Title: A New Beginning - Post Scene to Last Call
Author: Lynne Facella
Email: lynne1919@aol.com
Spoilers: Through current season 4
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of John Wells and Edward Allen Bernero. I wish they were mine but unfortunately they're not.
Summary: Ty and Sully return home after what took place at the cabin.
******
I nervously sat in the role call room, looking at the clock every two seconds. Damn it. Where was he? I saw Bosco shoot me a look from where he was sitting with Faith. I knew he was having the same misgivings I was regarding Sully. Maybe I should have stayed with him longer than I did. God...what if it had all been an act? What if he was back in his apartment drinking? What if...I couldn't even bear to think about the gun. I'd really thought that he was okay when I left him though, but now...I just didn't know what to think anymore...
******
Getting Sully to dry out had been worse than I could have imagined. Those days in the cabin, watching him suffer, listening as he lashed out at us, hurling insults, trying to hurt us in any way he could...
"Son of a bitch."
"I should have never asked you for help."
"You want to do something for me? Get the hell out of my life."
"I never wanted you around me. Never."
"I hate you."
I'd try not to let the stuff he was saying get to me. I guess it was impossible to totally remain unaffected. As much as I told myself he didn't know what he was saying, that he really didn't mean it, it still hurt. I managed to keep it together though until he told me that he was the reason my dad had been killed.
"The bullet that killed your father was meant for me."
That had really thrown me, and then he had started mouthing off, talking about my father supporting two families and stealing every dollar he could get his hands on. I'd finally just lost it. I'd lunged at Sully. Bosco and Doc had to pull me away. I knew I shouldn't have let him get to me like that, but I had.
"Don't you understand? Every good thing in my life dies because of me!"
That was when it hit me - when I really knew just what Sully had been carrying around inside him. Guilt...a tremendous amount of guilt - Guilt over the death of my father, guilt over Tatiana's death, guilt over me getting shot - blaming himself for things that just weren't his fault...
Finally we'd been able to return home. Bosco had dropped Sully off at his apartment and I got out of the car as well. I wasn't sure if Sully would fight me, try to get me to leave. If he had, I would have left. I guess he had every right to be sick of me by that point, but as it happens, he didn't. I followed him inside and he didn't say a word. I wasn't really sure what to say either, but I needed to come up with something...anything to break the silence.
"You should get some rest."
He gave me this surprised look, almost like he hadn't even known I was there. Then, after a long few moments, he nodded. "Yeah...yeah I should." He shuffled off towards his bedroom, turning back to look at me before he entered. "Make yourself at home."
"Thanks," I said quietly, nodding as he closed his bedroom door behind him.
I decided to straighten up his place a little bit while he was asleep. I washed the dirty dishes that were stacked in his sink and scrubbed his countertops. Then I went into his living room and picked up the empty takeout containers and coffee cups that had tumbled to the floor the night we nabbed Sully to take him to the cabin. I looked around and found that the place looked halfway decent so I plopped down on the couch. The thought of going back to my apartment and sleeping for a week was more than a little bit appealing, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave Sully alone...not yet...
I turned on the television set and mindlessly flicked through the channels, but then turned it off again a few minutes later. I wasn't in the mood for t.v. Sully's couch wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world for a tall guy like me, but I was dog-tired and it really didn't matter. Both my mind and my body desperately needed rest, so I stretched out on his couch and before I knew it, I was sound asleep.
******
I wasn't sure how long I slept, but when I started to stir, I realized that there was a warm comforter covering me. I knew I was in Sully's apartment, but I didn't remember there being a comforter. I opened my eyes and I could see Sully who was just sitting in a chair, watching me.
"Hey." I slowly sat up and gave him a long look. "How are you feeling?"
"You've been asleep for a while," he commented, avoiding my question.
"Yeah well...I was pretty tired." I was actually still tired, but figured I'd get some real rest once I was back at my apartment in my own bed.
"I can see why."
I examined him with my eyes, trying not to be too obvious about it. He looked much better. I mean he still wasn't looking great, but he was looking a whole lot healthier than he had looked at the cabin. "You're looking better..."
"I feel like crap," he said, chuckling softly. I found myself smiling back at him. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a good sign.
"That's understandable."
We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. "Thanks for the comforter," I said finally. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't really think of anything better at the moment.
"You're welcome."
I sighed softly, hating that even having a simple conversation between us was now so difficult. "I'm kind of hungry." I got up from the couch and began to fold the comforter neatly. "How about you? I could make us something or I could call for a pizza?"
"I don't think I'm up for pizza," Sully said, with an expression of distaste. "Maybe just some soup."
"Okay..." Of course he wouldn't want pizza after what he'd just gone through. I felt like an idiot for even suggesting it. I wasn't sure what I had been thinking. I walked out to Sully's kitchen and opened the first cabinet I came to, finding a bunch of dishes and glasses.
"It's the one on the far left," Sully called from the living room.
"Okay, thanks." I found the right cabinet and inside it was a large variety of canned goods; soups, vegetables, and canned spaghetti. I had a mental image of Sully coming home after work late at night and heating up a can of soup or whatever to eat and it made me feel sad. I'd known the guy was lonesome, but I just hadn't paid enough attention. I knew Bosco would be aggravated that I was taking on some of the blame for this, but Bosco wasn't here right now. "What kind of soup do you want, Sully? I called.
"It doesn't matter, chicken, whatever." He sounded pretty weary. I opened up a can of chicken noodle soup and poured it into a pan to heat it. As I waited for the liquid to boil, I thought about what had transpired over the past few days. It was a lot to process really. I just hoped that we'd been successful. I was feeling pretty positive about it though. In the end, I felt like I'd finally managed to get through to Sully. I hoped he knew I cared about him no matter what.
"Davis, what are you doing? It's boiling over!"
Startled, I looked down at the soup, which was spilling over the sides of the pan onto the stove. "Shit." I quickly grabbed the handle of the pan and moved it from the burner, then turned off the stove. "Sorry," I said, giving him a sheepish look.
"No big deal. I'll get some bowls." Sully opened up a cabinet and pulled out two bowls then handed them to me. I poured the soup into the bowls and put them down on the table while Sully went and got a couple of spoons and some saltines.
"You want something to drink?" he asked.
"Nah," I'm good."
We sat down at the table and I watched as Sully crumbled some crackers into his soup. It was good to see that he was trying at least. We ate in relative silence. Small talk didn't really seem appropriate and I didn't think either of us was really up for any deep conversations with all that had happened. After we'd finished, I got up and reached for the bowls to take them to the sink.
"Davis, don't. I'll take care of it."
"Uh...yeah okay..." Sully got up and took the bowls to the sink, rinsing them and putting them in the drainer, while I stood there, feeling more than a little bit awkward.
"You probably ought to get going," he said, turning towards me.
"Okay..." I was a little reluctant, but I couldn't really think of any excuse to stay. I couldn't stay with the guy forever. At some point I was going to have to trust him and I guessed the time was now.
We went into the living room and I put on my jacket and hat, knowing it was going to be a cold walk to the subway station. "So...you're okay?" I couldn't help asking the question. I guessed I just needed a little bit of reassurance.
"Yeah. Don't worry."
I nodded as I headed for the door. Just as I reached for the doorknob, he spoke.
"Ty?"
"Yeah?" I turned towards him, giving him an expectant look. "What is it, Sul?"
He shoved his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet nervously, looking down at the floor. Finally he raised his head to meet my gaze. "I just want to say...well thanks..."
"You're welcome," I said, giving him a small smile. "Listen...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Sully nodded as he returned my smile. "Yeah. See ya tomorrow."
******
That was the last contact I'd had with him. I'd considered calling him a number of times, but I'd decided not to. I didn't want him to think I was hounding him. I knew I needed to give him room to breathe. As the clock ticked on though, I was beginning to have some really serious doubts. Just when I had about given up hope, I saw Bosco trying to catch my eye and he nodded towards the door. There was Sully, wearing his uniform and looking ready to go. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, immediately feeling a whole lot better. After role call, I walked over to him and he handed me a cup. "Mocha Cappuccino," he said as he handed it to me.
"Thanks." I smiled as we headed out to begin our patrol.
"So... Are you doing okay?"
"Yeah, not bad," he replied as he walked towards the passenger side of our RMP. "You can drive."
I got in behind the wheel, put the key in the ignition and started to pull away from the station.
"I went to an AA meeting..." His voice was soft, the words almost imperceptible, but I heard him.
"You did?" I know I sounded surprised, but truthfully I was. I really hadn't expected that at all.
"Yeah I did, don't sound so surprised," Sully said with a bit of a chuckle. "Figured I didn't want all that you guys did to go to waste so...I'm willing to give it a shot."
"That's great news, Sul..." I was grinning like a fool, but I couldn't help it. This was the best news he could have given me. I knew Sully still had a bumpy road ahead of him, but hopefully this would be a brand new beginning for him.
Author: Lynne Facella
Email: lynne1919@aol.com
Spoilers: Through current season 4
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of John Wells and Edward Allen Bernero. I wish they were mine but unfortunately they're not.
Summary: Ty and Sully return home after what took place at the cabin.
******
I nervously sat in the role call room, looking at the clock every two seconds. Damn it. Where was he? I saw Bosco shoot me a look from where he was sitting with Faith. I knew he was having the same misgivings I was regarding Sully. Maybe I should have stayed with him longer than I did. God...what if it had all been an act? What if he was back in his apartment drinking? What if...I couldn't even bear to think about the gun. I'd really thought that he was okay when I left him though, but now...I just didn't know what to think anymore...
******
Getting Sully to dry out had been worse than I could have imagined. Those days in the cabin, watching him suffer, listening as he lashed out at us, hurling insults, trying to hurt us in any way he could...
"Son of a bitch."
"I should have never asked you for help."
"You want to do something for me? Get the hell out of my life."
"I never wanted you around me. Never."
"I hate you."
I'd try not to let the stuff he was saying get to me. I guess it was impossible to totally remain unaffected. As much as I told myself he didn't know what he was saying, that he really didn't mean it, it still hurt. I managed to keep it together though until he told me that he was the reason my dad had been killed.
"The bullet that killed your father was meant for me."
That had really thrown me, and then he had started mouthing off, talking about my father supporting two families and stealing every dollar he could get his hands on. I'd finally just lost it. I'd lunged at Sully. Bosco and Doc had to pull me away. I knew I shouldn't have let him get to me like that, but I had.
"Don't you understand? Every good thing in my life dies because of me!"
That was when it hit me - when I really knew just what Sully had been carrying around inside him. Guilt...a tremendous amount of guilt - Guilt over the death of my father, guilt over Tatiana's death, guilt over me getting shot - blaming himself for things that just weren't his fault...
Finally we'd been able to return home. Bosco had dropped Sully off at his apartment and I got out of the car as well. I wasn't sure if Sully would fight me, try to get me to leave. If he had, I would have left. I guess he had every right to be sick of me by that point, but as it happens, he didn't. I followed him inside and he didn't say a word. I wasn't really sure what to say either, but I needed to come up with something...anything to break the silence.
"You should get some rest."
He gave me this surprised look, almost like he hadn't even known I was there. Then, after a long few moments, he nodded. "Yeah...yeah I should." He shuffled off towards his bedroom, turning back to look at me before he entered. "Make yourself at home."
"Thanks," I said quietly, nodding as he closed his bedroom door behind him.
I decided to straighten up his place a little bit while he was asleep. I washed the dirty dishes that were stacked in his sink and scrubbed his countertops. Then I went into his living room and picked up the empty takeout containers and coffee cups that had tumbled to the floor the night we nabbed Sully to take him to the cabin. I looked around and found that the place looked halfway decent so I plopped down on the couch. The thought of going back to my apartment and sleeping for a week was more than a little bit appealing, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave Sully alone...not yet...
I turned on the television set and mindlessly flicked through the channels, but then turned it off again a few minutes later. I wasn't in the mood for t.v. Sully's couch wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world for a tall guy like me, but I was dog-tired and it really didn't matter. Both my mind and my body desperately needed rest, so I stretched out on his couch and before I knew it, I was sound asleep.
******
I wasn't sure how long I slept, but when I started to stir, I realized that there was a warm comforter covering me. I knew I was in Sully's apartment, but I didn't remember there being a comforter. I opened my eyes and I could see Sully who was just sitting in a chair, watching me.
"Hey." I slowly sat up and gave him a long look. "How are you feeling?"
"You've been asleep for a while," he commented, avoiding my question.
"Yeah well...I was pretty tired." I was actually still tired, but figured I'd get some real rest once I was back at my apartment in my own bed.
"I can see why."
I examined him with my eyes, trying not to be too obvious about it. He looked much better. I mean he still wasn't looking great, but he was looking a whole lot healthier than he had looked at the cabin. "You're looking better..."
"I feel like crap," he said, chuckling softly. I found myself smiling back at him. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a good sign.
"That's understandable."
We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. "Thanks for the comforter," I said finally. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't really think of anything better at the moment.
"You're welcome."
I sighed softly, hating that even having a simple conversation between us was now so difficult. "I'm kind of hungry." I got up from the couch and began to fold the comforter neatly. "How about you? I could make us something or I could call for a pizza?"
"I don't think I'm up for pizza," Sully said, with an expression of distaste. "Maybe just some soup."
"Okay..." Of course he wouldn't want pizza after what he'd just gone through. I felt like an idiot for even suggesting it. I wasn't sure what I had been thinking. I walked out to Sully's kitchen and opened the first cabinet I came to, finding a bunch of dishes and glasses.
"It's the one on the far left," Sully called from the living room.
"Okay, thanks." I found the right cabinet and inside it was a large variety of canned goods; soups, vegetables, and canned spaghetti. I had a mental image of Sully coming home after work late at night and heating up a can of soup or whatever to eat and it made me feel sad. I'd known the guy was lonesome, but I just hadn't paid enough attention. I knew Bosco would be aggravated that I was taking on some of the blame for this, but Bosco wasn't here right now. "What kind of soup do you want, Sully? I called.
"It doesn't matter, chicken, whatever." He sounded pretty weary. I opened up a can of chicken noodle soup and poured it into a pan to heat it. As I waited for the liquid to boil, I thought about what had transpired over the past few days. It was a lot to process really. I just hoped that we'd been successful. I was feeling pretty positive about it though. In the end, I felt like I'd finally managed to get through to Sully. I hoped he knew I cared about him no matter what.
"Davis, what are you doing? It's boiling over!"
Startled, I looked down at the soup, which was spilling over the sides of the pan onto the stove. "Shit." I quickly grabbed the handle of the pan and moved it from the burner, then turned off the stove. "Sorry," I said, giving him a sheepish look.
"No big deal. I'll get some bowls." Sully opened up a cabinet and pulled out two bowls then handed them to me. I poured the soup into the bowls and put them down on the table while Sully went and got a couple of spoons and some saltines.
"You want something to drink?" he asked.
"Nah," I'm good."
We sat down at the table and I watched as Sully crumbled some crackers into his soup. It was good to see that he was trying at least. We ate in relative silence. Small talk didn't really seem appropriate and I didn't think either of us was really up for any deep conversations with all that had happened. After we'd finished, I got up and reached for the bowls to take them to the sink.
"Davis, don't. I'll take care of it."
"Uh...yeah okay..." Sully got up and took the bowls to the sink, rinsing them and putting them in the drainer, while I stood there, feeling more than a little bit awkward.
"You probably ought to get going," he said, turning towards me.
"Okay..." I was a little reluctant, but I couldn't really think of any excuse to stay. I couldn't stay with the guy forever. At some point I was going to have to trust him and I guessed the time was now.
We went into the living room and I put on my jacket and hat, knowing it was going to be a cold walk to the subway station. "So...you're okay?" I couldn't help asking the question. I guessed I just needed a little bit of reassurance.
"Yeah. Don't worry."
I nodded as I headed for the door. Just as I reached for the doorknob, he spoke.
"Ty?"
"Yeah?" I turned towards him, giving him an expectant look. "What is it, Sul?"
He shoved his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet nervously, looking down at the floor. Finally he raised his head to meet my gaze. "I just want to say...well thanks..."
"You're welcome," I said, giving him a small smile. "Listen...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Sully nodded as he returned my smile. "Yeah. See ya tomorrow."
******
That was the last contact I'd had with him. I'd considered calling him a number of times, but I'd decided not to. I didn't want him to think I was hounding him. I knew I needed to give him room to breathe. As the clock ticked on though, I was beginning to have some really serious doubts. Just when I had about given up hope, I saw Bosco trying to catch my eye and he nodded towards the door. There was Sully, wearing his uniform and looking ready to go. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, immediately feeling a whole lot better. After role call, I walked over to him and he handed me a cup. "Mocha Cappuccino," he said as he handed it to me.
"Thanks." I smiled as we headed out to begin our patrol.
"So... Are you doing okay?"
"Yeah, not bad," he replied as he walked towards the passenger side of our RMP. "You can drive."
I got in behind the wheel, put the key in the ignition and started to pull away from the station.
"I went to an AA meeting..." His voice was soft, the words almost imperceptible, but I heard him.
"You did?" I know I sounded surprised, but truthfully I was. I really hadn't expected that at all.
"Yeah I did, don't sound so surprised," Sully said with a bit of a chuckle. "Figured I didn't want all that you guys did to go to waste so...I'm willing to give it a shot."
"That's great news, Sul..." I was grinning like a fool, but I couldn't help it. This was the best news he could have given me. I knew Sully still had a bumpy road ahead of him, but hopefully this would be a brand new beginning for him.