Before the Beginning Chapter 4: Joey: Welcome to the Real World, a friends fanfic

Disclaimer: None of the Friends characters are in my possession. However, I do possess quite a healthy obsession with all things relating to them. Doesn't that count for anything?

Joey: Welcome to the Real World

Joey Tribbiani entered the house quietly, catching the heavy wooden door before it swung shut. He held it open with his right hand, contemplating whether to ease it shut silently or to go ahead and let it slam.

This wasn't the first time he had been in this situation. The problem was, even though he had approached it countless ways, he still wasn't sure which was the best solution. On one hand, the slamming of the door helped vent his frustration in some small way. There was a sense of satisfaction that came from seeing if this would be the time that the force knocked the door off its hinges. On the other hand, if he shut the door quietly, he was usually able to slip through the hallway and upstairs to his room without alerting any of his family members to his arrival. Then he could subsequently avoid their dozens of probing, however well-meaning, questions.

He had pretty much decided on the silent entrance when the choice was taken out of his hands—literally. Before he knew what was happening, he was suddenly knocked backwards by a blur of twelve-year-old energy, causing the door to slam shut as he stumbled back outside. Joey struggled to regain his balance as his youngest sister, Dina, flew past him, laughing as she ran.

"You're it, Joey!" she screeched and turned back to look at him, waiting to see if he would take her up on her challenge.

Amusement took the place of any traces of annoyance, and Joey found himself racing across the yard after his sister. Dina shrieked in delight and started to run, but Joey's long strides caught up to her easily. He grabbed her around the waist and effortlessly swung her off the ground, tickling her playfully as he headed back toward the house.

"I'm it, huh?" Joey asked with laughter in his voice, even as she pleaded with him through giggles to please stop. Once inside the house, Joey relented, letting her go. Dina hugged him around the waist quickly before scampering off to annoy someone else. Still grinning, Joey wandered into the kitchen, hoping that something was cooking. He was in luck. He found his mother transferring fresh cookies from a cookie sheet to a cooling rack.

"Hi, Ma," Joey said, reaching across the counter to snatch a cookie for himself.

Her response was to lightly slap him as he shoved the entire cookie in his mouth. "Those are for the Russos, that nice couple from church," she told him with mock indignance. "They just had another baby, you know."

"Another one?" Joey mumbled around a mouthful of cookie. "Don't they have, like, twelve kids?"

Gloria Tribbiani turned back to her cookies. "Eleven," she corrected. "It's not so shocking. They are Italian."

Joey nodded. "So are we, Ma. Planning on having a few more? Giving me a brother, maybe?"

"Not likely," Gloria retorted teasingly. "Another one of you? Isn't my hair gray enough?"

Joey smiled back at her.

"Besides," his mother continued. "As much of a tomboy as Dina is, I don't think we need another boy."

"You got that right," Joey agreed. "I think we should sign her up with the NFL or something. Did you hear her tackle me when I came in?"

Gloria let out a burst of laughter. "Is that what that was?"

Joey recounted the scene for his mother and the two laughed companionably for a few moments. Suddenly, Gloria gasped and looked at her son questioningly.

"Joey, I almost forgot! Did you get the part?"

Joey grimaced, wishing his mother had forgotten completely. The reasons he had wanted to sneak in without notice all came crashing back to him. Avoiding his mother's eyes, Joey shook his head slightly.

Gloria moved around the counter to hug her son. "Oh, Cookie."

Joey made a face at the childhood nickname, one that both he and another sister shared.

"I'm sorry, honey," his mother sympathized before engulfing him in a reassuring embrace.

Torn between feeling too old for maternal coddling and wanting to succumb to her comforting, Joey hesitated momentarily before hugging her back. He allowed himself to feel the self-pity he had been fighting back for the past few hours before shrugging it off like he always did.

"It's okay, Ma," he answered lightly, hoping his tone sounded convincing. "There's always next time, right?"

Still holding her son by the shoulders, Gloria looked into his eyes, trying to decide whether or not he was really okay. Apparently confident in Tribbiani resilience, she gave Joey one last hug before releasing him completely and returning to her cookies.

"Well, now maybe you'll have time to help your father out with the business this summer," Gloria commented off-handedly.

Joey was shaking his head before his mother even finished the sentence. "No, no, no, no, no. Ma, we've talked about this."

"But I just thought…"

"I'm an actor, Ma. I don't want to get stuck fitting pipes for the rest of my life."

"Just for a little while, Joe. It would really make your father happy."

Joey began moving toward the door. "I know. If I stopped 'fooling around' and 'got a real job,' it would make him really happy. But I don't want to make him happy, Ma. I want to make me happy. 'Cause it's my life!"

"Joey…"

Joey had almost completely left the kitchen before he stopped and looked at his mother directly. "I'm going to get a job. An acting job. I'll show you guys that I can be successful without having to accept a charity job from Dad."

And then he stomped out of the room, leaving Gloria staring sadly after him.

^^^

Dinner in the Tribbiani household was nothing short of an event. Even meals that weren't associated with holidays were elaborate and plentiful, since at least one of the Tribbiani children had usually invited a friend or two to the table. Tonight, eighteen-year-old Mary Theresa sat giggling in the midst of her two best friends, reminding Joey of a group of cackling hens.

'But the blond is kinda cute,' Joey thought, sinking into his chair at the far end of the huge table. He briefly contemplated offering a 'how you doin'' across the table to the cute girl when Dina crawled into the chair next to him, tugging at his sleeve before she had even sat down.

"Joey," she whispered insistently.

Joey looked at her questioningly, wishing for once that he had been born into a smaller family.

Dina's preteen face was serious as she waited for her brother's full attention. When she was sure no one else was listening, she spoke so only Joey could hear.

"There's this dance at my school next Friday," she told him.

Joey nodded, wondering what this had to do with him.

Dina glanced at him nervously before the next words tumbled out of her mouth. Joey had to listen carefully since she spoke quickly and quietly.

"Will you take me shopping this weekend so I can get a dress?"

Joey looked at her in disbelief. "A dress? Me? Why me? Why don't you ask Mary Theresa or Gina? Dina, you don't even like dresses."

Dina's hopeful expression turned into one of dejection. "I want you," she insisted. "Mary Theresa and Gina will just laugh. Besides, you know what boys like."

So that was it. "Oh," Joey answered. "You're going with a boy? What boy?"

Dina blushed. "Joooo-eeeyyyy. It's just a boy. He's from school. You don't know him."

Joey continued with the big-brother approach, half-joking and half-serious. "Well, I better get to know him."

Now, Dina was the one looking annoyed. "You gonna take me or not?"

Joey struggled not to laugh. "Sure, why not?"

Dina beamed at him just as their mother entered the room, carrying a huge ravioli casserole. She set it down carefully in the center and had just begun dishing up platefuls when Joey Tribbiani, Sr. arrived.

"Hello, everyone," he announced, before sitting at the head of the table and wrapping a napkin around his neck. "Looks good, honey," he commented as Gloria handed her husband a loaded plate.

Joey greeted his father with everyone else and then sat apprehensively for a moment or two, waiting for his mother to bring up the latest failed audition. Fortunately, she was currently occupied with the food and didn't seem inclined to discussing her son's situation right away. Relieved, Joey turned to his own meal, taking a huge bite so he'd have an excuse not to participate in the all-ready rowdy conversation.

As he reached across the table for the basket of rolls, Joey Jr. caught the gaze of Joey Sr. He quickly averted his eyes, but it was too late.

"How'd the play-thing go, son?"

Everyone at the table went silent, anticipating Joey's answer.

Joey sighed. "It's not a play-thing, Dad. It was an audition. And it was okay, I guess."

"Did you get it?" his father asked bluntly.

Joey shook his head. "No," he answered simply.

The look on his father's face was almost smug. "I knew this whole acting thing was just nonsense. It's about time for you to settle into a real job, son."

Joey remained quiet, in order not to say something he'd later regret.

His father rambled on. "In fact, I have a big meeting with some potential clients on Friday. Real big important corporation. What d'ya say? You can sit in on the meeting, help persuade them to sign, and really be on your way to making some big bucks."

By this time, both Tribbiani parents were looking at their son hopefully, expecting him to finally come to his senses and give up his silly dream.

Joey scrambled to think of an excuse that his parents would believe. The words jumped out of his mouth before he had to chance to think about them. "I can't."

Joey Sr looked taken aback. "Why not now, Joe? What is it this time?"

Joey glared back at his father. "I have an audition all ready, Dad. It's a big one."

"For what?" Mary Theresa asked, hoping that her brother's audition was for some big-budget film or something equally impressive. She bragged about her brother's career all the time to her friends. It would be nice if some of the fibs she told actually came true while she had the two biggest gossips in school present.

Joey had to think quickly, which for him was no small feat. "It's…it's…it's, um, a surprise," he finally stated, ignoring the skeptical look on his father's face. "I don't want to jinx it. But this is my big break, I can just feel it."

His mother was the first to say something positive. "Good, Cookie. I'm sure it will be."

Fortunately for Joey, Gina chose that moment to announce she was getting a tattoo. The uproar that resulted was enough of a diversion for Joey to finish his meal quickly and retreat to the kitchen. He thoughtfully rinsed off his dinner dishes as he tried to think of any auditions occurring next Friday. All he knew was he had to think of something. Because he was starting to run out of excuses.

^^^

A week later, Joey stood nervously in a waiting room. His name was next on the list, and Joey felt unusually confident about this part. Granted, he wasn't exactly sure what he was auditioning for, except that it was indeed some sort of movie. And that was all that Joey needed to know. A friend of Joey's had clued him into this particular audition, telling Joey that he was a shoo-in. He wouldn't tell Joey precisely what the part was, only saying that it was going to "open new doors" for Joey. That friend also knew the director of the film personally, and Joey was counting on that as his leverage for this part.

"Joey Trib…Tribbi…" A pretty redhead entered the room with a clipboard and struggled to pronounce the ethnic surname.

"Tribbiani," Joey told her, giving her the once-over. "So, how you doin'?"

The woman looked at him with indifference. "Uh huh. Well, Mr. Tribbiani, the casting directors will see you now. Right this way." She gestured toward the hallway she had come from and began to lead the way.

Joey followed her, bewildered by her apparent lack of interest. 'Hmm,' he thought, 'must be losing my touch.'

They entered a room completely devoid of color and decoration, except for the casting crew sitting behind a long table near one wall. The two men and one woman stared appraisingly at Joey's body, definitely seeming more interested in the area below his neck than the area above it. Joey took his place in front of them, feeling almost uncomfortable under their direct scrutiny.

'So what? People stare at me all the time. I'm just naturally good looking. Yeah, that's it. Be cool, be cool.'

By this time, the directors were looking at him expectantly. Joey shifted his weight, wondering if he was supposed to launch into an extemporaneous recitation or what. He opted to stand quietly, returning their stares.

"Well?" the woman finally asked pointedly.

Joey cleared his throat. "Well? Um, hi, I'm Joey Tribbiani and I have been acting since…"

One of the men interrupted. "No, sir. We aren't necessarily interested in your oratory talents. First, we would like to appraise the…uh…equipment."

Joey's bewilderment was definitely increasing. "Equipment? Is this, like, a sports movie? 'Cause I didn't bring any baseball bats or hockey pucks or anything."

The woman shook her head. "Sir, we would simply like you to get rid of your clothes, please."

What? Joey stared at them in shock. "Excuse me?"

The casting crew was beginning to look mildly annoyed. "Mr. Tribbiani, were you not informed of the stipulations of this film?"

Joey shook his head. "Not exactly."

Oh, they definitely were annoyed now. The woman was the first to open her mouth and explain. "This is an—how shall we put this delicately—exotic film, sir. We are a company that specializes in adult entertainment."

'No, no, no. This was supposed to be my big chance. What am I supposed to do now?' Joey thought frantically.

One of the men interrupted his thoughts. "Do you still want to try out or not? We don't have all day, I'm afraid."

Joey considered the situation briefly. He honestly wasn't sure how he felt about appearing in a porno. All he knew at this precise moment was that he needed a job—any job, in fact, as a long as it didn't involve pipe-fitting. Without much conscious thought, Joey found himself nodding.

"Sure, why not?"

TO BE CONTINUED…