Chapter 4: Never Enough
Miranda climbed in her bedroom window around 2 AM. "Oh man. I have to get up in four hours." she muttered, flipping on her lamp. She gasped.
"Mom!"
"Mija! Que usted perdió su mente? Era tan preocupado!" Daniella babbled.
"Mom, speak English!" Miranda said.
"Mija, I have had it with you. First you run away, then I find out you're doing God knows what with that boy and now sneaking out! I can't even trust you anymore! I don't know who you're turning into!"
"Why is it always ME who's turning into something! Look at you! You never talk to dad, you ignore me, and then you forbid me to see my best friend! I think the question is, who are you turning into?"
"That is enough, young lady! I better not catch you having anything to do with that Gordon boy, or you will be in a world of trouble. I will see you in the morning. Now go to bed right now." Daniella said, getting off Miranda's bed.
"Yes ma'am." Miranda mumbled.
Daniella slammed the door and Miranda sat on her bed.
When did life go from bad to worse? When had her parents turned into complete monsters? She hated dealing with all of it. Sighing, she walked into her bathroom and began getting ready for bed. Staring at her reflection, she fought the urge to shatter the mirror. Her gaze drifted over to her razor.
She just couldn't handle it anymore.
The next morning...
"Gordo I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Lizzie said.
"If I would have told you you would have freaked out." Gordo said. "Oh wait, my mistake. You ARE freaking out."
"Gordo, I'm ALLOWED to freak out! And even more to the point you guys have totally screwed up our social life! With the whole being forbidden to see each other thing? Social suicide!"
"Didn't mean to hit you with something deep there, Lizzie." Gordo said with a roll of his eyes.
"Oh what is that supposed to mean?" Lizzie asked, her hands on her hips.
"Nothing. Just...nothing." Gordo said. He looked up. "Hey Miranda!"
"Hey." Miranda said softly. "Hey Lizzie. You're not mad are you?"
Lizzie sighed. "I guess not."
"So what'd I miss yesterday?" Miranda asked as she opened her locker. Gordo looked at her strangely.
"Nothing really. Oh...pop quiz in Science." Lizzie said.
"Yeah...in fact...Lizzie, I think I should go over the Science with Miranda now." Gordo said. "Come on Miranda."
Miranda read Gordo's body language, and so she was hesitant to be alone with him. "No, that's alright, I'll just..."
Gordo grabbed her arm. "I said, come on. We'll see you in gym, Lizzie."
Lizzie gave them a confused look. "Okay...bye guys." She said, leaving.
Gordo hadn't let go of Miranda's arm and walked her down the hallway. Finally, he yanked her around the corner and practically shoved her into the wall.
"What the hell is your problem?" Miranda asked, yanking her arm free.
"What the hell is THIS?" Gordo asked, pushing her sleeve up and displaying the bandage on her wrist.
Miranda pulled her arm away and glared at him. "None of your business."
"I'm making it my business, Miranda. What'd you do last night?"
Miranda stood there refusing to meet his eyes. The bell rang, and she moved to bolt to class.
Wham! Gordo's hands came down on either side of her head against the wall with a slam, blocking her way out.
"Don't think you're getting out of it that easy, Sanchez." Gordo said. His voice took on a softer tone. "Now, what happened?"
"Gordo...I...I don't know. I just...I can't deal anymore. It's too hard. I just want it all to be over." Miranda sighed, leaning her head against the wall.
"And it will be eventually! You're just going through something right now. But combatting it with this..." he took her wrist in his hand and held it up to her eye level. "That's not the way to go about it."
Miranda sighed. "I know."
"Then why'd you do it?" Gordo asked.
"I just...lost my head for a second I guess." Miranda said.
Gordo sighed, running one hand through his hair. "I understand. Just don't do it again, okay?"
Miranda nodded. "Okay."
They began walking towards the gym, and Gordo looped an arm around her shoulders. "You worry the hell out of me sometimes, you know that?"
"I'm sorry." Miranda said.
"Don't worry about it. Just...next time you have the urge to slice up your wrist...come find me, and I'll talk you down. Okay?"
"Okay." Miranda nodded. She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked down the hallway.
Everything was fine. As long as she had Gordo around, everything would be fine. Except everytime he was around, she felt a little pang in her heart, because she wanted more.
No matter how much he gave her, it would never be enough. Until she had it all.
Later...
"Miranda, I am not lying to mom so you guys can hang out." Lizzie said.
"Lizzie! I'll never see him outside school unless you do!" Miranda whined as they sat on Lizzie's bed doing their nails.
"I don't know why this is so important to you, I mean, it's Gordo. It's not like he's your boyfriend....wait. Is he?" Lizzie asked.
"No, he's not my boyfriend." Miranda replied. If only...
"Gee, don't sound so excited about it." Lizzie said sarcastically. "If I didn't know better, I'd say..."
"How about you don't say, and let's just move on?" Miranda snapped.
Lizzie looked at her best friend in wonder. "You like him!"
"Uh, no I don't."
Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Right. Tell me another one."
"I don't!" Miranda lied.
"Then why have you guys been spending so much time together?"
"We've both been going through some stuff." Miranda said.
"So? So have I! I mean, word got out about my date with Ethan this weekend, and now Kate wants to make my life miserable. Like that's so much of a challenge."
Miranda sighed. She loved Lizzie to death, she really did, but the girl could be so dense sometimes.
Just then, Jo McGuire poked her head in the door. "Girls, Gordo's here. Want me to send him up?"
Miranda shot a pleading look at Lizzie.
"Uh, sure, mom. Thanks." Lizzie said.
"Hey guys." Gordo said. "What's up?"
"Well, you're not supposed to be in the same vicinity of Miranda, for one thing." Lizzie said.
Miranda and Gordo both looked at her, their eyebrows raised.
"And your point?" Gordo asked.
"You're not even going to listen to your parents?" Lizzie asked.
Gordo sighed and fell down on the bed, landing between Lizzie and Miranda. "Lizzie, the last time I actually listened to my parents I was still learning to color inside the lines."
"So last week, then?" Miranda asked.
"Hey!" Gordo poked her in the ribs. "You know what I mean."
"That's ditto for me." Miranda said.
"You guys are gonna get in a world of trouble when you get caught though."
"Well, my dad's up to his ears in this new family he's counseling. Five psychopaths under one roof."
"Hmmm. Sounds like Christmas at the Sanchez house." Miranda said. Gordo gave her a Look, and continued.
"Anyway, so he's busy with that, and my mom's the shrink on some court case in LA where some freak murdered, and then had his way with an entire truck full of...get this...chickens." Gordo said.
"Ew!!!" Lizzie and Miranda said.
"TMI, Gordo." Lizzie said.
"And since my parents are too busy fighting over who gets what in the house, they're not really going to notice me much." Miranda said.
"So basically we can do whatever we feel like, and not get into trouble." Gordo finished. "As far as I'm concerned, the ban has been lifted."
"And I agree." Miranda said with a shrug.
"Well....okay." Lizzie said, in no mood to argue. "So...movies?"
Miranda climbed in her bedroom window around 2 AM. "Oh man. I have to get up in four hours." she muttered, flipping on her lamp. She gasped.
"Mom!"
"Mija! Que usted perdió su mente? Era tan preocupado!" Daniella babbled.
"Mom, speak English!" Miranda said.
"Mija, I have had it with you. First you run away, then I find out you're doing God knows what with that boy and now sneaking out! I can't even trust you anymore! I don't know who you're turning into!"
"Why is it always ME who's turning into something! Look at you! You never talk to dad, you ignore me, and then you forbid me to see my best friend! I think the question is, who are you turning into?"
"That is enough, young lady! I better not catch you having anything to do with that Gordon boy, or you will be in a world of trouble. I will see you in the morning. Now go to bed right now." Daniella said, getting off Miranda's bed.
"Yes ma'am." Miranda mumbled.
Daniella slammed the door and Miranda sat on her bed.
When did life go from bad to worse? When had her parents turned into complete monsters? She hated dealing with all of it. Sighing, she walked into her bathroom and began getting ready for bed. Staring at her reflection, she fought the urge to shatter the mirror. Her gaze drifted over to her razor.
She just couldn't handle it anymore.
The next morning...
"Gordo I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Lizzie said.
"If I would have told you you would have freaked out." Gordo said. "Oh wait, my mistake. You ARE freaking out."
"Gordo, I'm ALLOWED to freak out! And even more to the point you guys have totally screwed up our social life! With the whole being forbidden to see each other thing? Social suicide!"
"Didn't mean to hit you with something deep there, Lizzie." Gordo said with a roll of his eyes.
"Oh what is that supposed to mean?" Lizzie asked, her hands on her hips.
"Nothing. Just...nothing." Gordo said. He looked up. "Hey Miranda!"
"Hey." Miranda said softly. "Hey Lizzie. You're not mad are you?"
Lizzie sighed. "I guess not."
"So what'd I miss yesterday?" Miranda asked as she opened her locker. Gordo looked at her strangely.
"Nothing really. Oh...pop quiz in Science." Lizzie said.
"Yeah...in fact...Lizzie, I think I should go over the Science with Miranda now." Gordo said. "Come on Miranda."
Miranda read Gordo's body language, and so she was hesitant to be alone with him. "No, that's alright, I'll just..."
Gordo grabbed her arm. "I said, come on. We'll see you in gym, Lizzie."
Lizzie gave them a confused look. "Okay...bye guys." She said, leaving.
Gordo hadn't let go of Miranda's arm and walked her down the hallway. Finally, he yanked her around the corner and practically shoved her into the wall.
"What the hell is your problem?" Miranda asked, yanking her arm free.
"What the hell is THIS?" Gordo asked, pushing her sleeve up and displaying the bandage on her wrist.
Miranda pulled her arm away and glared at him. "None of your business."
"I'm making it my business, Miranda. What'd you do last night?"
Miranda stood there refusing to meet his eyes. The bell rang, and she moved to bolt to class.
Wham! Gordo's hands came down on either side of her head against the wall with a slam, blocking her way out.
"Don't think you're getting out of it that easy, Sanchez." Gordo said. His voice took on a softer tone. "Now, what happened?"
"Gordo...I...I don't know. I just...I can't deal anymore. It's too hard. I just want it all to be over." Miranda sighed, leaning her head against the wall.
"And it will be eventually! You're just going through something right now. But combatting it with this..." he took her wrist in his hand and held it up to her eye level. "That's not the way to go about it."
Miranda sighed. "I know."
"Then why'd you do it?" Gordo asked.
"I just...lost my head for a second I guess." Miranda said.
Gordo sighed, running one hand through his hair. "I understand. Just don't do it again, okay?"
Miranda nodded. "Okay."
They began walking towards the gym, and Gordo looped an arm around her shoulders. "You worry the hell out of me sometimes, you know that?"
"I'm sorry." Miranda said.
"Don't worry about it. Just...next time you have the urge to slice up your wrist...come find me, and I'll talk you down. Okay?"
"Okay." Miranda nodded. She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked down the hallway.
Everything was fine. As long as she had Gordo around, everything would be fine. Except everytime he was around, she felt a little pang in her heart, because she wanted more.
No matter how much he gave her, it would never be enough. Until she had it all.
Later...
"Miranda, I am not lying to mom so you guys can hang out." Lizzie said.
"Lizzie! I'll never see him outside school unless you do!" Miranda whined as they sat on Lizzie's bed doing their nails.
"I don't know why this is so important to you, I mean, it's Gordo. It's not like he's your boyfriend....wait. Is he?" Lizzie asked.
"No, he's not my boyfriend." Miranda replied. If only...
"Gee, don't sound so excited about it." Lizzie said sarcastically. "If I didn't know better, I'd say..."
"How about you don't say, and let's just move on?" Miranda snapped.
Lizzie looked at her best friend in wonder. "You like him!"
"Uh, no I don't."
Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Right. Tell me another one."
"I don't!" Miranda lied.
"Then why have you guys been spending so much time together?"
"We've both been going through some stuff." Miranda said.
"So? So have I! I mean, word got out about my date with Ethan this weekend, and now Kate wants to make my life miserable. Like that's so much of a challenge."
Miranda sighed. She loved Lizzie to death, she really did, but the girl could be so dense sometimes.
Just then, Jo McGuire poked her head in the door. "Girls, Gordo's here. Want me to send him up?"
Miranda shot a pleading look at Lizzie.
"Uh, sure, mom. Thanks." Lizzie said.
"Hey guys." Gordo said. "What's up?"
"Well, you're not supposed to be in the same vicinity of Miranda, for one thing." Lizzie said.
Miranda and Gordo both looked at her, their eyebrows raised.
"And your point?" Gordo asked.
"You're not even going to listen to your parents?" Lizzie asked.
Gordo sighed and fell down on the bed, landing between Lizzie and Miranda. "Lizzie, the last time I actually listened to my parents I was still learning to color inside the lines."
"So last week, then?" Miranda asked.
"Hey!" Gordo poked her in the ribs. "You know what I mean."
"That's ditto for me." Miranda said.
"You guys are gonna get in a world of trouble when you get caught though."
"Well, my dad's up to his ears in this new family he's counseling. Five psychopaths under one roof."
"Hmmm. Sounds like Christmas at the Sanchez house." Miranda said. Gordo gave her a Look, and continued.
"Anyway, so he's busy with that, and my mom's the shrink on some court case in LA where some freak murdered, and then had his way with an entire truck full of...get this...chickens." Gordo said.
"Ew!!!" Lizzie and Miranda said.
"TMI, Gordo." Lizzie said.
"And since my parents are too busy fighting over who gets what in the house, they're not really going to notice me much." Miranda said.
"So basically we can do whatever we feel like, and not get into trouble." Gordo finished. "As far as I'm concerned, the ban has been lifted."
"And I agree." Miranda said with a shrug.
"Well....okay." Lizzie said, in no mood to argue. "So...movies?"