CHAPTER TWO

And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year 
You can find it here
You can find it here

Hotel California – The Eagles

Connor watched the Hyperion beginning an hour before nightfall. He only hoped that Angel would leave through the front door so he'd have a way of knowing where the vampire was. Anyone else would have cramped up by the time Angel left the hotel with Gunn – Connor counted himself lucky on that one – but his son was used to remaining motionless for hours.

He snuck into the hotel, hoping to get a chance to talk to Cordelia alone. Unfortunately she was wrapped up in listening to Fred who fluttered around the lobby like a butterfly in a hurricane. He knew this mood of Fred's; it annoyed him but admittedly he had never seen her this distraught. He rooted, fascinated by this display of mental meltdown.

"Fred, could you just sit and tell me what's wrong?" Cordy snapped, her eyes tired and puffy.

Fred kept up her frantic pacing. "He shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have gotten involved. It was my fight, my problem. It was on me. How could he? It changed everything. It made it all wrong. Charles won't ever be the same and it's my fault."

"Fred, this isn't helping. What did Charles do?" Cordy asked, making a face as if the word 'Charles' was foreign to her.

"Got in my way, robbed me of my rights. He keeps telling me I shouldn't feel this way, that it'll all be okay soon."

Cordy rubbed the bridge of her nose, flopping on the couch. "I'm beginning to think I wanted to forget this place."


The barb rolled off Fred and she went off on a tangent about other dimensions. Connor could tell her a thing or two about them. He grew up in the worst of them but it felt more like home than here. He thought her problems on Pylea came from her life here being too easy; not that he didn't have sympathy for Fred. He did. She was someone who could actually come close to understating his life.

Unfortunately Fred had it wrong. She equated Quar-toth with her time in Pylea. She didn't understand it was the other way around. Earth was his Pylea. Quar-toth had been tough but at least he knew his place. Here, he was lost and confused.

"If you only knew what Charles did, Cordy." Fred circled out on a widening track.

"You have to tell me, Fred, if you plan on me helping."

"Maybe I shouldn't. It's just…" Fred stopped abruptly when her flitting about brought her to the shadows where Connor was hiding. "Oh, Connor. We didn't hear you come in."

"Just got here," he lied. Looking into her huge brown eyes, he could see her disbelief. She didn't trust him any more than he did her. They knew he was spying on the hotel and that whole thing with him trying to take out Angel again when his father thought he was someone else hadn't helped matters. They'd say they had loved him but it seemed their love was the fragile, unforgiving sort.

"Why are you here?" Fred asked, her bony arms crossing defensively.

Connor hesitated. He knew he should expect her hostility. It shouldn't matter but it did. "I just wanted…I thought me and Cordy could…talk maybe." He looked between them uncomfortably. He didn't think he was making much of an impression. Words never came easy to him. Cordy, at least, got back on her feet, moving toward him.

"It's not really a good time," Fred said, her words like chips of ice.

"I was talking to Cordy," Connor said harshly, not looking at her.

"Don't talk to her like that," Lorne said, swishing down the stairs in a bright violet suit.

"Wasn't talking to you either," Connor said, giving the demon a withering look. Why did anyone tolerate this creature?

"I've had just about as much as I'm going to talk of your mouth, young man," Lorne said. "I'm willing to take a lot from you, you being my nephew and all, but you've been rude one too many times."

"I'm not your nephew," Connor said, getting up in Lorne's face. "You're nothing to me."


Cordy, seeing Lorne's look of shock, caught Connor's arm tugging him away. "Connor, babe, don't pick a fight okay, I need to talk to Fred and then you and I can talk."

"Okay," he grated out, his eyes not leaving Lorne's ugly face.

"Do you want to wait here? I don't know how long Fred and I will be," Cordy stroked his cheek.

Connor shook his head violently. "No. I'll go home."

"I'll meet you there, promise."

Connor glared hostilely  at Lorne then left. He heard Lorne spouting off something in that annoying way of his, about Connor needing a lesson in etiquette, whatever the hell that was. Fred was agreeing with him, warning Cordy to be careful.  He wasn't able to say how much it hurt. He had liked Fred, Gunn too for that matter. He never did care for Lorne. Sure Gunn and Fred got  in his way and aggravated him but they had been kind and it had touched him; so much for Fred's thought on him being unable to care.

Father had told him people would fear him if they found out what he was, that he'd be alone. Holtz hadn't been wrong and it made him ache. But not as much as not being asked to help Cordy get her memory back. They left him out of it. Lorne had babbled on to him, as if he cared what a demon had to say, about Cordy's good news, how they had used people important to her to help return her memory. He hadn't been invited. He wasn't important in their eyes.

 When Lorne told him about it, trying to explain their weird behavior, Connor had fled. He didn't want to cry in front of them, especially a demon. He had sobbed himself to sleep that night, feeling ashamed of himself. Tears were a weakness. Holtz had hammered that into him but Connor couldn't help it. The implication he added nothing to Cordy's life devastated him.

Part of him compounded his misery by reminding him that he had failed Cordy – and Holtz for that matter – by failing to kill Angel. Again. He tried but he just wasn't strong enough. That rarely was a problem for him. He was the Destroyer. He should be able to kill a stupid single vampire. He killed others all the time. That left the inescapable conclusion that he deep down didn't want Angel dead. It made his failure to his father complete. He couldn't destroy the creature that forced Holtz to slaughter his own child. He was glad Holtz hadn't lived to see this. But in retrospect it might be better he didn't kill Angel when Cordy ask him to. She obviously cared for Angel and being the reason for his death would be something he didn't think Cordy could live with.

When he got home he worked off his anger by forcing his body through unending martial exercises until his body ran  with sweat. His muscles ached and trembled. He smelled of salt and perspiration when a knock came at his door. Cordelia walked in carrying her suitcase and brought light back to him with three simple words.

"Can I stay?"