When Bad Guys Play by the rules
But only when it suits them of course
By: T.B. Stormshot, sick and tired of changing her name constantly
I'm bored and short of time. I have to get to bed in about 5 minutes. I really have no time for a disclaimer that's humorous and exciting. Why am I writing? Because I can. I don't own DBZ, I own Mz. Icy, until she kills me. I hate Pikkon, or Piakuhan... Piakahun? I hate his name. He deserved to die, and he SO could not have beaten Cell. Cell just wasn't fully powered. GOKU beat him, therefore CELL could OBVIOUSLY beat him. Yeah I'm babbling, let's face it, the only real purpose OF a disclaimer IS to babble. I'm just taking advantage of that fact.
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A cold silence filled the room as Frieza and Mz. Icy stared unblinkingly into each other's eyes, not daring to look away for a second. They were both quite sure that if they looked the other way, the other would do something quite drastic.
Mz. Icy growled.
Frieza hissed.
"Say, uh Mrs... " Burter started uncertainly.
"MZ. MZ. Icy. What?" Mz. Icy asked tensily, her gaze not wavering an inch off of Frieza's. She was STILL being held back by Jeice and Burter.
"Alriight, Mz Icy... I was just wondering... you're an ice-jin right?" Burter asked.
"Yeah. You got it," Mz. Icy confirmed.
"Then... what's up with you're hair? It's red!" Burter asked in disbelieve.
"Well-" Mz. Icy began.
"I'll tell you Burter! It's dye! She DYES her hair RED!" Frieza yelled, a wild lop-sided grin inching high up his cheek.
"Yeah? Well at least I HAVE hair!" Mz Icy retorted. "I see those hair plugs didn't take!"
Frieza's face turned a rather odd shade of purple as rage crossed his face. "Just SHUT UP!" he screamed.
A grin now spread across Mz. Icy's face as she chuckled loudly. "Aww, I guess I hurt poor wittle Frieza's feewings! Oops, I sure hope he doesn't start blubbering. It'd just ruin that cute little baby-face of his!"
"Yeah? Well at least I got this "cute little baby-face" without the help of YOUR little friend PLASTIC-SURGERY!" Frieza shot back.
"You got plastic-surgery?" Jeice asked in surprise.
"Yeah! You should have seen her before then! She looked like a dragon with a COLD!" Frieza laughed loudly. "Still DOES," he added as an after-thought.
"Hey! I'm not the only one who's had a little work done BIRTH-MARK BOY!" Mz. Icy yelled.
Frieza face suddenly went a sheer white color (even MORE white then his face USUALLY is!) "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"
A broad leer crossed Mz. Icy's face as her eyes narrowed to slits. "Oh really? So you DON'T remember that CUTE little birth-mark on your left cheek..."
"WHAT BIRTHMARK?! THERE WAS NO BIRTHMARK!" Frieza screeched.
"Oh YOU remember... the one on your left cheek, the one that looked EXACTLY like a-"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Frieza started yelling.
Mz. Icy grinned viciously. "Well then... I guess you don't... MAYBE, we'll talk about it later... with your friends here..."
Frieza growled lowly in his throat before changing the subject. "SO, I see you're in H.E.L.L... not exactly as GOOD as we THOUGHT we were, are we?" he grinned, chuckling meanly.
"On contrare, I WOULD be up there by now... but I was too busy trying to get back to the REAL world in order to KILL YOU... looks like someone beat me to it... not as STRONG as we THOUGHT we were, are we..." Mz. Icy snorted.
Frieza's grin vanished at even the MENTION of his shortly-become death. "YEAH? And WHY exactly were we trying to come up and kill me? I wasn't like I KILLED you or anything..."
"Oh REALLY?" Mz. Icy questioned suspiciously. "Well SOMEONE poisoned my TEA, and it SURE as H.E.L.L wasn't myself!"
"Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't come NEAR your little TEA parties" Frieza yelled.
"Suuure, but sometimes ZARBON came over and had a little tea... and WE all know how close you and ZARBON were..." Mz. Icy mentioned suspiciously, tensing angrily.
"Hey! Don't give me that look! I drew the line with my right-hand men!" Frieza yelled angrily.
"Suuure, you're not the type of guy who would make a pass on Vegeta or anything," Mz. Icy sneered in a low-handed move.
"I NEVER MADE A PASS ON-AND how the H.E.L.L. would YOU know?!" Frieza squawked.
"Hey, don't you lie to me! We have CABLE down here you know!" Mz. Icy reminded him.
"Well, THAT doesn't matter! I didn't poison your tea!" Frieza yelled.
"Yeah! I know! ZARBON did your dirty work FOR you!" Mz. Icy yelled back.
"I did NOT get Zarbon to poison your tea!" Frieza denied.
"You LYER!" Mz. Icy yelled back.
"Are you feeling... left out?" Jeice asked Burter as Mz. Icy and Frieza went on bickering.
"Yeah, a little, but I figure they're just catching up on old times. You know, they HAVE been apart a long time..." Burter shrugged.
"YOU'RE feeling left out...? This is MY first time speaking..." Guldo growled angrily.
"Hey, WE can't help if you're a pea-green, over-eyeballed, chubby little midget that nobody likes," Jeice shrugged.
"Yeah, that's just part of life," Burter agreed.
"Just shut up..." Guldo growled as he went and sat in a crumbling corner of the room.
"I TOLD you! It WASN'T ME!!" Frieza screamed furiously.
"Yes it WAS!" Mz. Icy screamed back just as furiously.
Suddenly the room went dark and cold causing Mz. Icy and Frieza stopped fighting momentarily at the sense of a sudden dark and cold power filling the room... though they were not willing to look away from each other.
The newly created door leading into the nursery was suddenly the only light streaming into Mz. Icy's office, and suddenly it was blocked out by a sudden jutting shadow.
Burter and Jeice cowered, tightening their grip on Mz. Icy just in case they needed a shield.
Guldo sulked in the corner and didn't notice a thing.
Frieza and Mz. Icy noticed the power, but weren't really in any mood to feel too frightened of anything at the moment.
A harsh, raspy voice suddenly spoke from the shadow. "You... the ICY one..."
"What?" Frieza yelled.
"Not you..." the voice growled.
"Then you're going to have to be more specific when addressing ME," Mz. Icy yelled angrily.
"And get out of the light! I can't see a damned thing with YOU in the way."
The light suddenly beamed back into the room as a rather testy-looking Cell stepped into the room. Most of the vicious, frightingly cold evil left the room. Most of it. "You- the ICE-jin!" Cell yelled angrily. "There's a little MATTER we better talk about!"
"Hey! Be a LITTLE more SPECIFIC please! There's two Ice-jin here if you haven't noticed!" Mz. Icy yelled in annoyance.
"I wouldn't be so sure..." Frieza muttered as he crossed his arms.
"FINE then Queen FREEZY or little Miss Empress of the Slushies-" Cell started.
"Dammit! I WILL find a way to KILL those kids..." Mz. Icy growled.
"It's Mrs. Icy," Burter corrected, gulping shallowly.
"Whatever, well then Mrs. Icy-" Cell nodded as he started again.
"No! NO! NOT MRS. ICY! MZ. Icy! MZ! Not MRS! MZ! Mz. Icy!" Mz. Icy yelled.
"FINE THEN! I DON'T CARE!" Cell screamed. "MZ. Icy, it's come to MY ATTENTION, that my CHILDREN have found an interesting way to INTRODUCE themselves... which YOU seem to find... CUTE!"
Mz. Icy thought for a minute before grinning. "Oh yeah... that posing thing they do... that IS cute," she chuckled.
Cell looked stunned for a moment. "...cute? CUTE??! THEY LOOK LIKE THE DAMNED FRIGGIN' GINYU FORCE!"
"That's a good thing..." Jeice mumbled hurtfully.
"Oh RELAX, you're WAY too high-strung. And just TRY taking care of THESE little brats... believe me. I know what high-strung IS..." Mz. Icy sighed.
"Nobody pays attention to me..." Guldo sighed.
"Hey! Shut up! Nobody asked YOU to talk!" Cell snapped.
"Exactly..." Guldo cried.
"Anyway, I am their father, CELL-"
"Yeah, we got past that point a while ago," Mz. Icy pointed out.
"Shut up. I was created to be the perfect killing machine, and to put it simply... I'm perfect in all aspects-"
"I don't know, your social skills could use a little polish and you seem to be lacking in the ways of COMPASSION and SENSITIVITY-" Mz. Icy goaded.
"Shut. Up. My little Cell Jrs. Being MINE, as in the SPAWN of MY loi-"
"Your parenting skills don't seem all that great either," Mz. Icy interrupted once again.
"Will you just SHUT UP! H.E.L.L, does she do this ALL the time?" Cell yelled, turning to Frieza.
Frieza shuddered. "As long as I can remember..."
"Now, LET's GET this STRAIGHT. Being MY children, and being as perfect as I AM. My Cell Jrs. are naturally going to be as perfect as I am right?"
"Well... I'm just not going to argue with this one..." Mz. Icy sighed. *I don't know about PERFECT considering you have to DIE to get into H.E.L.L... but his kids are definitely on the right path to becoming his Mini-Mes if THAT'S what he means...* Mz. Icy muttered under her breath.
"Right. And to put it simply, acting like the FRIGGIN' GINYU FORCE AIN'T GOING TO CUT IT. Alright? Ms. uh- Mrs.-" Cell reasoned, a slight menacing look in his eyes.
"Mz.! MZ. ICY! NOT MRS.! OKAY?! NOT Mrs. Icy! MZ. Icy! Can't you flippin' GET that??!" Mz. Icy yelled. Of the few things she absolutely and utterly hated, being called Mrs. was second... the first, of course, being Frieza himself...
"You know... technically... since you died while you were still married to Frieza... and nothing OFFICIAL was ever done about that marriage stint... TECHNICALLY... you would still be married to Frieza... and you'd still be a Mrs. then..." Guldo sniffed from his dark, dark corner.
Mz. Icy suddenly went a bright, bright white and turned her head slowly towards Guldo. "A-and WHAT makes you s-say THAT??" she half-shouted.
Guldo sniffed unhappily from his corner as he looked up miserably from his corner. "The Giant Rulebook of H.E.L.L. of course... it-it says-"
"What?! What does it say?!" Mz. yelled in sudden anxiety.
"It says that if one spouse should die before the other, technically they will be separated-" Guldo began.
"Well then good, nothing to worry about, right?" Mz. Icy asked worriedly.
"Yeah, but then it says, if the OTHER spouse should die later on, they would technically still be married, because nothing official was ever done about the marriage... it's sort of a convenience thing for married couples..." Guldo said unhappily.
Mz. Icy choked. "N-n-n-n-n-" she tried to speak, to no avail. The words were stuck in her throat from the sudden shock of still being MARRIED... to HIM.
"Oh come on! Doesn't anyone here READ??" Guldo asked in disbelief.
"Well that's just no good! I refuse to still be MARRIED to HER!" Frieza yelled in defiance.
"That's all fine and good, b-but you gotta make it official!" Guldo told him solemnly.
"-n-n-n-n-n-n-" Mz. Icy kept repeating in a strangled voice.
"Hey uh, Mrs. Icy... are you... alright??" Jeice asked uncertainly.
"It... ISN'T Mrs... ICY..." Mz. Icy growled a strange glitter in her half-mad eyes. Suddenly she jolted forward and somersaulted across the ground, dragging Jeice and Burter along with her, who of course promptly let go. Mz. Icy stood up, staring madly at Frieza, a slight twitch taking over her right eye.
Frieza backed off fearfully...
Mz. Icy promptly stomped over to the corner where Guldo was crying sullenly and picked him up by the scruff of his non-existent neck. "Now... I am NOT going to be a Mrs... you know that, right? Right," Mz. Icy nodded, not waiting for an answer. "So WHERE in all of H.E.L.L. can I get a DAMNED DIVORCE??!" Mz. Icy screeched.
"L-Lord Enma should be able to d-do it!" Guldo stammered fearfully.
"That over-grown son of a LOBSTER?? Well then! I'm going to go pay our FAVORITE Underlord a visit then-Frieza! You know I absolutely despise you right?" Mz. Icy yelled triumphantly as she dropped the pea-green alien and looked towards Frieza.
"With a vengeance apparently. I hate you too..." Frieza nodded as he crossed his arms.
"That's good, that's all well and good..." Mz. Icy muttered, chuckling nervously. "Then we are both agreed, we REALLY WANT this divorce right?"
"Absolutely," Frieza agreed.
"Good, then let's go get divorced! Right now!" Mz. Icy yelled.
'Wait a minute, right this second?" Cell yelled unbelievably.
"That's right! The sooner the better!" Mz. Icy nodded, dancing slightly from foot to foot.
"But what about the small matter with my chil-"
"It can wait! Nucleus! Get out here!" Mz. Icy screeched into the nursery before hurrying to the pile of dust which USED to be her desk, but had met the unfortunate disaster of becoming a large pile of dust due to unfortunate circumstances (like being smacked by Cell's fist... wait, he slapped the desk? Alright then...) She then proceeded to start digging around in the dust.
"You called Mistress?" Nucleus asked sarcastically as he came through the hole.
"NUCLEUS! Don't tell me she's turned you into her own personal SERVANT?!" Cell shouted hysterically, as he totally and utterly missed the sarcasm Nucleus had dripped.
Nucleus looked at his hyperventilating father with a disbelieving look on his face. "Calm down Dad! You're going to give yourself a heart attack like that! Besides, I was only joking!"
Cell looked a little relieved as he reverted from his rather out-of-character state while the rest simply continued to stare. With acception of Mz. Icy who was still rooting around the remains of her once-proud desk.
"Wat'cha want?" Nucleus finally asked after staring at the ice-jin rooting around in remains of her desk, muttering under her breath occasionally.
Mz. Icy looked up blankly for a moment, blinking twice, and then going back to sifting through the cinders. "Oh, yeah, me and the Birth-mark are getting a divorce. I need you to do the legal stuff since you're an abnormally smart little freak," Mz. Icy said calmly as if Frieza was not the prime most aggravating burden upon her life.
"Don't call me that," Frieza growled.
"Wait a minute, you're taking MY child WITH you?" Cell asked in a suddenly shocked voice.
"Duh yeah, I have to take him because he's an abnormally smart little freak who does all my legal work for candy and ice cream," Mz. Icy shrugged, not even bothering to glance away from her searching.
"NO way! I'm not about to let YOU handle MY child! You'll probably get him killed-AGAIN!" Cell yelled angrily.
"Is that possible?" Burter asked off-hand.
"Just don't get involved Burter. Just don't get involved..." Jeice muttered as he backed up as close as he could to the wall.
"Oh relax Dad, I think I'm mature enough to take care of myself... besides, the pay is pretty good for my age. Now, speaking of candy and ice cream..." Nucleus went on, shooting a coy look towards Mz. Icy.
"What kind, what flavor, and how much?" Mz. Icy asked, cutting to the chase.
"Snickers, Chocolate icecream-without nuts, 10 king-sized and 6 gallons," Nucleus barked.
"Six gallons? That's more than usual..." Mz. Icy said with a slightly startled voice as she paused in her rummaging.
"Vacoule's been pressuring me to use my status in order to take advantage of you," Nucleus shrugged.
"Ah," Mz. Icy nodded befor going back to her work, "Done."
"That's good, that's very good..." Nucleus chuckled.
"I not letting you go with that-that ICE-JIN! She probably doesn't have any credentials!" Cell yelled.
"Hey! I have... yeah, you got me on that one," Mz. Icy conceded, nodding her head.
"Damn it, okay I'm killing you," Cell yelled angrily as he began to power up.
"Hey! You kill her and we ALL suffer!" Frieza yelled angrily. "I'm not about to give up MY hard-won freedom just because you forgot Enma told us NOT to cause trouble... yet heh heh..." Frieza chuckled evily.
"HARD-WON?! YOU GOT OUT OF THAT PRISON CELL BECAUSE YOU'RE RELATED TO ME! BARELY!" Cell bellowed angrily as energy swelled up around him.
"W-wait a minute. Related? What do you mean by related?" Nucleus broke in suspiciously, an ever curious look on his face.
"Well son, it all happened a long long time ago when your daddy wasn't even born yet-" Cell began, taking his time in slow steps.
"-Long story short, a scientist made your daddy out of bits and pieces of filched DNA which included my own, which for reasons are quite obvious," Freiza said, interrupting Cell who gave him a nasty look in return. "I refuse to be married to HER, the sooner your little story is over... SON, the sooner we can leave." Cell snorted but didn't say anything.
"So my grandfather is gay?" Nucleus asked bluntly.
Frieza sputtered. "Where'd you here something like THAT?!" he squeaked.
"Hey, there's a giant HOLE in the wall connecting Mz. Icy's to our jail cell (no offense Dad), and you think we can't HEAR anything that comes out of it?!" Nucleus asked with a disbelieving look on his face.
Frieza sighed exasperatingly. "Let's just get one thing straight here with all of you! I'm. Not. GAY!"
"Hah! You sure do a good job making it SEEM like you are!" Mz. Icy shrieked in a high-pitched laughter from under the pile of cinders which was the afore mentioned desk.
"I don't care! That doesn't mean I'm gay!" Frieza screamed fiercely at Mz. Icy.
"Then what's all this I hear about a pass on Vegeta... DAD?" Cell asked, an almost infinitesimal smirk tweaking at the right side of his mouth.
Frieza shot a nasty look at Cell and sighed again. "It was late. I was young. I had just gotten off of work on the hostal takeover of five separate planets for MY dad. I was dead drunk. Okay? I was DRUNK! NOT GAY! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE H.E.L.L. I WAS DOING!" Frieza screeched.
"Well I guess that makes sense. We all do crazy stuff when we're drunk," Nucleus agreed, nodding his head "Though somehow this doesn't make myself feel too much better about my Family Tree..."
"And how would YOU know what it's like to get drunk?" Mz. Icy asked suspiciously as she continued pawing at the pile of dust in search of some radically important object.
"I don't, I'm reading Dad's brain. He does REALLY weird stuff when he gets drunk," Nucleus shrugged. Suddenly Cell was breathing down his neck with an incidious look upon his otherwise eerily pleasant face, lightly breathing though as this was his child whose neck he was breathing down. "Alright! Alright! Your mind is off-limits, I get it!" Nucleus told him with some annoyance. "... I can read... my Granddad's mind right though?" he asked hopefully in a quiet voice. Cell smirked, patted him lightly on the back and gave him a slight nod before standing up, positively dripping in pride.
"So ANYWAY, since this... ICY-person, is OBVIOUSLY not going to relent in taking this foolish ritual-" Cell began.
"Hey! It is NOT a foolish ritual! It happens to be one of great importance in fact! A life-or-death ritual! MY life or death!" Mz. Icy yelled angrily, still searching among the ruins of her desk.
"-and APPARENTLY she refuses to leave my son out of it...-"
"Oh puh-lease! You couldn't kill yourself even if you TRIED! This is H.E.L.L.! You're already DEAD!" Frieza retorted scornfully.
"-and it APPARENTLY it is a bad idea to kill her as my freedom is tenatively placed...-"
"Hey! If some person who blows a little hot air can kill off that creep Pikkon AGAIN, certainly it can't be too hard to reproduce the product! Though... it'd be so much nicer if I could just get rid of you..." Mz. Icy chuckled evily.
"-APPARENTLY I'll just have to come along to make sure she doesn't get him killed," Cell nodded in self-satisfaction of a plan long thought-out.
"Dad!" Nucleus shouted in an exasperated and rather embarrassed, almost teenaged voice.
"Hey! When you become old enough to grow a tail or something boy, THEN we'll talk," Cell told him strictly, adamant in his decision.
"Ugh! Mz. Icy!" Nucleus whined unhappily, looking for a supporter.
"Hey I don't care kid. You're already getting candy and icecream from me. As long as he pulls his own weight and doesn't bug me I don't give a damn," Mz. Icy shrugged, still rooting around the ashes of her desk.
"Good, then let's get going. The sooner we get this over with the sooner I don't have to see any of your faces ever again," Cell nodded in agreement, folding his arms in an almost pleasant manner.
"Alrighty then, so Mr. I'm Not Gay Except When I Am, the green guy who CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME, and the brat are coming with me. And you," Mz. Icy snapped as she pointed at Guldo who was still sulking pitifully. Guldo looked up with a rather surprised look on his face.
"What?" he asked as he got up. "A-Are you saying I can go? Really?? Oh wow! Thankyou! You don't know how much this MEANS to me!" Guldo said happily.
"You're right I don't. You're not coming with ME. You're pea-green! And you're fat! Plus you're short!" Mz. Icy told him in mock disgust.
"Don't forget, he has FOUR eyes!" Jeice chuckled.
"Hey! Don't mock the four-eyed! Remember THESE?" Mz. Icy asked as she tapped the trendy eyeglasses sharing the space between her forehead and her nose. The rest of the group shrugged and shook their heads. "Of course you don't, they haven't been mentioned for quite some time now. But they're THERE, and therefore you can't mock the four-eyed."
"But-but why did you point at me then?" Guldo asked, his bottom-lip trembling.
"Because I'm mean and you're vulnerable. Actually, while you are impossibly disgusting to look at, it's your attitude that really gets me. Grow up, stop acting like a baby, and THEN we'll talk. Until then you're stuck with these two other multi-colored weaklings babysitting the rest of the bunch," Mz. Icy shrugged, going back to her inspired rummaging.
"Oh..." Guldo sniffled as he sat down again.
"Wait a minute, by multi-colored weaklings you mean US right?" Burter asked as he pointed from Jeice to himself.
"Yes, that I do," Mz. Icy confirmed.
"Well okay then, first off, we are NOT weaklings," Burter told her firmly.
"That's right," Jeice confirmed.
"In fact, we are pretty strong. It's just that we aren't that strong compared to people like Frieza, or Cell," Burter went on to say.
"Alright, whatever floats your boat, you two multi-colored stronger-than-normal-just-not-that-strong-compared-to-really-strong-people GUYS, are going to babysit my chargees until I get back," Mz. Icy confirmed back to them.
"Uh, that's another thing. Do we REALLY have to babysit?" Jeice asked unhappily. "Can't we just... come along?"
"No, the depressed alien over there would hold up the fort like a marshmallow under influence of a microwave. My chargees should know. You guys have to help, no buts. I got no time," Mz. Icy shrugged, still continuing to persevere in her quest to dig up whatever seemed to be buried in the never-ending pile of ash which was the desk that has been mentioned several times before.
"Well uh, are you sure you won't need someone to act like your boyfriend or something to make Frieza jealous?" Burter asked hopefully.
Mz. Icy paused for a moment at the thought of this idea, she then proceeded to shrug. "Nah, even if I needed to sink that low I could always seduce the Green Goblin here. Thanks for offering though, I'm sure somewhere, someone, would love a giant blue man with no nose," she said solemnly before going back to her persistant digging.
Burter frowned at the rejection before he noticed Jeice staring angrily at him. Burter shrugged. "Worth a shot."
"Well then, since everything seems to be situated. Let's go," Cell shrugged.
"Not yet! I haven't found what I'm looking for!" Mz. Icy yelled anxiously from among the dregs of her now long-since-past desk.
"Well what ARE you looking for?! You've been at it for twenty minutes now!" Frieza yelled angrily.
"I'm looking for, Ah-HAH! My car keys!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she held the long sought-for car keys.
"I suppose we should face fault," Frieza sighed.
To Be Continued...
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRUST TREKKIES! What? Sorry, I felt I had to say something stupid and completely out-of-context. It's fun, try it. Makes people look at you funny. So, if you have the time and energy, leave a review, believe it or not people truly treasure reviews, ANY reviews. It's a symbol of status, how many reviews you have. I'm actually not kidding, the number of reviews you get scratches out your number of bragging rights.
But only when it suits them of course
By: T.B. Stormshot, sick and tired of changing her name constantly
I'm bored and short of time. I have to get to bed in about 5 minutes. I really have no time for a disclaimer that's humorous and exciting. Why am I writing? Because I can. I don't own DBZ, I own Mz. Icy, until she kills me. I hate Pikkon, or Piakuhan... Piakahun? I hate his name. He deserved to die, and he SO could not have beaten Cell. Cell just wasn't fully powered. GOKU beat him, therefore CELL could OBVIOUSLY beat him. Yeah I'm babbling, let's face it, the only real purpose OF a disclaimer IS to babble. I'm just taking advantage of that fact.
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A cold silence filled the room as Frieza and Mz. Icy stared unblinkingly into each other's eyes, not daring to look away for a second. They were both quite sure that if they looked the other way, the other would do something quite drastic.
Mz. Icy growled.
Frieza hissed.
"Say, uh Mrs... " Burter started uncertainly.
"MZ. MZ. Icy. What?" Mz. Icy asked tensily, her gaze not wavering an inch off of Frieza's. She was STILL being held back by Jeice and Burter.
"Alriight, Mz Icy... I was just wondering... you're an ice-jin right?" Burter asked.
"Yeah. You got it," Mz. Icy confirmed.
"Then... what's up with you're hair? It's red!" Burter asked in disbelieve.
"Well-" Mz. Icy began.
"I'll tell you Burter! It's dye! She DYES her hair RED!" Frieza yelled, a wild lop-sided grin inching high up his cheek.
"Yeah? Well at least I HAVE hair!" Mz Icy retorted. "I see those hair plugs didn't take!"
Frieza's face turned a rather odd shade of purple as rage crossed his face. "Just SHUT UP!" he screamed.
A grin now spread across Mz. Icy's face as she chuckled loudly. "Aww, I guess I hurt poor wittle Frieza's feewings! Oops, I sure hope he doesn't start blubbering. It'd just ruin that cute little baby-face of his!"
"Yeah? Well at least I got this "cute little baby-face" without the help of YOUR little friend PLASTIC-SURGERY!" Frieza shot back.
"You got plastic-surgery?" Jeice asked in surprise.
"Yeah! You should have seen her before then! She looked like a dragon with a COLD!" Frieza laughed loudly. "Still DOES," he added as an after-thought.
"Hey! I'm not the only one who's had a little work done BIRTH-MARK BOY!" Mz. Icy yelled.
Frieza face suddenly went a sheer white color (even MORE white then his face USUALLY is!) "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"
A broad leer crossed Mz. Icy's face as her eyes narrowed to slits. "Oh really? So you DON'T remember that CUTE little birth-mark on your left cheek..."
"WHAT BIRTHMARK?! THERE WAS NO BIRTHMARK!" Frieza screeched.
"Oh YOU remember... the one on your left cheek, the one that looked EXACTLY like a-"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Frieza started yelling.
Mz. Icy grinned viciously. "Well then... I guess you don't... MAYBE, we'll talk about it later... with your friends here..."
Frieza growled lowly in his throat before changing the subject. "SO, I see you're in H.E.L.L... not exactly as GOOD as we THOUGHT we were, are we?" he grinned, chuckling meanly.
"On contrare, I WOULD be up there by now... but I was too busy trying to get back to the REAL world in order to KILL YOU... looks like someone beat me to it... not as STRONG as we THOUGHT we were, are we..." Mz. Icy snorted.
Frieza's grin vanished at even the MENTION of his shortly-become death. "YEAH? And WHY exactly were we trying to come up and kill me? I wasn't like I KILLED you or anything..."
"Oh REALLY?" Mz. Icy questioned suspiciously. "Well SOMEONE poisoned my TEA, and it SURE as H.E.L.L wasn't myself!"
"Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't come NEAR your little TEA parties" Frieza yelled.
"Suuure, but sometimes ZARBON came over and had a little tea... and WE all know how close you and ZARBON were..." Mz. Icy mentioned suspiciously, tensing angrily.
"Hey! Don't give me that look! I drew the line with my right-hand men!" Frieza yelled angrily.
"Suuure, you're not the type of guy who would make a pass on Vegeta or anything," Mz. Icy sneered in a low-handed move.
"I NEVER MADE A PASS ON-AND how the H.E.L.L. would YOU know?!" Frieza squawked.
"Hey, don't you lie to me! We have CABLE down here you know!" Mz. Icy reminded him.
"Well, THAT doesn't matter! I didn't poison your tea!" Frieza yelled.
"Yeah! I know! ZARBON did your dirty work FOR you!" Mz. Icy yelled back.
"I did NOT get Zarbon to poison your tea!" Frieza denied.
"You LYER!" Mz. Icy yelled back.
"Are you feeling... left out?" Jeice asked Burter as Mz. Icy and Frieza went on bickering.
"Yeah, a little, but I figure they're just catching up on old times. You know, they HAVE been apart a long time..." Burter shrugged.
"YOU'RE feeling left out...? This is MY first time speaking..." Guldo growled angrily.
"Hey, WE can't help if you're a pea-green, over-eyeballed, chubby little midget that nobody likes," Jeice shrugged.
"Yeah, that's just part of life," Burter agreed.
"Just shut up..." Guldo growled as he went and sat in a crumbling corner of the room.
"I TOLD you! It WASN'T ME!!" Frieza screamed furiously.
"Yes it WAS!" Mz. Icy screamed back just as furiously.
Suddenly the room went dark and cold causing Mz. Icy and Frieza stopped fighting momentarily at the sense of a sudden dark and cold power filling the room... though they were not willing to look away from each other.
The newly created door leading into the nursery was suddenly the only light streaming into Mz. Icy's office, and suddenly it was blocked out by a sudden jutting shadow.
Burter and Jeice cowered, tightening their grip on Mz. Icy just in case they needed a shield.
Guldo sulked in the corner and didn't notice a thing.
Frieza and Mz. Icy noticed the power, but weren't really in any mood to feel too frightened of anything at the moment.
A harsh, raspy voice suddenly spoke from the shadow. "You... the ICY one..."
"What?" Frieza yelled.
"Not you..." the voice growled.
"Then you're going to have to be more specific when addressing ME," Mz. Icy yelled angrily.
"And get out of the light! I can't see a damned thing with YOU in the way."
The light suddenly beamed back into the room as a rather testy-looking Cell stepped into the room. Most of the vicious, frightingly cold evil left the room. Most of it. "You- the ICE-jin!" Cell yelled angrily. "There's a little MATTER we better talk about!"
"Hey! Be a LITTLE more SPECIFIC please! There's two Ice-jin here if you haven't noticed!" Mz. Icy yelled in annoyance.
"I wouldn't be so sure..." Frieza muttered as he crossed his arms.
"FINE then Queen FREEZY or little Miss Empress of the Slushies-" Cell started.
"Dammit! I WILL find a way to KILL those kids..." Mz. Icy growled.
"It's Mrs. Icy," Burter corrected, gulping shallowly.
"Whatever, well then Mrs. Icy-" Cell nodded as he started again.
"No! NO! NOT MRS. ICY! MZ. Icy! MZ! Not MRS! MZ! Mz. Icy!" Mz. Icy yelled.
"FINE THEN! I DON'T CARE!" Cell screamed. "MZ. Icy, it's come to MY ATTENTION, that my CHILDREN have found an interesting way to INTRODUCE themselves... which YOU seem to find... CUTE!"
Mz. Icy thought for a minute before grinning. "Oh yeah... that posing thing they do... that IS cute," she chuckled.
Cell looked stunned for a moment. "...cute? CUTE??! THEY LOOK LIKE THE DAMNED FRIGGIN' GINYU FORCE!"
"That's a good thing..." Jeice mumbled hurtfully.
"Oh RELAX, you're WAY too high-strung. And just TRY taking care of THESE little brats... believe me. I know what high-strung IS..." Mz. Icy sighed.
"Nobody pays attention to me..." Guldo sighed.
"Hey! Shut up! Nobody asked YOU to talk!" Cell snapped.
"Exactly..." Guldo cried.
"Anyway, I am their father, CELL-"
"Yeah, we got past that point a while ago," Mz. Icy pointed out.
"Shut up. I was created to be the perfect killing machine, and to put it simply... I'm perfect in all aspects-"
"I don't know, your social skills could use a little polish and you seem to be lacking in the ways of COMPASSION and SENSITIVITY-" Mz. Icy goaded.
"Shut. Up. My little Cell Jrs. Being MINE, as in the SPAWN of MY loi-"
"Your parenting skills don't seem all that great either," Mz. Icy interrupted once again.
"Will you just SHUT UP! H.E.L.L, does she do this ALL the time?" Cell yelled, turning to Frieza.
Frieza shuddered. "As long as I can remember..."
"Now, LET's GET this STRAIGHT. Being MY children, and being as perfect as I AM. My Cell Jrs. are naturally going to be as perfect as I am right?"
"Well... I'm just not going to argue with this one..." Mz. Icy sighed. *I don't know about PERFECT considering you have to DIE to get into H.E.L.L... but his kids are definitely on the right path to becoming his Mini-Mes if THAT'S what he means...* Mz. Icy muttered under her breath.
"Right. And to put it simply, acting like the FRIGGIN' GINYU FORCE AIN'T GOING TO CUT IT. Alright? Ms. uh- Mrs.-" Cell reasoned, a slight menacing look in his eyes.
"Mz.! MZ. ICY! NOT MRS.! OKAY?! NOT Mrs. Icy! MZ. Icy! Can't you flippin' GET that??!" Mz. Icy yelled. Of the few things she absolutely and utterly hated, being called Mrs. was second... the first, of course, being Frieza himself...
"You know... technically... since you died while you were still married to Frieza... and nothing OFFICIAL was ever done about that marriage stint... TECHNICALLY... you would still be married to Frieza... and you'd still be a Mrs. then..." Guldo sniffed from his dark, dark corner.
Mz. Icy suddenly went a bright, bright white and turned her head slowly towards Guldo. "A-and WHAT makes you s-say THAT??" she half-shouted.
Guldo sniffed unhappily from his corner as he looked up miserably from his corner. "The Giant Rulebook of H.E.L.L. of course... it-it says-"
"What?! What does it say?!" Mz. yelled in sudden anxiety.
"It says that if one spouse should die before the other, technically they will be separated-" Guldo began.
"Well then good, nothing to worry about, right?" Mz. Icy asked worriedly.
"Yeah, but then it says, if the OTHER spouse should die later on, they would technically still be married, because nothing official was ever done about the marriage... it's sort of a convenience thing for married couples..." Guldo said unhappily.
Mz. Icy choked. "N-n-n-n-n-" she tried to speak, to no avail. The words were stuck in her throat from the sudden shock of still being MARRIED... to HIM.
"Oh come on! Doesn't anyone here READ??" Guldo asked in disbelief.
"Well that's just no good! I refuse to still be MARRIED to HER!" Frieza yelled in defiance.
"That's all fine and good, b-but you gotta make it official!" Guldo told him solemnly.
"-n-n-n-n-n-n-" Mz. Icy kept repeating in a strangled voice.
"Hey uh, Mrs. Icy... are you... alright??" Jeice asked uncertainly.
"It... ISN'T Mrs... ICY..." Mz. Icy growled a strange glitter in her half-mad eyes. Suddenly she jolted forward and somersaulted across the ground, dragging Jeice and Burter along with her, who of course promptly let go. Mz. Icy stood up, staring madly at Frieza, a slight twitch taking over her right eye.
Frieza backed off fearfully...
Mz. Icy promptly stomped over to the corner where Guldo was crying sullenly and picked him up by the scruff of his non-existent neck. "Now... I am NOT going to be a Mrs... you know that, right? Right," Mz. Icy nodded, not waiting for an answer. "So WHERE in all of H.E.L.L. can I get a DAMNED DIVORCE??!" Mz. Icy screeched.
"L-Lord Enma should be able to d-do it!" Guldo stammered fearfully.
"That over-grown son of a LOBSTER?? Well then! I'm going to go pay our FAVORITE Underlord a visit then-Frieza! You know I absolutely despise you right?" Mz. Icy yelled triumphantly as she dropped the pea-green alien and looked towards Frieza.
"With a vengeance apparently. I hate you too..." Frieza nodded as he crossed his arms.
"That's good, that's all well and good..." Mz. Icy muttered, chuckling nervously. "Then we are both agreed, we REALLY WANT this divorce right?"
"Absolutely," Frieza agreed.
"Good, then let's go get divorced! Right now!" Mz. Icy yelled.
'Wait a minute, right this second?" Cell yelled unbelievably.
"That's right! The sooner the better!" Mz. Icy nodded, dancing slightly from foot to foot.
"But what about the small matter with my chil-"
"It can wait! Nucleus! Get out here!" Mz. Icy screeched into the nursery before hurrying to the pile of dust which USED to be her desk, but had met the unfortunate disaster of becoming a large pile of dust due to unfortunate circumstances (like being smacked by Cell's fist... wait, he slapped the desk? Alright then...) She then proceeded to start digging around in the dust.
"You called Mistress?" Nucleus asked sarcastically as he came through the hole.
"NUCLEUS! Don't tell me she's turned you into her own personal SERVANT?!" Cell shouted hysterically, as he totally and utterly missed the sarcasm Nucleus had dripped.
Nucleus looked at his hyperventilating father with a disbelieving look on his face. "Calm down Dad! You're going to give yourself a heart attack like that! Besides, I was only joking!"
Cell looked a little relieved as he reverted from his rather out-of-character state while the rest simply continued to stare. With acception of Mz. Icy who was still rooting around the remains of her once-proud desk.
"Wat'cha want?" Nucleus finally asked after staring at the ice-jin rooting around in remains of her desk, muttering under her breath occasionally.
Mz. Icy looked up blankly for a moment, blinking twice, and then going back to sifting through the cinders. "Oh, yeah, me and the Birth-mark are getting a divorce. I need you to do the legal stuff since you're an abnormally smart little freak," Mz. Icy said calmly as if Frieza was not the prime most aggravating burden upon her life.
"Don't call me that," Frieza growled.
"Wait a minute, you're taking MY child WITH you?" Cell asked in a suddenly shocked voice.
"Duh yeah, I have to take him because he's an abnormally smart little freak who does all my legal work for candy and ice cream," Mz. Icy shrugged, not even bothering to glance away from her searching.
"NO way! I'm not about to let YOU handle MY child! You'll probably get him killed-AGAIN!" Cell yelled angrily.
"Is that possible?" Burter asked off-hand.
"Just don't get involved Burter. Just don't get involved..." Jeice muttered as he backed up as close as he could to the wall.
"Oh relax Dad, I think I'm mature enough to take care of myself... besides, the pay is pretty good for my age. Now, speaking of candy and ice cream..." Nucleus went on, shooting a coy look towards Mz. Icy.
"What kind, what flavor, and how much?" Mz. Icy asked, cutting to the chase.
"Snickers, Chocolate icecream-without nuts, 10 king-sized and 6 gallons," Nucleus barked.
"Six gallons? That's more than usual..." Mz. Icy said with a slightly startled voice as she paused in her rummaging.
"Vacoule's been pressuring me to use my status in order to take advantage of you," Nucleus shrugged.
"Ah," Mz. Icy nodded befor going back to her work, "Done."
"That's good, that's very good..." Nucleus chuckled.
"I not letting you go with that-that ICE-JIN! She probably doesn't have any credentials!" Cell yelled.
"Hey! I have... yeah, you got me on that one," Mz. Icy conceded, nodding her head.
"Damn it, okay I'm killing you," Cell yelled angrily as he began to power up.
"Hey! You kill her and we ALL suffer!" Frieza yelled angrily. "I'm not about to give up MY hard-won freedom just because you forgot Enma told us NOT to cause trouble... yet heh heh..." Frieza chuckled evily.
"HARD-WON?! YOU GOT OUT OF THAT PRISON CELL BECAUSE YOU'RE RELATED TO ME! BARELY!" Cell bellowed angrily as energy swelled up around him.
"W-wait a minute. Related? What do you mean by related?" Nucleus broke in suspiciously, an ever curious look on his face.
"Well son, it all happened a long long time ago when your daddy wasn't even born yet-" Cell began, taking his time in slow steps.
"-Long story short, a scientist made your daddy out of bits and pieces of filched DNA which included my own, which for reasons are quite obvious," Freiza said, interrupting Cell who gave him a nasty look in return. "I refuse to be married to HER, the sooner your little story is over... SON, the sooner we can leave." Cell snorted but didn't say anything.
"So my grandfather is gay?" Nucleus asked bluntly.
Frieza sputtered. "Where'd you here something like THAT?!" he squeaked.
"Hey, there's a giant HOLE in the wall connecting Mz. Icy's to our jail cell (no offense Dad), and you think we can't HEAR anything that comes out of it?!" Nucleus asked with a disbelieving look on his face.
Frieza sighed exasperatingly. "Let's just get one thing straight here with all of you! I'm. Not. GAY!"
"Hah! You sure do a good job making it SEEM like you are!" Mz. Icy shrieked in a high-pitched laughter from under the pile of cinders which was the afore mentioned desk.
"I don't care! That doesn't mean I'm gay!" Frieza screamed fiercely at Mz. Icy.
"Then what's all this I hear about a pass on Vegeta... DAD?" Cell asked, an almost infinitesimal smirk tweaking at the right side of his mouth.
Frieza shot a nasty look at Cell and sighed again. "It was late. I was young. I had just gotten off of work on the hostal takeover of five separate planets for MY dad. I was dead drunk. Okay? I was DRUNK! NOT GAY! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE H.E.L.L. I WAS DOING!" Frieza screeched.
"Well I guess that makes sense. We all do crazy stuff when we're drunk," Nucleus agreed, nodding his head "Though somehow this doesn't make myself feel too much better about my Family Tree..."
"And how would YOU know what it's like to get drunk?" Mz. Icy asked suspiciously as she continued pawing at the pile of dust in search of some radically important object.
"I don't, I'm reading Dad's brain. He does REALLY weird stuff when he gets drunk," Nucleus shrugged. Suddenly Cell was breathing down his neck with an incidious look upon his otherwise eerily pleasant face, lightly breathing though as this was his child whose neck he was breathing down. "Alright! Alright! Your mind is off-limits, I get it!" Nucleus told him with some annoyance. "... I can read... my Granddad's mind right though?" he asked hopefully in a quiet voice. Cell smirked, patted him lightly on the back and gave him a slight nod before standing up, positively dripping in pride.
"So ANYWAY, since this... ICY-person, is OBVIOUSLY not going to relent in taking this foolish ritual-" Cell began.
"Hey! It is NOT a foolish ritual! It happens to be one of great importance in fact! A life-or-death ritual! MY life or death!" Mz. Icy yelled angrily, still searching among the ruins of her desk.
"-and APPARENTLY she refuses to leave my son out of it...-"
"Oh puh-lease! You couldn't kill yourself even if you TRIED! This is H.E.L.L.! You're already DEAD!" Frieza retorted scornfully.
"-and it APPARENTLY it is a bad idea to kill her as my freedom is tenatively placed...-"
"Hey! If some person who blows a little hot air can kill off that creep Pikkon AGAIN, certainly it can't be too hard to reproduce the product! Though... it'd be so much nicer if I could just get rid of you..." Mz. Icy chuckled evily.
"-APPARENTLY I'll just have to come along to make sure she doesn't get him killed," Cell nodded in self-satisfaction of a plan long thought-out.
"Dad!" Nucleus shouted in an exasperated and rather embarrassed, almost teenaged voice.
"Hey! When you become old enough to grow a tail or something boy, THEN we'll talk," Cell told him strictly, adamant in his decision.
"Ugh! Mz. Icy!" Nucleus whined unhappily, looking for a supporter.
"Hey I don't care kid. You're already getting candy and icecream from me. As long as he pulls his own weight and doesn't bug me I don't give a damn," Mz. Icy shrugged, still rooting around the ashes of her desk.
"Good, then let's get going. The sooner we get this over with the sooner I don't have to see any of your faces ever again," Cell nodded in agreement, folding his arms in an almost pleasant manner.
"Alrighty then, so Mr. I'm Not Gay Except When I Am, the green guy who CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME, and the brat are coming with me. And you," Mz. Icy snapped as she pointed at Guldo who was still sulking pitifully. Guldo looked up with a rather surprised look on his face.
"What?" he asked as he got up. "A-Are you saying I can go? Really?? Oh wow! Thankyou! You don't know how much this MEANS to me!" Guldo said happily.
"You're right I don't. You're not coming with ME. You're pea-green! And you're fat! Plus you're short!" Mz. Icy told him in mock disgust.
"Don't forget, he has FOUR eyes!" Jeice chuckled.
"Hey! Don't mock the four-eyed! Remember THESE?" Mz. Icy asked as she tapped the trendy eyeglasses sharing the space between her forehead and her nose. The rest of the group shrugged and shook their heads. "Of course you don't, they haven't been mentioned for quite some time now. But they're THERE, and therefore you can't mock the four-eyed."
"But-but why did you point at me then?" Guldo asked, his bottom-lip trembling.
"Because I'm mean and you're vulnerable. Actually, while you are impossibly disgusting to look at, it's your attitude that really gets me. Grow up, stop acting like a baby, and THEN we'll talk. Until then you're stuck with these two other multi-colored weaklings babysitting the rest of the bunch," Mz. Icy shrugged, going back to her inspired rummaging.
"Oh..." Guldo sniffled as he sat down again.
"Wait a minute, by multi-colored weaklings you mean US right?" Burter asked as he pointed from Jeice to himself.
"Yes, that I do," Mz. Icy confirmed.
"Well okay then, first off, we are NOT weaklings," Burter told her firmly.
"That's right," Jeice confirmed.
"In fact, we are pretty strong. It's just that we aren't that strong compared to people like Frieza, or Cell," Burter went on to say.
"Alright, whatever floats your boat, you two multi-colored stronger-than-normal-just-not-that-strong-compared-to-really-strong-people GUYS, are going to babysit my chargees until I get back," Mz. Icy confirmed back to them.
"Uh, that's another thing. Do we REALLY have to babysit?" Jeice asked unhappily. "Can't we just... come along?"
"No, the depressed alien over there would hold up the fort like a marshmallow under influence of a microwave. My chargees should know. You guys have to help, no buts. I got no time," Mz. Icy shrugged, still continuing to persevere in her quest to dig up whatever seemed to be buried in the never-ending pile of ash which was the desk that has been mentioned several times before.
"Well uh, are you sure you won't need someone to act like your boyfriend or something to make Frieza jealous?" Burter asked hopefully.
Mz. Icy paused for a moment at the thought of this idea, she then proceeded to shrug. "Nah, even if I needed to sink that low I could always seduce the Green Goblin here. Thanks for offering though, I'm sure somewhere, someone, would love a giant blue man with no nose," she said solemnly before going back to her persistant digging.
Burter frowned at the rejection before he noticed Jeice staring angrily at him. Burter shrugged. "Worth a shot."
"Well then, since everything seems to be situated. Let's go," Cell shrugged.
"Not yet! I haven't found what I'm looking for!" Mz. Icy yelled anxiously from among the dregs of her now long-since-past desk.
"Well what ARE you looking for?! You've been at it for twenty minutes now!" Frieza yelled angrily.
"I'm looking for, Ah-HAH! My car keys!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she held the long sought-for car keys.
"I suppose we should face fault," Frieza sighed.
To Be Continued...
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRUST TREKKIES! What? Sorry, I felt I had to say something stupid and completely out-of-context. It's fun, try it. Makes people look at you funny. So, if you have the time and energy, leave a review, believe it or not people truly treasure reviews, ANY reviews. It's a symbol of status, how many reviews you have. I'm actually not kidding, the number of reviews you get scratches out your number of bragging rights.