A/N: I re-wrote this story. It's not in script form and it's slightly different. The first version was crappy... *sigh* It doesn't matter if you don't understand this story or if you don't understand how it's supposed to be funny. Only a selected few of my friends would understand the jokes. Uh... Maybe only two...
This is my first so-called fanfic and it's really crappy. WOOHOO! Anyways, you might now know who the characters are so I'll briefly explain it to you. HP is in this band group thingy called "Scooter." There are two other people in his band – Rick and Axel. But in older songs, it's Rick and Ferris and in the newer ones, it's Rick and Jay. Nikki is the girl who HP carries in his arms in the CD cover of "She's the Sun."
I wrote a story about Scooter because I wanted to make fun of them and kill HP Baxxter. You see, their songs are pretty random (it's supposed to be techno) and I am not a fan of them. My friend is... She's RattyRayvn and wrote a parody about Scooter.
Italics are thoughts.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except the plot. Nikki is, in a way, a made-up person and she doesn't belong to me either. She belongs to Ratty, who gave that nameless blonde girl a name.
-[ She's the Sun ]-
"Release me, you moron!" yelled Nikki.
"What have I done wrong now?" asked HP. He stared down at Nikki who was in his arms. Her face was red and she shot daggers at him. Oh great he thought. What does the bitch think I have done wrong?
"You stepped on my dress!" yelled Nikki huffily.
HP Baxxter, lead singer of the band Scooter, looked down at Nikki's dress and realised that his right foot had stepped on her incredibly long dress.
You see, it was all Nikki's fault that this had happened. The two were shooting a video clip for HP's song, "She's the Sun." They've done every other scene so far except this: the scene where HP had to carry Nikki in his arms and walk slowly down the streets and into the beach. Once in the beach, he was to gently put her into the waters.
All Nikki had to wear was just a simple dress. But no, she was so picky about everything and wanted to wear the longest dress possible. This made HP walk with care, and extra slow.
HP lifted his shoe from her dress. Nikki was wriggling in his arms. What in the world does she want now? At this rate, we'll never get to finish this! thought HP angrily.
"What now, oh great Queen of the world?" asked HP sarcastically. He rolled his eyes.
"You're supposed to release me," said Nikki.
"Oh... you mean like this?" HP dropped her on the ground with a thud. He walked away before Nikki could start screaming obscenities at him. Unfortunately, he was a second too late.
"You idiot! Do you know even how to treat a lady?!" She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at the back of HP, wishing it would bore a hole through him. "Firstly, you do not step on her dress and you certainly do not drop her down like that!" She then continued yelling rudely at him. Things that is probably too rude to add in here. Well... maybe this little author cannot be bothered to add them all in. So, let's continue with the story, shall we?
Nikki continued throwing a tantrum. Oh god, she's like a big baby, isn't she? thought HP.
"Uh... Nikki? You know, if you continue like this, we may not be able to finish off this scene today and may have to continue on with tomorrow," said the director.
"What?! And see that stupid big fat dumbass again?!" cried Nikki.
"I'm not fat!" snapped HP.
"Uh... I guess you would have to, Nikki," said the director. "So I suggest that you two should start again."
"There's a huge footprint on my expensive dress now!" protested Nikki.
Oh man, she's so bloody annoying! Thought HP. This is getting nowhere! She's so stupid! She's just like a typical blonde! Wait... she is blonde. Ah ha! No wonder why she's so stupid! Wait a second... I'm a blond too! Dammit, and I just said that I was stupid.
HP scooped Nikki into his arms and despite her protests, carried her all the way back to the beginning of the street. He then started walking very slowly down the streets. His face was solemn and acted as if he was holding a dead girl.
Nikki was doing her job fine too. She pretended to be dead (which wasn't very hard to do).
HP could see the beach. Finally! I am walking on SAND! Eager to finish this scene off, HP stupidly didn't look where he was stepping and tripped over Nikki's tremendously long dress and fell on top of her.
HP quickly got up and foolishly brushed the sand off his clothes.
"AAAHHH!!" yelled Nikki.
HP groaned, "What have I done now?"
"You brushed sand all over me!" shrieked Nikki in disgust. She sneezed. HP pointed at laughed at her.
"What so funny?!" said Nikki angrily. She got up and started twirling a blonde curl.
"Nothing!" said HP. He tried to suppress his laughter, he really did, but whenever he looked at Nikki who was covered in sand, he burst out in laughter. Her hair was covered in sand too, surprisingly.
Nikki started jumping up and down, trying to get rid of the sand. She then started shaking her head furiously. She only wanted to get rid of the sand in her hair but to the eyes of other people, she seemed like a mad woman.
Unfortunately, what Nikki did made HP laugh louder. This time, she was really angry.
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" roared Nikki. She had completely lost her cool. This is it. I do not like stupid blond men who continue laughing at me for no reason. Thought Nikki.
HP clutched his stomach.
"Ouch... my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Have you seen yourself in the mirror, Nikki? You look like one of those mad women. You know, those old witches who have knotted long hair and have warts all over their—"
"YOU MEAN I HAVE WARTS ON MY FACE?!" roared Nikki with rage. "How dare you insult me like this! How dare you compare me with old women who practice the demonic witchcraft and grow warts on their faces!" Nikki eyed him. Her eyes were full of hatred. If looks could kill, HP would have been dead long ago.
HP gulped. "Uh... no... I didn't mean that way..."
Nikki stepped forward and shook her fist menacingly.
"Oh really?" she asked.
"You're not doubtful, are you?" HP paled. You could never really tell what an angry female was going to do next.
"No." Nikki then kneed him in the unmentionables and watched HP double over in pain. She grinned and was, at last, satisfied.
"Uh... shall we start again?" asked the director quietly. He was rather frightened, you see. Nikki could suddenly beat him up. He did not know where she possessed the strength from but it was a well known fact that she could.
"Yes," said Nikki. She smirked and that smirk sent shivers running up and down the director's spine.
HP was still rolling around on the sand with pain. Ouch… that bitch! She'll pay for this! He thought threateningly. Of course, she can't hear what I'm thinking so what's the point of threatening her? He signed. I am such a dumbass. The truth hurts.
***
HP once again held Nikki in his arms and carried her down to the beach. This time, they did not make any errors. HP carried Nikki over to the sea and continued walking until the sea water was waist deep. He then held her high and suddenly dropped her.
SPLASH!
Gargling noises were heard. Bubbles appeared in the water. Nikki's head appeared out of the water. She gasped for breathe and then stared at HP with loathe.
"You... you... BASTARD!" she yelled. "You weren't supposed to dump me in the water! You were supposed to put me gently in it! Do you not understand the world 'gently'? Do you not understand how it—"
HP tuned out. He was terribly annoyed with her. He rolled his eyes.
Nikki, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't listening to her anymore and appeared interested in the clouds, continued blabbing on about how rude HP was.
"Uh... excuse me? Would you be wanting to re-do that scene again, Mr Baxxter and Nikki?" asked the director.
Nikki stomped out of the water and walked over to the director. She shook her fist before him, shaking water all over the director and making him wet.
"Do you honestly think I want to re-do this scene again?! I don't care, I don't want to do it again. Just show that stupid god damn video clip with me being thrown into the sea!" raged Nikki.
"Uh... I don't know if I can do—"
"You shall do that!" threatened Nikki.
She stomped off to the beach and bent down to pick up a rather big rock.
"TAKE THAT, YOU FEATHERBRAIN!" she yelled and threw the rock at the director.
Unfortunately, her aim was true and hit the poor director in the forehead. He fainted. His skull wasn't split open, thankfully. The assistants hurried and carried the director onto a stretcher. They then quickly ran away from Nikki. They couldn't afford their lives.
"Hm... you didn't have to do that, did you?" asked HP. He waded back into the shore and stood next to Nikki. "That was kinda evil, y'know."
"I am evil," sneered Nikki.
"Eh?" HP was puzzled.
Nikki rolled her eyes. He is so stupid.
"I am evil," repeated Nikki.
"Huh?"
"I thought you were stupid but you can't be that stupid! For Pete's sake, I AM EVIL!!!"
"Who's Pete?"
Nikki groaned. There cannot possibly be such a stupid man as him alive, can there?
"I can't stand this anymore! You are the world's most stupid man, ALIVE! You deserve to be killed!" yelled Nikki.
"And how about you? The most annoying bitch in the world! The world doesn't need an annoying bitch like you," replied HP angrily.
"Fine then, be that way! See if I care!"
Nikki felt something heavy on her left foot. She looked down and saw that a flamethrower had appeared conveniently next to her. She smirked and bent down to pick it up.
"Oh look what we have here!" she said. She held the flamethrower in her hands firmly. "A flamethrower!"
HP stared at the weapon in Nikki's hands. "Please say you don't know how to use that thing!" said HP.
"Hm... Shouldn't these things be self-explanatory? I'm sure I'll be able to figure out how to use these things, thank you very much. I do not need your help," replied Nikki.
HP gulped. This... this woman was crazy! HP looked around and desperately tried to find something to attack Nikki with. A rock?
Nikki continued looking at the flamethrower. There was a trigger, yes, but did you simply have to pull it and fire comes out? Is there something more complex like guns?
Suddenly, a rock had hit her head. Nikki rubbed her head.
"Oww..." mumbled Nikki. "Who did that?"
"Moi!" replied HP. "Magnificent MOI!" he said again in a French accent.
"YOU BASTARD!! Now my head is bleeding!" sniffed Nikki.
"BWA HAHAHAHAHA!!" HP had become mad.
"Oh shut up!" yelled Nikki. She aimed the flamethrower at HP and pulled the trigger.
"Uh oh..." said HP when he saw flames flaring out from the flamethrower. He was suddenly engulfed in the flames. He screamed in terror. He couldn't put the flames out. He tried running to the sea but the sea was so far away. He then tried rolling around on the sand but that didn't work because Nikki continued flaming him.
Nikki, on the other hand, was enjoying every moment. She smirked and gladdened to hear HP scream in utter terror. Yes, she was plain evil but didn't she make it clear before? Finally, he has repaid for all the insults he has thrown to me! BWA HAHAHAHA!!
Soon enough, HP was no more than just a pile of ash.
Nikki smirked and then walked away triumphantly with the flamethrower still in her hands.