Once again, I have typed up another scooter spoof… I seem to type scooter fanfics…. Correction: anti-fanfics!! (I think there's such a thing as an 'anti-fanfic'….)
Anyways, this spoof is about the song/video, "Break it up" (it's once again one REALLY REALLY crap song that scooter sings and the video is just weird….).
Btw, the 'inspiration' for this story was the video clip (I watched it WITHOUT sound)
Disclaimer: I do not own Scooter but I own the plot.. thing..
Break it up
Nikki: I wanna break up with you
HP: *frowns* why? We're ok together! *grabs hold of her hands*
Nikki: Well.. it's because you've been such a *mumbles*
HP: huh?
Nikki: You haven't been... the type of boyfriend I wanted to have (A/N: God, this part is getting SOPPY!! *disgusted*)
HP: I don't get you.
Nikki: well... *gets really shy* well... *mumble**mumble*
HP: *leans forward to listen to her* huh?
Nikki: What the f**k! Let's just get it over and done with! *runs away to get something*
HP: Huh? *looks in the direction she ran off in*
(Nikki grabs a club and hits HP)
HP: *dizzy* huh? What's happening? *stands unsteadily*
Nikki: I want to break up with you, you f**king bastard! *punches him* I've had enough of you! I hate you and your guts!
HP: *dizzily* huh? I'm seeing stars... *falls down and is unconscious*
***
(HP Baxxter wakes up and is tied up on the railway line by his 'girlfriend', Nikki)
HP: Can I please ask a question?
Nikki: Hm? What is it? *ties HP firmly down*
HP: *tries to get up but fails* what exactly are you doing?
Nikki: *annoyed* Are you dumb or can't you see what I'm doing?
HP: *sarcastically* Just tell me why the hell you're tying me up? And also why I'm on the bloody railway track?!
Nikki: *looks at HP in an annoyed way* hasn't it all come to you yet? Hello?! Railway, tied-up, train. Does that help?
HP: *confused* huh? What do you mean by 'railway, tied-up, train,' I don't get it…. *thinks*
Nikki: *mumbles* God I'm so glad I broke up with him! Firstly, he's an idiot who likes to scream nonsense, then he became all... mature... and now, he's gone dumb!!! *louder* God you are so dumb!! *kicks HP*
HP: ouch!!
Nikki: GOD!! You are so f**king dumb!! How big is your brain? Puny? The size of a pea?
HP: Wait a sec... I think I get what you are trying to do to me. *thinks for a bit more* you're trying to KILL me!! You're trying to get me run over by a bloody train! *stares at Nikki at a disgusted way* GOD!! How EVIL are you?!
Nikki: Evilness is second nature to me! *cackles evilly* (A/N: I wonder if Nikki does cackle.. *shrugs* who gives, Nikki is a made-up character (RattyRayvn made her up)) *sarcastically* Congratulations, that took you 10 secs to figure it out! *claps*
(Nikki puts flowers on top of HP)
HP: What are those flowers doing there? *tries to get rid of them by blowing them away*
Nikki: For your funeral! MWA HAHA!! *continues with flower thingy*
HP: NOO!! I don't wanna die!! I'm too young to die!!
Nikki: You are such an idiot! You just speak complete nonsense all the time, screaming your head off and embarrassing me!
HP: I embarrassed you? *frowns* don't remember that...
Nikki: 'course you didn't, you old flea bag! You never cared for me and never thought about my feelings. God, you don't even know how to be a man!
(Nikki weeps for a while)
Nikki: Remember the "She's the Sun" video?
HP: Yeah *tries to nod*
Nikki: Well, when we were making that, you were such an idiot! You kept on stepping on my dress and falling over and –
HP: *yells angrily* EXCUSE ME!!! It wasn't my bloody fault! I'd rather have a person who weighs a ton fall on top of me rather than some stupid f**king b*tch kicking my… *turns to a nice shade of red* (A/N: ratty, don't laugh at the thought of HP Baxxter being red. God, last time u had that thought, it took u nearly half a day to get over it!!!!) well... you get the point.
Nikki: Shut up!! You know how much I hate you? So much that I wanted to KILL you! I wanted to stab you a thousands times, shoot you, chop you up and burn you. I wanted to tear you to a thousand pieces, kick you off a cliff and feed you to the –
HP: *quickly* ok, that's enough. You don't need to go into the details.
Nikki: You should be feeling glad that you are going to be run over by a train and not be killed a horrible death.
HP: Boy am I glad! *thinks what he just said* wait a sec, I'm NOT glad! I don't WANT TO DIE!!
(nikki rolls her eyes)
HP: I don't want to f**king well die! I did nothing, NOTHING!! What have I done to deserve this?
Nikki: well, for starters, I hate you and then maybe the readers hate you as well! Well... I know that the author hates you!
HP: *frowns* there are readers and an author?
Nikki: yes
HP: So that means we're in fiction?
Nikki: yes
HP: and anything can happen to us?
Nikki: *shrugs* I suppose so...
HP: *suspiciously* How do you know all this? How do u know that the author and perhaps the readers hate me?
Nikki: *boasts* 'cause I'm special!
HP: *thinks* *says slowly* So, if we're in fiction, anything can happen to us. Our fate is in the author's hands, right?
Nikki: *sarcastically* God, you're so smart!
HP: *sarcastically* thanks for the encouragement! *says slowly* so, it means I can ask the author to change my fate! Do you know how I can talk to this author?
Nikki: Dunno... *shrugs* never tried talking to her
HP: It's a 'she'?!
(nikki nods)
(A/N: I have no idea where this author part came from... anyways, HP Baxxter is probably already looking up at the sky. Yes, he is, he's lying down on his back)
HP: *looks up at the sky**yells* HELLO AUTHOR?!
(no reply)
HP: HELLO?! ANYONE THERE?!
Nikki: *rolls eyes* stop wasting your time. Hurry up as well. The train's coming in ten minutes.
HP: HELLO?! CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A BLOODY GOD DAMN F**KING REPLY?
(no reply)
HP: A RESPONSE?
(no reply)
HP: F**K YOU B*ITCH!! YOU SUCK!! *swears uncontrollably at the author* (A/N: If I had to write down wot he said, it would be r-rated and really rude and offensive and it would take a whole page in Word)
Author: SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!! YOU SCREAM TOO LOUD!!
HP: Finally! She replies!
Author: *sarcastically* naw...
HP: Can you please not kill me?
Author: Can you please be not a f**king bastard?
HP: *mumbles* women these days!
Author: HEY!! I heard that!
HP: I beg you, can you please not kill me!
Author: No way! I remember what you said to me before! I'm offended!
HP: Please?!
Author: *crossly* NO!!
HP: *looks rejected* *small voice* please?
Author: NO! I will not bloody well be helping you! You are such a f**king idiot! You are mad and I suggest you to go to the mental hospital. You should seek psychological advice. I'm just going to ignore you. You DESERVE to die! That's why I typed up this stupid bloody story! DUH!! I'm just gonna ignore you!
HP: NO! Don't leave me!! PLEASE HELP ME!!
(no reply)
Nikki: *laughs evilly* HA!! The author agrees with me, you SHOULD die! *laughs evilly* So accept your fate!!
HP: *small voice* no!
Nikki: is there any last words you would like to say?
HP: I HATE YOU, YOU F**KING B*TCH!! *looks up at the sky* I HATE YOU TOO, YOU B*TCHY AUTHOR!! ALL FEMALES ARE THE SAME!! B*TCHY AND EVIL!!
Nikki: *raises an eyebrow* so you think that females are b*tchy and evil? Well, there's more –
HP: God, I DO NOT want to know!
Nikki: Good for you! *looks at her watch* *slaps forehead* OMG!! The train's nearly here! Gotta go! *waves* good-bye! *runs away*
HP: F**K OFF, u b*tch! Just leave me all alone!
(the train comes along, HP screams his head off and Nikki watches in excitement. You can guess what happens and I will not write it in detail. It's too gross.)
(after the train has left)
Nikki: *runs up to the bloody remains of HP* WOOOHOO! *celebrates* he's finally DEAD!!! *dances around the body* JOY JOY JOY!!
(obviously, Nikki has gone mad…oh well.)
***
What happens afterwards: Nikki was suspected of murder. She was proved guilty and was sent to jail. After one year, her cell mates suspected that she was mad (A/N: god, the cell mates are SLOW!) and they sent Nikki to the mental hospital where she stayed there for the rest of her life.
As for the author, no prizes for guessing what she's doing. I'M STILL ALIVE DAMMIT! I'm alive and well and typing up crappy fanfics!! WHEE!!
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God that was one crappy fanfic! *shakes head* I type so many fanfics about scooter!! ARGH!! And then they all have something to do with HP Baxxter dying! Oh well *shrugs* at least I know one person who appreciates this story! =D
Btw, please don't ask me why I added that author part in. I just felt like it... *tries to look innocent*
As you can see, I have 'censored' the rude/swear words!! It won't be as 'disturbing' as before!! =D