Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did. Once again thanks again to GillyLee for beta reading this next chapter. I got really inspired and shot this off quickly. And I'm already working on the next chapter – which will be the second last chapter. Please read and review. Mouse, March 2003.
Holiday of a lifetime: Midnight Conversation
By Angel Mouse
They had arrived in Johannesburg without incident and quickly found a hotel. After a light supper John had retired for the evening, tired. He'd been flying for almost ten hours and it wasn't something he'd been used to for a long time. After a shower he lay on his bed, trying to sleep, yet couldn't as his thoughts were running around his head, chasing one another in a circle that he didn't know the answer to. Sighing, he picked up his watch and turned it on.
"John Tracy to Scott Tracy." A few moments later, his eldest brother's familiar face appeared, blinking wearily.
"Johnny, you do know that it's three in the morning here don't you?" John winced, he'd forgotten the time difference.
"Oh no, sorry Scotty, I really am. I just wanted to talk. I'll call back later." Scott looked at his brother and raised an eyebrow, fully awake now. John actually admitting that he wanted to talk was something of a rarity. Normally it was the other way around, him being the one to listen and offer advice.
"It's okay John. Something's obviously bothering you, what's wrong? You're in India now right?" John sighed and gave his brother a tiny smile.
"No actually. India and Egypt ended up being a bit of a fizzer. We're in South Africa right now, heading for Darwin tomorrow."
"That's a long flight, will you be all right with that?" Scott frowned slightly as John grinned at him.
"Yeah, I'll be fine with that." Scott looked at him and then grinned slightly back at him.
"So, what's bothering you then?" John sighed, wondering how to broach the subject of his feelings. He'd never been one for opening up to his brothers, although Gordon could weasel almost anything out of him sometimes. "Is something wrong with Penelope, aren't the two of you getting along." John shook his head.
"No, it's not that. Quite the opposite in fact." John paused, not sure how to go on. Scott was defiantly intrigued now. He'd never seen John at a loss for words such as he was now.
"John, is something going on?"
"Yes. No. Sort of. Oh, I don't know." Scott grinned wryly at his brother's confusion.
"Well that clears that up." John sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Oh you. Yes, something is going on. Between Pen and I. Scott, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her."
Well, you could have heard a pin drop if you happened to be in Scott's bedroom on Tracy Island. He looked at his brother and saw the confusion in his eyes. Yet there was something else there as well, but he wasn't sure what it was. John's eyes had always been a mystery to his eldest brother. They could range from a light blue, almost grey when he was lonely right through to the deepest blue of the ocean when he was happy and carefree. Right now, they were a stormy looking deep blue. Scott stopped his wool gathering and dragged his mind back to John's words.
"Your pretty sure about this, aren't you Johnny?" John sighed and then gave Scott a tiny smile.
"Yeah, I am Scott. I mean, this is Pen, we've known her for years. We've always been great friends, but this time I'm spending with her, it's like something's changed."
"Like what Johnny?" Scott's use of John's nickname from when they were kids was deliberate. He could always get through to his brother when he used it. The two eldest Tracy bothers were close but not as close as Scott and Virgil were.
"I don't know what Scott. It's like I'm suddenly seeing her as a beautiful, attractive, special woman for the first time in my life." He smiled suddenly, a brilliant wide smile. "She's such a wonderful person Scott. Full of life and kindness. She's not like any other person I've ever met. I can truly be myself around her, and she can be herself around me. No hiding who we are, or who we work for or anything like that." If possible, John's smile widened even more. "I just can't stop thinking about her Scott. I just want to be with her as much as I can. Every moment I'm awake I'm thinking about her. And if that's love, well, I guess I love her Scott." Scott listened to his brother speak, happy for him. Out of all the brothers, John was the loner of the bunch, but the one that could be relied upon the most. He was always there with a joke or a quiet word when you were down, and even when he was posted on Thunderbird Five, he still seemed to know when you were feeling blue and could use cheering up. Scott smiled back at his brother, John certainly was looking happy and relaxed, which was the whole point of sending him off on holiday. But they hadn't expected him to do this.
"Has Penelope said how she feels about you?"
"Yes. She says that she think she's falling for me as well. We had a chat last night about it. The night before I'd taken her to the Eiffel Tower and we ended up sharing a deep kiss." John blushed vividly and Scott grinned, letting him continue. "Anyway, it seemed like she shared my feelings, so we talked. And we both said that we want to see where this goes." Ah, now we get to what's bothering him, Scott thought.
"Where do you want it to go Johnny?" Scott had the feeling he knew the answer, but he wanted John to say it out loud. John blew out a slightly frustrated breath of air.
"Scott, I want to marry her."
To say Scott was stunned by his brother's revelation was an understatement. But from the look on John's face it was as much news to him as it was to Scott. Scott recovered first; you didn't survive in this business for long unless you reacted well to surprises.
"And the problem would be what exactly?" Scott knew John would be stopping himself from taking it further than that, and Scott knew he had to make John see what was stopping him, and then talk him through it. Scott settled himself down into his bed, leaning on one hand, the other holding his watch in front of his face.
"Come on Scott, you know exactly why I can't do any more than think this." Scott raised an eyebrow.
"No, I don't. There's no problem with her knowing who you are and what you do, so what's holding you back?" John frowned slightly, worry in his eyes now.
"That's not it Scott and you know it. It wouldn't be fair to Pen if we were to do that. Think about it, I'd be stuck on Thunderbird Five six months or more a year. And then when I wasn't up there, I'd be out with you and the others risking my life to save others. Ours isn't exactly the safest occupation in the world you know. It wouldn't be fair to Pen. I won't put her through that, I love her too much to do that."
"Don't you think that's Penny's choice to make John?" John shook his head.
"No, I don't want her to go through what we've had to do. I don't want her to be a part of my life and then something happen to me and she'll be left alone." There, he'd said it. He'd seen how withdrawn their father had become when their mother died, how his father had seemed to curl up and die inside after Lucille's death. He didn't want that to happen to Penny, not to Penny.
"John, who says anything's going to happen to you on a rescue. And think about it, we're not going to be doing this for the rest of our lives. Father always said that he'd never stop us if we want to leave, and want to have our own families, our own lives away from International Rescue. You could do it John, you could leave International Rescue, go live with Penny and still study the stars from England. You could do it if you really wanted to." John sighed.
"I know I could Scott, I truly do. But I couldn't live with myself if something happened to one of you guys and I wasn't there to help. I think Pen understands that."
"I'm glad she does, because I don't. You should do what ever makes you happy." John sighed.
"Scott, I just don't know what to do. If I do what I want to make us happy, I'll be deserting you guys, and I couldn't deal with that."
"Who says you'd be deserting us John? You'd still be apart of the team. I'm sure that we can train Gordon to take the odd shift up in Thunderbird Five, so you and Alan aren't up there all the time." John snorted.
"Scott, Gordon hates space with a vengeance. No way he'll agree to do a stint up there. And there's no way Virgil would leave his beloved Thunderbird Two and I can't see father letting you go for a month at a time. No, I'm stuck with that duty, and I don't mind it. I just think it would be unfair of me to ask any of you to do that, especially Pen." John sighed. "I really don't know what to do. Leave the organisation and be with Pen, but not be there for my family, or leave things as they are with Pen and go back to work and still be unfair to Pen." John frowned slightly, confusion plainly written all over his face. "Oh Scott, I love her to pieces but I'm so confused about what to do." Scott smiled gently at his brother. He'd never seen John so upset and confused before, but he wanted to try and be there for his brother.
"I really wish I could help you out here Johnny, I truly do. I don't know what to say. " Scott sighed and smiled gently at his brother. "You've always been there for us John, so no matter what your decision, we'll always support you and love you." John sighed, lying back on the bed, the watch held in front of him.
"I know Scott, I know. I just wish I knew my own heart as well as I did my brothers." Scott just stayed silent; knowing that John would have to work this out for himself. John suddenly sat up, possessed by a manic energy and he began pacing his room. "I mean, do I have the right to ask that of Pen? Of my family?" John suddenly stopped pacing and threw himself back on the bed. "But then again, can I deny my heart aches for her every moment that I'm away from her." John sighed and then gave Scott a rueful grin. "Gee, this is a turnabout isn't it. Normally it's me on the end of one of you guys when you're like this." Scott gave John a small grin.
"What can I say, about time one of us was there for you." He studied him a moment and then nodded. "So, what are you going to do?" John sighed.
"See how things pan out I suppose when we get to Darwin and then Canada. And then we come home. Thanks Scott, for listening. You'll keep it to yourself, won't you?"
"As if you need to ask. Take care of yourself Johnny, and call me if you need me okay."
"No matter what time of the night?" Scott grinned.
"No matter what time. Now get some sleep. Night Johnny."
"Night Scott. And thanks." The call ended and John lay back on the bed, closing his eyes. His mind was a little quieter now, but he still didn't know what to do. But one thing was for sure; he did want to ask Pen to marry him. But would it be fair to them both?