Disclaimer: I'm really not following the Protector of the Small story line, so no one can sue me for this story. I just borrowed the character names and such. What's Kel's dad's name? And what's Cleon's dad's name? What are their mothers' names? Doesn't Keladry have 3 sisters or something? What about Cleon? I don't own any of the books, so…

Chapter Eight: What the Hell Is A Pooper?

After that stimulating conversation with my loveable father, Cleon and I had a very serious discussion of our own.

"We're not getting a dog," he grumbled and crossed his arms.

"Come on, Cleon," I whined, sulking around the kitchen. "I told him we had a dog. What's he gonna think when he gets here and there's no dog?"

"Tell him I killed it in my sleep."

I glared at him. "Don't be a pooper, Cleon."

"A pooper? What the hell's a pooper?"

"You. You're a pooper." I pulled open the fridge and scanned the contents. "You have no food. Pooper."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's real mature."

"You're one to talk," I muttered and slammed the fridge door. "You're the one who won't buy me a puppy." I gave him the most pathetic look I could muster and hoped I didn't look like a total retard. "Please?" I fluttered my eyelashes for added effect.

And you know what? It worked!

I could see his defenses drop, one by one, until all he was left with was that stupid I-love-you-and-I'll-do-anything-you-say look on his face.

He sighed. "All right. We'll go down to the pound and get you your dumb dog."

I squealed. "Yay! Thank you so much! Woo hoo!" I skipped around the kitchen a few times and then, completely against my will, threw myself into his arms. "You'll never regret doing this!" I giggled into his ear.

"I'm sure I will eventually," he muttered and wound his arms around my waist. "But right now I couldn't care less."

I suddenly realized where I was and tried to pull away, but he held me tight. "Let me go," I said, but his grip gently increased to the point where I couldn't even move.

"Nope," he said, smiling down at me. "You're the one who started it."

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"I so did not start it!"

"Yeah, you did!"

"No, I – "

"Aww, aren't they just so cute?" I ripped myself out of Cleon's grasp at the sound of my mother's voice. "No, no, don't stop at our expense." She swept into the room, followed closely by Cleon's mother. The two women exchanged a knowing glance and sat down at the kitchen table, though what they knew was beyond me.

"Where's Freddie?" I asked and watched them exchange another 'look.'

"She took Cleon's friend to see the city," Mrs. Kennan replied with a grin. "Such a nice boy, that Joren."

"Yes," my mother agreed with a similar smile. "A nice boy. To see the city."

I narrowed my eyes. "That slime."

"What was that?" my mother asked.

"Nothing," I said and quickly changed the subject. "Ah – Daddy's coming to visit."

Mom's face lost all color and she stared at me as though I had just told her I was going to have Kevin Bacon's illegitimate love child.

"Mom? Did you hear me?" I moved to sit next to her.

She blinked and waved my words away. "Yes, yes. So Piers has finally decided to leave his precious office, has he?" She glared at something above my head.

I bit my lip. Maybe now wasn't the time to tell her about the dog. But when in doubt, choose si. "Um…there's something else."

She gave me a cold smile. It's for him, not for me, I told myself.

"Yes? What is it?"

I glanced over at Cleon who stared at every object in the room but me. Thanks for your help, pooper! I mentally screamed at him. "Well, you see," I began cautiously. "Cleon and I had a discussion just before you two came in – "

At this, Cleon snorted. "Right, a discussion."

I glared at him. "Yes, a discussion. That's generally what it's called when two people talk about something."

"We didn't talk about it. You talked about it and I – "

"Stood there and nodded your head like a blob of brainless hormones," I snapped.

"I did not!"

"Yeah, you did. But anyway, we're going down the pound in a bit to get a dog." I waited for my mother's response and was genuinely surprised when she smiled.

"That's nice, dear," she said, getting up from the table. "Just make sure the dog is potty trained."

She swooped out of the room in the same fashion she had swooped in, Mrs. Kennan trailing behind her. I stared after them and wondered what the hell I'd done to deserve such a mother.

"Right, so let's go get us a potty trained dog," Cleon said with a grin.

I said nothing, just glared at him, stuck my nose in the air, and stormed out of the kitchen.

* * * * *

I've never really had a pet before, so when we got to the pound, I had no idea what to do. There were all these pleading eyes, sad pleading eyes staring up at me, saying "Please take me home, I'm lovable and cute!"

So when I stopped at the cage that held a little porcupine and started babbling about how cute it was, Cleon decided it was time to take matters into his own hands.

While I was giggling stupidly at the pointy little creature, he found the lady who was in charge and told her we were looking for a dog.

"Is this your first pet?" the woman asked, glancing at me worriedly.

Cleon looked at me too, and grinned. "How'd you guess?"

The woman, who I later found out was named Gloriana, led us to the back of the building where they kept all the dogs. And then I broke down.

"Oh, Cleon, look at this one! Doesn't he just look so sad? And look at his paws! Aww, they're so big!" I pushed my face right up to the bars and the dog stared at me with blank eyes.

"Uh, Kel, that's a rotweiler. We're not getting a rotweiler."

"But it's so cute? Aren't you, you sweetcakes?" That's when the dog attempted to eat my hand. I jumped back and gave the dog a death glare. "Okay, let's move on."

We walked down the aisle and I examined each and every dog, though not too carefully, and when we reached the end I'd still not found the perfect dog.

I sighed in defeat. "This is hopeless. I guess we were just not meant to have a dog." I looked up at Cleon and felt my eyes well with tears. My bottom lip trembled and…

Loud yipping filled the room. Gloriana rolled her eyes skyward and grumbled something incomprehensible. "Barry!" she yelled to the back room. "Shut that dog up!"

Renewed hope filled my soul and I glanced at the scowling woman. "You have another dog back there?" I asked.

Her scowl deepened and she shot me a glare. "Yes, but you don't want that one. He's nothing but trouble."

"What kind of dog is he?"

"A little one."

"How old?"

"A year, maybe less."

I was nearly jumping up and down with joy by now, and Cleon had to grab on to my arm to keep me from running into the back room.

"We'll take him," I said with a grin.

Gloriana blinked. "Don't you want to see him first?"

"No. I want him now."

She looked hesitant. "All right, but I'm giving you fair warning. That is no dog in there. That is a demon from Hell."

I looked at her like she was crazy. "Dogs aren't evil. Take me to see him," I demanded.

She shook her head and said, "Follow me," and led us into the next room, where on the table, sat a tiny white dog, no bigger than my purse, who was barking and biting up a storm.

I gave a squeal and leapt forward. "Oooh, he's so cute!" I exclaimed and scooped the little thing up in my arms. "Look, Cleon! Isn't he adorable?"

"Yeah, he's just peachy. Can we go now?"

The dog stared up at me with wide eyes and opened his mouth. Gloriana stepped forward to take him from me in case he snapped at me, but he just yawned instead.

Gloriana smiled. "That'll be twenty-five dollars, please."