
Neal finally got up and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her down roughly next to him on the bed. Straddling her, he started to tickle her mercilessly.
"Neal! Neal, stop! Hehe... Neal!" Kel gasped for air when Neal finally stopped. He loomed over her, laughing like a little boy at the festival. Kel laughed with him, until she realized that their faces were very close. She subconsciously held her breath. Neal abruptly realized how near his lips were to hers as well and swallowed.
'What am I doing?' he asked himself. Their eyes met for the second time that evening, until Neal rolled over to lie next to her.
Kel didn't say anything for a while. They were both wrapped up in their own thoughts. Finally, she decided to take the initiative.
"Goodnight, Neal."
She heard Neal sigh. What was it a sigh of? Anger? Relief? Frustration?
She felt Neal take her hand in his. His hand was warm and comforting. "Sweet dreams, Kel."
She smiled and willed herself to sleep. If she dreamed, she didn't remember it.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
A/N: Wow. I had originally planned for that to be sooooo much shorter. It's 11 pages, Verdana size 10. Heheh... I'm quite proud of it. I actually got through a chapter without having any big dreams and almost no kissing. Do you know how impossible it is for me not to rush things? Gaaaahhh... I sorta don't have time to write the individual reviews like normal. My father has me on a two hour limit for the computer. Apparently, I am an obsessive maniac who lives in the basement. Oh well. ^_^ Luv you all though. 31 in one chapter??? That's impossible! I looked at it and was like... woah. Like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix. Heh... he looked so... yummy there. ^_^ Bye everyone!
Much love,
Stacey