Title: A New Beginning - Post Scene to Last Call
Author: Lynne Facella
Email: lynne1919@aol.com
Spoilers: Through current season 4
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of John Wells and Edward Allen Bernero. I wish they were mine but unfortunately they're not.
Summary: Sully and Ty return home after what happened at the Cabin. Sully's point of view.
******
Finally we were on our way home. I was exhausted, just totally wiped out. It had been a hell of a past few days. No matter what I'd said or done, in my desperate attempts to get a drink, I'd been thwarted.
I gave them credit for sticking with me the way they did. Hell, Bosco wasn't even what I would call a friend, but he'd put up with my crap. Even now, I couldn't even believe half the shit I'd said to him.
"He probably drinks because he can't stand to be sober around you."
Imagine what its like for him, having a son like you. I'd drink myself silly too."
He hates your guts, Bosco."
It was cruel. I said things to him I had no right to say, stuff he definitely didn't deserve to hear. I had no idea why Bosco didn't hightail it out of the cabin, telling me to go to hell, but it told me a lot about the guy's character that he stayed.
And then there was Davis... He continued to astound me. No matter how much abuse I heaped on him, he kept coming back for more. In some sick way, I'd wanted to see just how far I could push him, almost like a game.
"Don't you know that just looking at you makes me remember? I never wanted you around me. Never."
"I hate you."
Of course I didn't mean it. I hoped he knew I didn't mean it...
Bosco pulled up in front of my building and I heard Davis ask if he would hang onto his bag until the next day. Guessed I wasn't getting rid of him so easily. I grunted a quick "thanks" at Bosco and quickly got out of the car. The sooner I was back inside my own apartment, the better I was going to like it. I didn't think I wanted to spend another day in the great outdoors for as long as I lived. I started towards the building without even acknowledging Davis who was trailing along behind me. We walked up to my apartment and it wasn't until we were inside that he actually said something. "You should get some rest." I looked at him in surprise - guess I really hadn't expected him to say anything to me.
I headed into my bedroom, telling him to make himself at home. I really wanted to take a shower, but just didn't have the energy to do it. I didn't even bother to change my clothes, just climbed into bed. As tired as I was though, I couldn't fall into a sound sleep. I could hear Davis clattering around my apartment, obviously cleaning it up for me. Maggie had done a hell of a job raising this kid. His father would have been proud. With that thought in my mind, I finally felt my eyes begin to close and I drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up, I glanced at the clock on the bedside table and realized that I hadn't been asleep for very long at all. I just lay there for a while, listening to the stillness in the apartment. It was so quiet that I wondered if Davis had decided to go on home. I rolled out from under the covers and quietly padded out of the bedroom to the living room. He was still there, stretched out on the couch, fast asleep. I went back into the bedroom and opened up the closet, pulling a down comforter down from the top shelf. It had been Tatiana's favorite. She'd really loved the damn thing, had always gone on about how warm it was. Since her death, I hadn't been able to bring myself to use it, but I couldn't bear to get rid of it either. I brought the comforter back out to the living room and gently covered Davis with it. I stood there, looking at him for a few long moments, before deciding to take a long overdue shower.
After a steamy hot shower, I was beginning to feel almost human again. I changed into a clean pair of pants and a shirt and went back into the living room. Davis was really dead to the world. He hadn't budged since I left him. Thinking to myself that I really needed to get more furniture, I brought a chair from the kitchen into the living room. Then I just sat there, watching Davis sleep. Guessed I'd really taken a lot out of him. Now that I was looking at the world through clearer eyes, I could see how badly he'd wanted to help me. Pissed as I was that he'd gone to the union, I knew he must have been at the end of his rope to have done it.
With all the shit I'd hurled at him, he'd still hung in there, refusing to leave my side. I'd really thought I'd gotten to him though when I told him his father was dead because of me, and then I'd made that crack about his father having to support two families and stealing every dollar he could get his hands on. He'd come at me then and I had been mentally cheering him on to beat the crap out of me. Bosco and Doc had hauled him off me though and he'd gotten himself back under control. God...looking back, I wasn't quite sure how I could have said that to him.
"I'm sorry, Ty," I murmured, apologizing to both of my partners, father and son, past and present. Both who meant the world to me.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," I whispered, hastily swiping at the tears I could feel starting to well in my eyes. I just cared about him so much and was so damn scared that I was going to end up getting him killed one of these days.
"Don't you understand? Every good thing in my life dies because of me!"
That was the truth, plain and simple. When I'd screamed that at him, I'd gotten to the heart of the matter. I wasn't strong enough to lose another person in my life the way I'd lost Ty's dad and Tatiana...the way I had almost lost Ty... Much better to push him away, hell I would have rather he hated me forever as long as he was safe. He wouldn't back down though. I'd given it my best shot, but he'd still stuck by me.
"I'm not leaving. This is where I belong. And it's not because of you. It's because of me. We're partners...family..."
I thought of him as family too, probably a lot more than he was even aware of. I was so completely lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even realized that Ty was awake, watching me as intently as I was watching him. He asked how I was, but I didn't really answer him, not wanting to talk about myself anymore.
He decided to fix us something to eat after I nixed his suggestion of pizza. I'd thrown up so many times in the past few days and I knew there was no way I could handle eating pizza. I figured I could keep soup down so I agreed to that. I could hear him banging around in the kitchen and then just more silence. Finally I decided to get up off my ass and join him. When I got into the kitchen, he was standing there at the stove, obviously a million miles away, since the soup was boiling over and he didn't even seem to notice.
"Davis, what are you doing? It's boiling over!" I shouted at him, bringing him back out of his little dream world.
I got some bowls, spoons and crackers and we sat down together to eat. It was the quietest meal I could remember having, at least with him. I couldn't help longing for the days when we'd tease each other back and forth, joking and laughing... Hell, we'd sung "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" in the RMP. We'd gone through such a lot together, good and bad. I still had my mom, but she didn't even know who I was anymore. Pretty much Ty was it...the most important person in my life.
We finished eating and he started to gather up the dishes, but I stopped him. He'd done enough...more than enough. I needed to start to do things for myself again. He needed to let me. I brought the dishes to the sink and quickly washed them, then turned back to Davis who didn't seem to know what to do with himself.
"You probably ought to get going," I said to him. I knew he had to be exhausted and that he needed to be home in his own bed, not here on my couch. He seemed a little bit reluctant to leave, and truthfully, it wasn't like I was trying to get rid of him. But it was what had to be done. I knew he wanted to do it all for me, but I couldn't let him. It wasn't good for him and it definitely wasn't good for me.
I watched quietly as he put on his jacket and hat and headed towards the door. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I couldn't find the words just now. I knew I had to say something though.
"Ty?" I said softly, just as he was about to open the door. He turned back to me and I finally just told him thanks. It wasn't much, but I could tell by the look on his face that it was enough for him. All he wanted was for me to be okay and hopefully I'd be able to do that for him.
******
After Ty left, I decided to head back to bed and hopefully to sleep. This time I was much more successful than the first time. I slept straight through until the following morning. When I awoke, I felt better than I had in some time. I showered, shaved and dressed and then went into the kitchen, deciding to clean out the refrigerator. The milk was well beyond the expiration date and there were some other things that I didn't even recognize. I did a thorough cleaning job and then headed to the market to get some groceries.
It wasn't until later in the day, after I'd put everything away and had eaten some lunch, that I started thinking about things. Tatiana's comforter was still lying neatly folded on the couch, where Ty had left it the day before. The thoughts were beginning again. I restlessly paced around the apartment, feeling cooped up, like I needed to get out. Only thing was, I wanted to go to a bar. I forced myself to think of Davis' face, the things I'd said to him, the look in his eyes as I said them. I couldn't do it to him. I just couldn't. I found a phone book and fumbled through the pages, finally finding what I was searching for. It wasn't what I wanted, but I guessed it was what I needed to do.
******
The AA meeting went okay. I didn't speak or anything. No way was I ready for that, but I went and I listened and it got me through until it was time for my shift. I ended up running a little on the late side, partly because of the meeting, partly because I stopped for mocha cappuccinos before I got to the station. Davis liked them and I hoped he'd see it as a sign that I really wanted things to work out.
I was going to try anyhow...it was the best I could do for now...
Author: Lynne Facella
Email: lynne1919@aol.com
Spoilers: Through current season 4
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of John Wells and Edward Allen Bernero. I wish they were mine but unfortunately they're not.
Summary: Sully and Ty return home after what happened at the Cabin. Sully's point of view.
******
Finally we were on our way home. I was exhausted, just totally wiped out. It had been a hell of a past few days. No matter what I'd said or done, in my desperate attempts to get a drink, I'd been thwarted.
I gave them credit for sticking with me the way they did. Hell, Bosco wasn't even what I would call a friend, but he'd put up with my crap. Even now, I couldn't even believe half the shit I'd said to him.
"He probably drinks because he can't stand to be sober around you."
Imagine what its like for him, having a son like you. I'd drink myself silly too."
He hates your guts, Bosco."
It was cruel. I said things to him I had no right to say, stuff he definitely didn't deserve to hear. I had no idea why Bosco didn't hightail it out of the cabin, telling me to go to hell, but it told me a lot about the guy's character that he stayed.
And then there was Davis... He continued to astound me. No matter how much abuse I heaped on him, he kept coming back for more. In some sick way, I'd wanted to see just how far I could push him, almost like a game.
"Don't you know that just looking at you makes me remember? I never wanted you around me. Never."
"I hate you."
Of course I didn't mean it. I hoped he knew I didn't mean it...
Bosco pulled up in front of my building and I heard Davis ask if he would hang onto his bag until the next day. Guessed I wasn't getting rid of him so easily. I grunted a quick "thanks" at Bosco and quickly got out of the car. The sooner I was back inside my own apartment, the better I was going to like it. I didn't think I wanted to spend another day in the great outdoors for as long as I lived. I started towards the building without even acknowledging Davis who was trailing along behind me. We walked up to my apartment and it wasn't until we were inside that he actually said something. "You should get some rest." I looked at him in surprise - guess I really hadn't expected him to say anything to me.
I headed into my bedroom, telling him to make himself at home. I really wanted to take a shower, but just didn't have the energy to do it. I didn't even bother to change my clothes, just climbed into bed. As tired as I was though, I couldn't fall into a sound sleep. I could hear Davis clattering around my apartment, obviously cleaning it up for me. Maggie had done a hell of a job raising this kid. His father would have been proud. With that thought in my mind, I finally felt my eyes begin to close and I drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up, I glanced at the clock on the bedside table and realized that I hadn't been asleep for very long at all. I just lay there for a while, listening to the stillness in the apartment. It was so quiet that I wondered if Davis had decided to go on home. I rolled out from under the covers and quietly padded out of the bedroom to the living room. He was still there, stretched out on the couch, fast asleep. I went back into the bedroom and opened up the closet, pulling a down comforter down from the top shelf. It had been Tatiana's favorite. She'd really loved the damn thing, had always gone on about how warm it was. Since her death, I hadn't been able to bring myself to use it, but I couldn't bear to get rid of it either. I brought the comforter back out to the living room and gently covered Davis with it. I stood there, looking at him for a few long moments, before deciding to take a long overdue shower.
After a steamy hot shower, I was beginning to feel almost human again. I changed into a clean pair of pants and a shirt and went back into the living room. Davis was really dead to the world. He hadn't budged since I left him. Thinking to myself that I really needed to get more furniture, I brought a chair from the kitchen into the living room. Then I just sat there, watching Davis sleep. Guessed I'd really taken a lot out of him. Now that I was looking at the world through clearer eyes, I could see how badly he'd wanted to help me. Pissed as I was that he'd gone to the union, I knew he must have been at the end of his rope to have done it.
With all the shit I'd hurled at him, he'd still hung in there, refusing to leave my side. I'd really thought I'd gotten to him though when I told him his father was dead because of me, and then I'd made that crack about his father having to support two families and stealing every dollar he could get his hands on. He'd come at me then and I had been mentally cheering him on to beat the crap out of me. Bosco and Doc had hauled him off me though and he'd gotten himself back under control. God...looking back, I wasn't quite sure how I could have said that to him.
"I'm sorry, Ty," I murmured, apologizing to both of my partners, father and son, past and present. Both who meant the world to me.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," I whispered, hastily swiping at the tears I could feel starting to well in my eyes. I just cared about him so much and was so damn scared that I was going to end up getting him killed one of these days.
"Don't you understand? Every good thing in my life dies because of me!"
That was the truth, plain and simple. When I'd screamed that at him, I'd gotten to the heart of the matter. I wasn't strong enough to lose another person in my life the way I'd lost Ty's dad and Tatiana...the way I had almost lost Ty... Much better to push him away, hell I would have rather he hated me forever as long as he was safe. He wouldn't back down though. I'd given it my best shot, but he'd still stuck by me.
"I'm not leaving. This is where I belong. And it's not because of you. It's because of me. We're partners...family..."
I thought of him as family too, probably a lot more than he was even aware of. I was so completely lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even realized that Ty was awake, watching me as intently as I was watching him. He asked how I was, but I didn't really answer him, not wanting to talk about myself anymore.
He decided to fix us something to eat after I nixed his suggestion of pizza. I'd thrown up so many times in the past few days and I knew there was no way I could handle eating pizza. I figured I could keep soup down so I agreed to that. I could hear him banging around in the kitchen and then just more silence. Finally I decided to get up off my ass and join him. When I got into the kitchen, he was standing there at the stove, obviously a million miles away, since the soup was boiling over and he didn't even seem to notice.
"Davis, what are you doing? It's boiling over!" I shouted at him, bringing him back out of his little dream world.
I got some bowls, spoons and crackers and we sat down together to eat. It was the quietest meal I could remember having, at least with him. I couldn't help longing for the days when we'd tease each other back and forth, joking and laughing... Hell, we'd sung "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" in the RMP. We'd gone through such a lot together, good and bad. I still had my mom, but she didn't even know who I was anymore. Pretty much Ty was it...the most important person in my life.
We finished eating and he started to gather up the dishes, but I stopped him. He'd done enough...more than enough. I needed to start to do things for myself again. He needed to let me. I brought the dishes to the sink and quickly washed them, then turned back to Davis who didn't seem to know what to do with himself.
"You probably ought to get going," I said to him. I knew he had to be exhausted and that he needed to be home in his own bed, not here on my couch. He seemed a little bit reluctant to leave, and truthfully, it wasn't like I was trying to get rid of him. But it was what had to be done. I knew he wanted to do it all for me, but I couldn't let him. It wasn't good for him and it definitely wasn't good for me.
I watched quietly as he put on his jacket and hat and headed towards the door. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I couldn't find the words just now. I knew I had to say something though.
"Ty?" I said softly, just as he was about to open the door. He turned back to me and I finally just told him thanks. It wasn't much, but I could tell by the look on his face that it was enough for him. All he wanted was for me to be okay and hopefully I'd be able to do that for him.
******
After Ty left, I decided to head back to bed and hopefully to sleep. This time I was much more successful than the first time. I slept straight through until the following morning. When I awoke, I felt better than I had in some time. I showered, shaved and dressed and then went into the kitchen, deciding to clean out the refrigerator. The milk was well beyond the expiration date and there were some other things that I didn't even recognize. I did a thorough cleaning job and then headed to the market to get some groceries.
It wasn't until later in the day, after I'd put everything away and had eaten some lunch, that I started thinking about things. Tatiana's comforter was still lying neatly folded on the couch, where Ty had left it the day before. The thoughts were beginning again. I restlessly paced around the apartment, feeling cooped up, like I needed to get out. Only thing was, I wanted to go to a bar. I forced myself to think of Davis' face, the things I'd said to him, the look in his eyes as I said them. I couldn't do it to him. I just couldn't. I found a phone book and fumbled through the pages, finally finding what I was searching for. It wasn't what I wanted, but I guessed it was what I needed to do.
******
The AA meeting went okay. I didn't speak or anything. No way was I ready for that, but I went and I listened and it got me through until it was time for my shift. I ended up running a little on the late side, partly because of the meeting, partly because I stopped for mocha cappuccinos before I got to the station. Davis liked them and I hoped he'd see it as a sign that I really wanted things to work out.
I was going to try anyhow...it was the best I could do for now...