"YEAH! I'M WITH YA ON THAT, SPIKE! WE'RE GONNA WHOOP SOME HAMSTER ASS! THOSE FURRY, UGLY MIDGETS ARE GOIN' DOWN!" Jet shouted.
"When we're through with them, we're gonna have alot of Ham-Ham barbeque! Grilled hamsters on a stick! YA HEAR THAT, YA LITTLE MONSTERS?! YOU'RE ON OUR MENU!" Faye shouted.
"YES! NEVER SAY NEVER! THERE'S NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF! KILL 'EM ALL! LET GOD SORT 'EM OUT!!" Edward exclaimed. Jet whipped out a pair of 100-pound gatling guns, fingers lightly on the triggers. Faye buckled three belts of grenades on her torso and waist and held a grenade in each hand, ready to pull the pins and blow them to kingdom come. Edward wore an hankerchief around her neck and whipped out a knife and fork, ready to dig in. Ein strapped a gigantic cluster bomb onto his back, ready to go kamikaze on the ham-hams.
"... I'm not in the mood. Let's go to bed."
Everyone collapsed onto their faces from Spike's words.
"ARE YOU NUTS?? Those little rodents are ready to tear us to pieces, and you want a nap??" Jet asked.
"My thoughts exactly! It's your idea to blow them away, Spike!" Faye said.
"Look, guys. What's the point of finding those little guys at this time of night? It won't be that hard to find them, and it's getting pretty damn late. If we're gonna find those hamsters, we're gonna need all the sleep we can get. Let's just hit the sacks, okay?" Spike asked. The other four turned their heads to one another, thinking of either hunting the ham-hams down or getting rest to feel 100%.
"... okay. Let's all get some sleep. My eyelids are gettin' heavy," Jet yawned. Eventually, everyone went to their personal quarters and hit the beds. Everyone, except Faye. Never feeling so terrified, Faye headed for Spike's quarters and knocked onto his door. Spike turned the knob and slid the steel door open.
"Hey there. Something the matter?" Spike asked.
"Spike... can I sleep with you?" Faye asked. Spike's eye widened.
"... sorry, Spike. That didn't come out right. It's just that I don't feel safe sleeping all by myself. I let Edward sleep in my quarters so she won't worry about being attacked out there in the halls," Faye said.
"No problem, Faye. You can sleep on my bed while I sleep in my sleeping bag. That way, I won't violate your priva-"
"No, please don't. I..." Faye started to feel heat rush to her face. She looked down to the steel floor and started to nervously rub her left arm.
"... I want to feel your body close to mine..." Faye stepped into Spike's quarters and slowly closed the door behind her...
---------------------
"Oh, man. All that excitement gave me the major case of the munchies. There's no way I can sleep with an empty stomach," Jet said to himself. Letting out a big yawn and scratching his ass, Jet headed right for the kitchen. As he walked down the halls, he spotted a Penthouse magazine lying in the middle of the hallway. Jet saw who was on the cover, and very image sent great heat rushing to his face.
"... oh no. Not again. Gotta... gotta fight it!" Jet clenched his fists and turned away from the magazine, hoping temptation won't get the best of him again. On the cover was Suzuka, one of the best assassins from the outer reaches of the universe. Jet slowly turned around and took another glimpse at the magazine.
"... Twilight Suzuka Coming Out of the Closet. Sizzling Moment With Melfina..." Jet read on the cover. The iron-armed bounty hunter clutched onto his head and let out a scream.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I GOTTA TURN THE PAGES!!" Jet screamed. Wearing a mean grin, Jet ran for the magazine and halted inches away from it. Chuckling to himself, Jet slowly bent down and reached for the Penthouse Magazine.
A clear cable caught Jet by the ankle and quickly hoisted Jet off the floor. Jet was completely caught off guard and dangled helplessly in the air.
"HEY! LET ME DOWN!!" Jet shouted. Suddenly, he heard the patter of little feet heading his way. When he looked to his right, he saw 9 tiny shadows heading his way, carrying a bunch of huge sticks with them. One of the weapons looked like a bat with nails.
Turning 90 degrees and entering the hall Jet was in were 9 hamsters, armed with axe handles and bats. Going 'budda, budda, budda', the Ham-Hams surrounded the dangling Jet and raised their weapons.
"Awright! I heard that there are a lot of goodies inside that guy! If we hit him hard enough, he'll burst and we can get all the candy we can eat!" Howdy said.
"For once, Howdy, I'm with you on that!" Dexter said.
"Uh, don't you think you should wear a blindfold?" Oxnard asked as he held onto his sunflower seed. Oxnard decided not to bring a weapon because he was afraid of losing his sunflower seed, and it could be the only one left in the entire galaxy.
"Who needs a stupid blindfold when we can watch this human suffer? LET'S WHACK HIM!" Boss announced. At unison, the Ham-Hams whacked away at Jet. Feeling the burn in their whole upper bodies, the Ham-Hams did all they could reduce Jet to a pile of beaten-up meat. Not taking anymore of it, Jet whipped out his gatling guns and aimed them right at the hamsters.
"PAYBACK TIME, YA DAMN FREAKS!" Jet pulled the triggers and blasted away. All the Ham-Hams let out a screech and scattered. Going 'diggy, diggy, diggy,' the hamsters found their hiding spots and hid from the gunfire. Jet shot the cable off his leg and landed back on the floor. Not giving anyone any rest, Jet continued to fire away.
"AAAAAHHH! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT??" Oxnard screamed.
"Hey, what's the matter, Oxnard?" Pashmina asked.
"I... I LOST MY SUNFLOWER SEED! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!" Oxnard shouted. Oxnard looked around hysterically to see where his seed went. Oxnard finally spotted the seed and was about to jump out of his hiding spot, but Boss and Stan restrained him.
"Yo, Ox! You nuts or somethin'? You're gonna get killed that way! That human is a living WARPATH!" Stan shouted.
"He's right, Oxnard. You have to stay until he's out of bullets," Boss said, ducking his head from another spray of fire. By the time Boss finished his sentence, Jet accidentally shot the sunflower seed and reduced it to dust. Oxnard saw it happen, and he felt as if the whole world froze before his eyes.
".... my sunflower seed. No. NOOOO! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" The pain of loss speared its way into Oxnard's heart, ripping screams out of Oxnard's very mouth.
Jet spotted Sandy, Howdy and Dexter scuttering for another hiding spot, but Jet spotted them easily. Jet stepped into their path and pointed his powerful gatling guns at the three helpless hamsters.
"... time to send you to Heaven..." Jet said with a grin. Jet slowly carressed the triggers, ready to blast away the hamsters. Suddenly a great scream echoed throughout the Bebop, followed by a horrifying quake throughout the Bebop. Jet almost lost his sense of balance and turned to see where the scream was coming from. Who he saw was Oxnard, surrounded by a poweful golden aura. His coat shined like gold, and his eyes were as green as emeralds. Oxnard bravely stomped his way towards Jet and stared into his eyes with pure rage.
"Hey! What happened to Oxnard?" Panda asked.
"Uh oh... he's not a Ham-Ham anymore. He's a... a SUPER HAM-HAM!!" Maxwell announced. Everyone was awed by Oxnard's tranformation.
Without giving Jet a chance to think, Oxnard leaped into the air and rammed is fist into Jet's face. Jet felt Oxnard's mighty fist and got rammed through three walls. Losing his firearms, Jet slowly opened his eyes and shook off the dizziness. When he opened his eyes, Oxnard phased right in front of Jet's eyes and hovered in the air. Oxnard lifted Jet off the floor by the shirt and beat him down to the ground like a dusted up rug. Oxnard then twirled Jet all around like a ball and chain and threw him through another wall into the main lounge. All bloodied up, Jet tried to get up, but he had no strength left. With a blurry vision, he saw all the ham-hams surrounding him with eyes of dark intent. Oxnard grabbed Jet by the collar and stared coldly into Jet's eyes.
"That's what you get for messing with Oxnard's sunflower seed," Sandy said.
"Hey, mister. Do you eat pretzels?" Oxnard asked quietly.
".... yeah," Jet replied weakly.
"Well... prepare to BECOME one!" Oxnard blasted.
A gut-wrenching scream blasted throughout the halls of the Bebop, but no one was around to hear it...
--1 hour later--
"Oh, man! I thought we'd never get his body uncoiled from that shape!" Spike said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
"I know what you mean, Spike. Those Ham-Hams really mean serious business! That's the first time I ever seen anybody shaped like a pretzel!" Faye said. In Spike's quarters, while Spike and Faye were almost done bandaging Jet up like a mummy, Edward was on her Tomato laptop in search for answers about the Ham-Ham Clubhouse.
"Hey, Edward. Any luck on hacking through for the 411 on our little monsters?" Spike asked. By the time he asked, the computer lit up with new information.
"OOOHHH YEAH! Edward found something! Come see, come see!" Spike left Jet to Faye and walked behind Edward to check what's on the screen. Noticing Spike's scent, Edward started to feel a tingle throughout her body and started to blush. Spike didn't notice.
"Uh, Spike? If you want to, you can come closer to the screen. The words are pretty tiny," Edward said quietly. Shrugging his shoulders, Spike got closer to the screen and sat close to Edward. Edward turned away slightly so Spike wouldn't notice her reaction.
(What... what's happening to me?) Edward asked herself.
"Hmmm... so that's who was responsible for the Ham-Ham Clubhouse's odd behavior. According to the screen, it says that they were an experiment for some scientist known as... Hojo, head scientist of a powerful organization known as Shinra. I've never heard of this organization before," Spike said. Edward's eyes slowly turned from the screen to Spike.
"... I've never seen such beauty before..." Edward whispered, yearning to run the tips of her fingers around Spike's face and down his chest...
"Uh, did you say something, Edward?" Spike asked. Edward's eyes widened, and her face flushed the color of a fire hydrant.
"N-NOTHING!! I-I-I'll get down on the hackin'! Edward need to look deeper into into the Clubhouse! I'll WORK ON IT! WORK ON IT, YES I WILL!" Edward blurted. Edward grabbed the Tomato and slammed it away from Spike to get back to work. Spike raised a brow and walked back to Faye, who was done bandaging him up.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! They messed with the wrong father-figure! I'm gonna layeth the SMACKDOWN on those balls of shit!" Faye blasted. Before Spike could stop her, Faye ran out the door and shut it tight. With eyes down the dark halls and three belts of grenades fastened on herself, Faye grabbed a pair of grenades and wore a grin of bloodlust.
"Ham-Ham Clubhouse... you're the Main Course...."
.... to be continued.
"When we're through with them, we're gonna have alot of Ham-Ham barbeque! Grilled hamsters on a stick! YA HEAR THAT, YA LITTLE MONSTERS?! YOU'RE ON OUR MENU!" Faye shouted.
"YES! NEVER SAY NEVER! THERE'S NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF! KILL 'EM ALL! LET GOD SORT 'EM OUT!!" Edward exclaimed. Jet whipped out a pair of 100-pound gatling guns, fingers lightly on the triggers. Faye buckled three belts of grenades on her torso and waist and held a grenade in each hand, ready to pull the pins and blow them to kingdom come. Edward wore an hankerchief around her neck and whipped out a knife and fork, ready to dig in. Ein strapped a gigantic cluster bomb onto his back, ready to go kamikaze on the ham-hams.
"... I'm not in the mood. Let's go to bed."
Everyone collapsed onto their faces from Spike's words.
"ARE YOU NUTS?? Those little rodents are ready to tear us to pieces, and you want a nap??" Jet asked.
"My thoughts exactly! It's your idea to blow them away, Spike!" Faye said.
"Look, guys. What's the point of finding those little guys at this time of night? It won't be that hard to find them, and it's getting pretty damn late. If we're gonna find those hamsters, we're gonna need all the sleep we can get. Let's just hit the sacks, okay?" Spike asked. The other four turned their heads to one another, thinking of either hunting the ham-hams down or getting rest to feel 100%.
"... okay. Let's all get some sleep. My eyelids are gettin' heavy," Jet yawned. Eventually, everyone went to their personal quarters and hit the beds. Everyone, except Faye. Never feeling so terrified, Faye headed for Spike's quarters and knocked onto his door. Spike turned the knob and slid the steel door open.
"Hey there. Something the matter?" Spike asked.
"Spike... can I sleep with you?" Faye asked. Spike's eye widened.
"... sorry, Spike. That didn't come out right. It's just that I don't feel safe sleeping all by myself. I let Edward sleep in my quarters so she won't worry about being attacked out there in the halls," Faye said.
"No problem, Faye. You can sleep on my bed while I sleep in my sleeping bag. That way, I won't violate your priva-"
"No, please don't. I..." Faye started to feel heat rush to her face. She looked down to the steel floor and started to nervously rub her left arm.
"... I want to feel your body close to mine..." Faye stepped into Spike's quarters and slowly closed the door behind her...
---------------------
"Oh, man. All that excitement gave me the major case of the munchies. There's no way I can sleep with an empty stomach," Jet said to himself. Letting out a big yawn and scratching his ass, Jet headed right for the kitchen. As he walked down the halls, he spotted a Penthouse magazine lying in the middle of the hallway. Jet saw who was on the cover, and very image sent great heat rushing to his face.
"... oh no. Not again. Gotta... gotta fight it!" Jet clenched his fists and turned away from the magazine, hoping temptation won't get the best of him again. On the cover was Suzuka, one of the best assassins from the outer reaches of the universe. Jet slowly turned around and took another glimpse at the magazine.
"... Twilight Suzuka Coming Out of the Closet. Sizzling Moment With Melfina..." Jet read on the cover. The iron-armed bounty hunter clutched onto his head and let out a scream.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I GOTTA TURN THE PAGES!!" Jet screamed. Wearing a mean grin, Jet ran for the magazine and halted inches away from it. Chuckling to himself, Jet slowly bent down and reached for the Penthouse Magazine.
A clear cable caught Jet by the ankle and quickly hoisted Jet off the floor. Jet was completely caught off guard and dangled helplessly in the air.
"HEY! LET ME DOWN!!" Jet shouted. Suddenly, he heard the patter of little feet heading his way. When he looked to his right, he saw 9 tiny shadows heading his way, carrying a bunch of huge sticks with them. One of the weapons looked like a bat with nails.
Turning 90 degrees and entering the hall Jet was in were 9 hamsters, armed with axe handles and bats. Going 'budda, budda, budda', the Ham-Hams surrounded the dangling Jet and raised their weapons.
"Awright! I heard that there are a lot of goodies inside that guy! If we hit him hard enough, he'll burst and we can get all the candy we can eat!" Howdy said.
"For once, Howdy, I'm with you on that!" Dexter said.
"Uh, don't you think you should wear a blindfold?" Oxnard asked as he held onto his sunflower seed. Oxnard decided not to bring a weapon because he was afraid of losing his sunflower seed, and it could be the only one left in the entire galaxy.
"Who needs a stupid blindfold when we can watch this human suffer? LET'S WHACK HIM!" Boss announced. At unison, the Ham-Hams whacked away at Jet. Feeling the burn in their whole upper bodies, the Ham-Hams did all they could reduce Jet to a pile of beaten-up meat. Not taking anymore of it, Jet whipped out his gatling guns and aimed them right at the hamsters.
"PAYBACK TIME, YA DAMN FREAKS!" Jet pulled the triggers and blasted away. All the Ham-Hams let out a screech and scattered. Going 'diggy, diggy, diggy,' the hamsters found their hiding spots and hid from the gunfire. Jet shot the cable off his leg and landed back on the floor. Not giving anyone any rest, Jet continued to fire away.
"AAAAAHHH! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT??" Oxnard screamed.
"Hey, what's the matter, Oxnard?" Pashmina asked.
"I... I LOST MY SUNFLOWER SEED! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!" Oxnard shouted. Oxnard looked around hysterically to see where his seed went. Oxnard finally spotted the seed and was about to jump out of his hiding spot, but Boss and Stan restrained him.
"Yo, Ox! You nuts or somethin'? You're gonna get killed that way! That human is a living WARPATH!" Stan shouted.
"He's right, Oxnard. You have to stay until he's out of bullets," Boss said, ducking his head from another spray of fire. By the time Boss finished his sentence, Jet accidentally shot the sunflower seed and reduced it to dust. Oxnard saw it happen, and he felt as if the whole world froze before his eyes.
".... my sunflower seed. No. NOOOO! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" The pain of loss speared its way into Oxnard's heart, ripping screams out of Oxnard's very mouth.
Jet spotted Sandy, Howdy and Dexter scuttering for another hiding spot, but Jet spotted them easily. Jet stepped into their path and pointed his powerful gatling guns at the three helpless hamsters.
"... time to send you to Heaven..." Jet said with a grin. Jet slowly carressed the triggers, ready to blast away the hamsters. Suddenly a great scream echoed throughout the Bebop, followed by a horrifying quake throughout the Bebop. Jet almost lost his sense of balance and turned to see where the scream was coming from. Who he saw was Oxnard, surrounded by a poweful golden aura. His coat shined like gold, and his eyes were as green as emeralds. Oxnard bravely stomped his way towards Jet and stared into his eyes with pure rage.
"Hey! What happened to Oxnard?" Panda asked.
"Uh oh... he's not a Ham-Ham anymore. He's a... a SUPER HAM-HAM!!" Maxwell announced. Everyone was awed by Oxnard's tranformation.
Without giving Jet a chance to think, Oxnard leaped into the air and rammed is fist into Jet's face. Jet felt Oxnard's mighty fist and got rammed through three walls. Losing his firearms, Jet slowly opened his eyes and shook off the dizziness. When he opened his eyes, Oxnard phased right in front of Jet's eyes and hovered in the air. Oxnard lifted Jet off the floor by the shirt and beat him down to the ground like a dusted up rug. Oxnard then twirled Jet all around like a ball and chain and threw him through another wall into the main lounge. All bloodied up, Jet tried to get up, but he had no strength left. With a blurry vision, he saw all the ham-hams surrounding him with eyes of dark intent. Oxnard grabbed Jet by the collar and stared coldly into Jet's eyes.
"That's what you get for messing with Oxnard's sunflower seed," Sandy said.
"Hey, mister. Do you eat pretzels?" Oxnard asked quietly.
".... yeah," Jet replied weakly.
"Well... prepare to BECOME one!" Oxnard blasted.
A gut-wrenching scream blasted throughout the halls of the Bebop, but no one was around to hear it...
--1 hour later--
"Oh, man! I thought we'd never get his body uncoiled from that shape!" Spike said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
"I know what you mean, Spike. Those Ham-Hams really mean serious business! That's the first time I ever seen anybody shaped like a pretzel!" Faye said. In Spike's quarters, while Spike and Faye were almost done bandaging Jet up like a mummy, Edward was on her Tomato laptop in search for answers about the Ham-Ham Clubhouse.
"Hey, Edward. Any luck on hacking through for the 411 on our little monsters?" Spike asked. By the time he asked, the computer lit up with new information.
"OOOHHH YEAH! Edward found something! Come see, come see!" Spike left Jet to Faye and walked behind Edward to check what's on the screen. Noticing Spike's scent, Edward started to feel a tingle throughout her body and started to blush. Spike didn't notice.
"Uh, Spike? If you want to, you can come closer to the screen. The words are pretty tiny," Edward said quietly. Shrugging his shoulders, Spike got closer to the screen and sat close to Edward. Edward turned away slightly so Spike wouldn't notice her reaction.
(What... what's happening to me?) Edward asked herself.
"Hmmm... so that's who was responsible for the Ham-Ham Clubhouse's odd behavior. According to the screen, it says that they were an experiment for some scientist known as... Hojo, head scientist of a powerful organization known as Shinra. I've never heard of this organization before," Spike said. Edward's eyes slowly turned from the screen to Spike.
"... I've never seen such beauty before..." Edward whispered, yearning to run the tips of her fingers around Spike's face and down his chest...
"Uh, did you say something, Edward?" Spike asked. Edward's eyes widened, and her face flushed the color of a fire hydrant.
"N-NOTHING!! I-I-I'll get down on the hackin'! Edward need to look deeper into into the Clubhouse! I'll WORK ON IT! WORK ON IT, YES I WILL!" Edward blurted. Edward grabbed the Tomato and slammed it away from Spike to get back to work. Spike raised a brow and walked back to Faye, who was done bandaging him up.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! They messed with the wrong father-figure! I'm gonna layeth the SMACKDOWN on those balls of shit!" Faye blasted. Before Spike could stop her, Faye ran out the door and shut it tight. With eyes down the dark halls and three belts of grenades fastened on herself, Faye grabbed a pair of grenades and wore a grin of bloodlust.
"Ham-Ham Clubhouse... you're the Main Course...."
.... to be continued.