"Hey, Wes. What are you still doing up?" Gunn asks, walking into the empty kitchen area of the house they are camping out in.
"Thinking," Wes replies. There are candles burning, illuminating his face.
"About what?" Gunn questions, lifting himself onto the counter.
"These kids. They're younger than you by a few years. They've been through so much, lost friends and family but they're still fighting. I was trained to do this. Buffy and Faith were called to do this. These other kids, you and Connor, why do you fight?" Wes asks, his voice low.
"Because we help. Because we can. Anybody that can walk away from this is out of their mind. I know what goes on once the sun goes down. The monsters that really exist. I can't forget about it and if there's a way I can help, then I'll try. It's my duty," Gunn says.
Wes nods, solemnly.
"Does Faith know you're down here?" Gunn asks, quietly.
"She knows I'm gone. She knows I'll be back. I had a nightmare," Wes adds, quietly.
"It's good to have you back, Wes. I haven't told you that yet," Gunn sighs.
"You don't have to say anything, Gunn," Wes replies.
"Yes, I do. Fred and I…we're not much of a couple anymore, and I…I blamed you…but it's not you, it's us. We don't fit together anymore. She loves you…" Gunn begins.
"No, she loved the old me. I'm not the same man, Gunn. Sometimes I wish I could go back, but I can't. Alienation, whether self-imposed or otherwise changes a man. It changed me," Wes confesses.
"Can I ask you something?" Gunn questions.
"You can try," Wes responds.
"What was it about Lilah? I mean, she was hot, but she wasn't exactly your type…" Gunn starts, curious. He stops speaking, seeing Wes' face.
"I don't know. She was attracted to me. I was attracted to her. She was evil, but not in a conventional way, she just didn't care about anyone except herself. And me, after a while, I think. She took my pain away for a short while," Wes replies, quietly.
"Did you love her?" Gunn asks.
"No. That's my sin. I couldn't love her."
"What about Faith?" Gunn questions.
"What about me?" Faith asks, walking in with a yawn.
She puts her arms around Wes from behind, pulling him against her.
"Faith is a totally different story," Wes answers, smiling slightly.
"The kids down the street were a little surprised at you guys. Very surprised," Gunn laughs.
"They knew Wes when he was still a watcher. A very stiff, anal, asshole of a watcher. They knew me when I was…" Faith begins.
"Less than good," Wes finishes for her.
"They're still recovering from the fact that I'm not a psychotic bitch and now I'm cuddling up with the man I wanted to hurt more than anyone else in the world. It could be a small shock to them, I guess," Faith shrugs.
"The First…that was the man you killed?" Gunn asks, quietly.
Faith nods.
"The girl…that was my sister, Alona. She was turned and I had to stake her. I couldn't save her," Gunn confesses. He pauses. "The man…I killed him…"
"Gunn, we're all sinners. We all have blood on our hands," Wes states, quietly. "His death is as much my doing as it is yours," He adds.
"What are you talking about?" Faith questions.
"Fred. He was the man that sent Fred to the hell dimension, her professor," Gunn states, quietly.
"So?" Faith asks, after a beat.
"She wanted revenge. She came to me. I showed her how to open a portal to another hell dimension…" Wes replies, his face unreadable.
"I couldn't let her have that on her conscience. So I snapped his neck and dropped him into the portal," Gunn finishes.
"She must be a pretty special girl to have two guys willing and able to kill for her," Faith responds. "Did she appreciate it?" Faith questions.
Neither man responds.
"I thought that we were supposed to be sleeping now," Connor yawns, coming into the kitchen.
"We are," Gunn replies.
"What are you all doing in here?" Connor questions, perching on the counter beside Gunn.
"Talking about the past," Faith answers.
"How are you handling your encounter with the First, Connor?" Wes asks, quietly.
Connor is pensive. "It was not my Father. It was not Holtz," Connor replies.
The room is silent.
"The First, it wants to hurt us by breaking us down. It's going to try and cause the most pain, right?" Connor questions.
"Right. We have to stick together," Wes nods. "We have to keep each other from falling into its trap." His nose starts to bleed.
"Shit, Wes…" Gunn says, glancing around.
Wes touches the blood, curious. His eyes are distant and Gunn and Connor don't recognize the look in his eyes.
"Show yourself," Connor growls to the thickening evil.
Through the kitchen door, Angel walks in.
"I just wanted to stop in and see how my little family was doing," Angel grins.
"You're not Angel," Connor snarls.
He morphs into Lilah. "Do you like this body better? I know it hurts the Watcher more when I wear this," She leers.
"What do you want?"
"Just checking in. Didn't want you to think I forgot about you…especially Mr. Wyndham-Pryce…" Lilah mutters, walking toward him, seductively.
"Wes, get up," Faith says, pulling him off his stool and standing beside him, holding his arm tightly.
"He's struggling just to stay conscious right now, sweetie…I enjoyed my little stay in his head today…he's got so much delicious pain," Lilah says, walking up to the couple.
"Leave him alone," Faith says as Wes gasps suddenly.
"He's still afraid of you," Lilah says, morphing into Giles. "He knows that you will never forgive you for how he treated you. He still remembers how you sliced his flesh…"
"Shut up," Faith snaps, turning her attention to Wes, who is dazed. "Wes, snap out of it…"
"He's worthless now…he can't finish anything he starts," Giles laughs.
Wes looks at the First, confused. "I thought you were dead," He murmurs, lightly.
"Wesley!" Gunn calls his name.
Wes snaps out of it suddenly, with a jolt. He narrows his eyes. "Stay out of my head," He snarls, steadying himself.
"Or what? You'll hurt me? You can't do anything…" Giles laughs, before disappearing.
"You have no idea what we have in store for you…" Wes retorts, his eyes filling with black.
"You can't hurt me…" The first responds, returning to Lilah's form. "You would never hurt me, Wesley…you love me…"
"I never loved you," Wes snaps, focusing his power using an ancient spell.
"But you did…I know you did…you loved me and you hate yourself for it," Lilah whispers, moving closer.
"You don't know me," Wes replies, his voice low. He shakes Faith's hand off his arm and snaps suddenly, grabbing the now corporeal Lilah by the throat. He squeezes her throat with his trembling hand, holding her against the wall.
"You don't know anything about us," Wes hisses, as the false Lilah struggles for breath.
"You wouldn't hurt me, Wes…" Lilah pleads.
Wes snaps her neck, suddenly, the sound of the cracking bones shattering the silence. Wes drops the body to the floor with a thump.
Lilah lies motionless on the floor. Wes looks at the body, the neck twisted unnaturally and he starts to tremble, his eyes returning to blue and losing their darkness.
"This is your leader? He can't even keep his cool long enough to kill someone who's already dead," Angel sneers from the doorway. Lilah's body has disappeared but Wes stares at the space, his eyes clouded. Angel disappears.
"Wesley? God, Wes, look at me…" Faith says, going to his side and turning him to face her.
"Wes, it wasn't real, she wasn't real," Connor adds, concerned for Wes after seeing his face.
"Not real?" Wes questions, confused.
"It was the First, remember? You made it solid and then you…" Faith explains.
"Snapped her neck…" Wes whispers, looking at his hands.
"It wasn't Lilah, Wes. Lilah's dead," Gunn says, putting a hand on Wes' shoulder.
"Dead…" Wes repeats, still lost.
"Slap him," Connor states.
"What?" Faith asks, surprised.
"Don't you usually slap him when he spaces out?" Connor questions, innocently.
"Shut up…" Faith replies, with an annoyed glance.
"He's right…" Wes says, taking a step back and leaning against the wall. He looks at them, his eyes more focused. "Usually you hit me when I lose it," He replies with a slight smile.
"Damn, English…you had us thrown for a minute," Gunn sighs in relief.
"Let's call it a night, okay? I've had enough of this for today," Faith says, quietly.
"Go ahead, Faith. I'll be right there," Wes says as the three turn to leave.
"I can wait," Faith replies.
"I need a minute. I'll be right there," Wes replies. Once Faith and the others are gone, he pulls out his cell phone.
"Angel."
"How'd I know you'd still be awake?" Wes asks, walking out of the house onto the back porch. He is shaking. He lights a cigarette that he pulls from his pocket.
"Because you know me. Also because I don't sleep at night. How's Sunnydale?" Angel asks.
Wes takes a deep drag off the cigarette.
"Hell," He replies.
"Are you smoking?" Angel asks, confused by the Englishman's tone of voice.
"No," Wes answers, taking another long drag. "I realize that it is taking a tremendous amount of restraint for you to stay away from Sunnydale and I appreciate it. Knowing Buffy is in danger must be very upsetting."
Angel is silent.
"We will need you soon," Wesley continues. "We will need all of you. There is a battle coming."
"Wes?" Faith's voice comes from inside the house. Wes covers the phone. "Coming."
"She sounds worried about you," Angel says.
"You are very perceptive over the phone," Wes remarks.
"What's going on, Wes?" Angel asks, worry evident in his voice.
"We're handling it. The First is starting to get to us…" Wes replies.
"You haven't even been there a full day, Wes…is everyone okay?" Angel asks, clearly limiting his questions to keep Wes on the phone.
"Physically, yes. I have to go. I'll phone you tomorrow."
"Wes, you said you would need me soon. When?"
"I cannot tell you that. I don't have an exact time. I will be in touch…" Wes says, closing the phone. He goes to the bedroom claimed by Faith and himself.
"What took you so long?" Faith asks, concern lining her face.
"I just needed a few minutes," Wes replies, looking at her. "You were watching me?"
She starts to deny it, but stops. "Yeah. I saw you on the phone. Who were you calling?"
He looks at her, sadly. "I'm okay, Faith. I'm shaken, but I'm still sane and ready for the next encounter," He says, sitting down beside her on the air mattress he set up for them. He avoids her question, but answers the unasked one.
"What happened to you down there?" Faith asks. "Your nose started bleeding, but you…you weren't there."
Wes sighs. "I felt it coming, rising beneath us and then…I wasn't here anymore. Then I heard my name, and I was back in the kitchen. I'm not sure what happened. I'll have to talk to Willow about it tomorrow," He says, tiredly. He curls into her as she entwines her arms through his elbows, pulling him against her.
"I feel like I'm losing you before I get a chance to have you…" Faith confesses. "I want you, Wes. I want all of you but you're slipping further every day…"
"I'm sorry. I'm not sure if there's enough of me to go around." He is quiet. "I feel like I'm fading."
"Fading into what?"
"Into nothing," Wes replies. "I don't know who I am anymore." He readjusts until he is facing her. "I know that I want you more than anything. You're saving me, Faith. You're pulling me out of this pit I've been in the last few months," He states.
"Wes, you're where I've been for the last year. In jail, isolated for my sins, drowning in my guilt. But you came and got me. You showed me where I belong, no matter what I've done. I still have a calling," Faith replies. She kisses him.
"I'll be fighting beside you, Faith. As long as you need," Wes whispers.
*****