Chapter 3: The night before
The Fate Bar, Tuesday 11:30 p.m….
It was a slow night for Gilgamesh One's biggest bar, Airazor noted. Only three people had to be flung out by the six eyed, nine foot tall reptilian bartender (whose race Airazor couldn't quite place) and for once, all patrons had (so far) upheld the rule of no weapons usage. In fact, it had been quite a peaceful night until…
"Well, look who's here!"
The falcon swiveled to her left and found herself face to face with Blackarachnia. There was a large frothy drink in her claw and a smirk on her face, the latter of which never even sagged as Airazor aimed her pistol at the black widow.
"Hey hey hey!" the bar tender yelled. "Can't ya read?" He extended a claw toward a hanging sign bearing the legend "No guns/explosives/melee weapons allowed".
Airazor turned from the bar tender to Blackarachnia, who spread her arms out in a (mocking?) gesture of peace. The Maximal reluctantly put her pistol back into its subspace compartment.
"What're you doing here anyway?" she asked the spider, as she sat at Airazor's table.
"What?" Blackarachnia replied in an exaggerated show of innocence. "A girl can't enjoy a drink in this fine establishment?"
"No, I meant what are you doing at…what in the Pit is that thing anyway?" said Airazor, pointing to the extremely volatile drink Blackarachnia had laid on the table.
"This?" Blackarachnia held the drink up. "It's a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster."
"A Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster?" Airazor's optics widened. "That drink's been banned in twenty galaxies!"
"Twenty-five, actually. Grank'spuk over there just happens to be a whiz at making these."
Airazor followed Blackarachnia's claw to the bartender. She stared for a few seconds before the Predacon's voice, high with mockery and sarcasm, filtered through her audio sensors.
"Anyway, just thought I'd say hi before enjoying my drink. I'll leave you to your…cola."
Airazor bristled at Blackarachnia's sarcastic delivery of 'cola'. "Hey! I could drink a PGGB if I wanted! I'm just…not in the mood."
"Of course you could, honey", Blackarachnia smirked as she started to walk off.
The black widow didn't really expect the next sentence to come out of the falcon's mouth.
"Hey barkeep! Gimmie a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster! And make it a DOUBLE!"
A great gasp reverberated around the room. As Grank'spuk nervously began to prepare the drink, Blackarachnia sat back down, intrigued.
"A double? Are you mad?"
Airazor looked Blackarachnia in the optics as the barkeep delivered the drink. Ignoring the fact that the Double PGGB was shuddering violently, she answered the spider.
"You make as if you're such a hotshot drinker. Prove it."
"You're challenging me to a drinking contest?"
"Yep", Airazor replied, silently wondering what the slag she was doing.
A smile crossed over Blackarachnia's face. "All right then, you're on. Barkeep! I'll have what's she's having!"
Shaking his head, Grank'spuk whipped up another Double PGGB and delivered it to the Transformers' table, taking back the original PGGB he had given the spider. Ready now, the duo raised their glasses and donwed them in one go.
It should be noted that Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters have such a high alcohol content that most people can get drunk simply by looking at one. So you can imagine what a ingesting a Double PGGB would do.
The bar patrons watched as both Transformers teetered slightly after putting down their drinks. After a moment of silence, the spider twisted in her seat to speak to Grank'spuk and nearly fell out of it.
"Hey! Hey…hic!…Barkeep. K-keep 'em comin'."
Three hours later…"S-so thatsh's when I decided to tell that grape-faced git what was on my mind!" Blackarachnia banged her glass on the table for emphasis, upsetting the ten empty ones nearby.
"Uh-huh", Airazor muttered, gazing at Blackarachnia and the three duplicates that had suddenly sprung up out of nowhere.
"Yeah", the spider slurred, trying to take a swig from her glass. Realizing that it was empty, she banged it down again. "So!" she said fiercely. "What do you think I did then?"
"Dunno."
"You don't?" Confusion and disappointment spread across the spider's face. "Pity. I was hoping someone knew."
Silence reigned for a few moments as both femmes tried to marshal their alcohol sodden thoughts. Suddenly Airazor broke into hysterical sobbing.
"Oh Primus, I'm so lonely!"
Blackarachnia stared at the falcon for a second before clumsily patting her on the back. "There…hic!… there."
"I mean, I'm thirty thousand years old!" Airazor bawled. "Do you know how many relationships I've had? Have a guess."
"Three?"
"Wrong! I've only had three. Three relationships in thirty thousand years! That's only…umm…well, it's not very many!"
"I wouldn't worry about it", Blackarachnia replied, trying to siphon the last remains of liquor from her glass. "You're bound to find someone eventually."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah! You're smart, funny and…uh, you turn into a bird. Who wouldn't want you?"
"Thanks buddy", Airazor smiled, reaching out to embrace Blackarachnia and missing her by three feet.
"Time please", Grank'spuk called out ringing a bell. Grumbling, the bar's patrons reluctantly finished their drinks and headed for the exit. It was with some dismay that Grank'spuk noticed that the two Cybertronians were still in their seats.
"Erm…ladies? Closing time."
"We know", Blackarachnia nodded. "Can we have another PGGB?"
"Uh, no you can't. You have to leave now."
Grank'spuk watched as Airazor tried to glare at him with unfocused optics from her position on the floor. "And if we say no?"
The barkeep let out a world-weary sigh as he pressed a button on the underside of the bar. Both Airazor and Blackarachnia disappeared in a flash of light and reappeared instantaneously outside the bar, slightly confused and sitting on the ground.
"How rude", Blackarachnia muttered, picking herself up. "Damn teleporters."
"Eh, probably for the best. I have to get back to the Axel…Exal…that place where I live anyways. Airazor, MINIMIZE!"
There was a long silence as they both waited for Airazor to transform to her beast mode. Nothing happens.
"Hmm. Seems my transformation code isn't working. Looks like I'll have to walk."
"Are you crazy? The Fax Salon is tons of miles away, plus it's the dead of night."
A smile slowly spread across the spider's face as an idea formed in her head.
"Why don'tcha stay at the Darkside for the night?"
Airazor looks a little doubtful at the wisdom of this idea. Blackarachnia clumsily drapes her arm around the Maximal's shoulders as she tries to sell the idea.
"C'mon, which would you prefer to do? Walk home in the dark or sleep over in a base full of homicidal maniacs?"
"Well…my feet are a bit sore…"
"Okay then! Let's go!"
Ten minutes later…
All things considered, Airazor was having a great time with Blackarachnia, singing rude songs involving Rodimus Prime, Galvatron and a pair of greased up Mecannibals as they walked towards the Darkside. She was having such a good time, in fact, that an extremely good question that should've popped into her brain much earlier didn't surface until a plasma bolt whizzed just past her ear.
"Hey", she yelled as another bolt impacted at her feet. "How am I supposed to get past the auto-guns?"
"Hmmm?" Blackarachnia replied as Airazor ducked yet another blast. "Oh, those? Relax, I've got it under control."
Reaching into subspace, Blackarachnia pulled out a small remote control, pointed at the Darkside and pressed a button. Instantly the auto-guns retracted into their alcoves. Ariazor looks on, slightly bemused.
"What – URP! – happened?"
"I turned the guns off with my remote control."
"You have a remote control for your auto-guns?"
"We all do. Someone keeps programming the auto-guns to fire on Predacons as well as Maximals. Mind you, they only ever seems to target me, grape face and his whipping ant…
"Whipping ant?"
"Trust me, you don't wanna know. Anyways, we all got issued these remote controls in case it happened again."
"Oh. Cool."
"Isn't it just?"
And with that the duo entered the Darkside. After clumsily navigating their way through the ship (and at one stage accidentally entering Waspinator's quarters. Luckily, he wasn't there at the time) the duo finally arrived at Blackarachnia's quarters.
"You can bunk with me tonight, seeing as how I've misplaced the guest quarters."
"You sure that's okay?" Airazor asked.
"Sure!" Blackarachnia nodded. "Anything for my bestest buddy!"
Still nodding, Blackarachnia keyed in her access code, upon which the door swished open. Stumbling inside, Airazor took a token stock of the number of posters showing punk rock bands that adorned the spider's walls. She had more important things on her mind at the moment.
"I think there's a spare recharge bed in my closet" Blackarachnia called as she locked the door. "Just pull it out and –"
The spider is interrupted by Airazor's head falling on her shoulder and her hands gently falling on her chest. Stunned, it's a few seconds before she can speak.
"Um…Airazor?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
Frowning, Airazor turned the spider around so she could face her.
"You don't like it?"
"Well…", Blackarachnia murmured, unsure on how to deal with this.
"It's just that…well, like I said, it's been a while since I've been…intimate with someone…"
Blackarachnia looked at Airazor in bemusement. "So you haven't slept with a guy for a few millennia. Why are you coming onto me?"
"Those three relationships I mentioned? They…ah…they weren't with guys."
"Oh?" Blackarachnia said. A second later her eyes widened with understanding.
"Ohhhhhhh."
"Mmm-hmm." Airazor nodded.
An awkward silence ensues.
"Soooo", Blackarachnia queried, her curiosity overwhelming her shock, "what's it like? You know, that whole…lifestyle."
Airazor blinked in surprise, then recovered admirably quickly, a smile playing on her lips. "Why don't you find out first hand?"
Blackarachnia considered this for a moment. On one hand, it would certainly be a…different experience than those she had had on Cybertron. On the other, there was what her teammates, not being the most open-minded of robots, would say if they found out about this. After all, the only reason they didn't openly taunt Megatron and Inferno was because none of them wanted to die a horrifically painful death. Still, how would they be able to find out about…
Any more analysis on the matter at hand was stalled by Airazor suddenly and passionately kissing Blackarachnia full on the lips. The shock that followed was immediately replaced by one simple thought.
Ah, what the hell?Returning the kiss in full, the duo fell onto Blackarachnia's bed…
To be continued…