CHAPTER SIX

Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need

Love Bites – Def Leppard

"It has to hurt," Cordy said, dabbing ointment on the bite marks gnawed into Connor's back. He was so thin, she could nearly count his vertebrae. She knew the boy could eat like a horse but she'd swear he survived on air alone. Fred was likewise tending to Angel for a bite on the back of his neck.

"I've had worse," Connor said, still glacial cool towards her.

Cordelia flinched, knowing that she had caused this rift between them. It had been a week since Darkness' twin had arrived and they had yet to see it again. Wesley hadn't been wrong. The demon had summoned untold numbers of demons and other nasties to L.A. A type of vampire whose heads could detach and fly had crossed their paths tonight. The look in Angel's eyes when Connor had gone down under six flying heads had terrified Cordy. All could feel the pain reflecting in their dark depths at seeing his son suffer. Luckily the creatures weren't impervious to fire.

"Wesley, what is this stuff?" Cordelia asked, seeing Connor grit his teeth.

"Alcohol, holy water, some herbs," Wesley replied, looking up from where he was tending to Gunn's arm. "Like most vampires those things transmit vampirism through their bite. This will prevent it from taking hold on Connor."

"I don't want to be a vampire," Connor growled, his blue eyes wild. He half rose from his seat and Cordy forced him back down.

"And you won't, not with this treatment," Wesley assured him.

"We need help," Gunn said, flexing his arm after Wesley taped off the dressing. "It's getting too close out there. We're not enough."

"I've been in contact with the Watchers' Council about that very thing. I might have a solution," Wesley said, packing away their dwindling medical supplies. They'd need to restock soon.

"Care to share?" Cordelia asked, hopeful for the first time in a week.

"Not yet, not until I'm certain," Wesley said, feeling guilty he hadn't kept it to himself. It was unfair to raise their hopes falsely. "Connor, you should get some rest."

The boy just nodded and got up shakily. Angel followed him back to his chosen room. His son ignored him but that didn't deter Angel, not this time. His son was too withdrawn. He could see the burden behind the boy's wide eyes.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Angel asked, looking around Connor's room. He saw subtle signs his son had taken over the place.  A chair near the door which Angel had no doubt went under the knob at night, a knife on the bed stand and a pile of bedding just visible in the closet which had to feel like a safe cave to the boy. "You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm fine," Connor grumbled, fatigue tremors betraying him.

"No, you're not. You're exhausted and hungry and you're full of bite marks." Seeing the irritation in Connor's eyes, Angel changed to a less officious tone. "At least let me get you something to eat."

Connor gingerly laid on his bed. "Do we have any bologna?"

"I don't know." Angel grimaced. Outside of his blood bags he had no clue what was in the refrigerator. "I'll see what we have."

"No tomatoes," Connor said, punching up the pillow into a more compact area.

"You don't like them?" Angel felt his grimace deepening. He didn't know what his son did and didn't like. The boy might as well be a stranger.

"No."

"You like pizza." He remembered watching the boy power through the ones they had gotten the day before last. "That has tomatoes in the sauce."

"Not the same," Connor argued, using the toe of one foot to try and pry off his boots.

Angel smiled gently. "I'll trust you on that." He turned to go. This might be the worst time to try and mend bridges between him and Connor but there might never be a tomorrow for it. At least he had made an effort.

"Dad."

Angel froze. There was something in how Connor said that word that tore at him. Usually Connor made it sound like a four letter word. Now it sounded like a plea. He turned back and looked at his child, his voice suddenly evaporated as the shock that Connor might actually want something from him hit.

 Not for the first time he wondered where this boy got his looks. Angel had forgotten what he himself looked like until that reminder on Pylea. Connor's hair color was about the only thing he seemed to have inherited from him. Connor resembled some fey creature, delicately boned, nearly feminine. The long wisps of hair did nothing to help that image. The same went for those full lips that never seemed to close. Darla had pouty lips like that. On her they looked inviting, but they made the boy looked constantly bewildered. The thinness of him could be contributed to poor nutrition in Quor-toth but something told Angel this was all the bigger his son was going to get. He might as well be one of the sidhe. Angel finally found his voice again. "Yes?"

Connor rolled onto his side, facing Angel. "What did I do wrong?"

Angel didn't have to ask what Connor meant. It wasn't about how he had gotten bitten tonight nor losing to the horrific demon. This was a young man facing his first break up. No, that wasn't even the right word for it. That would indicate it had been more than a one night stand. Angel had been there himself but he had been such a womanizer at Connor's age he never let it bother him for long. But Connor felt things so much more intensely than he had.

Angel sat on the bed hesitantly. Connor had always been squirrelly in regards to any closeness between them. Angel didn't blame him. It was Holtz' fault. The fact Connor was even looking to him for comfort stunned Angel and heartened him. He happily noted that Connor didn't roll away from him. "You didn't do anything wrong, Connor."

"But…"

 "Just listen to me." Angel touched Connor's arm.  The boy's eyes flicked down to Angel's hand but he didn't pull away. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But she doesn't even want to talk to me." Connor swallowed hard, his eyes misting. "I know that this isn't a good time but…"

"She's acting like you barely exist," Angel finished for him.

Connor rubbed his eyes. "Yeah."

Angel ran his hand up and down Connor's arm. This time the boy shuddered. "Sometimes it just happens that way, Connor. Things don't work out. I wish I could say this will be the only time it happens but it won't…unless we lose the battle. And it hurts like hell every time."

"I don't want this pain." Connor couldn't stop the tears that trickled down his face.

"It's part of the price you pay for love, Connor." That sounded so ineffectual. Hadn't he said something similar to Buffy once? No one had believed it then either.


Connor curled up tighter, burying his face in the pillow. "Did she do it to hurt you?"

Angel wished he had a good answer for that so he went with what he wanted to believe was true. "No. Cordy wouldn't do that. She…cares about you but this just got too complicated."

"Everything you touch goes bad." Connor lifted his head, eyes flashing blue fire.

Angel let it go. He understood that Connor's pain had to go somewhere. He felt like doing the same himself, blaming everyone for the betrayal he felt about what Cordy had done but he had to be the adult. Part of him wanted to blame Connor as well but he knew that part had to be held in check. "I'll go get you something to eat."

"Not hungry," Connor grumbled.

"Maybe not now but you will be."

Angel went downstairs. He hoped to get to the kitchen without anyone stopping him, wanting more from him. Cordy was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. He tried brushing past her but she wouldn't let him.

"We really need to talk," Cordelia said, her arms crossed over her chest like armor.

Anyone with intelligence would have know better to push him at this point but Cordelia had always been blind to anything that wasn't directly revolving around her. Other people's emotions usually didn't qualify. "No, we don't."

"Angel…" She put a hand on his arm.

Angel shrugged away from her. "Cordelia, just leave it. We're all too tired for this. Right now my son doesn't know if you love him, hate him or just planned to use him and, to be honest, I'm mostly feeling the same way so let's not do this when we're sure to say things we can't take back. In the mean time, you think about what you did and what you're going to do. As far as I'm concerned you and I are friends, nothing more by your choice. You can't live with Angelus and I don't blame you. Truly I don't. But you also have my son's heart in your hands and he's bleeding. You decide what you're going to do about it." Angel dragged a weary hand over his hair.

"Don't I get any say in this?" Cordy's dark eyes hardened.

"Not tonight." Angel growled. "I'm not the one who needs you. Connor does."

Cordelia dropped her armor, the metal leaving her voice. "I'm not trying to hurt him."

"I know that. But you have and he's starting to blame me for it. The last thing we need right now is for me and Connor to be fighting. How much do you think it'll take to remind him that his primary mission in life is to kill me?" Angel paused. He hadn't even thought about it until he said the words. He knew it was true and it left him cold. "If he thinks I'm standing between you two, he might just decide to remove the obstacle. So you need to think about what you're doing, Cordy, and of what could happen."

Angel turned his back on her, going into the industrial kitchen almost amazed at what he was willing to sacrifice for a son who hated him and was likely to continue to do so. Cordelia might just start hating him too but he trusted her to find it in herself to be mature about the situation. She had made it clear she saw no future for herself at his side. He didn't think she saw one with Connor either and only hoped she could make the boy to see that he wasn't trying to keep them separate. He could easily imagine Connor attacking him even though his son had turned to him for help tonight. In a matter of minutes he had gone from asking for help to accusing him.

Angel's hope for a quick and easy raid on the fridge was dashed seeing Wesley standing there with the door open. "I thought you were going to get some rest, Wes."

"My stomach remembered it was empty," Wesley said, dragging the jelly and bread out of the fridge.

"Is there any bologna left? Connor should eat something."

Wesley nodded. "In the meat drawer."

Angel found it then turned to Wesley as he hunted down a plate. "What is this help you were referring to? You're not going to get my hopes up, so you might as well tell me."

"We need more fire power. I was thinking on a Slayer-level," Wesley said, passing Angel some bread for the bologna.

"But Buffy is facing…oh, Faith." Angel's eyes narrowed. "You think you can get her out of jail."

"The Council is trying to do it legally. If not, they suggested I stage a prison break." Wesley slathered peanut butter and jelly on the bread.

Angel nodded his head. "Good suggestion."

"If this demon keeps up his path of destruction, he might take out the jail for us. I'll know tomorrow if legal means will work or if I should have Fred hack into the prison's files for blueprints and find where Faith's housed," Wesley said. "That's why I wanted to wait before I told everyone."

"Understandable. I think Faith will help. She wants to redeem herself and going out in a huge battle…that just seems like her style," Angel said softly.

"Here's hoping with her help, none of us will go out in a huge battle." Wesley slapped his sandwich together. "And the Council thinks they might have a line on who this demon is and if we know that, hopefully it'll be a way to finding something to neutralize him."

"We can hope. I'd better get this up to Connor." Angel put half the remaining bologna between the bread slices, realizing he didn't know what else Connor might like, such as mustard or ketchup. "And Wes."

"Yes."

"I'm very glad you're back." Angel managed a weak smile.

Wesley returned it. "Thank you."

Angel went back upstairs. He listened for a moment but there were no signs that Cordelia was in Connor's room. The boy was half buried in his covers, sobbing quietly. Angel just set the plate on the bed stand and gently stroked Connor's hair. His son looked up at him with red, swollen eyes. "It's there if you feel hungry. And Connor, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get better."

Connor just put his head back down. Angel gave his shoulder a final pat and went to his own room, exhausted beyond reason.