Chapter 5 - Ditching: Just say "No."

            To begin with, there are several ways of ditching. That is, as far as Scully's concerned. There's mental ditching, verbal ditching, and there's actual, physical ditching.

MENTAL DITCHING

            This would be any time you've spent more time thinking to yourself than bouncing ideas off Scully. This is acceptable, as long as you don't do it in excess. Stay in your own mind too long, and she starts to worry about you. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can complicate matters. A worried Scully is worse than a worried Mulder, not matter what. And it doesn't need proving. I've compared our reactions enough to know it's true.

VERBAL DITCHING

            Also known as anything you say that sounds like you don't care. Scully has a sensitive side; she just doesn't show it. Act like you don't care that she's there, and you are a dead man.

            Obviously, this means voice your opinions. Even if they annoy her. Ask her about her opinion. Listen. That's the basics.

            There's also using the right tone, the right words, etc. I can't advise on that. It's a knowledge that only comes after working with Scully for a while. A long while.

            This form of ditching may also involve insults. Yes, Scully and I have been known to insult each other. Most of the times it's jokingly, although I'm not sure about that "poopyhead" business. If you insult her and mean it, though, you'd better run. Or at least be prepared for majorly hurt feelings. That applies to you and to her.

ACTUAL, PHYSICAL DITCHING

            Just what it sounds like. And the worst crime you can commit if you work with Scully.

            First of all, you won't be able to disappear for long. Scully and I have a knack for finding each other. So if I'm the one reading this, it's obvious that Scully knows me too well. Either that or I'm not as careful as I think when it comes to covering my tracks.

            If this isn't me reading, know this: Scully is determined. You leave, and unless she truly thinks the world would be better off without you, she'll find you. Maybe even then. She knows how to poke, pry, research, and ask the right questions. There is no escaping this woman if she decides to find you.

            I've traveled to other countries, and she still has found me. I think the only time she had any trouble was when I went to Russia with Krycek. She's picked me (disguised) from a group of bank robbers.

            She will find you. There will be hell to pay. Unless she has to play doctor, in which case you're not only glad she's found your sorry ass, but thanking God that she can't be too angry with you because you're hurt. (By the way, if you have any confessions to make to her, don't do it while in the hospital after she's taken care of you. She'll think you're delirious.)

            Also: Scully ditching you. Not likely to happen, though it has. But only once, twice, maybe three times. Generally with good reason. Just make sure you find her. And make sure she's okay when you do.