Loves Growth

Disclaimer: Characters property of J.K. Rowling. Story by me. Poetry by John Donne. Harassment by the FBI.

A/N: I was planning to have this be the last part of this collection, but I decided it really should have some closure so there will be one more part called The Ecstasy.

Summery: Some people have never known love…but what happens when they find it?

Rating: R – deal with it.

My love was infinite, if Spring make it more.

But if this medicine, love, which cures all sorrow

With more."

Loves Growth ~ John Donne

This wasn't meant to happen. I thought the lack of any real love in my life had ensured that I was never meant to experience it – how could you love someone without knowing it for yourself?

Oh, how wrong I was.

When we started meeting, it was because it helped us both to feel something, truly alive, by...well, forgive my lack of refinement, fucking.

I never intended to fall in love with him, my hated enemy, and the one I not just lust for and need but now also greatly desire.

Draco Malfoy.

He doesn't know of this and I hope he never does. That he never knows how much I think of him...of us even having a future (an utter impossibility).

But in a way, this all makes a twisted sense – when our ritual of meeting in secret, fucking and leaving first began I thought it another one of life's cruel jokes. I was very wrong there – this is the joke; I have finally found myself able of love, what I have always believed myself to be forever denied.

And look whom it is I've suddenly but badly fallen for – Malfoy. We both felt we'd never love and I know he at least will adhere but I?

I have proven myself too weak. I've already fallen too far, to the point of no return to the icy detachment I once had when we were together.

I've fallen all right.

And it's killing me.

~*~*~*~*~

I stare at myself in the mirror – I'm beautiful and I know it. It is this assured knowledge that has most informed my actions. Well that and my general hatred for the world and, at one time, Harry Potter.

But then we, how shall I put it? Reached an understanding. He has suffered such pain that even a cold as artic frost individual such as myself can feel a degree of sympathy for him.

Our common ground was fierce lust. To be able to dominate Potter in such an intimate way was a high above all else – perhaps the ultimate high.

But now...things have changed and I wish none of this had ever come to be.

Because that one feeling I have never truly been shown nor ever thought I was capable of feeling for another has assaulted me – fully and without any prior warning.

I've fallen in love.

And it's killing me.

~*~*~*~*~

But mixt all stuffs, paining soul or sense.

Love's not so pure, and abstract.

Loves Growth.

~The End – For Now.