DISCLAIMER: Y'know. Don't own the characters, just borrowing them.
Ok, I decided that, rather than making this story go in a way that might
be possible for either a movie or Buffy script, I'm going to pack it with
as many drug, dick and fart jokes as possible, and make it outrageously bad
to the point that it's good.
Also, in this chapter, I'm actually making the crossover as to where Jay
and Bob meet Buffy & crew.
I'm eventually going to put all of the characters in it, but for now, just
Buffy, Spike, and Giles.
"Youse guys wanna buy some weed?" Jay asked. "No thanks." The girl said. "What were you guys doing in a cemetery?" "What else?" Jay replied, "Tryin' to sell some weed." "I see." The girl said. "What the hell were those guys?" Jay said, looking at the girl. "Some kinda fucked up retards?" Silent Bob held his fingers to his mouth, pointing down, like fangs. "What?" Asked Jay, "They were lesbians?" "No, you lackwit," the man in the trench coat replied. "They were vampires. You didn't figure it out from the fangs and neck biting?" "Shit man," Jay said, "I know some fucked up kinds of people, ok? Maybe I thought it was some kind of gay biting shit. So lay the fuck off, bleach boy." Silent Bob gave Jay a look to remind him that they had just seen the same guy he was insulting kick the shit out of a vampire. "So, vampires, huh?" Jay asked, "And youse guys are like, vampire busters, or some shit?" At this point, they all realized what Silent Bob had known for years. Jay was a dumbass. "And, you're like super strong?" Jay continued, looking at the girl. "Is your whole body like that? Like, ALL of your parts, and shit?" "Ew. Just ew." The girl said, turning away from Jay. "So what's your name?" Jay asked the girl. "Uh, I'm Buffy, this is Giles, and Spike." She said, and pointed to each of the two men. "Buffy, huh?" Jay said. "That's a nice name. You get high, Buffy?" "No, thanks." Buffy replied. "Let's go, guys." She said as she looked at Spike and Giles. They began walking away, and Jay said to Silent Bob, "Shit Lunchbox, that Buffy is TOOFINE! I gotta do something to get with her. She's the hottest damn bitch I ever seen! I got it!" Jay then turned and yelled for them "YO! I need to talk to youse guys!" Jay and Bob then ran up to them. "Ok," Jay began, "Youse guys like, kick vampires' asses and shit, right? Well, the browneye here" Jay paused and pointed at Silent Bob "and me, we were talkin' and we wanna learn how to bust that shit up, right, Lunchbox?" Silent Bob half-heartedly nodded, just to humor Jay. "What?" Giles said, "You two, I'm afraid not. You see, this is something that. fine young men.like yourselves don't want to be concerned with." "What the fuck are you talking about?" Jay replied, "You think we can't bust up vampires and shit? Me and lunchbox once beat the shit out of these fuckin' evil angels and shit." Obviously exaggerating the truth, he went on, "And this monster made out of shit." "The Golgothan?" Giles asked. "Yeah. The fuckin' Gogatho. I put the hurt on him. All Limpdick did was watch and piss his pants like a baby. So whaddya say? You want us smooth mack daddies around?" "I'm sorry, guys," Buffy said, trying to be kind, "We're not exactly looking for -" "Just a minute Buffy," Giles broke in, "If he's telling the truth about the 'evil angels' and." Giles cleared his throat ".'shit monster', they might actually be of some use to us. I'll explain it to you later." "Shit yeah!" Jay exclaimed. "We're gonna be baddest assed vampire ass kickers ever!"
To be continued.
"Youse guys wanna buy some weed?" Jay asked. "No thanks." The girl said. "What were you guys doing in a cemetery?" "What else?" Jay replied, "Tryin' to sell some weed." "I see." The girl said. "What the hell were those guys?" Jay said, looking at the girl. "Some kinda fucked up retards?" Silent Bob held his fingers to his mouth, pointing down, like fangs. "What?" Asked Jay, "They were lesbians?" "No, you lackwit," the man in the trench coat replied. "They were vampires. You didn't figure it out from the fangs and neck biting?" "Shit man," Jay said, "I know some fucked up kinds of people, ok? Maybe I thought it was some kind of gay biting shit. So lay the fuck off, bleach boy." Silent Bob gave Jay a look to remind him that they had just seen the same guy he was insulting kick the shit out of a vampire. "So, vampires, huh?" Jay asked, "And youse guys are like, vampire busters, or some shit?" At this point, they all realized what Silent Bob had known for years. Jay was a dumbass. "And, you're like super strong?" Jay continued, looking at the girl. "Is your whole body like that? Like, ALL of your parts, and shit?" "Ew. Just ew." The girl said, turning away from Jay. "So what's your name?" Jay asked the girl. "Uh, I'm Buffy, this is Giles, and Spike." She said, and pointed to each of the two men. "Buffy, huh?" Jay said. "That's a nice name. You get high, Buffy?" "No, thanks." Buffy replied. "Let's go, guys." She said as she looked at Spike and Giles. They began walking away, and Jay said to Silent Bob, "Shit Lunchbox, that Buffy is TOOFINE! I gotta do something to get with her. She's the hottest damn bitch I ever seen! I got it!" Jay then turned and yelled for them "YO! I need to talk to youse guys!" Jay and Bob then ran up to them. "Ok," Jay began, "Youse guys like, kick vampires' asses and shit, right? Well, the browneye here" Jay paused and pointed at Silent Bob "and me, we were talkin' and we wanna learn how to bust that shit up, right, Lunchbox?" Silent Bob half-heartedly nodded, just to humor Jay. "What?" Giles said, "You two, I'm afraid not. You see, this is something that. fine young men.like yourselves don't want to be concerned with." "What the fuck are you talking about?" Jay replied, "You think we can't bust up vampires and shit? Me and lunchbox once beat the shit out of these fuckin' evil angels and shit." Obviously exaggerating the truth, he went on, "And this monster made out of shit." "The Golgothan?" Giles asked. "Yeah. The fuckin' Gogatho. I put the hurt on him. All Limpdick did was watch and piss his pants like a baby. So whaddya say? You want us smooth mack daddies around?" "I'm sorry, guys," Buffy said, trying to be kind, "We're not exactly looking for -" "Just a minute Buffy," Giles broke in, "If he's telling the truth about the 'evil angels' and." Giles cleared his throat ".'shit monster', they might actually be of some use to us. I'll explain it to you later." "Shit yeah!" Jay exclaimed. "We're gonna be baddest assed vampire ass kickers ever!"
To be continued.