Sushi's version of. . . Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance
Authors Note: Turn back if you DO NOT like anything to do with SEX, SWEARING, or DRUGS. You have been warned. . .
At The Temple of Light. . .
Kung is sitting in a closet, wearing a long, black dress and a mourning veil over his face.
Kung (tearfully): My poor, poor bitch. Then a portal appears just outside the closet and Raiden steps out of it, flicking his cigarette butt away.
Raiden: The first to join the group is Kung Lao (pulls a joint from his pocket) I forgot I had this (puts it back in his pocket) I'll save that for later (pounds on the closet door) Kung, come out of there!
Kung: Let me mourn the loss of my bitch in peace.
Raiden: Damn it Kung, come out! Now!
Kung: No!
Raiden: Don't make me break down the door!
Kung: Leave me!
Raiden (lighting ANOTHER cigarette) We need you to help kill Shang and his bitch.
Kung (bursting out of the closet): Let's go!
At the Special Forces place. . .
Sonya (walking in the door): I'm home!
Jax (playing strip poker with Kenshi): HA! You lost this hand! Off with the blindfold.
Kenshi (untying his blindfold and grumbling): Fucking, stupid cards (throws his blindfold on the table) Cyrax then walk in the room with two Playboy Playmates hanging off his arms.
Jax: Cyrax! I told you to get rid of those rabbit ladies! Now get rid of them!
Cyrax: I'm not going to and you can't make me!
Jax (standing up): I can't make you, but I can make them (takes playmates and throws them outside)
Playmates: How rude!
Kenshi (looking at the wall and waving): Bye pretty rabbit ladies!
Sonya: How did you know they were rabbit ladies?
Kenshi: Uhhhhh. . . lucky guess?
Jax (dusting his hands off): That's what I'm talkin' about.
Cyrax (stomps his foot): You never let me have any fun! (runs to his room and slams the door)
Kenshi: Crybaby. Come on Jax; let's finish our game. Johnny Cage then bursts in the door, dressed like a stereotypical rapper.
Johnny: Hey, Homey G Dawgs!
Sonya: Johnny? I thought you were working on a movie.
Johnny: I be quittin' the movies, boo. I be a rapper now. Word!
Jax (shaking his head): Poser. Then the portal appears and Raiden and Kung step out of it.
Kung: You know, you really should get some Nicoret or something.
Raiden (blows smoke in Kung's face): Shut up bitch.
Kung: That's my line.
Sonya: Why are you dressed like that?
Raiden: He's in mourning for his bitch, Liu Kang.
Jax: Wait, Liu's dead?
Kenshi: And he was your bitch?
Jax: Just ignore him. Who killed Liu?
Raiden: Shang Tsung, the all-powerful, soul stealing, transvestite dominatrix, and his bitch, Quan-Chi.
Kung: VENGANCE IS MINE!
Everyone goes quiet and stares at Kung.
Kung: (clears his throat): Sorry
Raiden: As I was saying. . . Shang and Quan killed Liu. We need your help to kill him.
Jax: All right, let's go!
Johnny: A'ight
Kenshi: Will there be rabbit ladies?
Sonya: I'll go, but only if we go to the store first, then the mall.
Raiden (sighs): All right. (They all walk into the portal and disappear)
Ten minutes later. . .
Cyrax (walking into the living room ands sees everyone gone): Everyone ditched me. They all hate me. Well, fuck them. I'll run away. That'll show them. (runs out the door)
At the Red Dragon Place. . .
Hsu Hao (smoking a blunt and watching Spongbob): Heh heh. . . Spongbob is gay.
Mavado (sniffs a line of cocaine): No, Patrick is.
Hsu Hao: Spongbob.
Mavado: Patrick.
Hsu Hao: Spongbob!
Mavado: Patrick!
Hsu Hao: Spongbob, you bitch! (jumps at Mavado)
Mavado: Patrick, asshole! (kicks Hsu Hao)
Hsu Hao (gets Mavado in a headlock): Sponge-bob!
Mavado (kicks Hsu Hao's knee): Pat-rick!
Hsu Hao (dragging Mavado down to the floor and starts banging his face on the ground): S-ponge-b-ob!
Mavado: P-at-r-ick!
Hsu Hao (stops): You know, this is stupid.
Mavado: Yeah, it is.
Hsu Hao: Let's fuck each other until we bleed.
Mavado: All right.
On top of a building in a random city. . .
Kano walks to the edge of the building and raises his arms
Kano: I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! (a lowflying plane then flies by and cuts off his head)
At the store. . .
Raiden: Come on Sonya, just pick one out and let's go. This is embarrassing.
Jax: Really.
Sonya (holding two boxes of tampons): I don't know whether to get Playtex or Tampax.
Kenshi: You should get the Tampax.
Everyone (staring at Kenshi): . . .
Kenshi (shrugging): It's just a suggestion.
Sonya (walks off to pay for tampons)
Kung: Liu and me used to shop for these all the time (sniffs) WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE? WHY? (starts crying loudly)
Raiden: Johnny, take him out will you?
Johnny: A'ight. C'mon G (pushes Kung out of the store)
Raiden: You know, I hate the way he says all right.
Sonya: Okay. I paid for them. Let's go. They all walk out of the store to where Johnny and Kung were. Raiden (lighting another cigarette): Is he fine now?
Johnny: Yeah, he be fine.
Raiden (forming a portal): All right, we need to go get Sub-zero and then we can chase after Shang and Quan.
Authors Note: Turn back if you DO NOT like anything to do with SEX, SWEARING, or DRUGS. You have been warned. . .
At The Temple of Light. . .
Kung is sitting in a closet, wearing a long, black dress and a mourning veil over his face.
Kung (tearfully): My poor, poor bitch. Then a portal appears just outside the closet and Raiden steps out of it, flicking his cigarette butt away.
Raiden: The first to join the group is Kung Lao (pulls a joint from his pocket) I forgot I had this (puts it back in his pocket) I'll save that for later (pounds on the closet door) Kung, come out of there!
Kung: Let me mourn the loss of my bitch in peace.
Raiden: Damn it Kung, come out! Now!
Kung: No!
Raiden: Don't make me break down the door!
Kung: Leave me!
Raiden (lighting ANOTHER cigarette) We need you to help kill Shang and his bitch.
Kung (bursting out of the closet): Let's go!
At the Special Forces place. . .
Sonya (walking in the door): I'm home!
Jax (playing strip poker with Kenshi): HA! You lost this hand! Off with the blindfold.
Kenshi (untying his blindfold and grumbling): Fucking, stupid cards (throws his blindfold on the table) Cyrax then walk in the room with two Playboy Playmates hanging off his arms.
Jax: Cyrax! I told you to get rid of those rabbit ladies! Now get rid of them!
Cyrax: I'm not going to and you can't make me!
Jax (standing up): I can't make you, but I can make them (takes playmates and throws them outside)
Playmates: How rude!
Kenshi (looking at the wall and waving): Bye pretty rabbit ladies!
Sonya: How did you know they were rabbit ladies?
Kenshi: Uhhhhh. . . lucky guess?
Jax (dusting his hands off): That's what I'm talkin' about.
Cyrax (stomps his foot): You never let me have any fun! (runs to his room and slams the door)
Kenshi: Crybaby. Come on Jax; let's finish our game. Johnny Cage then bursts in the door, dressed like a stereotypical rapper.
Johnny: Hey, Homey G Dawgs!
Sonya: Johnny? I thought you were working on a movie.
Johnny: I be quittin' the movies, boo. I be a rapper now. Word!
Jax (shaking his head): Poser. Then the portal appears and Raiden and Kung step out of it.
Kung: You know, you really should get some Nicoret or something.
Raiden (blows smoke in Kung's face): Shut up bitch.
Kung: That's my line.
Sonya: Why are you dressed like that?
Raiden: He's in mourning for his bitch, Liu Kang.
Jax: Wait, Liu's dead?
Kenshi: And he was your bitch?
Jax: Just ignore him. Who killed Liu?
Raiden: Shang Tsung, the all-powerful, soul stealing, transvestite dominatrix, and his bitch, Quan-Chi.
Kung: VENGANCE IS MINE!
Everyone goes quiet and stares at Kung.
Kung: (clears his throat): Sorry
Raiden: As I was saying. . . Shang and Quan killed Liu. We need your help to kill him.
Jax: All right, let's go!
Johnny: A'ight
Kenshi: Will there be rabbit ladies?
Sonya: I'll go, but only if we go to the store first, then the mall.
Raiden (sighs): All right. (They all walk into the portal and disappear)
Ten minutes later. . .
Cyrax (walking into the living room ands sees everyone gone): Everyone ditched me. They all hate me. Well, fuck them. I'll run away. That'll show them. (runs out the door)
At the Red Dragon Place. . .
Hsu Hao (smoking a blunt and watching Spongbob): Heh heh. . . Spongbob is gay.
Mavado (sniffs a line of cocaine): No, Patrick is.
Hsu Hao: Spongbob.
Mavado: Patrick.
Hsu Hao: Spongbob!
Mavado: Patrick!
Hsu Hao: Spongbob, you bitch! (jumps at Mavado)
Mavado: Patrick, asshole! (kicks Hsu Hao)
Hsu Hao (gets Mavado in a headlock): Sponge-bob!
Mavado (kicks Hsu Hao's knee): Pat-rick!
Hsu Hao (dragging Mavado down to the floor and starts banging his face on the ground): S-ponge-b-ob!
Mavado: P-at-r-ick!
Hsu Hao (stops): You know, this is stupid.
Mavado: Yeah, it is.
Hsu Hao: Let's fuck each other until we bleed.
Mavado: All right.
On top of a building in a random city. . .
Kano walks to the edge of the building and raises his arms
Kano: I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! (a lowflying plane then flies by and cuts off his head)
At the store. . .
Raiden: Come on Sonya, just pick one out and let's go. This is embarrassing.
Jax: Really.
Sonya (holding two boxes of tampons): I don't know whether to get Playtex or Tampax.
Kenshi: You should get the Tampax.
Everyone (staring at Kenshi): . . .
Kenshi (shrugging): It's just a suggestion.
Sonya (walks off to pay for tampons)
Kung: Liu and me used to shop for these all the time (sniffs) WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE? WHY? (starts crying loudly)
Raiden: Johnny, take him out will you?
Johnny: A'ight. C'mon G (pushes Kung out of the store)
Raiden: You know, I hate the way he says all right.
Sonya: Okay. I paid for them. Let's go. They all walk out of the store to where Johnny and Kung were. Raiden (lighting another cigarette): Is he fine now?
Johnny: Yeah, he be fine.
Raiden (forming a portal): All right, we need to go get Sub-zero and then we can chase after Shang and Quan.