Keep Breathing
Strong hands held onto her shoulders and twisted her towards him until she was looking straight into his eyes. "I'm serious Sydney. I'm not joking; this is real." And for the first time, she noticed his deep breaths coming out like pants; it was almost as if it was physically painful for him to get the words out.
She wormed away from his grasp, laughing away his comment. "What are you talking about?"
He looked as if he wanted to hold her to him again but instead he looked upwards towards heaven, praying for some sort of resolution. "You can't tell me that there is nothing between us."
"Between us?" Her eyebrows slid slightly upwards as her eyes searched his face for clues. What are you doing Michael?
"I'm tired of pretending that we only have a professional relationship. I'm tired of trying to convince myself that the woman that haunts my sleep and my dreams is only the woman that I'm going to meet in some far off future. It's like an addiction, always craving to know where you are and how you're doing. Don't you know how scary it is not to be able to focus on anything because you're so worried that the person you love might be dead?" He felt the shock that ran through his body as he said it. Love. It was out there now, if she wanted, she could shoot him down.
But she just stood there. Looking at him, not moving a muscle.
"Aren't you going to say anything?"
And then he saw it, the slight darkening of her eyes, the way that her face contorted so slightly to hide the sudden rage. "What exactly did you want me to say?" Her words were even. Dangerous. "This is our biggest mission yet and you're leaving me because you don't want to pretend anymore? Michael, grow up. Sometimes we have to pretend. Sometimes our entire lives are lies."
Her words cut into him and he knew she was covering up. He knew she felt the same way.
"By the way, yes I do know how it feels to be worried that someone you love is dead. I'm worried every second of my life that anyone who has ever met my acquaintance is dead or dying. But I learn to control it and I do my job."
"Then do your job. I can't do mine anymore and I just wanted to explain to you why I was leaving so it wouldn't come as a total surprise." He hoped she couldn't see the shame flooding him. He knew that she was stronger than him, stronger than anyone he had ever known. But the knowledge that she was shutting him out of her life, that perhaps she didn't care what became of him or what he thought when he had placed his heart in her hands hurt. So he turned and started walking away.
"Michael?"
It was strange how much a voice can change. That voice that had just called out to him, using his first name, did not belong to the strong woman he had just walked away from. It sounded soft, scared.
Keep Breathing.
He didn't turn around.
Hmmm... Basically the same thing as A Lesson in Humility but I guess I just wanted to write it a different way. So... I'm not sure if I'm going to continue or leave it as a one chapter so let me know what you think.
The thing about these "I'm not your handler" stories is that the actual resignation is the interesting part but the aftermath of it unless there is a deeper reason behind it is basically pretty easy to predict so I don't really feel the inspiration to write them.
However, if you think that I'm being too cruel just writing that or something, just let me know and maybe I'll work something out ;)
-Jenn