Hammond's Week Off
by Layton Colt
While the cat's away--the mice will play.
______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
TUESDAY (Ferretti)
I check cautiously around the corner.
All clear.
I walk quickly down the hall, barely acknowledging the soldiers nodding their hellos. Don't they see I can't spare time for pleasantries right now?
I'm being HUNTED for Christ sakes.
Granted, the hunter is a young PhD with a deceiving little boy lost aura.
You may wonder why me, a dashing air force Major, is avoiding the little wimpy scientist, am I right?
Well, you've obviously never actually met Daniel.
I didn't quite understand him that first mission, either. I pushed him down, and he stayed down. Let me hit him because he thought he deserved it. But something happened to Daniel that year on Abydos--when we came back, it was easy to see he wasn't the same guy we left behind.
Daniel's a hell of a lot more likely to be the one doing the pushing these days.
And right now, he's looking for ME.
And yea, maybe I've given him a good reason to. But I hadn't meant to pull the plug on his computer like that. Isn't a guy allowed to make a mistake?
Jack apparently doesn't think so, he sold me out. Went to Daniel and told him he was sorry for MY contemptible actions, and that he would do whatever he could to help Daniel redo his work. Then he bribed the kid with a cup of Starbuck's coffee and all was forgiven.
I don't think it will be quite so easy with me. Not even a cup of coffee is going to get me back in his good graces this quickly. I just need to keep out of his way, and wait until he forgets about it.
Right. Ten years from now, it should be safe for me to start sleeping with both my eyes closed.
I pass the gym as I'm wandering the halls, and quickly enter. This is the last place one might find Daniel Jackson, right? Well, at least it used to be. It's probably a hell of a lot more likely now, but he's probably still in his office working on finishing all his work again.
I really do feel bad about that.
But it IS kind of funny.
The gym is pretty much abandoned. Teal'c is the only one here. He's apparently trying to beat the stuffing out of a punching bag--and no, that is not figurative.
"Hey, Teal'c," I say.
Teal'c spares me a glance. "Major Ferretti."
"What are you doing?"
"I am hitting a punching bag," he tells me.
Right. "Having fun?"
"I am not," he says.
"Right."
"Can I do something for you, Major Ferretti?"
"Nope, just hanging around."
He raises and eyebrow. "You are attempting to hide from Daniel Jackson," he tells me.
Damn. How'd he know that?
His look turns almost sympathetic. "I would not wish to be in your situation," he says. "Daniel Jackson is most enraged."
Even the big guy's afraid of Daniel. Go figure.
"He'll cool down," I say with much more confidence than I feel.
"I believe that O'Neill has been helping to 'feed the flames.'"
"What?"
"He has not been helping Daniel Jackson to see that your actions were made unwittingly. He has been turning him against you."
"Why?"
"I am unsure."
Damn. The turncoat. O'Neill wants all the power. That's what this is about. Get me, his temporary second in command, disgraced and he'd have the place all to himself for the rest of the week.
Very clever, Jack, but it isn't going to work. "I've got to make this up to Daniel before things get anymore out of hand," I say.
Maybe I'll get him Starbuck's AND a 5th Avenue.
"That will be exceedingly difficult, Major Ferretti. Daniel Jackson is not pleased with you."
"Yea, but I do stupid stuff like this all the time. He always forgives me."
"Daniel Jackson was working in his office until 5:00 this morning on work he had already completed once," Teal'c tells me sternly.
Uh oh. Doesn't sound like the big guy is very pleased by my actions, either.
"Perhaps it would be best if you were to give Daniel Jackson some time to 'cool down,' as O'Neill says."
"No, that's what HE wants," I tell him.
"To whom are you referring," Teal'c asks.
"Colonel O'Neill, of course," I exclaim. "Haven't you been listening?"
Oh, wait. I don't think I actually said any of that stuff out loud.
Teal'c's left eyebrow has raised to maximum height. I back up from the room. He is loyal to the enemy. I can't talk about this with him.
"I'm . . . um," I motion behind me. Indicating the door, before I turn and jog through it.
This is crazy. The General leaves for a week, a WEEK, to take his grandkids to Disneyland and the whole place falls apart.
Well, okay, that's a BIT of an exaggeration. Jack seems to have things under control. Smug bastard. We were SUPPOSED to be in this together.
I'm just about to reach the corner when an angry voice reaches me.
"I'm going to kill him. When I find him, he is SO dead."
Uh oh. That was Daniel's voice. I've got this horrible feeling he's talking about me.
There's a storage closet to my right. I'm inside before Daniel catches sight of me. Hey, I'm a soldier. I know when to do battle--and I know when it's best to hide.
"And you should," says another voice. A voice that sounds suspiciously like that of my good friend Jack O'Neill. "What he did was extremely childish. I, for one, would never have done such a thing."
"Sure, Jack," Daniel says. "You're a model of maturity."
Burn! Got to give it to the kid, he can trade insults with the best of them.
"Hey, I'm trying to help here." Jack's using his 'wounded' voice. The one only Daniel and occasionally Carter ever fall for.
Daniel isn't buying it today. "You should have helped when Ferretti was threatening to shut down my computer," he snaps.
Jack responds, but the voice has become muffled as the two continue down the hall. I start to leave, deciding it should be safe, when something in the corner catches my eye.
I turn around. Oh my god. Somebody up there loves me.
It's a Super Auto Magic Delux with built in grinder. The coffee machine of champions.
You are so out of your league, O'Neill. Daniel is going to love me.
TBC on WEDNESDAY.
While the cat's away--the mice will play.
______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
TUESDAY (Ferretti)
I check cautiously around the corner.
All clear.
I walk quickly down the hall, barely acknowledging the soldiers nodding their hellos. Don't they see I can't spare time for pleasantries right now?
I'm being HUNTED for Christ sakes.
Granted, the hunter is a young PhD with a deceiving little boy lost aura.
You may wonder why me, a dashing air force Major, is avoiding the little wimpy scientist, am I right?
Well, you've obviously never actually met Daniel.
I didn't quite understand him that first mission, either. I pushed him down, and he stayed down. Let me hit him because he thought he deserved it. But something happened to Daniel that year on Abydos--when we came back, it was easy to see he wasn't the same guy we left behind.
Daniel's a hell of a lot more likely to be the one doing the pushing these days.
And right now, he's looking for ME.
And yea, maybe I've given him a good reason to. But I hadn't meant to pull the plug on his computer like that. Isn't a guy allowed to make a mistake?
Jack apparently doesn't think so, he sold me out. Went to Daniel and told him he was sorry for MY contemptible actions, and that he would do whatever he could to help Daniel redo his work. Then he bribed the kid with a cup of Starbuck's coffee and all was forgiven.
I don't think it will be quite so easy with me. Not even a cup of coffee is going to get me back in his good graces this quickly. I just need to keep out of his way, and wait until he forgets about it.
Right. Ten years from now, it should be safe for me to start sleeping with both my eyes closed.
I pass the gym as I'm wandering the halls, and quickly enter. This is the last place one might find Daniel Jackson, right? Well, at least it used to be. It's probably a hell of a lot more likely now, but he's probably still in his office working on finishing all his work again.
I really do feel bad about that.
But it IS kind of funny.
The gym is pretty much abandoned. Teal'c is the only one here. He's apparently trying to beat the stuffing out of a punching bag--and no, that is not figurative.
"Hey, Teal'c," I say.
Teal'c spares me a glance. "Major Ferretti."
"What are you doing?"
"I am hitting a punching bag," he tells me.
Right. "Having fun?"
"I am not," he says.
"Right."
"Can I do something for you, Major Ferretti?"
"Nope, just hanging around."
He raises and eyebrow. "You are attempting to hide from Daniel Jackson," he tells me.
Damn. How'd he know that?
His look turns almost sympathetic. "I would not wish to be in your situation," he says. "Daniel Jackson is most enraged."
Even the big guy's afraid of Daniel. Go figure.
"He'll cool down," I say with much more confidence than I feel.
"I believe that O'Neill has been helping to 'feed the flames.'"
"What?"
"He has not been helping Daniel Jackson to see that your actions were made unwittingly. He has been turning him against you."
"Why?"
"I am unsure."
Damn. The turncoat. O'Neill wants all the power. That's what this is about. Get me, his temporary second in command, disgraced and he'd have the place all to himself for the rest of the week.
Very clever, Jack, but it isn't going to work. "I've got to make this up to Daniel before things get anymore out of hand," I say.
Maybe I'll get him Starbuck's AND a 5th Avenue.
"That will be exceedingly difficult, Major Ferretti. Daniel Jackson is not pleased with you."
"Yea, but I do stupid stuff like this all the time. He always forgives me."
"Daniel Jackson was working in his office until 5:00 this morning on work he had already completed once," Teal'c tells me sternly.
Uh oh. Doesn't sound like the big guy is very pleased by my actions, either.
"Perhaps it would be best if you were to give Daniel Jackson some time to 'cool down,' as O'Neill says."
"No, that's what HE wants," I tell him.
"To whom are you referring," Teal'c asks.
"Colonel O'Neill, of course," I exclaim. "Haven't you been listening?"
Oh, wait. I don't think I actually said any of that stuff out loud.
Teal'c's left eyebrow has raised to maximum height. I back up from the room. He is loyal to the enemy. I can't talk about this with him.
"I'm . . . um," I motion behind me. Indicating the door, before I turn and jog through it.
This is crazy. The General leaves for a week, a WEEK, to take his grandkids to Disneyland and the whole place falls apart.
Well, okay, that's a BIT of an exaggeration. Jack seems to have things under control. Smug bastard. We were SUPPOSED to be in this together.
I'm just about to reach the corner when an angry voice reaches me.
"I'm going to kill him. When I find him, he is SO dead."
Uh oh. That was Daniel's voice. I've got this horrible feeling he's talking about me.
There's a storage closet to my right. I'm inside before Daniel catches sight of me. Hey, I'm a soldier. I know when to do battle--and I know when it's best to hide.
"And you should," says another voice. A voice that sounds suspiciously like that of my good friend Jack O'Neill. "What he did was extremely childish. I, for one, would never have done such a thing."
"Sure, Jack," Daniel says. "You're a model of maturity."
Burn! Got to give it to the kid, he can trade insults with the best of them.
"Hey, I'm trying to help here." Jack's using his 'wounded' voice. The one only Daniel and occasionally Carter ever fall for.
Daniel isn't buying it today. "You should have helped when Ferretti was threatening to shut down my computer," he snaps.
Jack responds, but the voice has become muffled as the two continue down the hall. I start to leave, deciding it should be safe, when something in the corner catches my eye.
I turn around. Oh my god. Somebody up there loves me.
It's a Super Auto Magic Delux with built in grinder. The coffee machine of champions.
You are so out of your league, O'Neill. Daniel is going to love me.
TBC on WEDNESDAY.