Chapter Three: Digging A Hole Deeper Than The Grand Canyon

Disclaimer: Ah…not much to say here.  I own nothing but a cell phone and a dream.  Life sucks, don't it?

I took my time getting dressed, dreading the confrontation that awaited me in the kitchen. After Cleon had left my room, it finally sunk in how deep we were going to have to go into this whole engagement thing. If my mom and his family thought it was real, what were we going to do when the summer was over? Just 'pretend' to break the whole thing off? Have a big fight?

This was definitely the kind of situation that I never ever wanted to get involved in again. Ever.

I stood in front of my full-length mirror and stared at my reflection. What did he see in me, anyway? I'm not breathtakingly gorgeous like his last girlfriend Sharon, and I don't look like a playboy model like his girlfriend before her, Brenda.  My mouth is too big for my face, and my nose looks like a squished cabbage.  Okay, so maybe not a squished cabbage, but it's definitely not the most perfect nose in the world.  

My height…ah, well, my height is actually rather embarrassing.  I'm 5'11" and a half, standing only half an inch shorter than my so-called fiancé.  There have been many a day in which I have cursed my parents for their ridiculously tall relatives.

In any case, my eyes are a nondescript green, and my hair is an ordinary brown, sort of curly, but not to the point of being actually curly.

Then there's my boobs. I turned sideways and studied my profile. They're almost non-existent. You'd think that with my height, they'd at least grow to be a reasonable size. But no. They have to pretend they're not there.

My mom keeps telling me that I'm too skinny and that I need to eat more. Does she think I don't know that? I would give anything to have more curves instead of all these angles. I'd give anything to look less like a 12 year old boy, and more like a 17 year old girl.

Quite a few times, I've actually been mistaken for a boy.  With my hair tied back and a baggy sweatshirt, I look like one of the guys.  All in all, I'm not the most impressive package.

With a depressed sigh, I turned back to face my reflection and growled at it. "What's Cleon's problem, anyway? He's like a freak or something. A stupid moronic freak."

I smoothed down my hair where a stray curl had gotten loose from the rest of them, and concentrated on the task at hand. I narrowed my eyes and let three different scenarios of the terrifying scene that drew near to play out in my head.

In one of them, I would glide into the kitchen, all brave and full of confidence. My mom would pull me into a big hug and say she's happy for both of us, and then Freddie and Mrs. Kennan would start to cry and welcome me to the family. Then one of Cleon's ex-girlfriends would come to the door and shoot him in the chest for betraying her. We would all laugh and point at his bleeding body lying on the kitchen floor, and give his murderer a big slap on the back for ridding us of someone so horrible, so…Cleon.

I really liked that one.

In the next one, I would saunter into the kitchen and pay no attention to Cleon. I would go over to the telephone to call my really sexy, really intimidating biker-boyfriend who would then zoom up to the house on his massive monster of a motorbike and whisk me away to some gang of bikers where I would become his biker-bitch.

I kinda got carried away with that one, but it was entertaining while it lasted.

In the last one, the one that kinda freaked me out, I walked into the kitchen to find Cleon, Freddie, my mom, and Mrs. Kennan all sitting around the breakfast nook, drinking orange juice. With my eyes cast downward, I slowly walked over to the fridge and got out the milk, as I detest anything orange. I sat down on one of the stools with my class of milk and waited for the lecture. But none came. My mom told me how she knew this was coming, and throughout the years she could see the feelings that Cleon and I had for each other. She knew that one day we would discover our love for each other and get married.

Then Mrs. Kennan said she felt the same way, and Freddie just smiled and said, "Welcome to the family, sister." And Cleon, with that stupid grin on his face, and his eyes mocking me like they always did, walked over to me and leaned down to kiss me.

As he did, I whispered in his ear, "I love you."

As that final scene frolicked through my imagination, I jerked back in shock. Where had that one come from? I don't love Cleon. I could never love someone so…icky. I hate Cleon…right? I hate him with all my heart and wish that he would go far, far away from here where I could never see him, smell him, or touch his sexy body again.

This has got to stop.

"No more thinking about Cleon's body," I told my reflection. "He is not cute. He is not sexy. And he is nothing more than a little bug whom I intend to squash."

A very sexy little bug.

I growled. "What did I say about thinking about that?" I took a deep breath. And then another. "Okay. Now it's time to go downstairs and work on this whole…thing that you've gotten yourself into. No more stalling." I didn't move.

I glared at myself in the mirror. "You're going to do this, Keladry Rose Mindelan, whether it kills you or not. Now move." But my feet were stuck to the floor. "Goddamn it, Keladry! Act like a grown, mature person!"

Then I started to panic. What if my mom found out it was all just pretend, and then got really mad at me and grounded me forever and made me quit the school newspaper? Or…what if Freddie found out and then told the entire school? I would be the laughing stock of my peers and would be shunned for eternity. Or…what if Cleon decided that he actually was in love with me and he really did mean everything that he said last night? Or…what if…

What if a bunch of aliens descended upon the earth and told us that if we didn't surrender to their superior powers, they would make us all watch reruns of Seinfeld every day for the rest of our lives.

I shuddered at the thought.

Maybe this whole fake engagement thing wasn't really a good idea, after all. Maybe I should just go down and tell everyone that it was just a joke, that I was being bribed to do it and it was all Cleon's fault.

Then I remembered the car. He said I could have part ownership. Part ownership of a Mercedes!

"Alright. You can do this. For the car." That's what I told myself. I was doing it for the car, and only the car. "How many times do you get offered something like this, just to lie?"

I nodded at my reflection. "That's it. I'm going in."

With one last glance out my window at the beautiful vehicle that would soon be partly mine, I swung open my bedroom door and sailed down the stairs. As I neared the kitchen and heard the voices of my enemies (as I had come to think of them), I slowed down. I stopped just outside the door, and took a deep breath.

It's now or never, Keladry. I forced myself to push open the door and take those first painful steps into the unknown.

I'm going to tell you now that the scene I encountered was not pretty…and was, unfortunately one of the ones I imagined. You can probably guess which one.

My mom was serving waffles to Mrs. Kennan and Freddie, while Cleon was pacing the kitchen floor, in obvious distress. Did I mention that he's a constant worrier? No matter what happens, he has to worry about what the outcome is going to be, and always has to ask, What if…

Kind of like me, I guess.

Anyway, the second I stepped into the kitchen, everyone looked up at me, and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. There were all these accusing eyes…and one set of puzzled emerald eyes…glaring at me like this whole mess was my fault. Which it kind of was in a way, seeing as I agreed to it…

No, wait a minute! This whole thing was Cleon's idea, not mine! Why isn't anyone getting mad at him? Why doesn't anyone ever get mad at him? It's just not fair!

Then I realized that everyone was still staring at me and I hadn't said a single word since the little episode in my bedroom.

I cleared my throat. "Ah…good morning everyone."

My mom sighed. "Keladry, sit down. We need to talk."

Oh, God. Here it comes.

I sat down at the breakfast nook across from Freddie, who offered me an encouraging little smile, and poured myself a glass of milk.

"Honey," my mom began, her voice softer and kinder than usual, which kind of hinted that something out of the ordinary was about to take place. She indicated for Cleon, who had long since stopped pacing and was now scratching his head like a moron in the corner, to sit down on the remaining stool. Which, of course, just happened to be next to me.

"Honey," she began again, "I know that you're almost eighteen, and are old enough to make your own decisions, but don't you think that you're rushing into this marriage? I mean, a two month engagement really isn't that long, but if what you really want is to get married at the end of the summer, then – "

"Two months?!? Who said anything about two months? What did you tell them, Cleon???" I spun around on my stool to shove at him sitting next to me.

He grinned. "I just said that you were anxious to get this wedding out of the way, and that you were really looking forward to our honeymoon…in Ireland."

"What? Ireland?"

"That's right!" Cleon grinned almost evilly.

Sneaky little bastard. I glanced at my mom, who was looking at me with a funny expression, and realized that whatever I said now would determine the fate of this little charade. I took a deep breath and said the first thing that came to mind. "Uh…right, Ireland. Well, what can I say…I couldn't stand to wait any longer!" I gave her a weak smile weakly and tried not to jump as Cleon reached out to grip my hand.

There was silence as our families absorbed my declaration, then a burst of squeals and laughter.

"Oh, I'm just so proud of you two!" Mrs. Kennan began crying as she caught us in a big, teary hug.

My mom put her arm around my shoulders and said, "Whatever you decide to do, honey dove, I'm with you the whole way."

Then Freddie ruined everything my hugging me and whispering in my ear, "Now we can be sisters forever."

This is good. Maybe if I dig a deep enough hole, I can just crawl into it and die.