I collapse to the ground, everything becomes vague except my pain, not
physical pain, but the pain in my heart. It doesn't release me, I can still
feel it. My heart is in my hands, like my wrists; sliced in two.
Everything floats around me, I'm hot, I'm cold, my head seems to be turning
around 360 degrees. I see my mother telling me that it's useless to try to
speak to her again, my father telling me that I am nothing, and Faith, my
best friend Faith, who I would do anything for, I would do whatever I
could, to make sure that she is happy and safe. I did it for her. It's
for her that I'll die today.
I finally understand that I'm nothing but a bother, a pain, to her. That
I'm just useless so I'll get out of her life, once and for all.
I could have left New York, but it wouldn't have done me any good. I would never have been able to forget the pain. I'd never have been able to forget my Faith, my best friend, who I love more than anyone, and maybe more than anyone I ever would have.
It might be the coward's way out, but it's too late to worry about that now. After all, nobody cares about me, everyone says I'm useless, so there won't be anyone to cry on my coffin. There probably won't even be anyone there. If someone decides to put a headstone on my grave it could say: "Here lies Maurice Boscorelli, the totally useless cop with no heart."
Useless is exactly what I am, my whole life it's all I've ever been. My last thought will be about Faith, my best friend, the woman that I have loved since the first day I met her. The one who I'm doing this for, so that she can be away from me and be safe and happy with her husband, Fred, and their two children. I hope that she is finally going to be happy, she truly does deserve that.
I hate the dark, but nevertheless, I feel myself begin to head toward it. That will be my punishment, to be alone in the dark.
I can tell that my heart has slowed down, but I can still feel the pain, why can't I stop feeling the pain? Why does it hurt so bad? Maybe it's because I love Faith, more than I can bear to think about.
I close my eyes, the darkness is calling. I can hear nothing, I can see nothing. Oh, how much I loved her.
I could have left New York, but it wouldn't have done me any good. I would never have been able to forget the pain. I'd never have been able to forget my Faith, my best friend, who I love more than anyone, and maybe more than anyone I ever would have.
It might be the coward's way out, but it's too late to worry about that now. After all, nobody cares about me, everyone says I'm useless, so there won't be anyone to cry on my coffin. There probably won't even be anyone there. If someone decides to put a headstone on my grave it could say: "Here lies Maurice Boscorelli, the totally useless cop with no heart."
Useless is exactly what I am, my whole life it's all I've ever been. My last thought will be about Faith, my best friend, the woman that I have loved since the first day I met her. The one who I'm doing this for, so that she can be away from me and be safe and happy with her husband, Fred, and their two children. I hope that she is finally going to be happy, she truly does deserve that.
I hate the dark, but nevertheless, I feel myself begin to head toward it. That will be my punishment, to be alone in the dark.
I can tell that my heart has slowed down, but I can still feel the pain, why can't I stop feeling the pain? Why does it hurt so bad? Maybe it's because I love Faith, more than I can bear to think about.
I close my eyes, the darkness is calling. I can hear nothing, I can see nothing. Oh, how much I loved her.