Spike walked to Edward's Tomato laptop, seeing if there's any progress in finding information on the terrifyingly powerful Ham-Ham Clubhouse. Spike sat on the floor and took a bite out of his apple.
"Man, what does it take to kick some ham-ham ass?? Hey, MPU. Did you find anything yet?" Spike asked.
"/I'm sorry, Spike, but I still cannot find any sufficient information based on what Edward focused her hacking on. However, I was able to take photos of the 'rodents' we must destroy. May I ask you a question, Spike?/" MPU asked.
"Sure, fire away, ya piece of crap," Spike said.
"/How did it feel, Spike?/"
"... uh, how did what feel? You lost me."
"/How did it feel when you took part in Edward's journey to a whole new level?/"
"MPU, what the hell are you talking about?"
"/You... you weren't aware of Edward's exploration with you?/"
"... no, I wasn't. An exploration?! MPU, I want an explanation right now. Did Edward do something to me in my sleep??"
A sweatdrop came out of the Tomato laptop.
"/Uh... ERROR IN SYSTEM! IN PROGRESS OF ERROR CORRECTION!/" Suddenly, MPU shut down all communications with Spike and continued on what Edward began.
"... this is one bizarre night," Spike said to himself.
When Spike looked up to see the glass window, he saw a huge spaceship with the name "EXTERMINATORS" written on it. Feeling ecstatic, Spike ran to the main lounge and opened the steel doors for the exterminators to enter. Five blurs zipped right through the doorway and came to a halt right in front of Spike. The theme song to G Gundam boomed throughout the Bebop.
"BLACK JOKER!" Argo Gulskii, the big Russian warrior, shouted, flexing his muscles.
"JACK OF DIAMONDS!" George DeSand, the red-headed Frenchman stated, posing like a girl and smelling a rose.
"ACE OF CLUBS!" said Sai Saici, shaolin master and the youngest of the fives, getting into his crane kung-fu stance.
"QUEEN OF SPADES!" stated Chibodee Crocket, the man with fists of iron, posing like a cowboy.
"AND I AM THE KING OF HEARTS!!" Domon Kashuu screamed, feeling a fiery aura surrounding him.
"WE ARE THE SHUFFLE ALLIANCE, AND THOSE WHO DARE TO DISTURB THE PEACE SHALL BE SENT TO THE ABYSS!" the whole Alliance announced. Spike was impressed, to say the least.
"... damn. You guys must be one of the most powerful groups I've ever met. I got to say, I'm really glad to see you guys! We got a major problem on the Bebop," Spike said.
"You shouldn't worry about this 'rodent' problem... what's your name?" Domon asked.
"It's Spike."
"Spike, right. Well, you shouldn't worry because I, the King of Hearts and leader of the Shuffle Alliance, will make sure that you will finally rest in peace!" Domon shouted.
"... rest in peace? That didn't really sound right," Spike said to himself. When the red-caped man held the back of his right hand out to Spike, a huge heart with swords glowed on his hand.
"... so you think you're a major badass because you got a cute little heart on your hand. That is so gay," Spike said quietly.
"... smartass..." Domon whispered.
"Heh. You shouldn't worry a bit, my friend. As representative of Neo America, it is my privilege to say that whatever the problem is will be easily eradicated," the purple-haired man named Chibodee stated, throwing a few jabs and crosses into the air.
"He's right, bro! We still yearn to meet our match!" the kid named Sai Saichi said.
"So who do we have to vanquish? Is it the Zeon Empire?" George asked, drawing out his fencing sword.
"Is it the return of Oz?" Argo asked, drawing out his mace.
"Is it the resurrection of the Devil Gundam?" Domon asked, drawing out a samurai sword.
"No, guys. It's far worse than that. They're the most monstrous force in the universe, far more powerful than the Zeon Empire, Oz, and the Devil Gundam combined!" Spike shouted.
"My gosh! Now that's what I call a scary bunch! Who are they? Tell us! Tell us now!" Domon stated.
"They're HAMSTERS!" Spike announced.
The theme song to G Gundam came to a screeching halt. The momentum within the Shuffle Alliance turned from a raging inferno to a little candle that just went out. Chibodee cleared his throat.
"Uh... what did you just say?" Chibodee asked slowly and quietly.
"They're... they're hamsters, okay?" Spike mumbled. The Shuffle Alliance started to feel their lips split. They tried to bite down on their lips, but they couldn't contain it anymore. There was only one thing they could do.
They laughed at Spike's face.
"AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! What the heck is this, some kind of a joke?! What the hell have you been smokin'?" Chibodee blurted.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST WUSS I'VE EVER MET!" Sai Saici blasted, feeling tears from the laughter pour down his eyes.
"I'm being serious. The ham-hams pulverized my whole crew, and every one of them are in serious condition! I got photos to show how vicious those bastards really are!" Spike said. Spike grabbed the photos MPU took and gave a bundle of them to each of the Shuffle Alliance. When they got a good look at the photos, their eyes glittered like stars.
"AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!! They're so adorable!" Domon said, checking out the photo of Hamtaro waving to the camera.
"Hey, bros! Check this one out. Here's one where a red-coated ham-ham is rubbing noses with the cute white one. They look soooooooo cute together!" Sai Saici said.
"Hey, here's a picture of a little hamster wearing a pot as a hat. AAAAAAAWWWWW!! I want to get a hamster for my dear Ms. Marie Louise," George said.
"I should get one for my Nastasha. She'd be so happy to have one," Argo said.
I'm gonna buy THREE of them for Rain!" Domon exclaimed.
"I'm gonna buy one for each of my girls in my Gundam Crew. They'd-"
"HEY! MORONS! HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN?? YOU'RE HERE TO KILL THE BUGGERS, NOT GO GA-GA OVER THEM!!!" Spike screamed.
"... dude, you sure are tense, bro. You need a chill-pill," Sai Saici said.
"Hey, you guys! I got something even better than that for Spike!" Domon said.
"Yeah? What's that?" Chibodee asked.
"THE HAMTARO THEME SONG!" Domon announced.
"Good call, mon ami! A one, and a two, and a ..." George stated. George took out a kazoo and hummed into it to get the right rhythm. Suddenly, the Hamtaro theme song started to blast throughout the Bebop, and the Shuffle Alliance bopped their heads left and right with the rhythm.
All Spike could do was stare at them with a hanging jaw.
Shuffle Alliance: IT'S HAMTARO TIME!!
Domon: KUSH, KUSH, KUSH, WHOOOOO!
S.A: HAMTARO!
Chibodee: When we work together, it's much better!
S.A.: MY BEST FRIEND!
George: We love sunflower seeds, crum crum crum!
S.A.: MY HAM HAMS!
Argo: If she gets in trouble, we won't let her!
S.A.: HAMTARO!
Domon: Little hamsters, big adventures!
Sai Saici: Laura's gone to school! Let's go to our Ham-Ham Clubhouse!
George: We can fix their trouble, just be quiet as a mouse!
Chibodee: Watch out for those cats 'cause they're much smarter than you think!
Argo: But if we work together we can make their plans stink!
Domon: WHOOOOO!!
S.A.: HAMTARO!!
Chibodee: Snoozer, Howdy, Penelope, Panda!
S.A.: MY BEST FRIEND!
George: Oxnard, Bijou, Cappy, Maxwell!
S.A.: MY HAM-HAM!
Sai Saici: Dexter, Boss, Pashmina, Jingle!
S.A.: HAMTARO!!
Argo: Little hamsters, big adventures!
Domon: ::boppin' his head like Hamtaro:: 'Cuse me when I work out, gotta run in my wheel! WHEEEEEEE!!
S.A.: HAMTARO! HAMTARO'S HERE TO HELP YOU!
HAMTARO! HAMTARO'S TEAM IS FOR YOU!
HAAAAMMMTAAAAROOOOOO!!!
Domon: HAHAHAAAAA!!
Spike just stood there with a blank face, completely as pale as a vampire. Ten seconds later, Spike finally tried to move his mouth.
"... I'll be right back. Don't move," Spike said very slowly. Without saying a word, Spike left the main lounge. The Shuffle Alliance gave each other a glance of uncertainty.
"I wonder what got into Spike's skin? Hamtaro's the best anime series to ever hit the screen," Chibodee said.
"I know. It's even better than that retarded show they called Cowboy Bebop," Domon said.
"I know what ya mean, bro. What loser would check out that-" Sai Saici froze in fear when he saw Spike reenter the lounge. This time, Spike brought with him a king-size bazooka, and he was aiming it right at the Shuffle Alliance.
"... show?" Sai Saici squeked.
"... you got 10 seconds to get your sorry asses off my ship. 10... 9...8..." The Shuffle Alliance ran for dear life for their ship.
"Aw, what the hey. HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!" Spike squeezed the trigger and blew the Shuffle Alliance to kingdom come. Spike dropped the bazooka, infuriated with the Shuffle Alliance's incompetence. The phone rang in the main lounge. Spike quickly picked it up.
"/Hello, it's Serena, the operator. Did the Shuffle Alliance help neutralize your rodent problem?/"
"What you sent me is a bunch of whackos who don't know danger if it went up their asses!"
"/Oh, I'm truly sorry. We can send you real help if you want us to./"
"Forget it. No more help."
"/How about Team Rocket? Would you like us to send Jessie and James or Cassidy and Butch?/"
"Neither."
"/How about the Muscle League? Kid Muscle is a rising superstar, ya know?/"
"Forget it."
"/Starwind and Hawking Enterprises?/"
"No."
"/Devil May Cry, ran by the legendary Dante?/"
"What are you, deaf?"
"/Roger Smith, The Negotiator?/"
".... no."
"/Kirby?/"
"You're messed up."
"/The DigiDestined from Season 4?/"
"Please hang up."
"/Guts, the Black Swordsman?/"
"Hang. Up."
"/The Blade-Breakers?/"
"........."
"/The Autobots?/"
Feeling a few veins pop out of his forehead, Spike grabbed the telephone line and yanked it right out of the phone-jack. Feeling the pressure, Spike counted to 10 and let out a big breath.
"Sometimes, when you want something done right..." Spike walked down the halls and entered his personal quarters. Trying not to disturb the injured in their sleep, Spike opened the closet and took out all his favorite weapons. After making careful selections, he chose to use a heavy-duty flamethrower, a silver .45 caliber handgun, a pair of sub-machine guns, thermo-sunglasses, and a pair of black metallic nunchukus.
"... you just gotta do it yourself." Spike wore a real mean grin and lit up the nozzle.
... to be continued.
"Man, what does it take to kick some ham-ham ass?? Hey, MPU. Did you find anything yet?" Spike asked.
"/I'm sorry, Spike, but I still cannot find any sufficient information based on what Edward focused her hacking on. However, I was able to take photos of the 'rodents' we must destroy. May I ask you a question, Spike?/" MPU asked.
"Sure, fire away, ya piece of crap," Spike said.
"/How did it feel, Spike?/"
"... uh, how did what feel? You lost me."
"/How did it feel when you took part in Edward's journey to a whole new level?/"
"MPU, what the hell are you talking about?"
"/You... you weren't aware of Edward's exploration with you?/"
"... no, I wasn't. An exploration?! MPU, I want an explanation right now. Did Edward do something to me in my sleep??"
A sweatdrop came out of the Tomato laptop.
"/Uh... ERROR IN SYSTEM! IN PROGRESS OF ERROR CORRECTION!/" Suddenly, MPU shut down all communications with Spike and continued on what Edward began.
"... this is one bizarre night," Spike said to himself.
When Spike looked up to see the glass window, he saw a huge spaceship with the name "EXTERMINATORS" written on it. Feeling ecstatic, Spike ran to the main lounge and opened the steel doors for the exterminators to enter. Five blurs zipped right through the doorway and came to a halt right in front of Spike. The theme song to G Gundam boomed throughout the Bebop.
"BLACK JOKER!" Argo Gulskii, the big Russian warrior, shouted, flexing his muscles.
"JACK OF DIAMONDS!" George DeSand, the red-headed Frenchman stated, posing like a girl and smelling a rose.
"ACE OF CLUBS!" said Sai Saici, shaolin master and the youngest of the fives, getting into his crane kung-fu stance.
"QUEEN OF SPADES!" stated Chibodee Crocket, the man with fists of iron, posing like a cowboy.
"AND I AM THE KING OF HEARTS!!" Domon Kashuu screamed, feeling a fiery aura surrounding him.
"WE ARE THE SHUFFLE ALLIANCE, AND THOSE WHO DARE TO DISTURB THE PEACE SHALL BE SENT TO THE ABYSS!" the whole Alliance announced. Spike was impressed, to say the least.
"... damn. You guys must be one of the most powerful groups I've ever met. I got to say, I'm really glad to see you guys! We got a major problem on the Bebop," Spike said.
"You shouldn't worry about this 'rodent' problem... what's your name?" Domon asked.
"It's Spike."
"Spike, right. Well, you shouldn't worry because I, the King of Hearts and leader of the Shuffle Alliance, will make sure that you will finally rest in peace!" Domon shouted.
"... rest in peace? That didn't really sound right," Spike said to himself. When the red-caped man held the back of his right hand out to Spike, a huge heart with swords glowed on his hand.
"... so you think you're a major badass because you got a cute little heart on your hand. That is so gay," Spike said quietly.
"... smartass..." Domon whispered.
"Heh. You shouldn't worry a bit, my friend. As representative of Neo America, it is my privilege to say that whatever the problem is will be easily eradicated," the purple-haired man named Chibodee stated, throwing a few jabs and crosses into the air.
"He's right, bro! We still yearn to meet our match!" the kid named Sai Saichi said.
"So who do we have to vanquish? Is it the Zeon Empire?" George asked, drawing out his fencing sword.
"Is it the return of Oz?" Argo asked, drawing out his mace.
"Is it the resurrection of the Devil Gundam?" Domon asked, drawing out a samurai sword.
"No, guys. It's far worse than that. They're the most monstrous force in the universe, far more powerful than the Zeon Empire, Oz, and the Devil Gundam combined!" Spike shouted.
"My gosh! Now that's what I call a scary bunch! Who are they? Tell us! Tell us now!" Domon stated.
"They're HAMSTERS!" Spike announced.
The theme song to G Gundam came to a screeching halt. The momentum within the Shuffle Alliance turned from a raging inferno to a little candle that just went out. Chibodee cleared his throat.
"Uh... what did you just say?" Chibodee asked slowly and quietly.
"They're... they're hamsters, okay?" Spike mumbled. The Shuffle Alliance started to feel their lips split. They tried to bite down on their lips, but they couldn't contain it anymore. There was only one thing they could do.
They laughed at Spike's face.
"AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! What the heck is this, some kind of a joke?! What the hell have you been smokin'?" Chibodee blurted.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST WUSS I'VE EVER MET!" Sai Saici blasted, feeling tears from the laughter pour down his eyes.
"I'm being serious. The ham-hams pulverized my whole crew, and every one of them are in serious condition! I got photos to show how vicious those bastards really are!" Spike said. Spike grabbed the photos MPU took and gave a bundle of them to each of the Shuffle Alliance. When they got a good look at the photos, their eyes glittered like stars.
"AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!! They're so adorable!" Domon said, checking out the photo of Hamtaro waving to the camera.
"Hey, bros! Check this one out. Here's one where a red-coated ham-ham is rubbing noses with the cute white one. They look soooooooo cute together!" Sai Saici said.
"Hey, here's a picture of a little hamster wearing a pot as a hat. AAAAAAAWWWWW!! I want to get a hamster for my dear Ms. Marie Louise," George said.
"I should get one for my Nastasha. She'd be so happy to have one," Argo said.
I'm gonna buy THREE of them for Rain!" Domon exclaimed.
"I'm gonna buy one for each of my girls in my Gundam Crew. They'd-"
"HEY! MORONS! HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN?? YOU'RE HERE TO KILL THE BUGGERS, NOT GO GA-GA OVER THEM!!!" Spike screamed.
"... dude, you sure are tense, bro. You need a chill-pill," Sai Saici said.
"Hey, you guys! I got something even better than that for Spike!" Domon said.
"Yeah? What's that?" Chibodee asked.
"THE HAMTARO THEME SONG!" Domon announced.
"Good call, mon ami! A one, and a two, and a ..." George stated. George took out a kazoo and hummed into it to get the right rhythm. Suddenly, the Hamtaro theme song started to blast throughout the Bebop, and the Shuffle Alliance bopped their heads left and right with the rhythm.
All Spike could do was stare at them with a hanging jaw.
Shuffle Alliance: IT'S HAMTARO TIME!!
Domon: KUSH, KUSH, KUSH, WHOOOOO!
S.A: HAMTARO!
Chibodee: When we work together, it's much better!
S.A.: MY BEST FRIEND!
George: We love sunflower seeds, crum crum crum!
S.A.: MY HAM HAMS!
Argo: If she gets in trouble, we won't let her!
S.A.: HAMTARO!
Domon: Little hamsters, big adventures!
Sai Saici: Laura's gone to school! Let's go to our Ham-Ham Clubhouse!
George: We can fix their trouble, just be quiet as a mouse!
Chibodee: Watch out for those cats 'cause they're much smarter than you think!
Argo: But if we work together we can make their plans stink!
Domon: WHOOOOO!!
S.A.: HAMTARO!!
Chibodee: Snoozer, Howdy, Penelope, Panda!
S.A.: MY BEST FRIEND!
George: Oxnard, Bijou, Cappy, Maxwell!
S.A.: MY HAM-HAM!
Sai Saici: Dexter, Boss, Pashmina, Jingle!
S.A.: HAMTARO!!
Argo: Little hamsters, big adventures!
Domon: ::boppin' his head like Hamtaro:: 'Cuse me when I work out, gotta run in my wheel! WHEEEEEEE!!
S.A.: HAMTARO! HAMTARO'S HERE TO HELP YOU!
HAMTARO! HAMTARO'S TEAM IS FOR YOU!
HAAAAMMMTAAAAROOOOOO!!!
Domon: HAHAHAAAAA!!
Spike just stood there with a blank face, completely as pale as a vampire. Ten seconds later, Spike finally tried to move his mouth.
"... I'll be right back. Don't move," Spike said very slowly. Without saying a word, Spike left the main lounge. The Shuffle Alliance gave each other a glance of uncertainty.
"I wonder what got into Spike's skin? Hamtaro's the best anime series to ever hit the screen," Chibodee said.
"I know. It's even better than that retarded show they called Cowboy Bebop," Domon said.
"I know what ya mean, bro. What loser would check out that-" Sai Saici froze in fear when he saw Spike reenter the lounge. This time, Spike brought with him a king-size bazooka, and he was aiming it right at the Shuffle Alliance.
"... show?" Sai Saici squeked.
"... you got 10 seconds to get your sorry asses off my ship. 10... 9...8..." The Shuffle Alliance ran for dear life for their ship.
"Aw, what the hey. HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!" Spike squeezed the trigger and blew the Shuffle Alliance to kingdom come. Spike dropped the bazooka, infuriated with the Shuffle Alliance's incompetence. The phone rang in the main lounge. Spike quickly picked it up.
"/Hello, it's Serena, the operator. Did the Shuffle Alliance help neutralize your rodent problem?/"
"What you sent me is a bunch of whackos who don't know danger if it went up their asses!"
"/Oh, I'm truly sorry. We can send you real help if you want us to./"
"Forget it. No more help."
"/How about Team Rocket? Would you like us to send Jessie and James or Cassidy and Butch?/"
"Neither."
"/How about the Muscle League? Kid Muscle is a rising superstar, ya know?/"
"Forget it."
"/Starwind and Hawking Enterprises?/"
"No."
"/Devil May Cry, ran by the legendary Dante?/"
"What are you, deaf?"
"/Roger Smith, The Negotiator?/"
".... no."
"/Kirby?/"
"You're messed up."
"/The DigiDestined from Season 4?/"
"Please hang up."
"/Guts, the Black Swordsman?/"
"Hang. Up."
"/The Blade-Breakers?/"
"........."
"/The Autobots?/"
Feeling a few veins pop out of his forehead, Spike grabbed the telephone line and yanked it right out of the phone-jack. Feeling the pressure, Spike counted to 10 and let out a big breath.
"Sometimes, when you want something done right..." Spike walked down the halls and entered his personal quarters. Trying not to disturb the injured in their sleep, Spike opened the closet and took out all his favorite weapons. After making careful selections, he chose to use a heavy-duty flamethrower, a silver .45 caliber handgun, a pair of sub-machine guns, thermo-sunglasses, and a pair of black metallic nunchukus.
"... you just gotta do it yourself." Spike wore a real mean grin and lit up the nozzle.
... to be continued.