By: (What's my name right now? Oh yeah-) T.B. Stormshot
*Wakes up enough to notice a very short piece that has been sitting on her computer for two months. Then realizes that school starts up in two weeks and growls* Damn school system, we SHOULD be starting after Labor Day, MINNESOTA RULES HAZZAH! Unfortunately due to the building of a new high school, we are starting early this year. Damn...
Wait, why am I sharing this with you?
Heh...
Well, I'll probably work harder anyway at writing if I'm in school. Okay then.
Anyway, I do not own DBZ. THAT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP! I own Mz. Icy--she's cool. Cooler than Frieza even! And most of all, I OWN THE WORLD! And it SUCKS. Wait... yeah.
*looks confused*
"I'm looking for, Ah-HAH! My car keys!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she held the long sought-for car keys.
"Geez..." Cell growled in annoyance.
"See Dad? This is why I have to come along..." Nucleus sighed as he shook his head.
"DEAREST, you know how to fly. Barely, but you do. So why, exactly WHY, have you wasted our time searching for car keys, to drive a car, which WE DON'T NEED??!" Frieza screamed.
Mz. Icy shrugged, swinging the key ring around her finger and looking pitifully upon Frieza. "Oh poor little Frieza, all that world-conquering-slash-destroying has left you without a sense of fashion. Tsk tsk. Back to school with you Prince o' Pink, to drive a car, is to travel in style. Style is good. We, will drive a car, or WE will travel not at all."
"So you would rather stay married to me?" Frieza snorted unbelievably.
"No, of course not. But you don't want to stay married either, right? I was under the assumption that we both hated each other's guts," Mz. Icy pointed out.
"That's absolutely true," Frieza confirmed.
Mz. Icy made a quick grab for little Nucleus and dragged him over to her side. "Okay Squirt, 'fess up. In order to get a divorce, we both have to sign papers, right?"
Nucleus nodded and yawned, a little bored of the consistent babbling that seemed to be bouncing throughout the entire conversation, and definitely bored of the constant rambling that seemed to lead from one stupid subject to another. He was also a little confused as to why exactly his supposed grandfather was married to Mz. Icy if he was, in fact, GAY. "Yep, you BOTH have to sign the divorce documents in order to be divorced."
"Good, then if YOU won't let me go in automobile, then I'll make it my business NOT to sign the documents. Get it?" Mz. Icy told him slyly.
"Yes, but don't YOU want to be divorced as much as I do? If so then your whole argument is null-and-void," Frieza pointed out.
"Sure, but-" Mz. Icy began, but suddenly she was interrupted by Cell.
"Who in H.E.L.L. really CARES if we go by car or NOT?! Let's just GO already!" Cell bursted angrily. He was anxious just to gather up his Cell Jrs. and LEAVE this looney-bin.
"See! Even the green guy who can't remember my name agrees with me!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she pointed excitedly at Cell.
"I DON'T agree with you. I JUST... want to get out of here. My children are not safe in your hands. YOU... are a bad influence upon them," Cell accused through gritted teeth.
"Well you're not supporting this hard-for-luck LIZARD here, so I don't particularly care," Mz. Icy shrugged.
"Fine. Just FINE! We've always done what YOU want to do in the past, what's one more decision?! JUST FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE!" Frieza screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Now you're getting it," Mz. Icy agreed. "I'll be in the garage waiting for you people," she yelled with a toss of her red hair. She turned and walked confidently out the REAL door which had been right beside her now demolished desk, which had served its last purpose and had settled to be blown away by the wind in search of newer, more exciting grounds.
Cell, Frieza, and the remaining members of the Ginyu Force stared blankly as the door slammed closed. As men of course, they had fallen prey to Mz. Icy's sneaky way of smuggling whatever she wanted out of them. "Oh yes, now THIS is a familiar picture," Frieza muttered as memories long since submerged began to rise back to the surface again. "I always HATED it when she did that..."
"So why did you marry her anyway if you hate her so much?" Jeice asked timidly.
"Yeah, aren't you gay?" Nucleus asked as he cocked his shelled head to one side.
"I AM NOT GAY! ALRIGHT?! I THOUGHT we went THROUGH this before!" Frieza screamed at the Cell Jr.
"Dear old DAD, if you scream at my boy again, I'll rip your head off and use it as a basketball. And please, I've done it before," Cell said calmly, thinking airily of the time he had spent waiting for the day of the Cell Games. *Two Points!*
Frieza coughed lightly and regained his composure. "As for marrying her, that was not my choice. The marriage was arranged by my father, King Kold."
"So what? She's a princess or something?" Burter asked as he scratched the back of his blue head.
"No, unlike most foolish cultures, the Ice-jin race decides who is king and queen by strength. The most powerful are the ones who rule. She simply was the strongest female ice-jin out there. Problem was, she KNEW it," Frieza sighed unhappily.
"Oh, well I guess that makes more sense than you marrying because you LOVE her," Burter nodded in agreement.
Frieza barked out a miserable laugh. "LOVE, yeah..."
"Yes, well, I'd love to stand here and listen to you describe your past misfortune, but unfortunately, I DON'T WANT TO. Let's go," Cell said as he impatiently tapped his foot, making that familiar squeaky noise. Nucleus unconscientiously copied him in his own impatience.
"Yes, alright, Alright," Frieza sighed as he, Cell, and Nucleus made their way out the door that actually WAS a door.
Jeice blinked. "Hey! What about us? How are we supposed to take care of your kids Cell?!" he yelled anxiously.
"How should I know? I'm not a baby-sitter," Cell shrugged.
"But-But you're their DAD!" Burter stammered, quickly understanding the problem.
"Yeah, but I'm not a BABY-SITTER," Cell repeated as he went out the door.
Jeice groaned lowly before reaching over and grabbing Nucleus' arm. "Hey! You? How are we supposed to take care of your brothers?"
Nucleus shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno. Mz. Icy screamed a lot at them. That never worked of course. My guess would be to bribe them. Bribe them a lot." With that he disappeared through the door.
"Bribe them, bribe them. Okay got that," Jeice repeated, trying to calm himself down.
"Bribe them with WHAT?!" Burter screeched at Jeice. "What the H.E.L.L. do we HAVE?!"
Jeice went a very pale orange as he remembered he had nothing except the armor on his back and his luxurious white hair. He was not about to part with his hair. "Oh KAMI!" he shrieked in panic.
HONK! HONK!
"C'mon! Let's MOVE it!" Mz. Icy yelled as she honked the horn of her ancient jeep. She had set the driver's seat of the jeep back and was laying with her feet up on the horn, honking occasionally from time to time with them.
"Kami! You've only been out here for a MINUTE! Have some patience already!" Cell yelled angrily as he walked out into the garage, Nucleus and Frieza trailing behind.
"I don't have to be patient! It's my car. And besides, evil people and beautiful women don't have to be patient. And I'm both! So there!" Mz. Icy snorted in retort, honking the horn again to emphasize her point.
"Ha! So waiting for ten-plus years in a tube, and then running around an alternate Earth looking for a pair of androids that have turned out to be destroyed, and then biding time to steal a time machine in order to go backwards in time to a different Earth in order to absorb those SAME androids, and then running around until you find them isn't PATIENCE?!" Cell yelled angrily, he had plenty to speak about on the subject of patience...
"Well that depends on the fact of if you're evil or not doesn't it?" Mz. Icy snorted. Cell blinked in confusion, trying to figure out what THAT meant.
"Besides DEAREST, everyone knows you're the ugliest thing alive," Frieza chuckled maliciously as he walked up to the door of the jeep and tried to open it-only to find it was jammed tightly.
"I'm going to file that comment deep into the recesses of my mind, carefully labeled and categorized, and after we sign all the documents and what-not and are officially divorced, I will take it up to revive your little insult and will do my best to KILL you," Mz. Icy hissed. "And as for that door, you have to pull HARD, it's really jammed up."
Frieza tugged again. The door still resisted.
"Harder," Mz. Icy advised.
Frieza pulled again. STILL the door stayed closed.
"HARDER," Mz. Icy shouted again as Frieza tried desperately to open the door.
Frieza pulled once more using both hands, the door still refusing him entry. "Err..."
"HARDER!" Mz. Icy screamed at the struggling Frieza.
"ARRRRGG... !!!" Frieza pulled with all his might, grumbling under the pressure of the extremely jammed up door. Finally, fed up with the delay, Cell grabbed the distressed Ice-jin and threw him into the back of the topless jeep.
"I'LL open the damned door," he growled angrily as he grabbed the handle and pulled, unceremoniously ripping the entire door off the car.
"Hey!" Mz. Icy shouted angrily. "This jeep is government property!" She then paused to think for a moment and then shrugged. "Eh, go ahead and do what you want with it."
Cell shrugged as he dumped the car door in a corner and climbed into the jeep beside Mz. Icy. Nucleus blinked and stared at the whole scene for a moment, before sighing and shaking his head. He climbed into the back next to Frieza.
"Good. Let's go," Mz. Icy nodded curtly before turning on the ignition to the dusty jeep, however it coughed sickly and stalled. She turned around and smiled sheepishly at the rest of the group. "She uh, needs a little time to get used to the idea..." She turned around and began working furiously at the wheel. "C'mon baby, keep it together!"
Nucleus flashed a glance at the disgruntled Frieza sitting next to him. He blinked. "Um, hey," he said, feeling he needed to say something. Frieza looked startled, as if he had just noticed his by-chance grand-son. He blinked, failed to say something, and returned to his glowering. Nucleus blinked and tried to start up a conversation again. "So uh... you're my grandpa, right?" he asked.
RRR-RRR-RRR! The car protested in the front.
Frieza blinked and looked at Nucleus uncomfortably. "I suppose so. You father WAS partially made from my cells..."
RRR-RRR-RRR!
"Huh... I was... expecting someone a little more... green... and bug-like," Nucleus coughed, glancing at Cell in the shotgun, who was in turn yelling at Mz. Icy to start her 'damned' jeep already.
RRR-RRR-RRR!
"Yes well, surprises, surprises," Frieza shrugged. He then withdrew from the conversation and began to stare at Mz. Icy suspiciously. "She was holding the door wasn't she?" he suddenly asked, more of a statement then a question.
RRR-RRR-RRR!
"Uh..." Nucleus stated unsurely.
RRR-RRR-RRR!
"Witch..." Frieza growled, smoldering in hatred for his unwanted spouse.
RRR-RRR-RRR!-VROOM!!!
"Ah-hah! Here we go!" Mz. Icy laughed triumphantly, she then turned to Cell and grinned meanly. "See! I TOLD you she just needed some time to warm up! I KNOW this jeep! (That's why I hate it) So next time you don't have to go all POSTAL on me-"
"Well guess what? I've been made from the genes of a dozen men, and I have absorbed hundreds more so I'm made up of even MORE men! I KNOW CARS WOMAN!!! IT'S IN MY BLOOD! CARS RUN THROUGH MY VEINS DAMN IT! And this THING is about to DIE!" Cell screamed at Mz. Icy.
"Yeah? Well... YEAH!" Mz. Icy snapped before stomping on the gas pedal. The jeep immediately screamed bloody murder as it accelerated up to fifty and collided with the garage door, went through the garage door, and immediately collided into a gigantic red sign--failing to go through the sign. "Damn sign..." Mz. Icy growled. "DAMN RED SIGN!"
"Well I guess THIS means we're going to have to fly. Poor us," Frieza muttered sarcastically from the backseat. Mz. Icy turned back and grinned brightly.
"Nah, it's all right. I've done this before... a couple, maybe, *cough*, several times... The jeep's alright, just a couple MORE dents. Nothing to worry about." Mz. Icy immediately turned back to the front seat and turned on the ignition, immediately the jeep came to life, purring sweetly. "See? Running into giant red signs is even GOOD for it."
"Kami..." Frieza muttered in despair.
Mz. Icy stepped on to the gas pedal, slightly less gas this time, and drove out onto the road, humming off-key as she concentrated.
"Mz. Icy, you're supposed to be driving on the RIGHT side of the road," Nucleus commented as watched several oncoming cars drive off the road and/or crash.
"Shut up," Mz. Icy told him as she corrected her driving.
"Hey, I thought people were supposed to drive on the ROAD, and not the SIDEWALK," Cell nagged, though to tell the truth he really didn't MIND running over a few souls...
"Shut. Up," Mz. Icy said through gritted teeth as she got back on track to the relief of those who traveled without cars.
"I thought red meant Stop," Frieza said innocently as he glanced backwards at the small pileup.
"WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU JUST SHUT UP?!" Mz. Icy screamed angrily.
Nucleus chuckled. "Are we there yet?" he asked innocently. Mz. Icy glanced back, looked forward, and stomped on the breaks, coming to a screeching halt.
"Hey kid, we aren't starting this up again," she told him with a stern look on her face.
"Alright, alright..." Nucleus sighed. He then muttered to himself, "Well, at least until we're out of the range where it's WORTH it to drive me back..."
Mz. Icy started up the jeep again and accelerated up to some 80 miles per hour, oblivious to the honking horns and shouted obscenities around her.
Yeah okay, so I slacked for a couple months. It's summer. S'cool. At least Fanfiction.net didn't shut down or anything again, right? Right. Well school is coming up so I'll probably start writing more and stuff. Don't worry or anything, the story will eventually continue, I just... slack. Yeah...
Until the next, review!! And if you have any ideas on what should happen next that's cool too... really. That'd be cool. *wracks brain*