Title: No place to hide
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Everything up to episode 4.05 "Promises".
Notes: This is a little story about the time Aeryn spent with the ex-
Peacekeeper unit.
*
"You are like a plague, John Crichton. And you have ruined my life. And yet, I just... keep coming back."
She threw her glass against the wall of her assigned quarters, watching it bounce off the wall and onto the cold confines of the floor beneath her bunk bed. The frelling thing didn't even have the decency to break into pieces upon impact. Instead the only evidence of it hitting the wall was a fracture running several inches down from the top of the glass.
There was no place to hide for Aeryn Sun tonight.
She had thought that being away from him would at the very least dull the pain, but she had been gravely mistaken. The pain had not gone away and instead it had been joined by a feeling of longing. Aeryn longed for him, even though she had been the one to leave him behind on Moya. Back then she thought it had been the best option available to her, but now she was starting to doubt the choice she had made.
They had both put an awful lot of trust in fate that day and somehow she couldn't help but think that fate might have frelled them in the process.
"Running away is not fate, Aeryn. Running away is running away."
Sometimes she imagined how things would have been if she had stayed with him. How would he have reacted if she had told him she was pregnant? It had been somewhat of a shock when she had found out about the pregnancy. The fetus could have been conceived well before she had even met John Crichton. Would he accept the child even if he wasn't his? She remembered how John had reacted when he'd thought she had recreated with Crais. The mere thought of John rejecting her and the baby had been a large part of the reason for wanting to leave Moya.
"I'm afraid it's not that easy for me you see... you died. I watched that happen and yet you're still alive. I have to go."
All this away from him had also given her the time to think about things. There had been a time when looking at him caused her grief, because it made her painfully aware of what she had lost when her John had died. After Valldon she had donned the Peacekeeper mask once more, hoping it would make things easier and it worked right up until the very moment she had stepped onboard Moya again after all those monens.
"You see, you leave and then you come back and I... I can't handle the inbetween. Aeryn. Say good-bye."
She did understand why he had wanted to do it, but they had not said goodbye to each other before and it had always worked out in one way or another. "We're in the hands of fate now. We have to trust in that."
Her fingers traced the path of the tear that had run down her cheek while she had said those words. She had not wanted John to know how difficult her decision had been been for her and how she was struggling with it. She wanted to put up a brave front for both their sakes, but when she finally was beyond Moya's communication range the walls crumbled down and she let her tears flow freely.
"In the short time I've known you, you've changed so much. Don't go backwards. Assassinating people? Seems like going backwards."
Maybe Jool had been right, but at that time going backward seemed a lot easier to do than going forward. She had told herself that it wasn't like going back to being a Peacekeeper at all, since the squad aimed to stop terrorism and protect people. They were supposed to be the way the Peacekeepers originally had been during Dacon's time. She hadn't considered the possibility that she could be considered a terrorist to them when she had decided to join their ranks. It had not been a difficult task for her to find the location of the ex-Peacekeeper unit.
For a while everything seemed fine, but that had gradually changed over time. Her time with the squad had made her realize what was important to her. She didn't want to die alone on some mission without ever getting the chance to see his face again. Sometimes she closed her eyes and imagined he was standing in front of her, but when she reached out to touch him he would dissolve in front of her. He somehow managed to haunt her every dream. She dreamt of them being together with the baby as a family. She dreamt about nights filled with pleasure and desire, releasing the build-up tension between them.
Sometimes she would even call out his name upon waking from a nights rest.
He was everywhere.
"Do you love John Crichton? Not him...not me. John Crichton."
His question still echoed through her mind. Did she love John Crichton? Yes. Was there any doubt to her love for him? No. She loved the man called John Crichton with every fiber of her being and she needed him as much as he needed her. She had loved John Crichton and had watched him take in last breath in her arms. She loved John Crichton and he was still alive back on Moya. John Crichton was John Crichton and there was no distinction between the two of them anymore.
Time heals all wounds.
"Well then, if it's true, we will be together again."
The idea of seeing John again was what had kept her going all of this time and because John believed in fate, she had believed in it. Yet it seemed that fate was doing its best to keep John Crichton and Aeryn Sun apart.
On the rare occasions that she went to alien worlds and cities for supplies, she would always look around in the hopes of catching a glimpse of John walking through the streets. D'Argo, Chiana and Rygel had left Moya to fulfill their own quests while John, Jool and that weird old woman had remained behind. Chiana had left to search for her brother, Rygel wanted to reclaim his throne and D'Argo had gone after Macton. She had no idea where Moya could be at this moment, but she knew Pilot and Moya would do their best to keep John safe. Knowing that John was safe made life a bit more bearable for her.
Aeryn got up from her bunk bed and looked in the mirror. Touching the surface of the mirror she smiled sadly. She hoped that John hadn't given up hope and still believed that they would one day reunite again.
The door of her room slid open and one of her squad members entered. " Sorry to disturb you. I know you wanted to be alone for a while, but we've got a new mission. We're going in with three people. You, me and one of the techs."
"Who's the target?"
" We are to assassinate the Prime Hokothian."
Aeryn nodded as she followed her colleague out of her room. There was no doubt in her mind that the assassination was a justified one. She had heard rumors about this Prime Hokothian and if they were true he deserved to die.
~ * The End* ~
*
"You are like a plague, John Crichton. And you have ruined my life. And yet, I just... keep coming back."
She threw her glass against the wall of her assigned quarters, watching it bounce off the wall and onto the cold confines of the floor beneath her bunk bed. The frelling thing didn't even have the decency to break into pieces upon impact. Instead the only evidence of it hitting the wall was a fracture running several inches down from the top of the glass.
There was no place to hide for Aeryn Sun tonight.
She had thought that being away from him would at the very least dull the pain, but she had been gravely mistaken. The pain had not gone away and instead it had been joined by a feeling of longing. Aeryn longed for him, even though she had been the one to leave him behind on Moya. Back then she thought it had been the best option available to her, but now she was starting to doubt the choice she had made.
They had both put an awful lot of trust in fate that day and somehow she couldn't help but think that fate might have frelled them in the process.
"Running away is not fate, Aeryn. Running away is running away."
Sometimes she imagined how things would have been if she had stayed with him. How would he have reacted if she had told him she was pregnant? It had been somewhat of a shock when she had found out about the pregnancy. The fetus could have been conceived well before she had even met John Crichton. Would he accept the child even if he wasn't his? She remembered how John had reacted when he'd thought she had recreated with Crais. The mere thought of John rejecting her and the baby had been a large part of the reason for wanting to leave Moya.
"I'm afraid it's not that easy for me you see... you died. I watched that happen and yet you're still alive. I have to go."
All this away from him had also given her the time to think about things. There had been a time when looking at him caused her grief, because it made her painfully aware of what she had lost when her John had died. After Valldon she had donned the Peacekeeper mask once more, hoping it would make things easier and it worked right up until the very moment she had stepped onboard Moya again after all those monens.
"You see, you leave and then you come back and I... I can't handle the inbetween. Aeryn. Say good-bye."
She did understand why he had wanted to do it, but they had not said goodbye to each other before and it had always worked out in one way or another. "We're in the hands of fate now. We have to trust in that."
Her fingers traced the path of the tear that had run down her cheek while she had said those words. She had not wanted John to know how difficult her decision had been been for her and how she was struggling with it. She wanted to put up a brave front for both their sakes, but when she finally was beyond Moya's communication range the walls crumbled down and she let her tears flow freely.
"In the short time I've known you, you've changed so much. Don't go backwards. Assassinating people? Seems like going backwards."
Maybe Jool had been right, but at that time going backward seemed a lot easier to do than going forward. She had told herself that it wasn't like going back to being a Peacekeeper at all, since the squad aimed to stop terrorism and protect people. They were supposed to be the way the Peacekeepers originally had been during Dacon's time. She hadn't considered the possibility that she could be considered a terrorist to them when she had decided to join their ranks. It had not been a difficult task for her to find the location of the ex-Peacekeeper unit.
For a while everything seemed fine, but that had gradually changed over time. Her time with the squad had made her realize what was important to her. She didn't want to die alone on some mission without ever getting the chance to see his face again. Sometimes she closed her eyes and imagined he was standing in front of her, but when she reached out to touch him he would dissolve in front of her. He somehow managed to haunt her every dream. She dreamt of them being together with the baby as a family. She dreamt about nights filled with pleasure and desire, releasing the build-up tension between them.
Sometimes she would even call out his name upon waking from a nights rest.
He was everywhere.
"Do you love John Crichton? Not him...not me. John Crichton."
His question still echoed through her mind. Did she love John Crichton? Yes. Was there any doubt to her love for him? No. She loved the man called John Crichton with every fiber of her being and she needed him as much as he needed her. She had loved John Crichton and had watched him take in last breath in her arms. She loved John Crichton and he was still alive back on Moya. John Crichton was John Crichton and there was no distinction between the two of them anymore.
Time heals all wounds.
"Well then, if it's true, we will be together again."
The idea of seeing John again was what had kept her going all of this time and because John believed in fate, she had believed in it. Yet it seemed that fate was doing its best to keep John Crichton and Aeryn Sun apart.
On the rare occasions that she went to alien worlds and cities for supplies, she would always look around in the hopes of catching a glimpse of John walking through the streets. D'Argo, Chiana and Rygel had left Moya to fulfill their own quests while John, Jool and that weird old woman had remained behind. Chiana had left to search for her brother, Rygel wanted to reclaim his throne and D'Argo had gone after Macton. She had no idea where Moya could be at this moment, but she knew Pilot and Moya would do their best to keep John safe. Knowing that John was safe made life a bit more bearable for her.
Aeryn got up from her bunk bed and looked in the mirror. Touching the surface of the mirror she smiled sadly. She hoped that John hadn't given up hope and still believed that they would one day reunite again.
The door of her room slid open and one of her squad members entered. " Sorry to disturb you. I know you wanted to be alone for a while, but we've got a new mission. We're going in with three people. You, me and one of the techs."
"Who's the target?"
" We are to assassinate the Prime Hokothian."
Aeryn nodded as she followed her colleague out of her room. There was no doubt in her mind that the assassination was a justified one. She had heard rumors about this Prime Hokothian and if they were true he deserved to die.
~ * The End* ~