SINS OF THE FATHER
'What Little Boys Are Made of' Series Part 1 Author - D M Evans Feedback ripewickedplum2@yahoo.com Disclaimer - There are some things I own in this world, these characters aren't among them. All characters belong to Mr. Whedon and a big thank you for letting me borrow them. The various lyrics and poetry will be marked as to whom they belong to. Rating - R Spoilers - Prologue is set before "Deep Down" and the rest of the action picks up after "Super symmetry" and "Rain of Fire" going AU thereafter. Summary - Pretty much the end of the world is nigh and Angel and his friends and family are being torn apart from within.
CHAPTER THREE
There was a softness in her eyes
And on the air there was a hunger
Even a boy could recognize
She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightning from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the night
That Summer - Garth Brooks
The sky had stopped weeping fire when Connor slipped painfully out of bed. His side hitched as his ribs grated on one another. Cordelia was finally asleep. The world hadn't ended, at least not yet. Connor expected it to soon enough. He was happy and content and he wasn't meant for that. Holtz had made that clear. A son of two demons had no business being joyful.
Connor crept off silently and filled a large bowl with as much hot water as his home's feeble plumbing could come up with. He scrubbed away his sins until his skin was bright red. Holtz had deemed sex a sin. A pleasing one, a needed one, but a sin nonetheless. However, it wasn't as big a sin as masturbating. The skin of his shoulders tightened at the mere thought of it. The recollection of being stropped the one time Holtz had caught him had been beaten into the memory of his flesh. He remembered kneeling naked on the sharp stone of the cave that was their temporary home, forced to grab onto smooth columns of rock. Arms outstretched, his back defenseless, he tried to hold in whimpers of pain. Any signs of weakness and Holtz would hit him harder. His father had been right to do so. It was the only way he'd learn.
Still the sins he committed tonight were ones he had no plans of repenting and had plans of committing again provided the world didn't die. He admittedly never felt clumsier in his life or as confused and embarrassed. He could only attribute his clumsiness in part to the pain of his broken ribs - scary in and of itself - the rest was due to his lack of knowledge. What he knew about sex could have danced on the head of a pin, whatever the hell that meant. He only knew it was something Holtz said when a chance of something happening or Connor's understanding of something had been small.
He had no idea how good sex could feel or how blinding need could be. Or how something as warm and loving could be so scary at the same time. He thought Cordy was going to change her mind once he was undressed. Cordy seemed shocked about something she had never seen before, a foreskin. He didn't know what the problem was. He had seen Holtz naked once or twice and hadn't noticed too many differences. Granted he hadn't exactly been looking but as far as he knew he had all the right parts. Surely his father would have been quick to point out any demonic differences.
But she hadn't run off nor did she desert him when her fondling had taken him over the edge too quickly. It was humiliating but somehow she made him feel better about it. The second attempt had been glorious. Afterwards, there was such a feeling of peace like he'd never known.
Only his peace was marred. He mulled that as he went back to the bedroom. The sky had wept flames. He didn't deserve to find peace on such a night, not when the evil was connected to him by the very location of his birth. In a city this big that couldn't be coincidence. Fred could probably tell him just how improbable it was but he didn't need to be told. It was connected to him, the Destroyer. What if he had been destined to bring forth this horror? He had heard Fred and Gunn talking when they thought he couldn't hear them during those months his father was under the ocean. He had heard about the prophecies and how no one knew what his birth meant. Maybe now they did.
Cordy murmured in her sleep, drawing Connor's attention back to her. He still couldn't believe he had wept like a girl in front of her when she told him what she planned on doing with him. He couldn't even say if they were tears of sorrow or gratitude. The tears gathering forces in his heart now were easier to identify. They had grief distilling in every drop. Now he had time to think about what he and Cordy had done. Someone had actually wanted him. Or had she?
The moisture trickling down his face now burned with the things Cordy had said and didn't say. She said she knew how he felt about her but she never said she felt the same. She said she was doing it because it no longer mattered. She didn't say she loved him. She said she wanted him to have something real because he'd spent a life in hell. Now in the cold darkness, the smells of sulfur leaking in from outside, he saw her kindness for what it was: Pity.
And he died inside. He didn't love her less and there was no doubt Cordelia cared deeply for him. But she didn't love him. She gave him the thing she thought would give him some joy in what could have been his last moments. The question reaming through his mind like a Quar-toth Boresnake was did she see his father's face while she gave him gentle encouragements and guidance? Was it Angel's shoulders she held while she reminded him he had superior strength that had to be reined in? Connor knew he wasn't as handsome or charismatic as the demon. He hadn't been in the world long but it had been enough to realize pale skinny boys didn't get the girl. He'd seen Angel turn heads at bars and on the streets. No one ever looked at him, besides Sunny and he suspected her interested had been more to do with keeping a predator happy than any real attraction to him. Gunn had called him creepy when he thought Connor had stormed off to his room after one of their many fights.
It didn't matter what Gunn thought. Connor kept telling himself he was glad he was out of the hotel and that he didn't miss Gunn and Fred. But he did. He didn't miss Gunn's temper or having to hear them in bed all the time. At least now he knew what all the noise was about, even if it left him with the unwanted image of those two doing what Cordy had spent the night teaching him.
He studied Cordy's face. Did she love him or his father? Both or neither? No matter the answer, it boiled down to whom had gotten betrayed tonight. Why did he think they all had?
'What Little Boys Are Made of' Series Part 1 Author - D M Evans Feedback ripewickedplum2@yahoo.com Disclaimer - There are some things I own in this world, these characters aren't among them. All characters belong to Mr. Whedon and a big thank you for letting me borrow them. The various lyrics and poetry will be marked as to whom they belong to. Rating - R Spoilers - Prologue is set before "Deep Down" and the rest of the action picks up after "Super symmetry" and "Rain of Fire" going AU thereafter. Summary - Pretty much the end of the world is nigh and Angel and his friends and family are being torn apart from within.
CHAPTER THREE
There was a softness in her eyes
And on the air there was a hunger
Even a boy could recognize
She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightning from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Written in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Now where only dreams have been
Burning both ends of the night
That Summer - Garth Brooks
The sky had stopped weeping fire when Connor slipped painfully out of bed. His side hitched as his ribs grated on one another. Cordelia was finally asleep. The world hadn't ended, at least not yet. Connor expected it to soon enough. He was happy and content and he wasn't meant for that. Holtz had made that clear. A son of two demons had no business being joyful.
Connor crept off silently and filled a large bowl with as much hot water as his home's feeble plumbing could come up with. He scrubbed away his sins until his skin was bright red. Holtz had deemed sex a sin. A pleasing one, a needed one, but a sin nonetheless. However, it wasn't as big a sin as masturbating. The skin of his shoulders tightened at the mere thought of it. The recollection of being stropped the one time Holtz had caught him had been beaten into the memory of his flesh. He remembered kneeling naked on the sharp stone of the cave that was their temporary home, forced to grab onto smooth columns of rock. Arms outstretched, his back defenseless, he tried to hold in whimpers of pain. Any signs of weakness and Holtz would hit him harder. His father had been right to do so. It was the only way he'd learn.
Still the sins he committed tonight were ones he had no plans of repenting and had plans of committing again provided the world didn't die. He admittedly never felt clumsier in his life or as confused and embarrassed. He could only attribute his clumsiness in part to the pain of his broken ribs - scary in and of itself - the rest was due to his lack of knowledge. What he knew about sex could have danced on the head of a pin, whatever the hell that meant. He only knew it was something Holtz said when a chance of something happening or Connor's understanding of something had been small.
He had no idea how good sex could feel or how blinding need could be. Or how something as warm and loving could be so scary at the same time. He thought Cordy was going to change her mind once he was undressed. Cordy seemed shocked about something she had never seen before, a foreskin. He didn't know what the problem was. He had seen Holtz naked once or twice and hadn't noticed too many differences. Granted he hadn't exactly been looking but as far as he knew he had all the right parts. Surely his father would have been quick to point out any demonic differences.
But she hadn't run off nor did she desert him when her fondling had taken him over the edge too quickly. It was humiliating but somehow she made him feel better about it. The second attempt had been glorious. Afterwards, there was such a feeling of peace like he'd never known.
Only his peace was marred. He mulled that as he went back to the bedroom. The sky had wept flames. He didn't deserve to find peace on such a night, not when the evil was connected to him by the very location of his birth. In a city this big that couldn't be coincidence. Fred could probably tell him just how improbable it was but he didn't need to be told. It was connected to him, the Destroyer. What if he had been destined to bring forth this horror? He had heard Fred and Gunn talking when they thought he couldn't hear them during those months his father was under the ocean. He had heard about the prophecies and how no one knew what his birth meant. Maybe now they did.
Cordy murmured in her sleep, drawing Connor's attention back to her. He still couldn't believe he had wept like a girl in front of her when she told him what she planned on doing with him. He couldn't even say if they were tears of sorrow or gratitude. The tears gathering forces in his heart now were easier to identify. They had grief distilling in every drop. Now he had time to think about what he and Cordy had done. Someone had actually wanted him. Or had she?
The moisture trickling down his face now burned with the things Cordy had said and didn't say. She said she knew how he felt about her but she never said she felt the same. She said she was doing it because it no longer mattered. She didn't say she loved him. She said she wanted him to have something real because he'd spent a life in hell. Now in the cold darkness, the smells of sulfur leaking in from outside, he saw her kindness for what it was: Pity.
And he died inside. He didn't love her less and there was no doubt Cordelia cared deeply for him. But she didn't love him. She gave him the thing she thought would give him some joy in what could have been his last moments. The question reaming through his mind like a Quar-toth Boresnake was did she see his father's face while she gave him gentle encouragements and guidance? Was it Angel's shoulders she held while she reminded him he had superior strength that had to be reined in? Connor knew he wasn't as handsome or charismatic as the demon. He hadn't been in the world long but it had been enough to realize pale skinny boys didn't get the girl. He'd seen Angel turn heads at bars and on the streets. No one ever looked at him, besides Sunny and he suspected her interested had been more to do with keeping a predator happy than any real attraction to him. Gunn had called him creepy when he thought Connor had stormed off to his room after one of their many fights.
It didn't matter what Gunn thought. Connor kept telling himself he was glad he was out of the hotel and that he didn't miss Gunn and Fred. But he did. He didn't miss Gunn's temper or having to hear them in bed all the time. At least now he knew what all the noise was about, even if it left him with the unwanted image of those two doing what Cordy had spent the night teaching him.
He studied Cordy's face. Did she love him or his father? Both or neither? No matter the answer, it boiled down to whom had gotten betrayed tonight. Why did he think they all had?