Author's Notes: This is actually a pretty quick release of a new chapter, so I apologize if the grammar and spelling is less than my usual. I don't own Zelda, yadda yadda yadda, I do own Nil Chavez, and Ulairë Attëa is my creation, though the name is not. Basically, all trademarked characters and such belong to their owners and not me. You know what I mean so I should stop typing now…Please enjoy the story.

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The Legend of Zelda: Divine Intervention Part Nine: I Know I'm Going to Hell…Now?

Quincy007

            "That idiot. What's he thinking?" Nayru muttered to herself as she drew her sword. She took a step towards Nil and the Yoneven fighting before Attëa grabbed her.

            "This is something he must do. He would not appreciate someone else fighting his battles for him."

            "Its not his battle, its ours. We dragged him into it."

            The towering figure in black shook its head. "Past the honor and bravado, Mr. Chavez is still just a man. And all men like to look good in front of their ladies. I think it's for you."

            Nayru pulled her arm free. "Well, that's just stupid. What good is it if he gets himself killed? This thing is nothing to laugh at."

            "Personally, I think it's as funny as hell…wait…hell isn't all that funny. You're right this is pretty serious." The demon reached into its robes and pulled out two swords. One was a short and thin rapier and the other was a large and double-edged broadsword.

            "If he dies, I have to kill that thing." Attëa explained as he examined the edges of the rapier. "And it's been my experience that humans are much easier to kill than…whatever the heavens that thing is."

            Nayru smiled, "Whatever excuse you want to use."

            Nil had long ago realized that he had tremendously bad luck with swords. In important battles, they had a tendency to break, melt, shatter, or get taken away. And the Yoneven was no different. Five minutes into the battle he had swung at the Yoneven's head and it moved its head slightly so that the sword hit the crown it wore. The blow had shattered the sword, once again leaving Nil with a stumpy sword and an angry beast.

            It roared at him furiously, to which he replied, "Shut up. Like I'm any happier about it."

            It lunged for him and Nil dived for the ground. As it passed over him, He stabbed his broken sword up into its stomach, but the metal was deflected on its leathery hide and the sword was twisted from his grip.

            "Sweet Rosy O'Grady." He pulled himself up and put up his fists.

            The Yoneven (which Nil was seriously considering naming Fluffy) crouched low and Nil saw its tail twitch. In his limited experience with cats he knew this was a bad sign if he couldn't guess just when it was going to jump.

            He guessed wrong, diving out of the way a second to late. Fluffy was going to get catch his legs, and then it was all over.

            Except that as Fluffy flew through the air Attëa appeared beside it and ran its rapier through its side. The huge cat fell to the floor and Attëa broke off the tip of the sword inside it.

            "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this because if it kills you I have to kill it."

            "I know." Nil brushed off his tunic. "Do you have a…"

            "Sword you can borrow? The one you had lasted all of ten minutes. Then you'll break the one I give you and I'll put money down that you'll never replace it for me."

            "How am I supposed to kill it when I don't have a sword?"

            Attëa sighed and reached into his robes, pulling out a shiny steel broadsword. "I took this from a very nice person a long time ago, so don't ruin it."

            Nayru asked, "Just out of curiosity, what all do you have in there?"

            Attëa looked down its robes for a second before answering, "Twelve different swords, three spears, a deck of playing cards, four staffs, a pool cue, forty throwing stars, three throwing knives, an aluminum baseball bat, and thirty feet of rope, cause ya never know when you'll need it."

            Fluffy had gotten back up and was circling them very slowly. Nil looked at Attëa, "Do you want the front?"

            "Oh, by all means, please, after you."

            Nil charged his opponent, and it easily stepped around him. Nil stopped and spun around, trying to stab it, and he succeeded in cutting it down the side.

            "Your sword work is clumsy and predictable. You exaggerate your moves before you make them. You rely on sheer force rather than elegance. Who taught you to fight?" Attëa lectured as he sliced at Fluffy's back. Fluffy wasn't ignorant to those happenings, however, and kicked Attëa in the chest with its hind legs. The demon flew into a wall making another large crater. "I put my foot in my mouth again didn't I?"

            Nil dodged another blow from Fluffy, sidestepped and ran the sword through its neck. When it didn't fall, Nil twisted the sword.

            It snarled and thrashed its head back and forth, breaking Nil's grip on the sword and forcing him back onto the ground.

            Attëa looked at the crater above its head and sighed. "I'm to old for this shit."

Picking up the sword, Attëa watched as Nayru traded blows with Fluffy. She was good with a sword, fast, elegant, subtle. Her only problem was the lack of power behind her swing. Between the two of them there might be a decent swordsman. As it charged her she teleported out of the creature's path forcing it into a wall, dazing it. Attëa walked up next to her.

            "Pointy things just aren't working, do you have any better ideas?"

            "I don't know any black magic. But, if you want an arm reattached, I'm your Goddess turned sorceress."

            "That doesn't help us. Well, it will keep him alive longer." Attëa pointed to Nil, who had jumped onto Fluffy's back and was using the sword in its neck as a grip. The large cat bucked and jumped, trying to get him off of it.

            "Nil! What on Din's earth are you doing?"

            "Trying to kill this thing! Whoa!" Nil yelled as he was flung from the creature. Nayru teleported behind him and caught him.

            "I don't get it, why won't it die?"

            "Well, it is a shadow creature, thusly it can't bleed as it has no blood. So, really, all we're doing it putting holes in it. Holes that hurt, but holes nevertheless."

            Their conversation was interrupted when Attëa flew over their heads and landed with a thump.

            Holding up his broken sword Attëa looked at Nil, "You know, I'm thinking that maybe its your choice of villains and not your sword work that keeps on breaking your swords."

            Nayru looked at all the pieces of metal lying on the ground. "That's how many swords? Three?"

            "Yea."

            Nil wiped his hands on his tunic and watched the creature eye them warily. The sword Attëa gave him was still sticking out of its neck and it gave him an idea.

            "Attëa. Can you distract it for a few seconds?"

            "Sure. I guess."

            The demon reached into its robes and pulled out a handful of throwing stars. It lazily tossed them at Fluffy's face. Most of them bounced off uselessly, but a few stuck. It growled and began to approach Attëa.

            Nil rubbed his hands together and ran at Fluffy from the side. He leapt up and grabbed the sword handle sticking out of its neck, which happened to be perpendicular with its neck. Nil didn't bother to try to land on the shadow cat; he let the force of his run pull him and the sword over Fluffy. The sword cut through its neck as it was pulled out. Fluffy's head dropped to the ground making a loud meaty thwack. The body took a few steps before collapsing.

            Nayru and Attëa walked up to the body. Attëa poked the black mass inside the hole. It quivered like gelatin. "It looks dead to me."

            Nil breathed a sigh of relief. "Now that it's dead, I should be able to leave correct?"

            "No. You see, because I have to kill you now." Attëa announced as he drew another sword.

            "You know, that was cool at first, but now its just annoying."

            Nayru shook her head and stepped between the two. Sometimes men were just such idiots. Assuming Attëa was once a man. "Knock it off you two. No one is killing anyone else right now."

            "Why not? I'm under orders from Bob."

            "And I'm a Goddess. You're point?"

            The demon looked at Nayru for a minute. It knew that she was the Wisdom Goddess, but it was under orders from Bob to accomplish its mission all costs. Goddess. Bob. Object of Worship. Boss. Attëa sighed. "Sure, pull the trump card right away." It put the sword down. "But let me say just one thing—duck!"

            Attëa's warning, though good intentioned came to late. The severed head of Fluffy flew with startling accuracy as its jaws grabbed Nayru's midsection. Nil and Attëa had chopped at it before it hit her, but to no avail.

            Fluffy's severed head squeezed its jaws tighter, and warm red blood began to flow from her onto the slick marble of the throne room. Nil stabbed the head again, but it just growled.

            Nil didn't know what to do. How could he get this thing off of her? Nil gave a wide look to Attëa who was just as surprised and shocked. The demon was at a loss. Finally it did something it didn't really want to do. It asked Bob.

            "Bob? How do we kill the Yoneven?"

            Are you on crack Attëa? Help them? Just kill the bearer and be done with it!

            "Bob, my boss or not, Lord of Hell or not, she is and always was my Goddess!"

            We will have words over this Attëa...the last Yoneven died when there was no shadow for it sink into and no bodies to live off of. They starved it to death.

            "So basically, there's nothing we can do."

            Basically.

            "There's nothing we can do." It told Nil.

            Nil threw the sword aside and looked at Nayru, who groaned in pain while prying at the teeth. He hated feeling so…powerless. He clenched his fist. He had heard the idea that if you kill the head and the body will die, but if you can't kill the head…what's left? The heart? The brain?

            He looked at the gelatinous mass inside Fluffy's (Though the name had become far less amusing) head. It quivered and shook as it growled. He looked at the body and saw it was slowly leaking into a black pool of slime. So whatever was powering this…thing was in the head.

            At a loss of better ideas the tired knight shoved his hand into the slick mass of Fluffy's head, not exactly sure what he was looking for.

            His hand touched a sharp metal point, it was cold, but felt right somehow. He smiled, "It's going to be all right Nayru, I got this bastard's number."

            He pulled the piece Triforce out and the head melted into a pile of goo. The gold triangle was instantly absorbed into his body.

            The feeling was…awesome. His body tingled from head to toe and there was no exhaustion or weariness. There was a new level of awareness resting in the back of his mind. All in all, he felt strong, powerful…righteous even.

            There was a loud rumble from deep in the earth and the whole ground started to shake. He looked at Nayru who smiled back at him. "You did it Nil. You got the Triforce. The Yoneven is dead and your fantasy is over," she coughed up some blood, "…it looks like I am too."

            "What? No! Just…magic yourself back together! You'll be fine!"

            "I was doomed when I started this mission Nil. I'm not really here remember? To get here I had to stab myself in the heart with an arrow. I'm going to die and return to the heavens."

            "No! You don't get to do that! Don't you understand? I love you! You're smart, funny, beautiful, and a great personality…I finally found something worth living for, fighting for, and you are going to die on me?"

            "Well…" She coughed sharply, "Maybe if you weren't so demented and sad we could have avoided this scenario…Nil, love, it's been real…"

            She closed her eyes and before her body had gone limp she faded into the air.

            Nil clenched his fists and stood up. Nilville was collapsing around him and he would return to Hyrule soon.

            "You know…we have just enough time to finish this." Attëa said pulling his sword back up.

            Of all the things Nil did not want to do it was fight Attëa for the Triforce. Right now, he would have let the demon have it he cared so little. Of course, Nayru would be very upset if he did that, so he didn't pursue that avenue. He hesitantly reached to his right and grabbed at nothing. Even more surprised when his right hand managed to grip the air, he ripped down, opening a hole to somewhere. With speed Attëa hadn't expected, Nil grabbed its sword arm twisted it around to its back and forced it through the hole.

            He threw the sword Attëa lent him through the hole and he pulled the air back up.

            Nil glanced at the pool of red blood Nayru left behind. Then he thought at what he had just done to Attëa. A notion popped into his mind and it turned into an idea. "Huh. I did say never again didn't I?"

* Kakariko

            Zelda opened her eyes, "She's gone…I tried as hard as I could to keep her there, but she was in so much pain."

            Din shook her head and let go of Nayru and hit Nil "Moron. Can't you even be saved correctly?"

Ganondorf pounded his fist into his hand. {Well, shit Ganondorf, there goes our second chances}

'Quiet. This isn't the time for selfish thoughts.'

Link morosely took off his cap. Farore looked up to the sky and wondered if she was already up there, "Nayru…Nil." She whispered.

            "Without the Triforce there is no hope. No hope at all." Link murmured.

            There was a loud rip from a few feet off. Everybody turned to see a huge figure in black be thrown onto its face followed by a simple, yet elegant broadsword.

            Ganondorf's eyes went wide. "Ulairë Attëa? Attëa you piece of shit! What are you doing here?"

            "Getting my ass kicked by a skinny ass eighty pound man, Piggy. That's what." It pulled itself off the ground and shook its robes a few times. It noticed the sword on the ground and chuckled as it put it away.

            Before questions could be asked, Nil started screaming. His scream was so loud and filled with emotion that all but Link and Farore jumped back. Nil's eyes were open, and he was getting up. The blackness that had engulfed his body shivered like a tub of slime before starting on fire.

            The black mass quivered under the flames before shriveling and crackling. Finally, it exploded into the rays of golden light that they had all been accustomed to. Nil ignored the others and knelt by Nayru's body.

            "You don't do that! Its just isn't done! You don't tell someone you love them and then die an hour later! Goddess or not! Are you listening to me you silly woman?"

            He pulled out the arrow and covered the hole in her chest, muttering things so fast and quietly that no one understood what he was going on about. As he did this, he was started glowing a muted red.

            Nil was thinking one thought, hoping his will inflicted the changes he wanted. 'Come back to me, please.'

            [Isn't that a little selfish of you? To use your power for a resurrection? You do realize that you would be pulling her out of paradise don't you?]

            'She wouldn't have died if it wasn't to try to help me, even if she hadn't been wounded by the Yoneven; she was willing to die for me. I have to try. What kind of man would I be if I didn't?'

            [All right. I'll show you.]

 Ganondorf watched in silence 'Power can be used for more than destruction Majora.' He thought morosely.

            {You just now figured it out?}

            'Yea.'

            {You're an idiot sometimes.}

            'Yea.'

            Link and Zelda rarely, if ever, use their Triforces for intricate spell casting. It was just amazing to watch someone use the power, ramifications be damned, because even a cynical person would have to admit, it was impressive.

            "Can he do it? Can he save her?" Link asked, averting his eyes from the glow, which had intensified to a blindingly white brilliance.

            "Those Triangles are mere fractions of our power, but a Goddess's power is unlimited, so…" Din trailed off.

            "They technically can't exist. You can't have a fraction of infinity." Zelda murmured.

            "Unless you can do anything." Din commented. "Chavez! Aren't you done yet?"

            Din fell silent when the glow didn't fade; it just disappeared, leaving spots in everyone's eyes. When they cleared Nil and Nayru were wrapped in each other's arms, talking to each other softly. Din considered the situation fine and dandy until the two kissed.

            "What? No! Well fuck." Din said as she looked up to the sky, covered her eyes with a hand and drug it down her face.

            Attëa snickered, "I think that comes later."

            Ignoring the commentary Nil helped Nayru up, "Are you alright?"

            "I'm fine…how did you? Wow. You even removed the blood. That's pretty impressive work for a beginner."

            "Thanks, though I had some help—"

            Din walked up to the couple and pushed Nil away, "You're a grade 'A' idiot Nil. Now…go polish your sword or something, I have to talk some sense into my compatriot here."

            Nil opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. He was too happy right now to start an argument with Din. Its not like she would change Nayru's opinion of him with just one talk. Though he did snicker. "Polish my sword?  That's innuendo if I ever heard it. Speaking of swords, ah, here it is." Nil picked up his sword off the ground and put it in his sheath.

            Din and Nayru walked off down the town streets, already deep in discussion.

After they turned a corner, Nil picked up the halves of his shield. "This has been a long day. I want something to eat."

            Link, Zelda, and Farore couldn't do anything but shrug and smile. Link started to walk off into town, "I know a good place. They don't even make you check your weapons at the door."

            "Which is the first thing I look for in an eatery." Zelda muttered as the rest of the group began to follow Link.

            Ganondorf and Attëa followed them for lack of anything better to do. Plus, maybe they could get a free dinner.

* Down the street and around the corner

            "Do you have any idea what you've done?" Din asked as soon as they were out of earshot.

            "Several things come to mind, but I want to hear this from you, I really do."

            Din clenched one fist so tightly her knuckles cracked, "Chavez. You know it can't work. Aside from being a Hylian—and a poor example of one at that—he is impulsive, righteous, and too damn glib."

            "You're forgetting selfless, heroic, and honorable. You don't like him because he is so much like Link sometimes."

            "Its more than that Nayru. Listen to me. You are a Goddess. You can't go around falling for some Hylian. It leads to nothing but trouble. First problem, they die. There hasn't been a single one that's lived past ninety. And they're pretty much useless after sixty—maybe seventy, but with all the activity he's been doing… Anyway, second, they can't understand the magnitudes of power we deal with on a bi-minutely basis. Third, they are ungrateful twerps to begin with. Fourthly—"

            "Din, Nil isn't like that. Sure he can die, but right now, so can I. He is a bearer of the Triforce; I think he can grasp godly powers. And I think that he has never been ungrateful. He's gotten much better than when we first met him."

            "This will only end in tears Nayru. Yours or his I don't know."

            "I'm sure it work out…"

            "Damn it Nayru! And I always thought Farore was the one to innocent for her own good! Blind faith in yourself of all things is a horrible thing to have! This world is a harsh miserable place to live in and no matter what you do misery will follow you. If you manage to make him happy, someone else will have to suffer and you would hate knowing that you caused some of these creatures suffering."

            "You make very good points Din. What can I say? Give you a speech about how love conquers all obstacles? I'd be a foolish dreamer to believe that. I know it's hard, but that's half the fun. Nothing is and should be handed to you on silver platter. As the Goddess of Wisdom—and various other things—I know I've become cynical about how life works, especially after watching Hylians screw it up for eons. I'm not going to tell you that Nil is any different, that he for some reason is more worthy than some other. What I know is that I love Nil. I love how he can be the most unpractical person alive because it's the right thing to do; I love his stupid sense of humor. He'll actually say what's bothering if you ask, he's one of the few honorable Hylains left…there are so many little things besides those…I thought that you most of all would understand."

            Din's shoulder's sagged. "I do Nayru, that's why I'm trying to stop you. I was in Love once. I don't want you to end up like me."

            "Din…" Nayru hugged her friend.

             After several seconds Din whispered "I want to tell him before we leave okay?"

            "Alright."

*Kakariko Bar & Grill

            "And you see, because of the negative energy and the fate engine working in tandem like that, the laws of gravity are inversed, causing the toast to land jelly side down every time. Any other unexplainable phenomenon you'd like to ask about?" Farore finished as she poured herself another drink.

            "Well…why is the sky blue?" Ganondorf asked.

            "Its Nayru's favorite color." She stopped and pointed at Nil,  "Remember that Nil."

            Nil tapped his skull, "Consider it done."

            "So why do Din and Nayru always leave you out of their conversations anyway Farore?"

            The green haired Goddess smiled and finished off her drink, "Because Wisdom and Power are in constant quarrel. Courage on the other hand is like the…friend both of them can turn to. Power and Wisdom both need Courage from time to time." She poured herself another glass and added, "And I like being alone."

            Attëa shook its head, "Now, how come we got all three pieces of the Triforce within four feet of each other, and nothing weird is happening? Piggy here said that they were supposed to resonate."

            "They could be. How would I know? Link? Are you resonating?"

            Link shrugged, "I don't know. Last time the pieces actually resonated was when I went by Hero of Time. My memory of that time is…well, pretty weak."

            "Zelda?"

            Attëa chuckled, "Yea, are you resonating?"

            "Does everything degrade into sexual innuendo with you?"

            "I was sexually repressed as a child."

            "You were a child?" Ganondorf asked.

            "Many, many years ago when I was forty-three I happened to get a hold of a magical ring that turned me into this demon form you see before you. Since I was a Hylian before then I must have been a child at one point in my life."

            Before anyone else could ask any more, their waiter arrived. He was balancing several large trays. "Lets see…barbeque ribs for the giant red head, haggis for the really tall guy, steak for Link, roasted chicken for her majesty, filleted fish for the lady, and Beef stew for the gentleman. Enjoy your meals."

            Ganondorf shook his head, "How come you're a gentleman and I'm the giant red head?"

            "Cause its true."

            "Why couldn't he say the red haired gentleman? Or that nice young man with the evil eyes?"

            "So don't tip him."
            "I won't."

            "Hey, this Haggis is pretty good. What is it?"

            "A dish consisting of minced heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep or calf mixed with suet, oatmeal, and seasonings and boiled in the intestines of said animal." Link said as he cut at his steak, "I could have swore I said medium-rare…"

            "What's suet?" Nil asked.

            "The hard fat around the kidneys of cattle and sheep, used in cooking and for making tallow." Link said, never looking up from his steak.

            Attëa leaned back in its seat, "You know, I bet that anything's hearts, lungs, and livers would taste better if we did this to them."

            "For the sake of the rest of our meals, we are going to change the subject. So, how about that weather?"

            "Attëa, I'm assuming that you've eaten hearts, lungs, and livers before this then?"

            "It's a staple diet down in hell."

            "I wanted to avoid this conversation."

            "You and me both."

            "I remember that we spent hours working out the weather patterns for this planet. Its really quite ingenious…hey, are we out of wine?"

*Kakariko Inn—the next morning.

Farore, Din, and Nayru were sitting around a large round table in the large common room of the inn, where people could congregate and meet. There were several groups of people, though most appeared to be travelers and merchants.

            Nayru yawned, a behavior she considered self-indulgent. She hadn't slept at all last night. When she and Din had returned to the Inn, Nil was up waiting for them. He had explained it away by claiming insomnia, but she could tell something big was on his mind. Her better judgment had told her to ask, but she held back, not knowing why. Now, she was exhausted and still pondering the same question.

            "Amazingly enough, the first time we all wake up before noon one day everyone decides to sleep in." Din muttered pouring herself some tea.

            "Isn't that Attëa and Ganondorf hitting on the innkeeper's daughter?" Farore pointed.

            "Oh yea. What is it doing here anyway?" Din asked.

            "Nil tossed Attëa out of Nilville a little bit after I died, but sent it here instead of hell. Its not a bad guy…for a demon that is."

            "Does it matter?  It could be a philanthropist for all I care. All I know is that we can't leave it here unsupervised. Another child to baby-sit. Hey! Itchy and Scratchy! Get over here!" Din yelled.

            Ganondorf and Attëa walked over, "You know I was this close to getting a date." Ganondorf muttered.

            "But how would you explain the wooden mask in your chest?"

            "Huh? Oh yea…I forgot about him."

            {What? Just because I don't say anything for a few hours and you forget about me? You incorrigible ass! Why for all the things I've done for you…}

            Ganondorf cringed as Majora yelled at him, then rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry. Of course I mean it. Would I lie to you? Besides that."

            When the silence had returned to their table Farore asked, "Have you noticed that Nil does that too?"

            "What? Cringe when he gets yelled at?"

            "No, talks to himself."

            Attëa sat down and took Din's tea, "Ganondorf talks to Majora. Who Mr. Chavez talks to I don't know."

            Nayru sighed, "I'll ask him later."

            Link and Zelda walked into the room as quietly and unnoticeable-ly as they could. It worked for the most part, as no one started shouting greetings at him or her.

            Link sat down, and took the cup of tea from Attëa, Zelda looked around for another cup before taking it from Link.

            Attëa reached into his robe and pulled out a flask. "You two look tired. Up late?"

            Link shrugged, "I don't sleep well in cities. I prefer the open fields or my forest home."

            "Right…" Attëa said, oozing sarcasm.

            "Have you seen Nil this morning?" Nayru asked.

            Zelda nodded, "He was in the hallway, looking out the window. Come to think of it, he was staring out that window last night when we—I went to bed."

            Attëa chuckled then swiped the teacup from Zelda when she set it down. He poured the contents of his flask in it.

            Oblivious, Din took her teacup back. "So is he coming down or what? I swear, he's always holding us up."

            "Wrong tense. I'm here."

            They all turned around to see Nil holding a tray with several cups on it. "I stopped to get some tea, and figured that, hey maybe all these other people would want some."

            "That was thoughtful of you…who are you and what have you done with Nil Chavez?" Din exclaimed.

            "Nothing you wouldn't approve of I'm sure." Nil said as he sat down next to Nayru, "So, now that we have it, what do we do with it? The Triforce I mean. We could all just go home, move on with our lives…" He looked at everyone's blank stares, "No go, huh?"

            Link shook his head, "True, the first and most important part of the quest has been completed, but we have yet to find the fiend who made it necessary and punish him. Until then our adventure is not completed."

            "So who did it?"

            Attëa scoffed, "As if it wasn't obvious already. Bob. Lord of Hell. I mean, he ordered me and Ganondorf here."

            Nil shook his head as he pulled out half of his Hylian shield from somewhere, "That makes no sense. Why would Bob want to incapacitate Link and get the Triforce split up? There was no guarantee that any of the Goddesses would leave the heavens. How does Bob benefit from this?"

            "He doesn't. Even if we left the heavens, the furthest Bob could get is the gates of the Golden Land. When I was dead for those few seconds, the edges of the Golden Land were darkened by clouds, but no further invasion had been mounted." Nayru added.

            Zelda pointed to Ganondorf and Attëa, "But Bob had to have sent these two. That's what you said?"

            "Yup."

            Farore sighed, "So, who is pulling Bob's strings? The only way one could is if they had the power of a God."

            "Why don't we ask him?" Link asked, cracking his knuckles, making sure that everyone knew that by 'ask', he meant 'beat out of'.

            Ganondorf nodded, "It is the fastest way to find out the truth. After all, it was not me who altered the Triforce to create such monsters."

            Nil crossed his arms. "But doesn't that mean that we have to go to Hell…?"

            The Goddesses and Attëa nodded. Farore explained, "But, unlike the heavens, you don't have to be dead to go to hell. There are various backdoors and gateways one can use to actually go there."

            "What's the point of having various gates into hell, but not into the heavens?"

            Din scoffed, "We like to keep the ruffians out of paradise, thank you very much. As for why hell has so many backdoors…Attëa? Ganondorf?"

            "So demons can go on secret missions for Bob. After all, if you use the Gates of the Dead City, you have to check in and out."

Nil wasn't about to argue the point, but he couldn't help but realize all this was making him uneasy. And the only way he knew how to cover up uneasiness was with bravado, "Well, then. It appears I'm in this mess for the long haul. So, who's going with me?"

            Link gave him the thumbs up. "You've got me. I want to find out who did this to me."

            Attëa stood up as it put its flask in its robes again. Then it grabbed the teakettle and some cups and put them in there as well,  "I want to go back home. I'll take you as far as Dol Guldor." As an afterthought, Attëa grabbed the serving tray and some candles off the wall too.

            Zelda nodded, "You'll need all the Triforce to get to Hell and back. Count me in."

            Ganondorf shook his head, "I wouldn't go back there for throne of Hyrule itself. You're on your own."

            Nayru sighed, "We told Bob long ago that we would never come down to hell. Goddesses keep their promises."

            Din waved a hand, "Besides, we have to get back to the heavens to do some omniscient detecting. Whoever did this has power up to Ying-yang and I don't like it."

            Farore was silent. She was concerned about Hyrule itself. If all these people left who was going to protect the fruit of their labors? She didn't want to see it destroyed by whoever was conjuring this evil on her people, "Ganondorf? Will you look after Hyrule while the bearers are away? You should be powerful enough to stop most minor threats."

            "That is getting a little to close to good for my tastes, but because you are one of the central figures of my religion, I'll do it."

            Din looked down at her teacup. "Hmm. Tangy. Link. We need to speak to you for a minute. The rest of you, shoo."

* Outside the Inn

            Attëa sighed as they walked out of the inn. "When do you want to leave? I'd prefer as soon as possible, but you probably have junk to take care of."

            Nil looked up at the sun, "Let's see…it's about eight o'clock now…how about we leave at noon?"

            "Sounds good." Zelda agreed.

            "Alright. Noon it is. Piggy, come on. I want to go to the graveyard."

            Ganondorf sighed, "What do you need me for?"

            "You're the only guy I know here. I want some company."

            {You're kidding me, he's lonely?}

            Nil watched them walk off and he looked at Zelda, "Normally, I'd offer you the pleasure of my company, but I need to think some. Good day. We'll meet again at noon."

            And he walked back into the Inn.

            Zelda stood in silent contemplation for several seconds before disappearing in a flash of green light.

* Common Room

            "Alright, what do you need to tell me? Some prophesy I don't know about yet?"

            Din shook her head. "No. It's more like a history lesson."

            Link watched Din for a few seconds. She looked despondent. "I'm gonna hate this aren't I?"

            Nayru shrugged, "It all depends really. But, since we're all beating around the bush right now I might as well start explaining it—"

            Din suddenly pounded her fist on the table, "Link, I'm your Mother."

            "What?" He asked loudly in sheer shock. Did she just say?

            "Biologically speaking, the body Din has created for when she walks this realm is your female parent." Nayru explained.

            "That didn't help, Nayru." Farore sighed, "Din, this is really your story so I think you should tell it."

            Din chuckled mirthlessly. "A couple of years ago Link…well it was about twenty, and that time just seems to fly to a Goddess, but anyway, We took turns coming down to Hyrule to check on the people do the occasional miracle etc, etc. That's when I met him."

            "By him, I assume you mean my father?"

            "Yes. The where and how don't really matter much, except that I found myself quite smitten with this mortal. I had notions of happily ever after, until he gets called off to fight in a war against some rebels. My immediate reaction is to try to stop the war, but you how its like when you get into a fight, you really love combat, so did your father. The war wages on and he dies in battle, leaving me the most unexpected present, you."

            "That's when we made a mistake." Nayru sighed. "About seven months into her pregnancy, we call Din back into the heavens, and you noted earlier how we said you have to be dead to come into paradise right?"

            Link nodded.

            "So in order to save your life we had to…make some changes. I suggested transferring the powers of the Hero into you, because the powers of the Hero allow for him to do amazing things, like survive in the heavens for short periods of time." Farore explained.

            "So, then, I come back to Hyrule with you, premature and advanced in age about a year. That stupid, asinine war was still going on and there was a…situation…in the heavens. I entrusted you to the Great Deku Tree."

            Link shook his head, "So I wasn't originally supposed to be the Hero?"

            "There was that indication, but as we wrote it…

            The Greatest Hero shall be born

            In these weeks before winter's morn

                        Not of noble blood is he

                        Yet none shall forsake thee

            For in Evil's side shall he be a thorn

            …Or something to that effect. So its not like we changed fate…"

            "Just directed it. And that was exactly when we stopped going down, and helping out the people who live there."

            Link sat, furrowing his brow,  "You know, when I was living with my uncle, he would never say a lot about my father, or my mother. I guess it was just because he didn't know, huh? Hearing it now, I feel that maybe I should be angry because you were never there, but that would be kind of pointless, I mean I grew up with a giant tree as a parental figure. Why are you telling me this?"

            Din sighed, "Because this is the first time I've come down to Hyrule since then, and I couldn't say…how proud I was of you, and how much I do love you, without it sounding…awkward."

            "…I…what do I say?" Link muttered. "What do I do?"

            "Nothing changes Link. Unfortunately. We will have to return to the heavens and you will still be here. I guess the only thing that you get out of this is some piece of mind of knowing who one of your parents is."

*Roof of the Inn

            Nil was sitting on the roof watching the people down below hustle and bustle with no real concern about the big picture. For the first time he realized just how important his position as the bearer of the Triforce was. And how immense it had to be. Closing his eyes he leaned back pondering questions he felt the need to ponder. Link, Zelda, Attëa and he would leave in the afternoon. The Goddesses were going back to heavens soon after.

            "Rupee for your thoughts?"

            He twisted his head to see Nayru settling down next to him, "Hey."

            "Hey yourself. What are you thinking about—so seriously and alone up here?"

            "Lots of things of little importance."

            "Have I ever told you I can spot a liar quite easily?"

            "No, not really."

            "I just did. Now, Nil, you know I care for you. What's wrong with telling me what's on your mind?"

            "It suddenly occurred to me that my house is in shambles, Din has my book of Limericks, and all the stuff you got out of the pawnshop for me is sitting in a room somewhere in the castle."

            "The house we can do nothing about. However, your book of Limericks is right here," She handed it over, "And nothing is going to happen to your stuff in the Castle guest room."

            "Thanks." Nil flipped through the pages of his book once before putting it in a pocket.

            "That wasn't what kept you up all night was it?"

            "No. That just occurred to me this morning. No…it's just that…we leave this afternoon for a place people spend all their lives trying to avoid. It'll be dangerous—"

            "Nil. If this is your version of the 'I may die tomorrow so sleep with me tonight' speech, it's a little late because tomorrow is two or three hours from now."

            Nil shook his head, "Damn. That's a good idea. I wish we had decided what to do right after dinner. No, actually, I was curious. Are you busy until noon?"

            "No, why?"

            "Well, with all that's been happening, and our little admission in Nilville, I realized that I only kind of know you and that I want to know you better. So I was thinking that before I lunged once more into the snarling jaws of destiny…."

            "You're rambling."

            "Oh, sorry. Nayru? Want to go on a walk with me?"

            She smiled, "A walk?"

            "For starters, who knows where the streets will take us and what will happen."

            "Nil are you asking me on a date?"

            "Sure, call it a date."

            "I'd love to."

* Kakariko Blacksmith

            "Well, can you fix it?" Din asked tersely.

            The two dwarven smiths looked at the two pieces of Nil's Hylian shield. "Hrmm…"

            "Hummm…"

            Din sighed. Why was she doing this for that idiot? All he did was aggravate her. Well, she was feeling a little guilty for breaking it in the first place, especially after he had told her how important that shield was to him. Plus, if that idiot died while in hell, Nayru would be upset. Broken hearted Goddesses are not a pleasant thing.

            "Nope."

            "Afraid not."

            "Why?"

            "Well, it was split right down the middle by a huge sword, the metal is cracked and even if we put it back together, it wouldn't be able to take such damage again. This is an old wood covered in metal shield. It even had custom straps for the man's arm. Shields like this just don't exist anymore."

            "Crap." Din shook her head in frustration. This is what happens when you try to do nice things for people. She looked at the walls and the various armaments the smiths had smithed. "Hey…I'll buy that one."

            "Oh dear…that shield?"

            "I don't know…it was given to us a long time ago in lieu of payment."

            Din wasn't listening. She had an idea. With a little bit of effort she could make it a little bigger and get rid of that ugly screaming face on the mirrored side and replace it with something…nicer.

            The smiths were still going on how nice it was and how much they would hate to part with it. Din took off one of her bracelets and tossed it to the smith. He was surprised at its weight. The two smiths looked at each other then in unison told Din, "Sold."

* Kakariko Village streets

            As they walked out of the archery range, Nil looked at the quiver of arrows Nayru was holding, "While it was the foretold outcome, its still embarrassing."

            Nayru smiled, "What? That I won ten straight sets or that I was the second person to be banned after Link?"

            "The banned thing. I've never been banned from somewhere before."

            "Then you haven't really lived. Remember how we said we promised to stay out of hell?"

            "Yea…"

            "Same principle, but he didn't have the power to ban us."

            Nil smiled in amusement, "Do I even want to know?"

            "I'll let you wonder. So, is there anything else to do in this town?"

            "Well, the old fashioned treasure chest game closed down…I think he was closed for cheating though. How about the library? There is usually a mean chess game going on there?"

            "You know how to play?" She asked.

            "No, but it sure is fun to watch."

            Nayru raised an eyebrow, "How can it be fun if you don't know what's going on?"

            "Well, I know how the pieces move, but I could never beat a pro."

            "I bet I could."

            "There you go gambling again. That got us banned from the archery range, and you want to take it to the Library?"

            "It's a figure of speech. Why? Can we bet on the outcome?"

            "You can bet on anything you want. I could bet you that I could walk up to that guy over there and guess his wife's name. I could bet if the temperature is going to rise above 70 degrees. I could bet that that man over there stutters twice when talking to that girl over there."

            "Ouch. I can see how gambling can become a problem for some people."

            "Its not quite as bad as some other vices out there…speaking of vices, the Great Deku Tree really needs to become the patron deity of recreational sex or something because he was just a little weird when I talked to him."

            "There isn't a patron deity of recreational sex."

            "Really?"

Nil sounded so surprised and Nayru didn't quite know what to say to that. Nayru frowned, "Now I'm not sure. Oh well. When we get to this library, you can look up a book of patron deities and check. When did you talk to the Great Deku Tree?"

            "Back after the Billy Bob incident. Hey. I just thought of something. The Deku Tree told me that I'd live again a day in the fall. In Nilvillle it wasn't fall weather. So I'm wondering…"

            "How do you know this isn't all part of a big hallucination?"

            "Yea."

            "I guess we'll find out if you suddenly drop dead and our world shatters."

            "Comforting…"

            Nil stopped in front of the Library. "Here we are." He offered his arm, "Shall we?"

            "You are becoming quite the gentleman." Nayru remarked, taking it.

* The Graveyard

            Attëa look at Ganondorf who chuckled and scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

            Nearly every single grave was dug up. Several city guards were standing around looking for clues and a few more were filling graves back in.

            "You dug up every grave?"

            "Shh. I don't want to get arrested. They'll probably hang me right away then too."

            "I can't believe this! The first time I'm back since I became a demon and I can't even visit my own grave—because you dug it up!"

            "If I had known one of them was yours I might have been more thorough when I was plundering."

            Attëa reached into its robes and pulled out an aluminum baseball bat. "I'm gonna kill you."

            "Hey! Put your fancy beating stick down! People are starting to stare."

            The demon looked around at the large amounts of people staring at them. "What? You've never seen someone threaten somebody with a baseball bat before? Quit leering at me, ya bums!"

            Not one soul moved. The wind whistled up and Ganondorf sighed, "That accomplished a lot."

            Attëa pulled back its hood, revealing its head shaped shadow. Two red eyes appeared and it waved its arms over its head, "Booga Booga!"

            A few people fainted outright, but most ran away. Except for all the guards. They were used to seeing this sort of thing, if one can be used to seeing that sort of thing.

            "What did I say? I said I didn't want to get arrested. And what do you do? Get us arrested! May I remind you have to play tour guide in an hour?"

            "It seemed like the thing to do at the time…man that sun is bright." It pulled its hood back over its head. "Well, it's been a pleasure, but I really have to go now. You see, I'm giving the local hero, princess, and a skinny ass eighty pound man a guided tour of hell in a hour, and one must prepare one's notes." It reached into its robes and pulled out a long silver wand, "So, if you all would just look right at me…"

            There was a bright flash of white light and the guards just stood there. Ganondorf waved his hand in front of their eyes, nothing.

            "What did you do?"

            "Nothing life threatening." It muttered as they walked away.

            "Why do you call Chavez a skinny ass eighty pound man?"

            "Same reason I call you Piggy, Piggy. Because I can."

            "Because you can isn't a reason, its an excuse."

            "What's the difference between an excuse and a reason?"

            "A reason is why you did something, an excuse is making your reason sound decent."

            "…Whatever."

            Ganondorf frowned but remained silent for several seconds, "Majora says that saying 'Whatever' is rude because you're essentially saying, 'Hey, I don't care about you or your opinion so go screw yourself' in fewer words."

            "Well, Majora would be right."

            "Prick."

            "Pig."

            After a pause, they started laughing.

* Kakariko Inn, Noon

            Link was pacing back and forth in the Goddess's room. It was were they all agreed to meet. Why wasn't anyone else here? It was frustrating and annoying.

            "Where is everybody?"

            He paced a few more times, pondering on the recent events. He had gone comatose in the Golden Land, been on the weirdest dream sequence ever, awoke in time to kill a creature made out of the Triforce and save the current holder of the Triforce of Power, his usual nemesis. This bearer however, seemed to be decent enough guy, but wasn't one of the bearer's supposed to be evil? Then his village gets burned down and now he is going to hell, "So, all in all, a perfectly normal adventure, yeah right."

            Link sighed and sat down on a chair. He interlocked his fingers and twiddled his thumbs for a few seconds, alternating between looking at the door and his feet. After two minutes he stood up again and began pacing once more.

            The door opened quickly and Attëa ran into the room, slamming the door shut. It ran behind the table and ducked.

            "If anyone knocks on the door claiming to be the Hylian guard, get rid of them please."

            "What happened?"

            "You know, it might be better if you didn't know."

            "Where's Ganondorf? He was with you this morning."

            "I hid him in the old witch's potion shop."

            Link sighed, "You're right, I don't want to know. What I do want to know is where Nil and Zelda are."

            No sooner had those words been spoken from his mouth did Nil and Nayru appear in a flash of blue light and green smoke.

            Nil coughed and hacked a few times. "Fine. So it is harder than it looks."

            "I told you."

            "I know you did, and it was my fault for not listening. But I still got us here didn't I?"

            "After four tries."

            Attëa groaned, "Why can't you two just make out like normal couples in their twenties do? No, you have to act like you're married already…Hylians…I am so glad I'm a demon. In Hell, we don't have these kinds of problems."

            Link, Nil, and Nayru stared at Attëa who rambled on for several more minutes about how things 'back home' were much nicer, "…Look at this place. No phone, no lights, no motorcars. Not a single luxury. Its like Robinson-freaking-Crusoe here!"

            "Who?"

            "Robinson Crusoe. He was a fictional character in a novel I read. It was about a plantation owner or something like that who was at sea and got shipwrecked and he had to teach himself how to survive." Attëa explained.

            "We still don't have a clue."

            Nayru sighed, "Don't worry about it. It's a little ahead of your time anyway."

            Link shook his head in exasperation. Apparently lots of things were a head of his time. Just about everything Attëa would go off on a tangent about.

            Nil was about to suggest that they get searching for Zelda when Din and Farore walked into the door.

            "Nayru, what was that just now? It felt like a teleportation spell, but it had the sloppiest delivery I've ever seen." Farore asked.

            "Okay! I get it! I'm terrible at magic! I'll walk everywhere from now on!" Nil exclaimed. He crossed his arms and sat down on a bed.

            Din chuckled, "I think you have the beginnings of a very dangerous inferiority complex." Din walked up to Nil. She handed him the shield, "Here. Sorry."

            Nil took it carefully. It was a round metal shield fitted with the straps from his Hylian shield. The edges were a dull gold color and the face of the shield was a large mirrored metal with the Triforce insignia on it. It felt heavy, but not cumbersome.

            "Such unexpected generosity. Thank you." He said, and strapped it to his back.

            Link blinked a few times. "I know that looks familiar…"

            "Well, I had wanted to get his Hylian shield fixed, but the smiths said it was trashed.  Then I saw this and realized that with a few minor alterations it would make a nice shield for Nil and since I kind of broke his…" Din hastily explained. She looked at Nil, who smiled and nodded. And really, that was all she needed. Say what she will, Din was not the kind of goddess to scream for attention and have people slobber gratitude on her.

            Farore and Nayru handed Link his Longshot, Power Bracelet, and bow. "Here. I don't think we'll need them anymore."

            Link accepted his items back. He pulled out his Hookshot. "What am I going to do with two of these things?"

            Nil looked at him, "You could give it back to me, I know I'm getting dangerously close to looking like a poor man's hero, but I really liked playing with it."

            Link laughed and tossed it to Nil, "Sure."

            The group waited patiently for a few more seconds until Din sighed, "Why is it that we always have to wait on someone? Can't anyone ever be on time?"

            Attëa nodded, "Yea, just where is that floozy anyway?"

            The door swung open and in stepped a young man with an athletic build, wearing a blue bodysuit and white bandages over his head. Link shook his head when he saw the red eyes and the emblem of the shiekah on the chest.

            Shiek grabbed his groin, "I got your floozy right here."

            Attëa just stared. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

            Link blinked once. He didn't even know she could still do that. He could have gone a lot longer before knowing it again. He never asked before—there wasn't the time—but…for this…he had no words, "Zelda?"

            "Hey, its Sheik when I'm wearing the suit." He pointed to the red shiekah emblem on his white and blue leotard.

            Nil just kept his mouth shut. Apparently, Zelda was not only the Crown Princess of Hyrule; she was also a shape shifter with a dual/or repressed personality. Whatever floats her boat.

            He gave Nayru a kiss and a hug; "You do know I love you right? You aren't feeling insecure because of what I said in Nilville are you?"

            "I don't know…this little pang in the back of my skull could be understanding..." she smiled, "Go, before you miss your ride."

            "I'll see you later. Farore, Din." He gave the other two a nod of acknowledgement before walking over to the rest of the group.

            Attëa was digging in its robes. There were a few loud clattering noises. "Mmm-hmm…uh-huh…unh-huh…errgghhh…Ah-ha!" It pulled out a shiny brass doorknob.

            It stuck the doorknob onto the floor. With a twist and a push the 'door' fell inward. "After you."

            Sheik, Link, and Nil all jumped into the hole. Attëa followed quickly and removed the doorknob before closing the door.