Chapter five: Confined between furtive desires and feelings of guilt
On the evening of the 28th day of our stay in Lórien Sam and I walked in the woods, and we were discussing his opinion on Elves, and elven-magic, when the Lady Galadriel herself approached us and beckoned us to follow her. She led us to a green hollow on the southern slopes of Caras Galadhon, through which a small stream flowed. At the bottom of the hollow stood a pedestal, carved like a tree, with a basin and a sewer on it. The lady filled the wide, shallow basin with water and breathed on it. Then, for the first time she spoke.
'Here is the mirror of Galadriel. I've brought you here, so that you may look in it, if you will.'
'What shall we look for, and what shall we see?' I asked her warily
The lady answered that she could show us whatever she wanted, but that if she would let the mirror work freely she could not foretell what we might see.
'. for it shows things that were, things that are, and things that yet may be. But which, even the wisest cannot tell. Do you wish to look?'
I did not answer, my thoughts pondering what she had just said. If it was indeed going to reveal the future, I was afraid to look. The things that I might see could dishearten me so that it would distract me from my quest.
'And you?' the lady asked Sam. 'For this is what your folk would call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean; and they seem to use the same word of the deceits of the Enemy. But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel. Did you not say that you wished to see Elf-magic?'
'I did,' said Sam, sounding a bit nervous. 'I'll have a peep, Lady, if you're willing. And I'd not mind a glimpse of what's going on at home,' he said to me. 'it seems a terrible long time that I've been away.'
'Come,' the lady said. 'you will look and see what you may. Do not touch the water!'
Sam stepped forward and looked into the mirror, keeping up a constant monologue about what he saw. Some evil things seemed to be at work in the Shire, for Sam suddenly sprang back and exclaimed that he had to go home. When Sam finished talking the matter over with Galadriel she asked me again whether or no I would look into her mirror.
'Do you advise me to look?' I asked her
She told me I had to make that choice for myself.
'I will look.' I decided at last, and gathering up the courage I climbed onto the pedestal and gazed at the dark water.
The mirror cleared, and a twilit land with dark mountains looming against a pale sky appeared. On a road walked someone that reminded me of Gandalf. Next was a brief glimpse of Bilbo walking restlessly about his room. Mist covered the mirror, but when it cleared there was a vision of the sea rising in a storm, and then the black outline of a ship against the blood red, sinking sun. Then a fortress with seven white towers and the black ship again; but now it seemed to be morning. A smoke as of fire and battle arose, and the sun went down in a grey mist. Very confusing it was, and I did not understand it.
I sighed, and prepared to draw away. But suddenly the mirror went entirely black, and I looked into emptiness. In the abyss a single eye appeared, which grew until it filled the whole mirror. The thing filled me with horror, and I stood rooted, unable to withdraw my gaze. It was rimmed with fire and the black slits of it's pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing. The Eye began to search, and I knew with certainty that among the many things is sought myself was one. But I also felt that it could not see me. The chain around my neck grew heavy and dragged my head forward. Steam rose from the mirror, and the lady said:
'Do not touch the water.'
The vision faded, and I found myself looking at the stars again. I stepped back, shaking all over, and caught the lady's gaze.
'I know what it is you last saw,' she said. 'For it is also in my mind. But do not be afraid!'
She explained to me how the borders of the Golden Wood were protected against the Enemy, and she showed me Nenya, the ring of Adamant, her Ring of Power. We spoke for a while of the love of the elves for these lands, and of what lay ahead on my quest.
'You are fearless and wise, Lady,' I said, and I offered her the One Ring, for I thought her a far better bearer for such a powerful object. Galadriel laughed, and told me that she had indeed long desired this.
'And now at last it comes, and you will give me the ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a queen. And I shall not be dark but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the night! Fair as the sea and the sun and the snow on the mountain! Dreadful as the storm and the lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair.' She had lifted up her hand and the Ring of Adamant illuminated her. She looked indeed powerful beyond measurement and too beautiful to endure.
But when she dropped her hand there stood an elf woman, clad in simple white.
'I pass the test,' she panted slightly. 'I will diminish, and go into the west, and remain Galadriel.'
We stood for a while in silence, but at length the lady spoke again.
'Let us return! In the morning you must depart, for we have chosen, and the tides of fate are flowing.'
Later that night the Company was summoned to the Lord and the Lady again, and we spoke of our departing and our way to Mordor. When we had said goodbye to them Pippin and I did not return to the Camp with the others. We wanted to enjoy our probably last moment of peace until the last second.
The full moon illuminated the woods with a pale silver light. Up in the sky it's brightness faded out all the stars surrounding it, with the exception of Eärendil. Pippin took my head in his hands and caressed my face. I slid my arms around his waist and pulled him close, leaning in and locking my lips on his. The feeling that being with Pippin gave me made just wanting to toss the Ring in a river and abandon my quest to spend the rest of my days with him in peace. But that was not an option, as were most of the things I would rather do than fulfil my quest. Pippin drew back slightly and whispered:
'Don't think about it, Frodo. just don't.' he looked into my eyes, and pressed his lips on mine again, and we kissed as though our lives depended on it. Our lives might not have depended on it, but my sanity most certainly did. The thought that Pippin loved me was the only thing that currently kept me going. It was the only thing I had left that I was willing to suffer for.
The moment of our departing came too fast. After our morning meal we said goodbye to Haldir. He supplied us with boats and food, and when all was ready Aragorn led us on a trial up the Celebrant. Sam had clambered into the boat with Aragorn and me, much to my dislike. We turned a sharp bend in the river, when the lord and the lady came sailing towards us in a boat carved like a swan. The lady sung, and her voice was sad and sweet in the cool air.
'We have come to bid you our last farewell, and speed you with the blessings of our land.'
Aragorn stayed his boat as the swan ship drew alongside. The lord Celeborn insisted that we would eat a last meal with them, and so we did. After luncheon we sat back in the grass, and Pippin laid his head on my lap. Galadriel smiled at me knowingly, and I heard her voice inside my head.
'You have chosen a good partner, Ringbearer. You are lucky to have found someone like him.'
'I know. I love him dearly.'
'And as I read his mind I perceive that he loves you too.'
I ran my finger across his brow, his straight nose, his thin lips, and his chin. I bent forward and placed a kiss on his lips. When I looked up, the lady smiled at me again; Merry winked and the rest of the Company was all of a sudden very busy studying the grass and the sky.
Galadriel let a cup filled with white mead go round. When we had all drunk the cup of parting the lady spoke again. She called us to her in turns and gave us gifts she had prepared for us.
'. And you Ringbearer, I come to you last, who is not last in my thoughts. For you, I have prepared this.'
She handed me a small crystal phial from which rays of light sprang.
'In this phial is caught the light of Eärendil's star, set amid the waters of my fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be alight to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. Remember Galadriel and her mirror!'
She needed not to worry about that, for the memory of the previous night was carved in my memory. For a moment I saw her like a great and beautiful queen again, but she was no longer terrible. I merely bowed as I found no words to say.
The elves of Lothlórien cried their farewell as they thrust us out in to the flowing stream with grey poles. As the Celebrant passed into the currents of the Anduin I looked back and saw the lady standing on the shores in the distance, and she seemed to shine with a white light. She sang in the ancient tongue of the elves beyond the sea, and the words remained in my memory.
When our journey on the great river became boring it was cheered up a bit by Merry and Pippin wreaking havoc. Their boat was floating alongside ours, and I caught a bit of their conversation with Boromir.
'Hey Boromir! Legolas looks vulnerable with Gimli in his boat. You should try to hit him on Gimli's side.'
Boromir laughed out loud, and then started paddling as swiftly and as silently as he could towards Legolas' boat. They approached them from the left and bumped into them with great speed. Legolas' who had been dreaming with his eyes open started, and yelled at Boromir.
'Watch where you're going, you smelly human!' he yelled as their boat nearly capsized.
Merry, Pippin and Boromir almost choked in their laughter, and I heard Aragorn chuckle silently behind me. Legolas kept muttering darkly about juvenile humans without any sense of responsibility, but Gimli had hardly even noticed. He kept staring and smelling at the hairs that Galadriel had given him. Pippin looked over his shoulder and smiled radiantly at me. I sighed and then smiled back. Boromir still laughed merrily. I believe he had become very fond of Merry and Pippin during our quest so far.
Seven days after our departure from Lothlórien Sam told me he thought he had spotted Gollum, and indeed, the very same day we were attacked, probably by enemies that Gollum had warned. But thanks to Legolas' great skill with a bow nobody got injured.
The day after the attack we had to cover a distance on foot, while carrying the boats with us. The next day we passed into the realm of Gondor. Aragorn pointed out the Argonath to us; enormous statues carved from the living rock. Statues of mighty kings of old; Aragorn's kin.
Aragorn led us to the right arm of the river, and we rested on the lawn of Parth Galen on Amon Hen. It dawned like fire and smoke the next morning, and after breakfast Aragorn called us together to make a decision about the way we would take. He laid the choice on me, for I was the Ringbearer. The choice was heavy on me, and I could not decide yet. I asked them for another hour to make up my mind and strayed off into the woods.
My feet took me to the summit of Amon Hen, and there I sat down on a stone ruin. I tried to recall every advice and counsel I ever had, but I came no nearer to a choice. Suddenly I had the odd feeling that unfriendly eyes were upon me, and I sprang up. It was Boromir.
'None of us should wander alone,' he said in a friendly voice. 'You least of all. So much depends on you.'
I made no answer.
'Frodo? I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly?'
What was he implying? What did he want? It was Boromir standing in front of me, but he seemed changed, though it was nothing visible.
'There are other ways, Frodo. Other paths we might take.' He said casually
'I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.'
'Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us, to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.'
'There is no other way.'
Suddenly he threw down the wood he had been collecting. 'All I ask is for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the ring?'
'No!' I said, stepping back
'Why do you recoil? I am no thief.'
'You are not yourself.' I proceeded to slowly walk away from him.
'How much chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take the Ring, and you will beg for death before the end! You fool! It is not yours save by unhappy chance. I could have been mine, it should be mine, give it to me! Give me the Ring!'
'No!'
Boromir lunged at me, a raging fire in his eyes. I fled from him, but he saw chance to grab my ankles and we both fell. Boromir tried to take the Ring by force, and there was only one thing I could do to prevent it. I slipped on the Ring and leaped blindly up the path to the hill top. I was frightened of Boromir and his raging eyes.
I clambered onto the stone seat and gazed at the surrounding lands. The Great River, the misty mountains, Rohan, Isengard, Mirkwood, Lórien, Moria; signs of war were everywhere. I turned south and beheld Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul. Then at last my gaze was held by Barad-Dûr, the fortress of the Dark Lord; the very sight of it filled me with terror.
There was an eye in the stronghold; an evil eye that did not sleep. It leaped towards me, I felt it searching for me. Amon Lhaw it touched, and Tol Brandir. It would find me. Panic took me over.
I cried: 'Never, Never!' but it could also have been: 'Verily I come, I come to you.' I did not know, for it was confusing. Then another thought flashed through my mind.
'Take it off! Take it off! Fool, take it off! Take off the Ring!'
For a moment I seemed to fall into the abyss between the Eye and the Voice. I writhed, tormented, but then the more rational part of me took control. I took off the Ring. As I sat on my knees, panting, a great shadow passed over Amon Hen. It had missed me.
I knew what I had to do. I had to leave for Mordor on my own. Immediately.
But. Pippin. I did not want to leave him, I could not leave him. But evil was already at work in the company. I had to leave them, it would be better for everybody.
Suddenly Aragorn cam striding up the hill.
'Frodo?'
'It has taken Boromir.' was the only thing I could say.
'Where is the Ring?'
Had it taken Aragorn too?
'Stay away!' I stumbled backwards.
'I swore to protect you.'
'Can you protect me from yourself?' Silence 'Would you destroy it?'
I held out the Ring. Aragorn reached out for it, but then closed my hand around it and pressed it against my chest.
'I would have gone with you to the end. Into the very fires of Mordor.' Tears gleamed in his eyes.
'I know.' And suddenly another thought occurred to me. 'Look after the others. Especially Sam. He will not understand.' As long as they would keep an eye on Sam, then hopefully he would not follow me.
Aragorn drew his sword. 'Go, Frodo.' He said urgently. 'Run!'
I half-drew Sting, and saw it gleamed blue. Orcs were close. I ran down the hill, falling then and again, and hid behind a tree. Suddenly I saw Merry and Pippin, hidden behind a rock with a small bush on it.
'Frodo!' Pippin hissed. 'Hide here, quick!'
How could I ever tell him? I shook my head. Pippin turned to Merry.
'What's he doing?' he asked in all his innocence.
Merry looked me in the eye intently, and saw my mind.
'He's leaving.' he muttered more to himself than to Pippin.
Pippin looked at me desperately, and gave a cry of dismay.
'No!'
My heart shattered
Pippin climbed out of his hiding place, Merry following close behind. Suddenly they halted, looking frightened into several directions. I looked around to see what distracted them. An army of huge orcs came running down the hill.
'Run, Frodo.' Merry said in the same urgent voice as Aragorn. 'Go!' He started yelling at the orcs.
'Hey! Hey, you! Over here!'
Pippin gave me a last grievous and hurt look, and then followed Merry.
'This way!'
The orcs pursued them and I slipped away. It was not until I reached the shores of the Anduin when I noticed that tears were streaming down my face. I had left him, I still could not believe it. Though it was better this way. I would go to Mordor alone.
But as I paddled away that fool of a Sam came bursting out of the forest, wading into the water.
'Frodo! Mr. Frodo, No! Frodo!'
'No, Sam,' I said softly
'Frodo!' he called again
'Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone!'
'Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!' he proceeded to walk into the river.
'You can't swim!'
He did not listen, and suddenly the water closed over his head.
'Sam!' I could not let him drown because of his loyalty to me, so I paddled to the place where I thought I last saw him. I groped around in the water and grabbed a hold of his arm. He resurfaced, spluttering and coughing, and I pulled him into the boat. I knew what this meant. I had to take him with me, for I would never be able to convince him that he should go back. Why, of all people did I have to get landed with Sam?
'I made a promise, Mr. Frodo, a promise. "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to. He sobbed
I pitied him. Perhaps it would not be that bad to have someone to look after me. But I wished I could have taken Pippin with me, although he was the one I did not want to expose to the perils that lay ahead of us.
Pippin.
I wept openly while we were on the river. Tears dropped from my face but I did not bother to wipe them away. Sam put his arm around me.
'Don't worry, Mr. Frodo. Strider will look after Pippin and the others.'
I hoped he would.
~*~*~*~
A/N: I'm sorry if the note at the end of the last chapter was confusing; apparently some people thought it was the end, but it isn't! This fic will not end ere Frodo departs to the Undying Lands! Silly me.
As you may have noticed, I've used both dialogues from the movie and the book, otherwise it would be too much dialogue, so I hope the rabid fans of the books will forgive me. (I know you will, for I'm a rabid fan o/t books too) anyway,
I STILL NEED A BETA-READER FOR THIS FIC! Preferably someone with English as their native speech. Just put it in a review if you want to beta-read this, or send me an e-mail at vrouwe_aurian@hotmail.com Anyway, a good day to you all, and send me a nice review and make my day! Kisses, Aurian
On the evening of the 28th day of our stay in Lórien Sam and I walked in the woods, and we were discussing his opinion on Elves, and elven-magic, when the Lady Galadriel herself approached us and beckoned us to follow her. She led us to a green hollow on the southern slopes of Caras Galadhon, through which a small stream flowed. At the bottom of the hollow stood a pedestal, carved like a tree, with a basin and a sewer on it. The lady filled the wide, shallow basin with water and breathed on it. Then, for the first time she spoke.
'Here is the mirror of Galadriel. I've brought you here, so that you may look in it, if you will.'
'What shall we look for, and what shall we see?' I asked her warily
The lady answered that she could show us whatever she wanted, but that if she would let the mirror work freely she could not foretell what we might see.
'. for it shows things that were, things that are, and things that yet may be. But which, even the wisest cannot tell. Do you wish to look?'
I did not answer, my thoughts pondering what she had just said. If it was indeed going to reveal the future, I was afraid to look. The things that I might see could dishearten me so that it would distract me from my quest.
'And you?' the lady asked Sam. 'For this is what your folk would call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean; and they seem to use the same word of the deceits of the Enemy. But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel. Did you not say that you wished to see Elf-magic?'
'I did,' said Sam, sounding a bit nervous. 'I'll have a peep, Lady, if you're willing. And I'd not mind a glimpse of what's going on at home,' he said to me. 'it seems a terrible long time that I've been away.'
'Come,' the lady said. 'you will look and see what you may. Do not touch the water!'
Sam stepped forward and looked into the mirror, keeping up a constant monologue about what he saw. Some evil things seemed to be at work in the Shire, for Sam suddenly sprang back and exclaimed that he had to go home. When Sam finished talking the matter over with Galadriel she asked me again whether or no I would look into her mirror.
'Do you advise me to look?' I asked her
She told me I had to make that choice for myself.
'I will look.' I decided at last, and gathering up the courage I climbed onto the pedestal and gazed at the dark water.
The mirror cleared, and a twilit land with dark mountains looming against a pale sky appeared. On a road walked someone that reminded me of Gandalf. Next was a brief glimpse of Bilbo walking restlessly about his room. Mist covered the mirror, but when it cleared there was a vision of the sea rising in a storm, and then the black outline of a ship against the blood red, sinking sun. Then a fortress with seven white towers and the black ship again; but now it seemed to be morning. A smoke as of fire and battle arose, and the sun went down in a grey mist. Very confusing it was, and I did not understand it.
I sighed, and prepared to draw away. But suddenly the mirror went entirely black, and I looked into emptiness. In the abyss a single eye appeared, which grew until it filled the whole mirror. The thing filled me with horror, and I stood rooted, unable to withdraw my gaze. It was rimmed with fire and the black slits of it's pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing. The Eye began to search, and I knew with certainty that among the many things is sought myself was one. But I also felt that it could not see me. The chain around my neck grew heavy and dragged my head forward. Steam rose from the mirror, and the lady said:
'Do not touch the water.'
The vision faded, and I found myself looking at the stars again. I stepped back, shaking all over, and caught the lady's gaze.
'I know what it is you last saw,' she said. 'For it is also in my mind. But do not be afraid!'
She explained to me how the borders of the Golden Wood were protected against the Enemy, and she showed me Nenya, the ring of Adamant, her Ring of Power. We spoke for a while of the love of the elves for these lands, and of what lay ahead on my quest.
'You are fearless and wise, Lady,' I said, and I offered her the One Ring, for I thought her a far better bearer for such a powerful object. Galadriel laughed, and told me that she had indeed long desired this.
'And now at last it comes, and you will give me the ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a queen. And I shall not be dark but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the night! Fair as the sea and the sun and the snow on the mountain! Dreadful as the storm and the lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair.' She had lifted up her hand and the Ring of Adamant illuminated her. She looked indeed powerful beyond measurement and too beautiful to endure.
But when she dropped her hand there stood an elf woman, clad in simple white.
'I pass the test,' she panted slightly. 'I will diminish, and go into the west, and remain Galadriel.'
We stood for a while in silence, but at length the lady spoke again.
'Let us return! In the morning you must depart, for we have chosen, and the tides of fate are flowing.'
Later that night the Company was summoned to the Lord and the Lady again, and we spoke of our departing and our way to Mordor. When we had said goodbye to them Pippin and I did not return to the Camp with the others. We wanted to enjoy our probably last moment of peace until the last second.
The full moon illuminated the woods with a pale silver light. Up in the sky it's brightness faded out all the stars surrounding it, with the exception of Eärendil. Pippin took my head in his hands and caressed my face. I slid my arms around his waist and pulled him close, leaning in and locking my lips on his. The feeling that being with Pippin gave me made just wanting to toss the Ring in a river and abandon my quest to spend the rest of my days with him in peace. But that was not an option, as were most of the things I would rather do than fulfil my quest. Pippin drew back slightly and whispered:
'Don't think about it, Frodo. just don't.' he looked into my eyes, and pressed his lips on mine again, and we kissed as though our lives depended on it. Our lives might not have depended on it, but my sanity most certainly did. The thought that Pippin loved me was the only thing that currently kept me going. It was the only thing I had left that I was willing to suffer for.
The moment of our departing came too fast. After our morning meal we said goodbye to Haldir. He supplied us with boats and food, and when all was ready Aragorn led us on a trial up the Celebrant. Sam had clambered into the boat with Aragorn and me, much to my dislike. We turned a sharp bend in the river, when the lord and the lady came sailing towards us in a boat carved like a swan. The lady sung, and her voice was sad and sweet in the cool air.
'We have come to bid you our last farewell, and speed you with the blessings of our land.'
Aragorn stayed his boat as the swan ship drew alongside. The lord Celeborn insisted that we would eat a last meal with them, and so we did. After luncheon we sat back in the grass, and Pippin laid his head on my lap. Galadriel smiled at me knowingly, and I heard her voice inside my head.
'You have chosen a good partner, Ringbearer. You are lucky to have found someone like him.'
'I know. I love him dearly.'
'And as I read his mind I perceive that he loves you too.'
I ran my finger across his brow, his straight nose, his thin lips, and his chin. I bent forward and placed a kiss on his lips. When I looked up, the lady smiled at me again; Merry winked and the rest of the Company was all of a sudden very busy studying the grass and the sky.
Galadriel let a cup filled with white mead go round. When we had all drunk the cup of parting the lady spoke again. She called us to her in turns and gave us gifts she had prepared for us.
'. And you Ringbearer, I come to you last, who is not last in my thoughts. For you, I have prepared this.'
She handed me a small crystal phial from which rays of light sprang.
'In this phial is caught the light of Eärendil's star, set amid the waters of my fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be alight to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. Remember Galadriel and her mirror!'
She needed not to worry about that, for the memory of the previous night was carved in my memory. For a moment I saw her like a great and beautiful queen again, but she was no longer terrible. I merely bowed as I found no words to say.
The elves of Lothlórien cried their farewell as they thrust us out in to the flowing stream with grey poles. As the Celebrant passed into the currents of the Anduin I looked back and saw the lady standing on the shores in the distance, and she seemed to shine with a white light. She sang in the ancient tongue of the elves beyond the sea, and the words remained in my memory.
When our journey on the great river became boring it was cheered up a bit by Merry and Pippin wreaking havoc. Their boat was floating alongside ours, and I caught a bit of their conversation with Boromir.
'Hey Boromir! Legolas looks vulnerable with Gimli in his boat. You should try to hit him on Gimli's side.'
Boromir laughed out loud, and then started paddling as swiftly and as silently as he could towards Legolas' boat. They approached them from the left and bumped into them with great speed. Legolas' who had been dreaming with his eyes open started, and yelled at Boromir.
'Watch where you're going, you smelly human!' he yelled as their boat nearly capsized.
Merry, Pippin and Boromir almost choked in their laughter, and I heard Aragorn chuckle silently behind me. Legolas kept muttering darkly about juvenile humans without any sense of responsibility, but Gimli had hardly even noticed. He kept staring and smelling at the hairs that Galadriel had given him. Pippin looked over his shoulder and smiled radiantly at me. I sighed and then smiled back. Boromir still laughed merrily. I believe he had become very fond of Merry and Pippin during our quest so far.
Seven days after our departure from Lothlórien Sam told me he thought he had spotted Gollum, and indeed, the very same day we were attacked, probably by enemies that Gollum had warned. But thanks to Legolas' great skill with a bow nobody got injured.
The day after the attack we had to cover a distance on foot, while carrying the boats with us. The next day we passed into the realm of Gondor. Aragorn pointed out the Argonath to us; enormous statues carved from the living rock. Statues of mighty kings of old; Aragorn's kin.
Aragorn led us to the right arm of the river, and we rested on the lawn of Parth Galen on Amon Hen. It dawned like fire and smoke the next morning, and after breakfast Aragorn called us together to make a decision about the way we would take. He laid the choice on me, for I was the Ringbearer. The choice was heavy on me, and I could not decide yet. I asked them for another hour to make up my mind and strayed off into the woods.
My feet took me to the summit of Amon Hen, and there I sat down on a stone ruin. I tried to recall every advice and counsel I ever had, but I came no nearer to a choice. Suddenly I had the odd feeling that unfriendly eyes were upon me, and I sprang up. It was Boromir.
'None of us should wander alone,' he said in a friendly voice. 'You least of all. So much depends on you.'
I made no answer.
'Frodo? I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly?'
What was he implying? What did he want? It was Boromir standing in front of me, but he seemed changed, though it was nothing visible.
'There are other ways, Frodo. Other paths we might take.' He said casually
'I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.'
'Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us, to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.'
'There is no other way.'
Suddenly he threw down the wood he had been collecting. 'All I ask is for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the ring?'
'No!' I said, stepping back
'Why do you recoil? I am no thief.'
'You are not yourself.' I proceeded to slowly walk away from him.
'How much chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take the Ring, and you will beg for death before the end! You fool! It is not yours save by unhappy chance. I could have been mine, it should be mine, give it to me! Give me the Ring!'
'No!'
Boromir lunged at me, a raging fire in his eyes. I fled from him, but he saw chance to grab my ankles and we both fell. Boromir tried to take the Ring by force, and there was only one thing I could do to prevent it. I slipped on the Ring and leaped blindly up the path to the hill top. I was frightened of Boromir and his raging eyes.
I clambered onto the stone seat and gazed at the surrounding lands. The Great River, the misty mountains, Rohan, Isengard, Mirkwood, Lórien, Moria; signs of war were everywhere. I turned south and beheld Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul. Then at last my gaze was held by Barad-Dûr, the fortress of the Dark Lord; the very sight of it filled me with terror.
There was an eye in the stronghold; an evil eye that did not sleep. It leaped towards me, I felt it searching for me. Amon Lhaw it touched, and Tol Brandir. It would find me. Panic took me over.
I cried: 'Never, Never!' but it could also have been: 'Verily I come, I come to you.' I did not know, for it was confusing. Then another thought flashed through my mind.
'Take it off! Take it off! Fool, take it off! Take off the Ring!'
For a moment I seemed to fall into the abyss between the Eye and the Voice. I writhed, tormented, but then the more rational part of me took control. I took off the Ring. As I sat on my knees, panting, a great shadow passed over Amon Hen. It had missed me.
I knew what I had to do. I had to leave for Mordor on my own. Immediately.
But. Pippin. I did not want to leave him, I could not leave him. But evil was already at work in the company. I had to leave them, it would be better for everybody.
Suddenly Aragorn cam striding up the hill.
'Frodo?'
'It has taken Boromir.' was the only thing I could say.
'Where is the Ring?'
Had it taken Aragorn too?
'Stay away!' I stumbled backwards.
'I swore to protect you.'
'Can you protect me from yourself?' Silence 'Would you destroy it?'
I held out the Ring. Aragorn reached out for it, but then closed my hand around it and pressed it against my chest.
'I would have gone with you to the end. Into the very fires of Mordor.' Tears gleamed in his eyes.
'I know.' And suddenly another thought occurred to me. 'Look after the others. Especially Sam. He will not understand.' As long as they would keep an eye on Sam, then hopefully he would not follow me.
Aragorn drew his sword. 'Go, Frodo.' He said urgently. 'Run!'
I half-drew Sting, and saw it gleamed blue. Orcs were close. I ran down the hill, falling then and again, and hid behind a tree. Suddenly I saw Merry and Pippin, hidden behind a rock with a small bush on it.
'Frodo!' Pippin hissed. 'Hide here, quick!'
How could I ever tell him? I shook my head. Pippin turned to Merry.
'What's he doing?' he asked in all his innocence.
Merry looked me in the eye intently, and saw my mind.
'He's leaving.' he muttered more to himself than to Pippin.
Pippin looked at me desperately, and gave a cry of dismay.
'No!'
My heart shattered
Pippin climbed out of his hiding place, Merry following close behind. Suddenly they halted, looking frightened into several directions. I looked around to see what distracted them. An army of huge orcs came running down the hill.
'Run, Frodo.' Merry said in the same urgent voice as Aragorn. 'Go!' He started yelling at the orcs.
'Hey! Hey, you! Over here!'
Pippin gave me a last grievous and hurt look, and then followed Merry.
'This way!'
The orcs pursued them and I slipped away. It was not until I reached the shores of the Anduin when I noticed that tears were streaming down my face. I had left him, I still could not believe it. Though it was better this way. I would go to Mordor alone.
But as I paddled away that fool of a Sam came bursting out of the forest, wading into the water.
'Frodo! Mr. Frodo, No! Frodo!'
'No, Sam,' I said softly
'Frodo!' he called again
'Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone!'
'Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!' he proceeded to walk into the river.
'You can't swim!'
He did not listen, and suddenly the water closed over his head.
'Sam!' I could not let him drown because of his loyalty to me, so I paddled to the place where I thought I last saw him. I groped around in the water and grabbed a hold of his arm. He resurfaced, spluttering and coughing, and I pulled him into the boat. I knew what this meant. I had to take him with me, for I would never be able to convince him that he should go back. Why, of all people did I have to get landed with Sam?
'I made a promise, Mr. Frodo, a promise. "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to. He sobbed
I pitied him. Perhaps it would not be that bad to have someone to look after me. But I wished I could have taken Pippin with me, although he was the one I did not want to expose to the perils that lay ahead of us.
Pippin.
I wept openly while we were on the river. Tears dropped from my face but I did not bother to wipe them away. Sam put his arm around me.
'Don't worry, Mr. Frodo. Strider will look after Pippin and the others.'
I hoped he would.
~*~*~*~
A/N: I'm sorry if the note at the end of the last chapter was confusing; apparently some people thought it was the end, but it isn't! This fic will not end ere Frodo departs to the Undying Lands! Silly me.
As you may have noticed, I've used both dialogues from the movie and the book, otherwise it would be too much dialogue, so I hope the rabid fans of the books will forgive me. (I know you will, for I'm a rabid fan o/t books too) anyway,
I STILL NEED A BETA-READER FOR THIS FIC! Preferably someone with English as their native speech. Just put it in a review if you want to beta-read this, or send me an e-mail at vrouwe_aurian@hotmail.com Anyway, a good day to you all, and send me a nice review and make my day! Kisses, Aurian