Vunajan
Synopsis: A one-shot songfic-ish Aurikku. An alternative look at the idea of Auron returning from the Farplane. Auron returns to finish something he had not considered during the pilgrimage, only to find things have changed, and not all for the better... REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED
I will remember you…
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories…
The beauty of Besaid was eclipsed by the gentle rain of the wet season. The clouds hung low over the slightly darkened beach as the blissful sounds of the birds faded into nothingness. Dusk settled onto the sand, passing over one particular figure floating nonchalantly in the shallows of the sea.
With an almighty gasp, the figure pulled himself out of the waves and inhaled his first breath for many years. The air felt crisp and dry in his throat as he exhaled the dull ache that had haunted him for eternity. Groping at his surroundings, he started to take in his milieu. The dull light and strange architecture almost made it impossible to recognise it, but it was undoubtedly the same Besaid that he had visited with Braska many years before. The gentle splash of rain on his face made him sigh with rapture; it had been so long not feeling touch…Then he noticed the sounds. The beach was void aside from the soft comings of the tide. Then a single, clear voice rang out over the tranquillity…
"Mujamacc! Come here! Don't run off like that!"
The rugged man smiled at the voice. It was hers, it had to be. "Rikku?" he called out over the shoreline, desperate to hear the voice again. Yearning to hear her say his name…
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
He ran up through the waist-high water. He could vaguely see a figure strolling down from the town. Mustering all of the strength he possessed, he ran up to the figure, unable to see through his maladjusted eyes. He did not know how long he had been of the Farplane, nor how long he had spent trying to break out… all he knew was he had successfully escaped, had been reborn into life, and could now finish what he had started before.
Finally he reached the figure. Shielding his eye, he looked up at the figure…
"Hey, who are you?"
He was met by a bronzed preteen girl who looked up at him sternly. "Well, who are you?" she repeated ferociously, her green eye blazing with a strangely feral glaze. "I am… a friend" he replied tentatively, afraid that the girl may recognise him if she knew his name. She simply frowned at him and continued. "Well, if you're a friend you wont mind helping me find my little bro', will you?"
He considered it. "If I do this for you, you must help me in return."
The girl shot him a sceptical look. "What do you want?"
"I'm looking for someone. Will you help me find her?"
"Sure, if I can. I'm not making any promises though." she decided, indicating for him to follow her to the village. "I'm Vunajan by the way."
"It's a pretty name."
She laughed incredulously. "Yeah, 'spose it is. But it has a stupid meaning though. It's 'forever' in Al Bhed."
He stopped in his tracks. "In Al Bhed?" he said curtly, earning a confused look from the kid. "Yeah, Al Bhed's pretty fashionable, you know? Well, maybe you don't" she added, looking down at his red coat with contempt. Auron followed her gaze "What's wrong with my clothes?"
"Feh… nothing I 'spose!" she chirped forcefully. Auron had no response but to grunt indignantly. Vunajan laughed slightly as she continued to walk. "What's so funny?" Auron asked her, easily catching up with large strides. "It's nothing really" she replied, a smile still pasted on her tanned face. "It's just you sounded like the guy from Ma's stories."
He smiled slightly. "What stories are these?"
"Stories about the great Lady Yuna. My Ma's an Al Bhed herself, and she knew that Rikku girl who travelled with them. You kinda remind me of this guy who was a great warrior an' a huge inspiration to the group…"
Auron couldn't believe it. Could he really be that legendary? "Pardon me for asking, but what was this warrior's name?"
She shrugged. "Not sure… something like Kimahri…"
He couldn't believe his ears. Stopping dead in his tracks he let out a deep bellowing laugh that reverberated throughout the treetops. The girl backed away from him. "eh… are you okay?"
He managed to gain his breath after a few minutes. "Yes… yes I'm fine. I just can't believe you can compare me to Kimahri when-"
"When what?"
He thought carefully about how to rescue himself. "Well, I've always been told I'm like Auron…"
The girl frowned at him. "Auron? But he wasn't one of Yuna's guardians! He guarded Braska. That's Yuna's father, you know." she added matter-of-factly. He laughed slightly as he continued to follow and call for her brother. So this was how it was. He had been forgotten. Maybe that was for the best; after all, hadn't he wanted to slip into their lives and slip straight back out again? That way the memories could melt away, and they wouldn't hurt so much. After all, it was not his story…
I will remember you…
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories…
No matter what he said, it still hurt that they could leave him in the past so easily. This way was better for them… but what about himself? He tried so hard to stay distanced from them, to save himself from the frantic pain he had faced with the death of Braska, but every time Yuna's laughter could be heard he felt the same pains come back to him. And then there was Rikku…
She had tried so hard to get close to him. He didn't want to be close to anyone; it would only add more pain when the time came. However, she had not given up as quickly as he had hoped for. Despite his abominable behaviour on the Thunderplane, she still persisted with him, trying desperately for him to open up to her. She just couldn't understand…
"Hey! Hey! Come on, we gotta find Mujamacc! If we don't, Ma's gonna be so pissed!"
"I'll be right there Vunajan" he called to her, wandering off to sit on a rock as the rain increased. It had been a stupid idea. Why did he wish to return? What would he have to gain?
Her…
As long as there was a hope of him being able to be with Rikku, there was nothing he wouldn't risk. At first there were so many obstacles; not least her age, but also his plan of not becoming too close to the others. And what of his status as unsent? She would have said it didn't matter, but in time that would prove itself untrue. What about children? Could she ever have truly understood the implications of being in limbo? The constant pain that dogged him, the dull ache of pyre flies that yearned to be released…
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
He should have told her. He knew that now. He should have mentioned how beautiful her Al Bhed eyes were, how much he wanted to caress her face…
"Hey! Hey mister? Have you seen my sis?"
He looked up to see a dark child, perhaps not more than seven, clutching to a moomba doll not unlike Lulu's old one. "Are you Mujamacc?"
The boy looked puzzled at him. "Yeah, that's me. How did ya know my name?"
Auron chuckled. "Vunajan, she's your sister right?" The boy nodded. "Can you take me too her?"
"Sure." he said, rising to his feet and walking down the path with the boy. He could help but add "She's pretty headstrong for someone that young."
"Well, Ma always told us that we gotta face the world head-on, otherwise we'll never get through it, ya?" he giggled in a heavily accented Besaidian accent. "She says a lot of things like that. It's almost as if she's tryin' to tell us something, you know?"
Auron stopped in his tracks. There was something about how the boy had said that… it reminded him of her…
"What is your mother's name?" he asked sharply. Mujamacc giggled at him. "You're learning already, ya? Well, my Ma's name is Rayndylra."
"Oh." he sighed as his hopes shattered. "Well, shall we continue?"
"Sure! Hey we're almost at the city now!"
"Wait; did you say city?"
"Of course! Besaid is number one tourist spot, ya? All of Yuna's fans wanna see her home!"
He laughed slightly. In truth, he had hardly thought of what their lives could be now. What was Yuna doing now she wasn't a summoner? He felt compelled to ask.
"Yunie? She's a singer, the best in all Spira! Me n Vunie-jan got tickets for next week. Ma says we got a great view…"
Auron listened as the kid babbled on. He talked about all his old comrades; Lulu and Wakka, who had settled down into family life, raised a brood of five and taught magic and blitz ball respectively, Kimarhi, who had successfully won a war against the Guado, and Rikku… Rikku, who had stayed with Yuna throughout her journey to find Tidus, and then…
"…she just disappeared, ya? Clean of the face o' the earth. Some people say she killed herself. Who knows?"
She didn't kill herself, that was certain. He would have been united with her then. She was alive, and he would find her…
"MUJIE! Thank Bahamut! Where have you been?"
Vunajan ran towards them panting. Seeing the boy's embarrassment, Auron simply replied. "He was practicing his magics on the beach. There is no need to worry."
"Oh, thank you!" She squealed, giving him a huge hug. "You have soooo saved my ass! Please, you gotta come have tea with us! It's the least we can do!"
Auron considered it carefully. How long had it been since he experienced taste? Too long.
"I would be honoured."
I will remember you…
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories…
The hut was small and robust, with many weavings hanging from the sturdy walls. "Ma likes the older style of Besaid" Vunajan explained as Auron got himself comfortable on the mat in the middle of the floor. "That's why she bought this ol' dump. I hate it."
"I love it" he whispered. And he did. He remembered back to the holidays he spent here as a teenager with Braska, Kinoc and Belgemine. They stayed in a hut like this, frolicking on the beach during the day and talking about what they thought they would achieve in their lives during the night. He remembered vividly how Braska and Belgemine, brother and sister, fought with such irony over which would become the Summoner, and how they fought over who would have him guard them. How strangely life had turned out for all of them… how much had they paid for their dreams. Death was their reward for their devotion…
"Hey mister? You want some food?"
Food… taste…life. "I would love some. Thank you."
"Like what? We got Besaidian stew cooking, and we got mango, some fresh fish…"
"Anything would be wonderful, tha-"
He was interrupted by feminine voice calling a large string of Al Bhed words from outside. "Mujamacc! Vunajan! Fryd'c luugehk? Frana ryja oui dfu paah ymm tyo?"
"Ed'c Cdaf, Ma!" replied Vunajan, going out of the hut with Mujamacc to greet the other woman. "Fa kud y kiacd, yht ra'c naym hela yht-"
"Vunie? Fru yna oui dymgehk ypuid? Hello? Who are you and why are you with my children?"
Auron panicked. If the woman recognised him, what would he do? He met all the surviving Al Bheds. If she knew him…
There was nowhere to go. Inhaling sharply, he looked out to the doorway. What he saw shocked him beyond all measure.
"Rikku?" he gasped, not quite able to believe it. There she stood, though not like he remembered. She wore even less; and her hair was worn down and flew round her face. She looked stunning. "Rikku, it's you…"
He crept closer towards her. She still had not moved. Her lips parted, her eyes began to fill with tears. "Stay away from me!" she screamed, running to the opposite end of the hut.
"Ma! Are you ok?" came Vunajan's voice from outside. Rikku shot Auron a threatening look and went to call her daughter. "Rikku, please." he gasped, catching her tiny wrist in his hand. "I need to talk to you. Please!"
Her face melted slightly. Pulling away, she called. "Vunie? Can you go over to Lulu's for a while? Take Mujie with you. Tell her… the red warrior has returned, ok?"
"Ok Ma."
Auron listened as the footsteps of Vunajan melted into nothingness. Turning back to Rikku, he studied her face. "Rikku, you've…"
"-aged? It's been a while Auron" she said tartly, taking the stew off of the heat. "And my name's not Rikku, it's Rayndylra." She must have changed her name… He smiled at her, consuming every last move she made. "I was going to say you'd matured into an achingly beautiful woman."
"Don't do this." she warned, coming close to him again. "Don't do this to me now. It's not fair."
Auron couldn't believe what he was hearing. "not… fair?" he asked incredulously, grabbing her hand and pressing it to his chest. "Can you feel that?"
"Feel what?"
"That thudding."
"A heartbeat…"
"Exactly. And you must know what that means."
Rikku dropped to the floor as the shock showed blatantly on her face. "You… you're alive."
"Exactly!" he hissed, pulling her up from the ground. "From the moment I entered the Farplane I've been trying to get out. Trying to get back to you. Trying to tell you-"
"DON'T YOU DARE!" She shrieked, struggling out of his grasp. "Don't you even say it! It's not fair! You cant even begin to know what I went through! There was Yuna, mourning Tidus daily for two years, hardly able to perform her duties as leader of Spira, and I couldn't afford to show my grief! I had to stay strong for her. And all the times she's wake in the night screaming for him, all I wanted to do was tell her I knew what it was she was feeling! But I couldn't. I couldn't because… I…"
"You never believed I felt the same." he finished softly, sitting down on the ground again. She sat opposite him, carefully averting her eyes. "Aurie?" she prodded. It felt so good to hear her call him that again, even if it wasn't in the same playful manner. "Aurie, how did you feel… on the pilgrimage?"
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
"You changed me, Rikku. Sorry, Rayndylra." he laughed slightly. "I just… thought I could go through the pilgrimage without making the mistakes I made the first time round… the 'mistakes' I saw you making. Then I realised; I wasn't wrong to make them because they were what moulded me. By distancing myself from all of you I was denying the one thing which guardians need to embrace. Emotion. I saw your passion for guarding Yuna, and I realised… by trying to deny that, I was failing her. How could I support her fully without the emotional support she needed? You taught me that everything I did for Braska was not in vain, Rikku, and I thank you. But… If I dealt with my feelings towards Yuna…"
"… you'd have to deal with your feelings towards all of us." she finished hoarsely, looking into his eyes. "Well… why didn't you?"
"Rikku" he sighed, catching her dainty face in his strong hands. "It was not my story. If I had told you how I felt, then how could I…"
"You didn't have to leave me." she whispered, barely audible. She stood and walked out of the hut, leaving him to consider her words. But he did… didn't he? If he didn't leave, what could he have done? He couldn't have stayed with her… it wasn't his story… the whole idea was this wouldn't happen. He would aid Yuna in her journey, and then he would leave, just as easily as he came. He dealt with emotion when guarding Braska, and with Yuna… he was meant to help her live up to Braska's dreams, that was all. Feelings for her guardians were not on the agenda.
But now, all he could think about was her. Running out of the hut he was greeted by the back of Rikku as she stared out over the way to the beach. "Rikku, I love you."
She didn't turn back to him. "You cant say that" she whispered quietly. "It's not fair."
"So I heard you say."
Slowly she turned round, the rain sticking to her porcelain skin. Her eyes were red and blotchy. "Rikku, are you crying?"
"No, It's… just the rain."
"Rikku…"
"I have two children, Auron! I cant just think of myself anymore…"
"So you do care for me then?"
Her head shot up. "I didn't say that!" she hissed at him. He stayed put. "You inferred it" he said coldly, catching her lithe waist and drawing her close to him. She flinched as his warm breath swept over her. "Please don't" she managed to croak before his lips pressed onto hers. The warmth shocked her, causing her to pull back immediately. Auron frowned at her as she simply said "Jassu"
"What?"
She broke fully away from him, mumbling incoherently. "I…cant… Jassu…"
"What about… "Jassu"…"
"You thought those kids materialised from nothing? Jassu… married me. Or rather, he married Rayndylra. The only people who know I'm… me, are Lulu and Wakka. They help look after the kids while Jassu captains the Aurochs."
He raised a quizzical eyebrow at her. "You're married to a blitzer?" he asked her incredulously. "Those guys get their brains smashed daily…"
"I wont have you bad-mouth him, Auron. He's here for me. I… love him…"
"No" he said forcefully. "You love me."
Riku stayed silent. Gazing up into his russet eye, she added softly "Maybe… it has been too long, Auron."
His heart felt as if it was going to stop beating once more. Could it be? Did she really not care anymore? "Rikku… how long…"
"Fifteen years, Auron. That means its been twenty-five years since you died. And… things have changed."
A lump formed in his throat. He had not considered this when he left the Farplane… what if she didn't feel the same way? What would he do? What could he do….
"Rikku, I'm begging you" he gasped. "don't do this. I spent every moment on the Farplane trying to escape. Braska and Jecht said I could never do it. They said it was futile. But you know what kept me going? The thought of your eyes."
A muffled sob emitted from the woman as she covered her mouth desperate to stop the tears. She turned away again.
"Rikku, I couldn't rest knowing you were out here. Rikku…" Still she wouldn't turn to him. Taking a deep breath, he recited the most memorable moment of his life.
"Look at me."
Rikku choked down a sob and turned to him, anger blazing in her eyes. Gutturally she hissed "Don't use that line on me! Don't you dare! I seem to remember you said something else on our great pilgrimage, Auron. Right before you disappeared from my life, right before you abandoned me… you said, 'It is your story now'. Well, why cant I have my own story? You said it yourself, Auron. Your story has ended. Now get out of my life."
Auron couldn't quite believe her tone. She was… so cold, so reticent… so stoic. The qualities she possessed during the pilgrimage which so resembled him when he was young had evaporated, and what was left? Bitterness, angst… regret? Who could tell. All he knew was that she had become like he was during Yuna's pilgrimage; a stoic, lonely ronin.
"If that is your choice, then I must respect it…" he whispered. Turning away, he ventured towards the exit of the village, unsure of what he would do once he left. Looking over his shoulder one last time, he saw Rikku had not turned to see him go. He could not tell whether it was the rain or tears that coated his face.
Silently he left, not able to hear the beautiful Al Bhed softly whisper his name through her agonising tears.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
She had been right. He knew that. He was wrong to have returned in the first place… but was it so bad that he acted selfishly for the first time in his life? He had sacrificed everything to be here… all chance of paradise was lost… now when he died, he could just… disappear. Escaping the Farplane was beyond taboo; no one knew what happened to those that did. Great. He had sacrificed eternity for a woman who didn't even want to know…
"'scuse me, Sir?"
He looked up, greeted by two inquisitive green eyes. "Vunajan, shouldn't you go back to the village? Surely Rayndylra will be worried."
"Why'dya make my Ma cry?" she asked innocently, skipping ahead and blocking his path. He rolled his eyes impatiently. "I didn't make her cry. Your mother is perfectly capable of distressing herself."
Gently he pushed the petite child to his side, and continued to walk aimlessly to the beach.
"You're Auron, aren't you?"
He turned and stared incredulously. How could she know? Why didn't she say? Vunajan continued unfazed. "Ma doesn't like us talking about you, and it doesn't take a genius to see why, you know? I mean, adults never give us kids credit-"
"Why wont she talk about me?"
"Don't think I don't know who she really is. I mean, come on! She knows Rikku inside out. Nobody can really know someone's emotions like that. And whenever she talked about the pilgrimage, it always seemed like she was leaving someone out, so I asked Uncle Wakka and he told me… everything. All about how you watched over Yuna and Tidus as a final favour to your friends, how you went through the pilgrimage committed to only finishing what you'd started ten years before… and then he told me about you and Ma. How you acted so coldly towards each other at the beginning, but then you started to learn things from each other. You became more open, and she… became more mature, you know? That's what Lu says anyway. You know, the funny thing is all the way through Yunie's pilgrimage, Ma wanted to be more like Lulu… she learned too late that Lulu was like that 'cause she'd lost her one true love…"
"So she got her wish" he said wryly, continuing down the road. He stopped as a strange idea came into his head.
"Vunajan? How… would you have felt if I had stayed with your mother?"
The girl frowned as she considered it carefully. "I don't know, you dress pretty funny and are a bit of a meanie, but I guess… it would have been cool, you know? To see my Ma happy would have been good… and you seem pretty cool too! I love dad an' everything, but… I never see him, you know? And every day I just see Ma getting more and more depressed…"
Auron gently touched her shoulder and started walking down to the beach. He heard her shout after him. "So you're not coming back then?!"
"No." he called simply over his shoulder. "And do one last thing for me, Vunajan."
"What?"
Look after your mother he thought to himself, but somehow he couldn't quite say it. Instead, he turned the corner and shouted back. "Kick your dad's ass for me."
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sitting alone in the rain, Auron thought on his reasons for returning. Had he been so blind to think that time would stand still for him? He laughed slightly at himself. Now where could he go? There was nowhere except the Farplane…
He would have to die again eventually. What was the point of waiting when it could be done now? The sea looked inviting…
Abandoning rational thought, Auron waded into the sapphire sea, salt water seeping into his bulky coat and weighing him down. Wading ever further salt water tears began to fall again. Eventually he became eclipsed in the tide, his lungs aching for air as he slowly slipped into unconsciousness.
This was where he was meant to die. He waited, half-awake, half-absent, felling nothing but the water that lapped in and out of his lungs.
Then suddenly a pain hit his chest. He doubled over as it spread throughout his body, paralysing him. Something was wrong…Next, a long surge of sound pierced his ears… the cacophony made his eardrums burst and stopped all sound. A white light flashed before him, blinding him…
They are gradually taking away everything that makes me alive…
A rush of emotions, thoughts and feelings swamped his mind. This was it. This was his second death.
Memories flourished in his dazed mind… memories of Braska of Jecht, memories of Yuna but mostly memories of-
"Look at me"
His mind was collapsing with ideas and memories… knowledge circulated almost uncontrollably until he felt he was going to scream. Then it all went blank.
The legendary guardian lay motionless in the water, his last memory the translations of Rayndylra Vunajan and Mujamacc.
Heartache, Forever Loveless.
Weep not for the memories…
Well, that was Vunajan! It kinda reflects my views on Aurikku's: THEY COULD NEVER BE TOGETHER. But I do love the pairing. The song is "Will You Remember Me" by Sarah McLaughlin. The song always struck me as a very Aurikku song, especially the "so afraid to love you" verse. Everyone belongs to Square except the kiddies. And what did you think of the Rikku/Jassu pairing?! Lol thank you for taking the time to read my story NOW REVIEW!
xxx