I don't like men, I don't like men.
I don't.
With that, I looked up at the two men in the front seats of the rented SUV. Adam was sitting as straight as he could without hitting his head on the ceiling while Matt was slouched, looking like he would melt through that chair if he could. He was oozing... I don't even want to think about what he was oozing. That's what had gotten me into this mess.
"What's th'plan for t'marra?" Matt asked Adam lazily, his right arm stretched over his head and holding the headrest.
"Get up before noon, first," Adam said with a chuckle. So Matt liked to sleep in, I filed somewhere in the back of my brain, not even realizing I was doing it. I shook my head slightly when I caught myself and slid further down in my seat, hoping that Adam - or Matt - couldn't see how red my face was turning. Matt laughed slightly at Adam, then turned his attention back to the radio, switching the station from a commercial, looking for something better. He finally settled on a Stone Temple Pilots song and slid fluidly back into the seat. There he goes, oozing again.
I really didn't need to be thinking like this. I was astounded by how, mere hours ago, I could have sworn up and down that I liked women. Then Matt had to go and... touch me. Was that it? Was that all he had done? I would have thought that it would have taken more than a little touch to make me change my whole outlook on life like that.
Wait! Change, nothing! Nothing had changed. Matt had hit on me. I turned him down. It was that simple. And now we were going back to the hotel and I was going to go room with Jamie and pretend like nothing had happened. I mean, most likely, Adam didn't even know what had happened. No one knew, it was between me and Matt. And Matt wouldn't tell anyone, would he? Of course not. He wasn't the type to...
He was still looking at me, I realized as I cast my eyes up to the rearview mirror. I couldn't see the rest of his face, but the reflection of his dark eyes was undeniably watching me. I looked away quickly, but he spoke anyway.
"Y'all right back there?" he asked, innocently enough. "Awfully quiet..."
I hadn't realized how dry my throat was until I tried to speak. "I, uh..."
"We're almost to the hotel," Adam saved me, casting a chiding glance to Matt across from him. I gulped silently. Adam did know. Looking up to the rearview mirror again, I saw that Matt was still watching me, so I did the only thing I was capable of doing at that point in time - blushing. Matt's eyes seemed to sparkle mischeviously, but I fully intended to credit that to the headlights of the car passing us, going the other way. Matt seemed to want to speak again, but I looked out my window and smiled when I recognized the hotel ahead on the left. Matt just remained silent, then, as Adam parked the truck.
"Would'ja mind helpin' us carry our stuff upstairs?" Matt asked, innocently again.
"You don't have -"
"It's fine," I cut Adam off, grabbing a random bag. That teasing smirk came back to Matt's lips, reminding me that I shouldn't be looking at his lips. I followed the two men inside and upstairs. Apparantly, Adam had already checked in but not brought his bags in. Matt and Adam joked between themselves lightly, almost oblivious to me. I was under the impression that Adam was trying to prevent Matt from talking to me more than he already had, so I let it go. I trailed a few steps behind them, alone with my thoughts - which were dwelling much more on Matt than I would have liked. Not Matt as a whole, just the little parts of him. Like the fingertips - lots of thoughts of the fingertips. How they had been just a normal part of his body when he took my wrist to lead me to the dance floor, but transformed into malicious weapons of sexuality conversion when they barely brushed my side. My side? Of all the places, why would that keep my interest?
And why, pray tell, was I still thinking of it?
His fingers should have no bearing on who I was interested in, it was that simple. I was testing myself like this, I reminded myself, to show that he had no effect on me. I mean, I'd gone a whole -
Oh, for the love of... I'd been thinking of him the entire time. It was then that I noticed that he had fallen silent with Adam up there. I looked up just as he looked back at me. I smiled hesitantly, not wanting to seem scared. Adam stopped in front of room 330 and I accidentally filed that number in my brain. Oops. The three of us filed into the room, setting our loads down on the beds. Adam looked up at me and smiled. "Thanks for your help. We can get it from here."
I nodded politely, then turned to leave.
"Y'gonna shower now?" Matt asked Adam as I was leaving.
"Yeah, and you can have it in the morning."
I shut the door behind me and froze. He had done that on purpose. He had told me, in his own weird way, that I could come back with in the next ten minutes if I was curious...
Yeah, right. Not at all, I reminded myself as I started down the hall, shivering slightly to shake off the weird vibes from Matt. We'd had our run in, I had walked away. That was that. He most likely understood that and we could just go on with our lives, knowing what to expect from each other.
Yes. Exactly. No problem.
Why wasn't I walking? I looked down and noticed that my feet were completely still, I hadn't taken a step past ten feet from Matt's door. I think my first mistake was looking back at Matt's door. Because after that, my shoulders turned. Then my feet. The next thing I knew, I was walking back. Why? Why was I going back there? I didn't want to go through that again - we could just pretend like nothing had happened, it'd be find.
What? What is this? Why was my hand raising to knock on his door? No! Stop! Why was I knocking? I didn't know what to say to him, why was I drawn to him? Ok! Ok! I'll admit it - he scares the shit out of me! Why am I knocking on the door - oh, dear God, why is he looking at me like that? He's looking at me like he's expecting me to do something... he's smirking. That evil smirk. I don't know what came over me. I don't know why this idea popped in my head. I... I...
I kissed him.
When I realized what I had just done, I took a quick step back and looked at him. He, understandably, looked just as surprised as I felt. There was a moment of complete stillness before the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead lightly.
"Ah'll see ya t'marra," he whispered in that accent of his, lightly brushing my neck with those fingertips again. I nodded, unable to form words, and he shut the door in front of me.