CHAPTER NINE


Welcome to the jungle
We take it day by day
If you want it you're gonna bleed
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you won't get them for free
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my, my serpentine
I, I wanna hear you scream

Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here everyday
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll take it eventually
You can have anything you want
But you better not take it from me

Welcome to the Jungle – Guns-n-Roses

Connor heard the shrieking and ran toward it. He knew this street. This is where Anne's safe haven for teens was. The screaming echoed from inside of the shelter. Connor knew better than to charge in without knowing what was inside, but L.A. had plunged into forever night so what was a little impulsiveness?

He went through the door, nearly falling over a dead teen. He didn't know what the thing was tearing through the middle of the place. It seemed like a ball of brilliant, multi-colored feathers and a couple of ravenous beaks, all held up by thickly clawed legs. It had Anne treed up on the second floor, second away from making her a meal.

Connor jumped over the railing, short sword in one hand, and the long curved axe blade that fit into his arm bracer on the other, turning his limb into a weapon. What Connor hadn't counted on was how quick with those claws the feather-ball was. It nearly disemboweled him. It left him crouched on the floor, bleeding heavily. The thing spun, its beak snapping at him. Connor executed a one-hand back flip, his boots slamming hard into the beak, cracking it. The creature screeched, rushing him, a thin stream of ichor trailing from its beak.

"Duck, kid!"

Hearing Faith's voice, Connor went down and she sailed over him, burying a sword in the feather-ball. It slammed into her, knocking her down. Connor finished it off, it's death cry making his ears ring.

"What the hell was that thing?" Faith asked, rolling to her feet. Brilliant feathers floated around her, some of them decorating her hair.

"No clue." Connor looked up at the top of the stairs. "You okay, Anne?"

The blonde nodded. "Thanks to you two."

"What are you doing here, Faith?" Connor asked, hints of anger in his voice.

"Looking for you. It's been three days since you took off. Everyone is worried about you." Faith crossed over to him. "Very worried, especially  your father."

"Oh, I bet," Connor snarled, holding his belly.

"You're hurt," Anne said, hurrying down the steps.

"I'll be fine." He turned his back to her, keeping her from seeing the wound.  "And I'm not going back with you, Faith."

"Connor, you can't be alone, not at a time like this," Anne said, touching his shoulder. "Please, stay here if you left your home. That's what we're here for."

He brushed the hair out of his face, leaving a trail of his blood over his pale skin. "I have a home, Anne, but thanks."

"It might not be a bad idea to stay here, if you won't come back with me," Faith said, gesturing to the fallen teens. "They could use a protector."

Connor glanced around. "I'll consider it. I just want to go home now."

He didn't wait for further arguments, stalking out into the streets. Faith shot Anne an apologetic look and Anne just waved her on. Faith didn't know what Anne would do about the dead demon or the kids but she had bigger concerns. Things were happening that Connor needed to know about, even if Angel didn't want him to. She caught up to the boy who was trailing blood.

"I think we should get you to a hospital," she said.

He shook his head violently. "I heal fast. I just need to rest a little. I don't live that far from here."

Faith caught his arm, dragging him to a halt. She pointed to the deep purple Fat Boy Harley that was a block away. "I'll drive you." She had taken the bike from its dead owner the day before. It was brand new and it felt odd having nearly sixteen thousand dollars worth of bike between her legs. There hadn't been enough of its owner left to tell if it had been a man or a woman. Still, she felt vaguely nervous about riding on it since it was technically stolen but she needed to be able to get through the city fast.

Connor climbed on behind her, clinging to her since the bitch seat didn't have a sissy bar for him to hold on to. She felt his blood seeping into her clothes as she sped back to his place. She knew she should take him to a hospital or back to the hotel but she figured he'd bolt and he was quick enough that he might just elude her, despite the trail of red he was leaving.

He didn't need her help to get up into the loft as she suspected he might. He flopped on the window ledge and let her hike up his shirt. The gouges in his belly were deep but not so deep she could see muscle. The bleeding had slowed and she didn't doubt he was already knitting together much like she or Buffy would.

"Do you have anything that might be used to bandage you up?" she asked.

"I think Cordy brought over medical supplies once. They'd be in the bathroom." He pointed out the way.

Faith might never have thought much about Cordelia but she had to admit at least the girl had the sense to stock up on dressings. She got some gauze and antibiotic ointment and took them back out to Connor. The wounds already looked slightly improved. Despite that, she slathered him with the ointment and bound him up. He tried to hide how much he was hurting as she did it.

"That was bad. You shouldn't be out there fighting alone," she said, her dark eyes gauging his reaction. She had learned quickly how explosive he could be.

His sullen look deepened. "You were."

"I was looking for you. No one other than Angel can keep up with me on foot," Faith said levelly. She didn't want to pressure him. "I wasn't lying when I said we were worried and we want you to come home."


Connor snorted cruelly. "No one wants me there. You don't understand, the only one who's ever liked me was Cordelia. The rest of them are afraid of me. Okay, not Angel but you know what I mean."

"I think you're wrong. Fred and Gunn are every bit as concerned as Cordy."

Connor slid past Faith painfully, holding his stomach. "You have no idea. The damn green demon left the state because of me. He didn't say it to me but he did tell Dad and Cordy and she told the others. Fred and Gunn would talk about me when they thought I couldn't hear. Faith, those two kept me busy while Angel went to kill my Father. They knew what he could do to Holtz and they let it happen. Do you think they care at all what happens to me?"

Faith stared at him, trying to think of something to say or do. She settled for prowling the room to see if she could find a closet or anything that might do as one so she could get him a change of clothes. His were blood-soaked. Did she dare argue their case or did she let it slide? She decided they needed Connor around and she'd have to fight to win him back.  "They care. If you could see them now you'd know that they do. And do you really think they'd have allowed Angel to just go and kill Holtz?" she asked and the way Connor's blue eyes fixed on her made her feel like prey.

"You tell me. They were discussing what Angel might do while they took me to the beach. That's how I knew Father was in trouble." Connor laughed bitterly. "I should thank them, I guess. If not for that, I wouldn't have known what an ocean really looked like, never would have thought to sink Angel to the bottom of it."

Faith didn't even try to tell him that was wrong. She could tell he wouldn't see it that way. He wasn't ready to see his mistakes and she knew how that was. "But he didn't kill Holtz," she said, finding Cordelia's clothing. There were a few masculine shirts and no other pants. Did Connor only own one pair? Giving up, she took down a pair of Cordelia's jogging pants and the least hideous of the shirts, a blue thing with a collar.

Connor flopped onto his bed, ignoring her words.

"Oh, kid, no. You're covered in blood. Let's get you changed." Faith held out the clothing.


Connor stood back up and stripped unselfconsciously. Faith discovered she hadn't been imagining it the night she first met him. He didn't wear underwear and it occurred to her that perhaps no one bothered to tell him that was a thing most guys did in this world.  He pulled on Cordy's ill-fitting jogging pants, hitching as his wound pulled.

"I know what Angel says happened and it can't be true," he said finally, lying back on the bed sans shirt.

 "Why not?" Faith sat next to him. "Because Angel's the one saying it?"

Connor's eyes shut. "Because if Father asked Justine to kill him and pretend Angelus did it, then that means revenge meant more to him than I did. He knew what I would do if Angelus hurt him. If Father did what Angel said then I was never anything more than a tool and I'm not sure I can live with that."


Faith reached up and touched his cheek where tears had begun to wet his blood-streaked flesh. "We can't know what's in a person's heart, Connor. Do you honestly think Holtz didn't love you?"

Connor crushed his fists to his eyes, rubbing them viciously. His voice cracked as he spoke. "He loved me but he loved revenge more."

"He was an old man by the time you returned, from what I've been told, and two centuries out of his world. Maybe he just couldn't go on any more, Connor." Faith didn't know where she was dredging up the words and couldn't tell if they were helping but she felt they might be. Maybe this is how Angel found the way to heal her, finding ways through to the truth even if it wasn't always pleasant.

"No. If it was that, he could have just…I don't know but he didn't need to do what he did." Connor sobbed loudly. "He was the only person I've ever trusted completely and he betrayed me."

Faith stretched out alongside of Connor, pulling him to her. She stroked his back, letting him cry against her. Finally she said, "You're lucky but you don't even know it."

Connor sniffled, looking at her with bleary eyes. "I've never been lucky."

Faith brushed his unruly hair back. "Yes, you have. You had a father who loved you dearly, loved you so much that he managed to keep you safe in that terrible place. You don't doubt he loved you. Now answer me honestly, put your anger on the shelf for a minute and think, do you believe Angel when he said he loves you?"

Connor buried his face against her neck. "I don't want to," he mumbled.

Faith felt triumphant. She wondered if he even realized what he was confessing to. "But you do."

"Yeah." Connor squirmed free of her a bit. "The first day after I lost my fight with him, I took off. When he found me later, I was in this terrible place. Sunny had died from her medicine and the guy who gave it to her was trying to get it back from me. Dad was there. Men in blue uniforms came in and started shooting at Tyke, the guy with the medicine and Dad tried to get me out the window. I was too afraid to move. I didn't know what was happening. The man in the uniform pointed this long gun at me and Angel  shielded me when it went off. I know that he knew it wouldn't kill him but it would hurt. At the time I thought he did it to try and win my trust just like Father warned me he would do. Sometimes, I still think that but then I think, he did it because he cares. When we were running away and he was still hurt, I was concerned for him. I try to tell myself that I felt that way because I needed to get his trust so I could kill but that's not it, not entirely."

"You care about him whether you like to or not and that's why you're lucky." Faith's dark eyes glistened. "Connor, I've never felt that way about my parents. Well, my father I never knew. He was never in my life. My mother drank all the time. I was a kid, a little kid and I was the one taking care of her. If I wanted to eat, I had to scrounge my own food. She didn't even notice I was alive unless one of her boyfriends came over and then I was just in the way. For a while we lived with this loser who made a little money. Mom didn't want to waste that, so when I told her he was messing with me she hit me and told me to quit lying or he'd leave. I was seven."

"Messing with?" Connor eyed her curiously.

"He raped me," Faith said then took in a deep breath, the air whistling in her nose. "I've never told anyone else that before. I got used to men messing with me, beating on me and my mom never caring. I didn't know how bad it fucked me up but it did. By the time I became a Slayer, I was so broken inside it was easy for the evil to get into me. That's why I say you're lucky." She stroked his back, feeling how thin he was. "You've known what it's like to be loved and I never have."

Tears flowing anew, Connor leaned close and kissed Faith's cheek. "I'm sorry."

"That's why I think you should come home." She kissed him back. "They do care about you Connor. You shouldn't turn your back on that. When I was in Sunnydale, I did just that. I can tell you how it could turn out."

"I just wish…I wish they'd understand that it doesn't matter to me why Holtz took me in the first place. What matters to me is that he loved me and it hurts me when they talk about him like he was evil," Connor said. "I miss him and I have nightmares about the night he died. I can't tell anyone about that since no one wants to hear about him."

Faith embraced him tightly. "It has to be weird for them, Connor. They missed your whole life in a space of a week as far as they're concerned. Tell them how you feel or they'll never know. Maybe if I had told someone how I felt, things would have been different. Tell me, I'm listening."

Connor plumbed the depths of her eyes. Faith wasn't sure what he was looking for but he seemed to find it. "I thought Father was killed by Angelus," Connor whispered. "Justine told me so, I saw the wounds. Father would never want to come back as a monster so I did what I had to."

"Is that what gives you nightmares?" She gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.


Connor nodded. "I see his eyes in the dark. I hear the sound of my blade going through his neck. I remember how it felt to cut off Father's head and how it rolled in the grass. I can't forget it no matter how hard I try."


A whimper escaped him and Faith held him tighter. She didn't have words to make that better. She just clung to him, feeling him quiver as the emotion tore out of him.  A door opened, startling them but they were such a tight huddle of entwined limbs they couldn't move. Cordelia came in. Her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, isn't this nice?"

"It's not what you think," Faith growled, managing to get free of Connor. "And if it was, it's still none of your business."

"I've made you my business," Cordelia shot back.

"Cordelia, we don't owe you any explanations," Faith said, getting to her feet.

"Maybe not to me but what about Angel? He trusted you. How can you do this?" Cordelia asked and Faith rolled her eyes at her.

Connor let out a bitter bark of laughter. "Look who's talking."

"Connor, Angel can't think straight worrying about you," Cordy said as Connor wormed deeper into shadows.

"Why do you think I care what Angelus thinks," he snarled.

"You've never met Angelus, Connor." Cordy's face hardened. "But you might."

"What do you…oh, Angelus knows the Beast. I know Gunn and Wes wanted to bring Angelus out to talk to him. Angel said no," Connor said.

"There might be no choice," Faith said. "It was one of the reasons I was looking for you. Angel wants you and me there. If it goes wrong, he wants us to kill him."

"Gladly," Connor said blithely.

"Connor! Sweetie, don't say it that way. Angel loves you so much. He doesn't even want you to see Angelus but he knows you need to be there to protect everyone from him if something happens. You can't be here, especially not with Faith. You know Angel's wishes on that count. You're just inviting trouble and we don't need that now. We need to be acting like a family and this isn't the way a family acts," Cordelia said, taking a step toward Connor but Faith blocked her way.

"My only family died in an alley thanks to Angelus and I had to burn his body," Connor shot back, trying to get off the bed.

"That isn't true. We're your family. You just don't want to see that," Cordelia argued.

"You know, Queen C, you always were a bitch but now you're a sanctimonious bitch and that's worst," Faith said.

"No one asked you, Faith," Cordelia shot back as Connor finally managed to get on his feet. It was then she noticed his bandaged gut. Her face lost all its steel. "Oh, baby, you're hurt."

"It's okay," he said. "I'll heal."

"Are you sure?" Cordy crossed over to him, touching his face. Connor flinched away. "You look so terribly sad."

"I'm fine." He glared at her. "Why are you even here?"

"I was hoping you'd be here so we could talk." Cordelia looked at Faith who didn't make an effort to leave. "I'm tired of fighting with you, Connor. I'm tired of fighting with everyone, even you Faith. Sometimes I just can't keep my big mouth shut.  I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, Connor. I just want you to come home with us. Please."

"This is my home."

"Then come back to the fort, if you want to think of it that way. We need you. We can't be divided. It weakens us," Cordelia said.

Connor looked between both women then pulled on his shirt. "Fine."

They hadn't made it across the room when all the windows blew out of the place. Cordy shrieked while Connor and Faith fell into defensive stances. No one was prepared for the winds that whipped through the place or the large bird-like creature that soared in. From the waist up she looked like a beautiful woman and the rest of her resembled a giant eagle.

"Murderers," the thing shrieked. "You killed my daughter."

"What?" Faith asked, sliding a stake from her belt into her hand. 

"That feathered thing," Connor guessed.

"You killed a kid?" Cordelia asked, "not that I'm doubting it deserved it. Who or what are you?"

The harpy landed on the bed, looking at Cordelia. "I am Aello, the deliverer of punishment. You killed my child and now you all will die." Aello looked skyward and it let go with rain and lightening. A bolt landed between Connor and Faith who were quick enough to jump out of the direct line but the electricity sent them both to the ground.

Cordelia picked up a crossbow from the table and shot. She hit the harpy in a wing. Aello screamed and sent a blast of air that knocked Cordelia into a wall. Connor and Faith regained their footing. Faith grabbed a sword off the weapon's table and Connor his axe. They circled the harpy trying to figure out a way to get close without getting a lightening bolt through the head. Cordelia shot again wildly. It missed but it was enough to distract Aello. Faith ran her through and Connor took her head off with one blow. Her body shivered and quaked. They could smell the ozone building.

"Oh shit!" Faith cried and they all ran for cover.

Aello exploded like a fireball and the loft burst into flames.

"We have to get out of here!" Cordelia cried.

"Go!" Connor cried, jumping over some of his burning bedding, axe still in hand. He darted into the closet and grabbed something from under a box.

Faith couldn't see what was so important to him until they got outside. The loft was ablaze and it would be a total loss before the overtaxed fire company could get to it. In Connor's hand was a bandolier of bits and bobs, including a human ear. Faith didn't even want to know. Cordelia didn't seem surprised so she must have already seen it.  The Slayer decided it must have been something Connor had from the demon world. It looked demonic enough. The boy was a trophy taker and that sent a cold shiver up her spine.

"My home," he moaned, draping his trophies around his slender neck.

"Is gone," Faith said. "I'll drive him back to the hotel, Cordelia. Do you have a way home?"

Cordelia nodded. "Connor, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. Let's get out of here," he said, heading for Faith's bike. Faith followed him, looking at him in a slightly different light. She had been seeing him as a boy Slayer. Now she refined that image. He was a male version of her younger self and that was a dangerous and unnerving thing. She wondered if she were the only one to see it and if should she tell Angel.