A/n: I already wrote the disclaimer in the beginning. This is the end of my
story. Sorry, it took so long we went to a dance workshop in Houston over
the weekend, and my homework load has been higher than usual.
I'd like to thank
Mary Rose
Qwerty
Iara
Lil short person if you're reading this again cause you already read this in speech. Remember you suggested it.
Marshmellow, I do so have a heart!!!!!
Harper's POV
It was a very sleepless night for me. I tossed, turned, and fidgeted unable to shake off the horrible feeling that I in some strange way had managed to kill Beka. There were so many things that kept repeating themselves through my mind over and over again as if a video was plastered over my face. If only they would stop.
I sat up bolt right "I killed her" I muttered a tear streaming down my eyes. Another tear rolling down my cheek. I tried to wipe the tears off of my cheeks, but was unsuccessful as the tears rolled down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. 'Damnit, men don't cry' I kept thinking to myself, but the salty wet tears did not yield for the simple fact men don't cry.
I buried my face into my pillow with the thought glued to permanently in my mind. 'I killed her rang louder and louder through my ears, and soon vibrated through my entire body. Yelling at me louder than an explosion of a star and louder each second passed.
"I killed her" I yelled out in agony. "She is dead because I killed her" I went to the mirror and looked at my revolting reflection. It had red all over my face like a tomato, and I hated my reflection.
'Why am I looking at myself?' I thought suddenly. How selfish was it of me to be looking at my reflection? I slammed my fist into the wall, and my knuckles were bleeding. My blood was specked over the wall. 'There, that will help Beka forgive me'
I went into my room and grabbed my pocket knife off of the counter that I usually left it on. I made one slash upon my leg.
"Beka, do you forgive me" There was no answer from Beka. That meant that wasn't enough for Beka. I slashed my leg again hot pain searing through it, and I began bleeding more.
I looked up again and yelled "Beka, do you forgive me?" No response. So, that meant still not enough for Beka. I slashed across my chest slowly, and blood dripped down from the moment that it hit my skin. I once more yelled to Beka for forgiveness, but Beka didn't respond. I cut myself more and more, and after each time I paused and asked Beka for forgiveness. I couldn't stop it became an obsession because I had to get Beka's forgiveness.
I kept on slashing until Dylan walked in. "Beka, is that enough" I yelled out in pain, and ignored Dylan. He looked at me in fear.
"Harper, what the hell do you think your doing?"
I slashed myself once more "Beka, do you forgive me?" Dylan grabbed my slashed arm, and tried to wrestle away the knife from me. He retrieved it fairly quickly since I was weak from loosing all of the blood. I reached for his arm.
"No, Dylan that is not enough. Beka, will never forgive me"
Dylan looked at me with trepidation reverberating through his eyes quicker than the speed of light.
"Harper! Damnit! You can't do this to yourself! I won't let you" He said as he looked at the fairly small puddle of blood that surrounded me.
I jumped on Dylan trying to take back the knife that I needed. Dylan, was not going to stop me from getting Beka's forgiveness.
"Beka, has to forgive me" I yelled. The thought of Beka if she never forgave me swept swiftly through my body. I could not live if Beka did not forgive me.
Tyr walked in. He easily separated us, and I made weak violent attempts to get at the knife, but Try held me back. I felt salty tears streaming down my face.
"Harper, life will go on, We all miss Beka-" Dylan began.
"Like hell you do!!!" I yelled cutting him off, in pure rage.
Dylan continued ignoring my outburst "But life goes on"
I had so many things to tell Dylan to set him straight. I wanted to tell them all to him at once, things like how stupid he was, and how wrong he was. I wanted to tell him that he didn't really even miss Beka. I never got a chance because everything started churning around and around slowly clouding my vision, and I could no longer feel myself anymore.
~.~
I opened my eyes, and all that I could think of was Beka. I needed pain for her. I sat up and I was in the Andromeda medical bay. I needed pain for her to forgive me. I buttoned my shirt, and headed straight for the weapons room, and grabbed the first object I saw I grabbed a laser gun, and I shot myself. The strange odd sensation of sinking overswept me all I could feel was a dull sensation of falling, and then all I could hear was the slow thump of my heart beating slowly. Bum Bum, but it went slower and slower. It finally stopped.
'Beka' I thought 'Is that enough?'
I'd like to thank
Mary Rose
Qwerty
Iara
Lil short person if you're reading this again cause you already read this in speech. Remember you suggested it.
Marshmellow, I do so have a heart!!!!!
Harper's POV
It was a very sleepless night for me. I tossed, turned, and fidgeted unable to shake off the horrible feeling that I in some strange way had managed to kill Beka. There were so many things that kept repeating themselves through my mind over and over again as if a video was plastered over my face. If only they would stop.
I sat up bolt right "I killed her" I muttered a tear streaming down my eyes. Another tear rolling down my cheek. I tried to wipe the tears off of my cheeks, but was unsuccessful as the tears rolled down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. 'Damnit, men don't cry' I kept thinking to myself, but the salty wet tears did not yield for the simple fact men don't cry.
I buried my face into my pillow with the thought glued to permanently in my mind. 'I killed her rang louder and louder through my ears, and soon vibrated through my entire body. Yelling at me louder than an explosion of a star and louder each second passed.
"I killed her" I yelled out in agony. "She is dead because I killed her" I went to the mirror and looked at my revolting reflection. It had red all over my face like a tomato, and I hated my reflection.
'Why am I looking at myself?' I thought suddenly. How selfish was it of me to be looking at my reflection? I slammed my fist into the wall, and my knuckles were bleeding. My blood was specked over the wall. 'There, that will help Beka forgive me'
I went into my room and grabbed my pocket knife off of the counter that I usually left it on. I made one slash upon my leg.
"Beka, do you forgive me" There was no answer from Beka. That meant that wasn't enough for Beka. I slashed my leg again hot pain searing through it, and I began bleeding more.
I looked up again and yelled "Beka, do you forgive me?" No response. So, that meant still not enough for Beka. I slashed across my chest slowly, and blood dripped down from the moment that it hit my skin. I once more yelled to Beka for forgiveness, but Beka didn't respond. I cut myself more and more, and after each time I paused and asked Beka for forgiveness. I couldn't stop it became an obsession because I had to get Beka's forgiveness.
I kept on slashing until Dylan walked in. "Beka, is that enough" I yelled out in pain, and ignored Dylan. He looked at me in fear.
"Harper, what the hell do you think your doing?"
I slashed myself once more "Beka, do you forgive me?" Dylan grabbed my slashed arm, and tried to wrestle away the knife from me. He retrieved it fairly quickly since I was weak from loosing all of the blood. I reached for his arm.
"No, Dylan that is not enough. Beka, will never forgive me"
Dylan looked at me with trepidation reverberating through his eyes quicker than the speed of light.
"Harper! Damnit! You can't do this to yourself! I won't let you" He said as he looked at the fairly small puddle of blood that surrounded me.
I jumped on Dylan trying to take back the knife that I needed. Dylan, was not going to stop me from getting Beka's forgiveness.
"Beka, has to forgive me" I yelled. The thought of Beka if she never forgave me swept swiftly through my body. I could not live if Beka did not forgive me.
Tyr walked in. He easily separated us, and I made weak violent attempts to get at the knife, but Try held me back. I felt salty tears streaming down my face.
"Harper, life will go on, We all miss Beka-" Dylan began.
"Like hell you do!!!" I yelled cutting him off, in pure rage.
Dylan continued ignoring my outburst "But life goes on"
I had so many things to tell Dylan to set him straight. I wanted to tell them all to him at once, things like how stupid he was, and how wrong he was. I wanted to tell him that he didn't really even miss Beka. I never got a chance because everything started churning around and around slowly clouding my vision, and I could no longer feel myself anymore.
~.~
I opened my eyes, and all that I could think of was Beka. I needed pain for her. I sat up and I was in the Andromeda medical bay. I needed pain for her to forgive me. I buttoned my shirt, and headed straight for the weapons room, and grabbed the first object I saw I grabbed a laser gun, and I shot myself. The strange odd sensation of sinking overswept me all I could feel was a dull sensation of falling, and then all I could hear was the slow thump of my heart beating slowly. Bum Bum, but it went slower and slower. It finally stopped.
'Beka' I thought 'Is that enough?'