A/N: I do not own Star Wars. That's a given. :) This is just Padme's POV on Anakin's possible leave during Episode 3. I dunno. You figure it out. It's rather depressing so be warned. :) Based loosely off "My Immortal" by Evanescence. I of course do not own any rights to that either. Duh! Just some random thoughts I had that sprang to mind while listening to that song after to many times. Sorry if it is a bit choppy. I had fun writing it. And as always don't forget to review!!
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I stand here alone, looking up at the stars twinkling against the midnight blue sky. I wonder where you are and what has become of you. Terrible rumors have been reaching my ears about you. Stories of the death and destruction you are reeking through out the galaxy upon innocent peoples. I try to tell myself that they are not true. That it is all lies. I know in my heart I'm wrong.
What happened to you?
Once you were mine. Mine alone, to love and hold. Now you're gone. You let the darkness consume you. How could you? Was it my fault? Was it something I did? This uncertainty, this not knowing is driving me insane. I can not bear thinking it might have been me that drove you to this.
Once you loved me with all your heart. I believed you would never leave me. I tried to ignore that dark, jaded part in your heart that surfaced sometimes, much to your chagrin. You tried to hide it, tried to suppress it. I was to blind to notice. I did not want to think that anything could destroy our love and happiness. I pretended that it was not there even when it was staring me in the face. Even up to the very end before you left me. I still believe that somewhere in that steel heart of yours that you still love me. Somewhere in you is the man I once knew and loved.
What happened to him?
I know you're out there some where. I wonder if you still think of me at all. I still think of you all the time, every moment of every day it seems like. You take up my every thought.
I used to laugh and smile so much when you were with me. You could always make me happy. You used to captivate me by the love for life and joy that used to dance in your eyes. You seemed so young and alive then, so full of energy, dreams, and hope. Now your heart has darkened and your thoughts are jaded. When you left, as clique as it sounds, you took away the sun in my life. You took the joy and light my heart fed off of. Was it the same for you?
Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Sometimes I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. I lie in bed in the morning wishing your warm body was there beside me. My bed is always cold now. My thoughts have grown even colder. Do you know how much I love you? I will always love you.
I wish I could just let you go. I wish my thoughts weren't so occupied by you. I try to tell myself you're gone, that you won't come back. I can't let myself believe that though. I keep hoping and praying that you'll come back to me. Why do I let myself think this? I wish your presence would just leave. It still lingers here with me, causing me this pain. Everything reminds me of you. I can not get away from you. It is an endless torment I bear because of my love for you. No amount of time will be able to erase that part of you that you left behind in my heart. I don't want it to. I want to remember how you were before you were lost to me.
I always wonder what I could have done to prevent what happened. If I could have changed the way things had gone would it have made a difference? Should I have let myself fall in love with you? Should I have listened to my head all along and refused to let our feelings take control? I tell myself sometimes that I was a fool to think that it would all work out, that my head knew what was best, not my heart. Somehow that pessimistic side of me had known all along that it couldn't work. He was after all Jedi and I was a senator. We each had our own duties and responsibilities. It was silly of us to try and disregard them.
Yet, I can't believe this either. Love conquers all so the old saying goes. I gave love its chance, but destiny was stronger for you, I suppose. You could not walk away from the power that resided in you. It was your place in the Force that had been set from the beginning. Who was I to try and stop what fate had already decided?
Still I wish you were here.
My hand falls to rest on the swell of my belly. A light kick touches my hand, and I smile. In my womb, two babies are developing more and more with each passing day. Our babies, yours and mine. I wish I could tell you that soon you will be a father of beautiful twins. I know you would have been overjoyed. You would have made a great father. You would love them as much as I do. You always talked of having children. Now you're not here to see them. Our children will never know there father and it breaks my heart to know this.
I look up at the stars and my heart yearns for you. I want to be with you so much it hurts. I'm so alone, alone and afraid. I miss you. I can only hope you'll come back to me. The stars shine so brightly above me. They seem so close, yet so far away at the same time.
Where ever you are, Anakin. I will always love you. I hope you know that.
Finis!!
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