Standing still
Hermione was crying. She didn't usually cry but there were times when it needed only a word or a look and she couldn't resist the tears anymore.
Today it had been him again. She asked herself why he acted towards her like this -so cruel. He always made her feel like she was inferior to him. Of course, she knew that this was nonsense. Harry and Ron had told her often enough, but what Malfoy had said to her today wasn't the reason anyway. She simply had a feeling that her life was standing still. The same people, the same feelings, friends and foes. A strange dissatisfaction had settled in her stomach some months ago. Malfoys words had only been the last thing it had needed to make her realize this problem again.
She was now in her sixth year and things hadn't changed a bit since she had first entered this castle. She was Hermione Granger, top student, prefect, techers pet (exept maybe for Snape), Harry Potter's friend, a Gryffindor... Maybe this was the way life went. Maybe she just had to accept the fact that she couldn't or wouldn't change the course of life, even if it was her life...
"Mione? Whats up? Why are you upset?"
A soft voice was pulling her out of her thoughts. It was Harry. He was standing in the open door to her dormitory. She felt embarassed, he shouldn't see der like this -lieing on her bed, crying about stupid nonsense.
"Oh it's nothing, really Harry. I'm fine." she said.
"No you're not." He walked over to her. "Come on, what's bothering you? It's nit Malfoy that slimy git now, is it?" He looked angry.
"No, it's not because of him, not really at least..." And then she couldn't stop herself from launching into a description of her problem. She knew it was foolish and Harry wouldn't understand, but she felt slightly better afterwards. Harry looked at her.
"You know what Mione? I believe, I know what you mean. I sometimes feel that way, too. But it's no use thinking about it too much, you know, just live your life and don't bother with other people's expectations. You'll never be able to fullfill them all - it would tear you apart." She nodded. What he said made sense, it was just not easy to do.
"And now cheer up! It's friday and tonight will be a party at Hogsmeade. Right now, Ron and me wanted to go outside and enjoy the nice weather. Come with us, will you?" He smiled at her.
"Oh, allright. Just give me a few minutes to clear myself up. I'll meet you in the common room." With these words he stood up and changed into a light skirt and t-shirt. She went into the bathroom to check her face and found that she looked her usual self again. So she pucked up a blanket and the book she was currently reading and went downstairs to meet Harry and Ron. They were already waiting for her, both wearing shorts and shirt and carrying a chees game an a pack of "Exploding Snap". Together the three of them went outside.
The afternoon passed by and Hermione's previous thoughts were distracted by their conversations.
It was later that day, that they returned Harry and Ron had asked her whether she would also go to the party that night.
"I don't know... If I'm not in the common room by eight o'clock, please don't wait for me, ok?" she said.
"It's your decision Mione," Harry said. "but we'd be happy if you came."
It was five to eight and Hermione opened the door of the bathroom. She looked back an gave herself one last approving look.
When she entered the common room, she found that most of the Gryffindors were already leaving for Hogsmeade. Harry and Ron however were waiting by the fire. Her outfit earned her some compliments. Obviously, they were pleased that she had decided to come with them.
When they arrived at tha party, people were already dancing and having fun. Soon Hermione let herself be caught up by the atmosphere. They ordered drinks and -as the evening proceeded- got noticebly lightheaded.
Hermione danced with Harry, Ron, Seamus, Lee... Draco. At some point, it seemed, the two of them had simply ended up in front of each other. She had no idea why she didn't refuse to dance... Somehow it was too much fun.
'I'm drunk, that's all. And it's only a dance, where is the problem?' she told herself. And of course it didn't go any further than that.
Suddenly, Hermione felt very dizzy. And sick. She let Draco go and walked quickly in direction of the girls' toilet, swaying.
When she came out again, she looked for Harry and Ron, neither of whom seemed to be on the dancefloor. She cursed and headed for the door. The cool evening air felt good. Still a little weak, she sat down on a bench.
"What happened?" a familiar voice asked. Hermione jumped. She had sat down right next to Draco.
"Why do you care?" she snapped, maybe a little too harsh.
"Well, I was just wondering, what it was that made you storm off in the middle of a song... but never mind, I think I can guess." he said sarcastically, looking her up.
She hated tha way he looked at her. It made her feel uncomfortable. The last thing she had needed tonight was Malfoy seeing her sick.
"Hermione? Is that you?" Harry asked.
"Whats he doing here?" interrupted Ron. Irritated, Hermione looked aside to where Draco was sitting, wearing a slightly amused look.
"Yes, I'm fine. Really Harry, don't worry." she hesitated "Just let me sit here and relax a little more, ok? I'll find the way back on my own."
"But -" Ron started. He was interrupted by Harry.
"Fine, then we'll see you tomorrow morning."
And with these words he grabbed Ron's arm and pulled him away. Hermione could see them discussing with hushed voices until the darknes swallowed them,
She turned back to look at Draco. He wasn't looking at her so she just stared ahead into the darkness.
"Why didn't you go with them?" he suddenly asked. Hermione turned around.
"Honestly? ... I don't know."
But suddenly she realized that she did know the reason. It was a feeling that was completely knew to her. And that was exactly the point. Remaining here with Draco Malfoy was a situation so new to her that it seemed almost refreshing. Yes, she could have left with Harry and Ron but that would have been like any other time and exactly what she had complained about to Harry this afternoon.
Harry seemed to havenoticed her decision tonight even befor she had and she was grateful that he had pulled away Ron, for tonight was certainly not the time for explanations.
But she stopped herself from drifting away in her thoughts. After all, she was still sitting here with Draco Malfoy.
Hermione was crying. She didn't usually cry but there were times when it needed only a word or a look and she couldn't resist the tears anymore.
Today it had been him again. She asked herself why he acted towards her like this -so cruel. He always made her feel like she was inferior to him. Of course, she knew that this was nonsense. Harry and Ron had told her often enough, but what Malfoy had said to her today wasn't the reason anyway. She simply had a feeling that her life was standing still. The same people, the same feelings, friends and foes. A strange dissatisfaction had settled in her stomach some months ago. Malfoys words had only been the last thing it had needed to make her realize this problem again.
She was now in her sixth year and things hadn't changed a bit since she had first entered this castle. She was Hermione Granger, top student, prefect, techers pet (exept maybe for Snape), Harry Potter's friend, a Gryffindor... Maybe this was the way life went. Maybe she just had to accept the fact that she couldn't or wouldn't change the course of life, even if it was her life...
"Mione? Whats up? Why are you upset?"
A soft voice was pulling her out of her thoughts. It was Harry. He was standing in the open door to her dormitory. She felt embarassed, he shouldn't see der like this -lieing on her bed, crying about stupid nonsense.
"Oh it's nothing, really Harry. I'm fine." she said.
"No you're not." He walked over to her. "Come on, what's bothering you? It's nit Malfoy that slimy git now, is it?" He looked angry.
"No, it's not because of him, not really at least..." And then she couldn't stop herself from launching into a description of her problem. She knew it was foolish and Harry wouldn't understand, but she felt slightly better afterwards. Harry looked at her.
"You know what Mione? I believe, I know what you mean. I sometimes feel that way, too. But it's no use thinking about it too much, you know, just live your life and don't bother with other people's expectations. You'll never be able to fullfill them all - it would tear you apart." She nodded. What he said made sense, it was just not easy to do.
"And now cheer up! It's friday and tonight will be a party at Hogsmeade. Right now, Ron and me wanted to go outside and enjoy the nice weather. Come with us, will you?" He smiled at her.
"Oh, allright. Just give me a few minutes to clear myself up. I'll meet you in the common room." With these words he stood up and changed into a light skirt and t-shirt. She went into the bathroom to check her face and found that she looked her usual self again. So she pucked up a blanket and the book she was currently reading and went downstairs to meet Harry and Ron. They were already waiting for her, both wearing shorts and shirt and carrying a chees game an a pack of "Exploding Snap". Together the three of them went outside.
The afternoon passed by and Hermione's previous thoughts were distracted by their conversations.
It was later that day, that they returned Harry and Ron had asked her whether she would also go to the party that night.
"I don't know... If I'm not in the common room by eight o'clock, please don't wait for me, ok?" she said.
"It's your decision Mione," Harry said. "but we'd be happy if you came."
It was five to eight and Hermione opened the door of the bathroom. She looked back an gave herself one last approving look.
When she entered the common room, she found that most of the Gryffindors were already leaving for Hogsmeade. Harry and Ron however were waiting by the fire. Her outfit earned her some compliments. Obviously, they were pleased that she had decided to come with them.
When they arrived at tha party, people were already dancing and having fun. Soon Hermione let herself be caught up by the atmosphere. They ordered drinks and -as the evening proceeded- got noticebly lightheaded.
Hermione danced with Harry, Ron, Seamus, Lee... Draco. At some point, it seemed, the two of them had simply ended up in front of each other. She had no idea why she didn't refuse to dance... Somehow it was too much fun.
'I'm drunk, that's all. And it's only a dance, where is the problem?' she told herself. And of course it didn't go any further than that.
Suddenly, Hermione felt very dizzy. And sick. She let Draco go and walked quickly in direction of the girls' toilet, swaying.
When she came out again, she looked for Harry and Ron, neither of whom seemed to be on the dancefloor. She cursed and headed for the door. The cool evening air felt good. Still a little weak, she sat down on a bench.
"What happened?" a familiar voice asked. Hermione jumped. She had sat down right next to Draco.
"Why do you care?" she snapped, maybe a little too harsh.
"Well, I was just wondering, what it was that made you storm off in the middle of a song... but never mind, I think I can guess." he said sarcastically, looking her up.
She hated tha way he looked at her. It made her feel uncomfortable. The last thing she had needed tonight was Malfoy seeing her sick.
"Hermione? Is that you?" Harry asked.
"Whats he doing here?" interrupted Ron. Irritated, Hermione looked aside to where Draco was sitting, wearing a slightly amused look.
"Yes, I'm fine. Really Harry, don't worry." she hesitated "Just let me sit here and relax a little more, ok? I'll find the way back on my own."
"But -" Ron started. He was interrupted by Harry.
"Fine, then we'll see you tomorrow morning."
And with these words he grabbed Ron's arm and pulled him away. Hermione could see them discussing with hushed voices until the darknes swallowed them,
She turned back to look at Draco. He wasn't looking at her so she just stared ahead into the darkness.
"Why didn't you go with them?" he suddenly asked. Hermione turned around.
"Honestly? ... I don't know."
But suddenly she realized that she did know the reason. It was a feeling that was completely knew to her. And that was exactly the point. Remaining here with Draco Malfoy was a situation so new to her that it seemed almost refreshing. Yes, she could have left with Harry and Ron but that would have been like any other time and exactly what she had complained about to Harry this afternoon.
Harry seemed to havenoticed her decision tonight even befor she had and she was grateful that he had pulled away Ron, for tonight was certainly not the time for explanations.
But she stopped herself from drifting away in her thoughts. After all, she was still sitting here with Draco Malfoy.