Disclaimer: I don't own anything. J. K. Rowling does. So complain to her if
this sucks.
************************************************************************
Chapter 6: Voldemort's Session
"Okay, can you do the dandelion dance with me?" Came a voice from the TV.
"Sure I can Steve!" Voldemort said happily to the television. He quickly got up from his seat and started dancing along with the characters on Blues Clues. Voldie was just starting to get his groove on the doorbell rang.
"Be gone with you!" Voldemort yelled angrily at the door, as he spun around and shook his butt to the music. The door bell rang again. Voldemort sighed loudly, and opened the door.
"Hello Mr. Voldemort. I believe we have a session today?" Mrs. Bates said kindly, looking at Voldemort's Miss. Piggy night gown.
"Oh, right." He said, turning off the TV just as Steve started to sing the 'mail song.'
"Now, I understand that you're a very violent person." Mrs. Bates said, consulting her notes.
"That is correct." Voldemort said, putting on his Scooby Doo slippers and sitting down in front of Mrs. Bates.
"So, why don't we try to find the root of that problem." She said.
"What problem?" Voldemort asked, furrowing his brow.
"Your violence problem." Mrs. Bates said slowly.
"That's not a problem!" Voldemort laughed. "It's the solution to my problems."
"Can you give me an example?" She asked.
"If someone is mean to me, I kill them." Voldemort said with a smile. "If they forget to put pickles on my hamburger, I kill them." He now had an evil glare in his eyes. "If someone steals my stuffed unicorn- Daisy!" Voldemort cried, his lip trembling and tears in his eyes. He quickly recovered, whipped the tear from his face, and said, "I kill them. So, you see, I only kill people when it is absolutely necessary."
Mrs. Bates scooted her chair further away from were Voldemort was sitting.
"Okie-dokie." She said with forced happiness. "So, does your violence pro- I mean, solution, have anything to do with you father leaving you at a young age?"
"Absolutely not." Voldemort said happily. "I hate my father with the fire of a thousand suns, but I don't take that extreme and powerful rage out on anyone else." The smile never left his face.
"Right...." Mrs. Bates said, wanting to run away, but not being able to feel her legs. "Anywho, might this anger have to do with Harry Potter?"
Voldemort let out a loud, shrill laugh. "Ha, Potter. Why would I feel any hate against Harry Potter?"
"Because he didn't die when you tried to kill him. He took your power and left you as nothing more then a spirit." Mrs. Bates said, counting the reasons out on her fingers. "And aren't you still trying to kill him?"
"Sure, but who isn't?" Voldemort asked with a laugh. Mrs. Bates looked rather frightened.
"But, surly you have something against-" Mrs. Bates began.
"Listen lady," Voldemort yelled angrily, his eyes bulging out of his head. "If all you want to talk about is Harry Potter, then you can leave. Because there is a Blues Clues marathon on RIGHT NOW! And I don't wanna miss it!!!"
"But-" She began again.
"Silence woman!!" Voldemort screamed, his eyes gleaming red. "Or I will beat you down with my handy dandy notebook!" He yelled, holding up a notebook he wrote down the clues from Blues Clues on.
"If you'll just-" Mrs. Bates began. But before she could get out another word, Voldemort started to hit her on the head with his notebook. Well, Mrs. Bates would have none of that. So she grabbed the notebook from him, and threw it across the room.
"You took my handy dandy notebook!" Voldemort screamed. "You know what I do when someone takes my handy dandy notebook, I kill them." He said with a sweet smile, whipping out his wand and yelling, "Avada Kedavra!"
Mrs. Bates fell to the floor, dead. Voldemort smiled innocently, stepped over her body, and turned the TV back on.
"Okay," Steve's sickeningly happy voice came from the television. "Why don't we go see Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper."
"Wait Steve!" Voldie called to the TV. "Behind you! A clue! A clue!" Just as he was saying this, a little girls voice came through the TV and said the same thing.
Steve looked behind him and saw a plate with a blue paw print on it. "So, what is this clue?"
Before Voldie could open his mouth, the same little girl's voice from the TV said, "A plate!"
"Stupid whore!" Voldemort yelled at the TV. "I was gonna say that." He pouted, crossing his arms and sticking out his bottom lip.
************************************************************************
A/N: There! The physiatrist is dead! Now I am FINISHED!!! Sorry if you didn't understand the Blues Clues thing, you kinda have to watch it to understand... not that I watch Blues Clues or anything. It's for babies... Oh, I havta go, Sesame Street is on! That Elmo cracks me up.
************************************************************************
Chapter 6: Voldemort's Session
"Okay, can you do the dandelion dance with me?" Came a voice from the TV.
"Sure I can Steve!" Voldemort said happily to the television. He quickly got up from his seat and started dancing along with the characters on Blues Clues. Voldie was just starting to get his groove on the doorbell rang.
"Be gone with you!" Voldemort yelled angrily at the door, as he spun around and shook his butt to the music. The door bell rang again. Voldemort sighed loudly, and opened the door.
"Hello Mr. Voldemort. I believe we have a session today?" Mrs. Bates said kindly, looking at Voldemort's Miss. Piggy night gown.
"Oh, right." He said, turning off the TV just as Steve started to sing the 'mail song.'
"Now, I understand that you're a very violent person." Mrs. Bates said, consulting her notes.
"That is correct." Voldemort said, putting on his Scooby Doo slippers and sitting down in front of Mrs. Bates.
"So, why don't we try to find the root of that problem." She said.
"What problem?" Voldemort asked, furrowing his brow.
"Your violence problem." Mrs. Bates said slowly.
"That's not a problem!" Voldemort laughed. "It's the solution to my problems."
"Can you give me an example?" She asked.
"If someone is mean to me, I kill them." Voldemort said with a smile. "If they forget to put pickles on my hamburger, I kill them." He now had an evil glare in his eyes. "If someone steals my stuffed unicorn- Daisy!" Voldemort cried, his lip trembling and tears in his eyes. He quickly recovered, whipped the tear from his face, and said, "I kill them. So, you see, I only kill people when it is absolutely necessary."
Mrs. Bates scooted her chair further away from were Voldemort was sitting.
"Okie-dokie." She said with forced happiness. "So, does your violence pro- I mean, solution, have anything to do with you father leaving you at a young age?"
"Absolutely not." Voldemort said happily. "I hate my father with the fire of a thousand suns, but I don't take that extreme and powerful rage out on anyone else." The smile never left his face.
"Right...." Mrs. Bates said, wanting to run away, but not being able to feel her legs. "Anywho, might this anger have to do with Harry Potter?"
Voldemort let out a loud, shrill laugh. "Ha, Potter. Why would I feel any hate against Harry Potter?"
"Because he didn't die when you tried to kill him. He took your power and left you as nothing more then a spirit." Mrs. Bates said, counting the reasons out on her fingers. "And aren't you still trying to kill him?"
"Sure, but who isn't?" Voldemort asked with a laugh. Mrs. Bates looked rather frightened.
"But, surly you have something against-" Mrs. Bates began.
"Listen lady," Voldemort yelled angrily, his eyes bulging out of his head. "If all you want to talk about is Harry Potter, then you can leave. Because there is a Blues Clues marathon on RIGHT NOW! And I don't wanna miss it!!!"
"But-" She began again.
"Silence woman!!" Voldemort screamed, his eyes gleaming red. "Or I will beat you down with my handy dandy notebook!" He yelled, holding up a notebook he wrote down the clues from Blues Clues on.
"If you'll just-" Mrs. Bates began. But before she could get out another word, Voldemort started to hit her on the head with his notebook. Well, Mrs. Bates would have none of that. So she grabbed the notebook from him, and threw it across the room.
"You took my handy dandy notebook!" Voldemort screamed. "You know what I do when someone takes my handy dandy notebook, I kill them." He said with a sweet smile, whipping out his wand and yelling, "Avada Kedavra!"
Mrs. Bates fell to the floor, dead. Voldemort smiled innocently, stepped over her body, and turned the TV back on.
"Okay," Steve's sickeningly happy voice came from the television. "Why don't we go see Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper."
"Wait Steve!" Voldie called to the TV. "Behind you! A clue! A clue!" Just as he was saying this, a little girls voice came through the TV and said the same thing.
Steve looked behind him and saw a plate with a blue paw print on it. "So, what is this clue?"
Before Voldie could open his mouth, the same little girl's voice from the TV said, "A plate!"
"Stupid whore!" Voldemort yelled at the TV. "I was gonna say that." He pouted, crossing his arms and sticking out his bottom lip.
************************************************************************
A/N: There! The physiatrist is dead! Now I am FINISHED!!! Sorry if you didn't understand the Blues Clues thing, you kinda have to watch it to understand... not that I watch Blues Clues or anything. It's for babies... Oh, I havta go, Sesame Street is on! That Elmo cracks me up.